Quick up-date, things have got so much better this week.
I don't think that DP thought I was serious about him staying at his mums, but I told him I was very serious and I didn't really see much point in us carrying on so he should stay there.
I was serious too, I told him that I couldn't see how we were going to fix this and that I wasn't sure if I wanted to because the problems weren't just with the step-kids they were mostly with him and if his dd was frightened of me he needed to put her first and end it anyway and I couldn't see how we could change it.
Anyway he spent the weekend at his mums, and it must have shaken him, it made him think!! (Bloody hell, he did think too!)
After he dropped the kids back to their mum he asked if he could come round and talk, I agreed. He apologised for the way he had been treating me, and how much he wished he could turn the clock back and be different. He told me he knows that I am still grieving and that it will take a long time to get over it, he understands that dealing with my mother has brought back a lot of bad memories and bad feelings linked to my childhood and it will take time for me to sort all of that out in my head but he is there for me now. He said he didn?t understand why he reacted the way he did but he so regrets it. He is being more affectionate and supportive (more like the man I fell in love with than the stranger he had become).
As for the step-kids, apparently, they had been asking for me all weekend, asking to go ?home? (here)!!
DP and I spoke about the difficulties with dsd and I think that the problems stems from when I first met her. A lot of you know I have a rather large bust and dsd was totally obsessed with them, I couldn?t give her a cuddle because her hands would automatically go straight to my boobs, she would even try to put her hands down my top and inside my bra!!! I would take her hands away and ask her not to do it but she just couldn?t/wouldn?t stop! So I found myself keeping her at arms length because it made my skin crawl and I couldn?t stop her from doing it!! This carried on for at least a year, every time she got near them she would grab them.
I did speak to DP at the time but he just found it funny and said ?she?s just inquisitive?, and I didn?t want to tell him that (this sounds awful but) she made my skin crawl (I actually don?t think it was her, more what she was doing) so this imaginary wall was put up so as to not let her anywhere near them.
Now she is older the ?wall? is still there and we need to break it down somehow, don?t really know how because if she accidentally touched them it would be an automatic ?skin crawl? moment but I suppose I need to get over that somehow.
Ok, so it wasn?t such a quick up-date, but I?m back on mumsnet
Squirrel