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Original poster

GGGGrrrrrrrr! Feel like the wicked step-mum again!!!!!

93 replies

Squirrel3 · 15/09/2005 08:24

We had the step-kids last night and I realised just how much dsd would love to see me and dp split up.

During this week I had been sorting out wardrobes etc, and I had thrown out loads of old clothes that we don't wear anymore. Dsd saw all of the dustbin bags full of old clothes and asked what was going on. Dp has a weird sense of humour and he told her that I had packed up all of his clothes and I was throwing him out!!

Dsd could hardly contain her excitement at the prospect and was so pleased I thought she was going to burst!!!!

I am so hurt, I have tried so hard with her. I must admit I have found it very hard to develop a relationship with her so I have worked extra hard with her and I thought that we were good friends at least now.

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Original poster
Squirrel3 · 16/09/2005 09:30

I did tell dp that I thought that it was because of what he had said, but of course It can't possibly be his fault!!!!!

He recons that her reaction to the moving out thing was her 'joining in' with the joke. He just couldn't see it. He is rather 'blind' when it comes to dsd though, she says "I didn't do it" and he believes her, even if I have seen her do it with my own eyes he would take her word for it over mine everytime.

I remember them (Dp and kids) coming in once and dsd had coke all down her top , I said oooops, did you have an accident "NO" she replied. I just told her she'd better go and change her top. Later that day we all went out and I sat down in the car and the seat was soaked, "Oh, was it here you tipped the drink?" I asked "No, i didn't spill a drink" she says. I told her not to lie. "I'm not!" she says, then dp pipes up "Oh, my labourer needed to go to the loo on the way home from work yesterday, I hope he didn't P himself!"

I couldn't believe that he would rather believe that a grown man had p-ed himself than the fact that his dd was lying about spilling a drink!!!!!

OP posts:
NotActuallyAMum · 16/09/2005 09:48

Oh dear Squirrel

It certainly does sound as if DP is totally blind with his dd. I know this doesn't help but I can assure you he's not the only one - why grown men can't think logically and realistically it beyond me!

I think you're right not to have them at your house this weekend, things would be too tense and that wouldn't be good for anyone. Has DP agreed that he needs to speak to her or has he not taken his rose-tinted specs off yet??

Sorry, I shouldn't be sarcastic but I'm so for you

{{hugs}}

Here - have a bit of my turkish delight dairy milk

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 16/09/2005 10:11

NAAM dp hasn't agreed to talk to her as he see's it as my problem, I need to change, I need to roll out the red carpet everytime they come rather than just treat it as normal!!!!!!!!

Told him if I can't treat a visit from them as a normal everyday thing after four years incase they don't feel welcome or frightened of me what is the point?

I don't roll out the red carpet for dd everytime she comes round and she doesn't feel unwelcome or scared so why should I do it for the S.Kids? It should be 'normal', they do call this home when they are here.

Nice choc, BTW

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tarantula · 16/09/2005 10:12

didnt the scone get there? Bloody computers cant get anything right can they. Cor I dunno.

think that it might be a good idea if dp takes the kids to his mums fo rthe weekend. Might chill things out a bit. Do you think that dsd may have also picked up on the fact that there has been some tension between you and dp recently?

TBH Im not looking forward to this weekend much either. dss has been so sulky and defiant recently taht Im nto sure what to do.

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 16/09/2005 10:18

Tarantula, don't think the kids picked up on any tension between us as they were on holiday with BM for most of it, and last weekend we had them wasn't too bad between us, we went to the beach, I spent ages playing with dsd in the sea 'cos dp was fast asleeep on the beach (you see what a wicked step-mum I am)

How old is your dss? Is it typical teenage behaviour?

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NotActuallyAMum · 16/09/2005 10:31

YOUR problem?? I can't believe I'm hearing this - she's HIS daughter!

I firmly believe, as it looks like you do, that life for children who's parents have split should be as normal as possible and you certainly shouldn't have to "roll out the red carpet" for them. OK things may be a little different at first but as you say after 4 years they should be used to the routine by now. She was 6 when you met and I believe children of this age settle into new routines fairly quickly, so what (or who??) is stopping her from doing that?

If I were you, especially after everything you've had to put up with recently, I would seriously put my foot down with DP and make him speak to his dd to find out what the problem is, and I'd tell him he can have the skids at his mums until he's done it!

You've done your best for 4 years - it's time he took responsibility for his own children. Don't know if I'm being cynical but I still can't help thinking BM is behing this

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 16/09/2005 10:35

OMG, you just reminded me its more like nearly five years as dd was just five when we met!!!!

It seems like 500 though lol!

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Original poster
Squirrel3 · 16/09/2005 10:40

BTW I agree that dp needs to talk to her but I don't think it will do much good TBH.

He will not be able to 'read between the lines' and will believe everything she says, take it all at face value and let her moan on about how horrid I am, therefore comfirming it in her mind IYKWIM.

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tarantula · 16/09/2005 10:53

Gosh what a truely wicked s/mum you are Imagine spending all that time with dsd while her daddys sit on his arse and sleeps. tsk tsk how could you

Not sure where your dp is coming from (Mind you not sure mine is coming from either tbh) You seem to be in a no win situation where you are expected to all the hard work while he sits back and enjoys his kids.

Yeah think its mainly teenage probs with dss with a large dose of jealousy thrown in.

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 16/09/2005 11:00

Tarantula, send me that scone again, I'm starving, cleaning out the fish tank and its a bit yuk 'cos I haven't been able to do it for ages 'cos of fingers. I looked at them this morning and there is so much green stuff on the sides of the tank the fish had graffittied "Help"!!!

The fish are the S.Kids though, we got them when DP moved in, I thought that they should have a pet that was theirs here, they loved the idea, they chose them themselves but of course I'm the one that cleans them out etc.

(gosh, I am soooooooo wicked!!!!)

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Original poster
Squirrel3 · 16/09/2005 11:03

Teenagers are sooo difficult, and that's when they are your own it must be doubly hard when they are step-children.

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Original poster
Squirrel3 · 16/09/2005 11:14

Oh, thanks, got it!

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tarantula · 16/09/2005 11:23

lol they are alot posher than the ones Ive got here. I made them the other day with dds 'help' so they are a tad wonky and misshapen but do taste soooo good.

Poor fishes. Shouldnt dp be looking after them? Have to admit in our house dp does cos Im crap and cant even manage to keep plants .

Dss is a good boy really its jsut that our house is very different to his and he doesnt get the 'right lets get thsi place sorted and then go out for a nice afternoon' atitude that we have and HATES helping round the house at all. He doesnt have to help at home but then he doesnt go out anywhere at home either. Am starting to think taht it might be a good idea to equate his pocket money with him helping out. Might cause a full scale riot tho

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 16/09/2005 11:32

sounds very much like the problems I have here.

Think the pocket money idea is a good one though.

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NotActuallyAMum · 16/09/2005 11:38

Squirrel - lol at fish grifitti

Obviously it didn't occur to your DP that he should perhaps clean the fish out seeing as you're not able to? No I didn't think so...

Tarantula - I agree with squirrel, no help = no pocket money!

We must really love these men to put up with so much sh*t from their children - either that or we're bloody crackers!

pookstermum · 16/09/2005 13:42

Squirrel poor you, havent got any advice to add, but wanted to try and give a bit of support from one wicked stepmum to another!!!!

I wonder why we are always the ones who are meant to be nasty! and why is it never the skids fault! I guess that is a conversation for another thread.

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 16/09/2005 13:45

and in all 'fairy tale' type stories there is always the wicked stepmum, like in Snow white and Cinderella etc.....

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pookstermum · 16/09/2005 13:51

I guess my blackened teeth and broom stick give me away to the skids!!!

It is amayzing how I can become the fairy princess to them when they want something!!

My DSD is playing up at the mo, and I have been cast in the wicked role, so I know how awful it is, I think the inablity to "defend" oneself is the hardest part for me.

If you are able try to do something just for you, if you dont have the skids this weekend.

tarantula · 16/09/2005 13:54

Have to say when dss was younger and he was being silly Id say 'right we're off for a walk now so get your socks shoes and a packet of breadcrumbs please' Always made him laugh.

Also always gave him the red half of the apple

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 16/09/2005 14:00

I'm gonna try and do something for me, maybe a sauna and Jacuzzi pookstermum.

MMMMMmmmmmmmmmm! do you think I should have hidden my broomstick and pointy hat then? lol

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tarantula · 16/09/2005 14:04

I havent Squirrel Its in the bedroom right now in the corner. Dp and I jumped it a few years back. Maybe tha tis what has scarred dss fro life

pookstermum · 16/09/2005 14:05

the sauna sounds a great idea,

I usually find that hiding the hat and stick a good idea, unless you are going to use them to cast any wicked spells!! BUT if you want the skids to do the washing up etc, waving the stick and hat (or in my case flashing the teeth) seems to get them moving!!!!LOL (if only life was that simple...)

Try and have a good weekend

Original poster
Squirrel3 · 16/09/2005 14:07

Tarantula, I always joke with the S.kids about me being the 'wicked step-mum'.

I supose it doesn't help when dsd made some friends while on holiday and they had a step-mum and right up until dsd told them I wasn't her 'mum' just her dad's girlfriend we were having a laugh, but then the girls attitude towards me changed and they said that they were sorry for her but she is not alone because they had a wicked step-mum too!!!!

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Surfermum · 16/09/2005 14:18

PMSL at the fish. Our tank is the same! I hate the thing and refuse to have anything to do with it, but it's here to stay, especially since dd (2.4) told us she loves the fish "very, very much". Grandma only gets a "very much".

Re your dsd though, from reading through this thread though it comes across to me that her behaviour is a bit contradictory, and I'd say that she doesn't actually mean some of the things she's saying. If she's scared of you, why would she spend time playing with you in the sea? She wouldn't. Do you think that she might just be saying things her mum wants to hear?

tarantula · 16/09/2005 14:20

thats horrible. Dsd always tells people proudly that Im his stepmum which I am really thankful about. Hope that continues. [crossed fingers] cant believe that kids feel lie that about their s/mums