Could fostering be right for you?

[MaddyMumsnet]

Fostering is needed more than ever in the UK. Due to a shortage of local council foster carers, 1 in 5 children are moved more than 20 miles away from home, often meaning time away from their school, friends and wider family. Yet many people still assume fostering is only for certain types of families, or that you need a very specific lifestyle. The truth is, fostering looks different for different households, and you might be more suitable than you realise.

We've invited Linda Zieba, who fosters for her local council which is part of Fostering South West, to answer your questions about what fostering involves, who can foster, and how the process works. You might be wondering
– Who can foster, and what really matters when councils assess suitability?
– Can I foster if I work full-time, have children, or have other commitments?
– What types of fostering placements are there, and how much choice do carers have?
– What support is available, both financially and emotionally?
– How do I explore fostering without feeling pressured?
Ask your question below and Linda will answer. No question is too small – if it’s on your mind, it’s probably on someone else’s too.

About the Expert:
Linda Zieba has over 45 years of experience working with children. She began her teaching career in London in 1980 and moved to Gloucester in 2000. In 2008, following her divorce, Linda became a foster carer for teenagers while continuing to teach full-time and raising her daughter as a single parent. For the past 15 years, she has been fostering with her local council, providing short breaks, short-term placements, and emergency care.

💬 Post your question here and get expert advice on whether fostering could be right for you.
Everyone who posts on this thread with a question for Linda by the 17th of Jan, will be entered into a prize draw to win a £100 voucher. T&Cs apply.

If carers don't get paid any sort of living wage, yet would need to open their family's lives to a child who is likely to have understandably huge levels of trauma, and still have to fight for petrol allowances to get them to their appointments, what do they expect?!

I have taught full time-have lots of experience with traumatised children. Our children have grown up, we are still quite young, we have two spare rooms and have paid the mortgage off but I still need to earn a wage. I am looking for a new role and this is something I think we could do. It genuinely doesn't sound like it would bring in any money to contribute to the household pot, so are foster carers supposed to do this purely altruistically? Is this only for very rich people to do?

I think this thread really explains why there is a shortage of local authority foster carers!

I can only speak anecdotally, from the experience of one person in one local authority so presumably it’s not the same everywhere but I think most foster caters have a partner with another income in order to be able to afford to do it.

If you have to attend contact (which you will) maybe 3x a week it is very hard to have another job at the same time and I don’t know how you also manage a second foster child who will have different contact arrangements (let alone meetings with SW - yes social workers - hospital appointments, school etc etc). Of course it’s also not a 9-5 job, it’s 24/7 and the expectation from SS is they say jump and you say how high.

maybe if you have siblings who are at the same school and have the same parents but even then they might have separate SW so you need to be able to manage those seperate meetings, alongside those with your own SW and assessments etc.

again this is just the experience of one person, but all the stress for my friend (who I’m very very close to) during the emergency foster placement that lasted two years came from the local authority, not the foster child or even the parents. She won’t be fostering again and it’s turned me off wanting to do it too.

most foster caters have a partner with another income in order to be able to afford to do it.

Right, so it is a very small section of society who would be able to do this?!

People with a partner on a good wage who is paying all the household bills, so a second wage is not needed as they will need to take the child to lots of appointments? That rules out most young/younger people!

I can't think people of retirement age would have the energy or desire to do this for long, so you're looking at a tiny section of people.

And it sounds like you aren't really compensated even for petrol costs to get the children to the appointments?

Some of the posts have said you are paid £100 a week. Others £400+ a week-which is more usual, that's a hell of a difference?

@Redlocks30it very much depends on who you foster with. I'm with a LA but part of a specialist team and am paid fairly well as fostering goes. Most of the money you receive is tax free due to the Qualifying Care Relief which is an amount, in addition to your personal tax allowance that is tax free. (Google will provide exact numbers).

Imo, Foster carers receive a disproportionate amount of money that is in excess of what is required.
That makes me question some people's motives (not all).
I hear of Foster carers who have long-term placements (years).
If those Foster parents love and care for the kids so much, why don't they adopt them (if kids are eligible for adoption)?
Please excuse me if I appear cynical

Not cynical, ignorant of the actual reality of fostering. If you read the thread you'll see it's really not quite that simple. Most foster carers are unable to work. 1. The agency requires they be available 24/7. 2. That availability is necessary to support the children who often struggle in school, nay even end up out of school. 3. The children are little complex humans who are living with trauma. They need the steady, loving presence of the carer to support them emotionally and to help them to manage all the complex feelings which come up for them. 4. Foster carers do a very complex job. They are parents, therapists, teachers, nurses, behaviour experts, counsellors, and anything else that's required of them depending on the needs of the children and young people they care for.

You sound like you are one of those people of the belief that all you need is a spare room! 🤦‍♀️

Do you have full parental responsibility in respect of school, dentist and hospital appointments - if not who does and how is this arranged ?

Foster carers receive a disproportionate amount of money that is in excess of what is required.

How much are they getting? No one is really answering this.

Is it a job-where they get paid a liveable wage?

For the cynic who thinks we get paid too much 😂

I looked a after a toddler from birth until adoption. I was paid a rate which mean that I was getting a third less than it would be to put him in nursery for 24 hour one to one care while providing all food, nappies, milk, holidays, outings, shoes, clothes, wear and tear on car (multiple meetings and contact runs)

A day nursery offers a higher ratio of care for a few hours during the day. They aren't awake in the night, planning their lives around a vulnerable little person, administering oral morphine to help with the drug withdrawal or sitting in hospital waiting rooms.

I've been doing this for over 10 years.

I what other job do you get ZERO sick pay, zero maternity, zero health benefits, work 24/7, no holidays (they come with you) more expensive holidays (separate rooms, zero rights (you're not actually employed and it's not classed as a wage) have to juggle the needs of your own children if a child is placed with you and you didn't know they had sexual used behaviour etc.

If its something you feel drawn to you will probably love it, we cry when they move on especially when we don't agree with where they've moved on to (but - again we have zero rights or say in that)

We always try to keep in contact even if it's just cards etc.

Other issues: counselling children through things such as parents not being bothered to turn up to contact/broken promises, dealing with sibling interactions and contact, fighting for SEN to be recognised etc

They MUST have their own room so that is huge added expense for most regarding house size although babies can be in your room for a while but you never know how long they'll be with you and you wouldn't want to mess a toddler around by having to move so still really need a spare room if they're with you longer than expected.

Being kept out of the loop of important information by social workers is a bug bear of most fc I know.

If you think it's' easy money' it begs the question, why aren't YOU doing it then?

Only thing I would agree with is that agencies should not be allowed to exist, they cost Las an absolute fortune. Someone could in theory recieve the top amount for 3 children which is a huge amount of money per week but with Las that doesn't really happen. If we have more than one child we just get a portion extra for them.

It is impossible to say how much you'll get paid. It varies massively. Just for my LA, you get a different amount depending on your skills level (I did a diploma funded by them but I believe they no longer offer this and you have to self fund.)

I addition you get an amount per child depending on their age and depending on how many children you have with you.

You also have to give each child minimum amounts of pocket money and savings to take if they move on.

Also, usually when a child arrives they come with NOTHING but the scruffy clothes they're stood in. We get about £120 initially to kit them out but if you value properly fitted shoes, decent coat etc that doesn't go far. Think about the stuff your kids own, even if you're quite minimalist. Trainers, wellies, swimming/sports stuff, hair/makeup stuff, underwear, bedding, toys, electronics etc

Also may want to redecorate more often to make the room suitable.

I don't say this to put people off, it's the most rewarding thing I've done but hearing cynical crap does get rather tiresome.

It sounds like the bottom line is there is a massive shortage of people willing to be foster carers, but as they can’t work as they are expected to be available 24/7 and they aren’t paid a living wage for fostering, so most people just can't afford it?

Surely that’s why there is a massive shortage and, in a cost of living crisis, it will only get worse? I can’t afford to be so altruistic that I just don’t work and throw open our home to another child with all the expectations, work, scrutiny and also risk that might bring, purely out of the goodness of my heart; that won’t pay the electricity bill.

That sounds mercenary probably, but people have got to survive.

The whole sector needs more financing, not just to pay foster carers but to pay social workers and provide more support that isn’t just financial to foster carers.

@carconcerns i am in awe of you - after witnessing how hard it is I’m so impressed at foster carers who continue to take on new placements when others end

Do you think early intervention is lacking - to trying to keep a child with their parents (as long as there are no safeguarding issues) to avoid the need for so many children being fostered . Also, Do you think the fees will increase and training and support, to encourage good foster carers - using external placements and externally funded foster caring companies is really crippling the councils financially.

Hi, I certainly don't believe that all you need is a spare room!
Most people will agree that the financial cost of providing for one of their own children is significantly lower than the money range provided by local authorities /Foster agencies.
We need to be honest, the people who are Foster carers and don't go out to work (temporary or otherwise) are unlikely to be earning that level of income that is tax free.
In many circumstances, the Foster carers are already parents /grandparents.
Chilldren who are in the care system are vulnerable and need to be provided with the best possible chances of a better future. They are also likely to be traumatised and need additional support. The role of nurse /teacher /therapist etc( in real terms professional roles requiring registration) are the responsibility of the parent /Foster carers.
I recall a Foster carer giving an interview on TV. She had the same Foster child for nearly 8 years and 'wasn't going to let her go'.
In that case, why isn't the Foster carer adopting her into the family.
I appreciate that every situation is unique and adoption isn't always an option.
I don't underestimate the enormity of the responsibility of caring and supporting children and young people in Foster care. That said, I still believe that the rates of pay are disproportionately high.

I still believe that the rates of pay are disproportionately high.

Yet the fact that there aren't enough people willing to be foster carers suggests otherwise.

financial security… ha. ha. ha. No placement = no fees that most foster carers use to pay their bills. It is very hard indeed it work outside of fostering unless you have a very understanding boss. No pension, no workers rights, no real recourse when it goes wrong. You can whistleblow but you’ll probably never foster again if you do. It’s 24/7 and it’s in your house. And I guarantee at some point it will break your heart.

Fostering is the hardest, most challenging and ultimately soul destroying thing I have ever done. But it’s also the most rewarding thing. I don’t regret the 12 years I did but would I do it again if I had a redo? Perhaps not. It is not for the faint of heart or those who cannot keep their own counsel or those who cannot see total injustice and unfairness in systems and still keep going. You need to have infinite patience and endless energy to be the kids advocate, counsellor, expert in child behaviour, nurse etc. The responsibility weighs heavy sometimes and it will test your relationship if you are in one.

My advice to anyone thinking about fostering - firm boundaries with social workers, firm boundaries with birth families. Know the laws and legislation around fostering and more generally child protection. Don’t let any of them steam roller you but don’t forget the compassion that led you to trying to help in the first place. Lastly, you can’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. And good luck, you are going to need it.

This last paragraph says it ALL

Do you do your job for free?
Nursery staff, teachers, childminders all love and care for the children they look after, doesn't mean they want to work for free.

@Redlocks30 the payment where I am is £410 per child.

As a childminder I get £240 a week just for having a child for 24 hours a week. £410 for 24/7 care definitely doesn't sound 'disproportionate' to me.

@VikaOlson thank you for your honest answers.

I completely agree with you. We don't expect teachers or nurses to work 'for free', why should we think foster carers should do it out of the goodness of their hearts?!

I've just left a part time teaching post (earning £1900 a month) because it was immensely stressful and am looking for a new direction. The salary has got to be transparent and realistic otherwise the lack of foster carers will just get worse.

Whether this sits uncomfortably for you or not, the reality is that being a Foster Carer is work. It is not a calling! Absolutely it takes a particular kind of person, but it is work and bloody hard work at that. In fact its more than work. It takes over your whole life. It is not simply being a parent. There are no days off or holidays, there is no sick pay. You become seriously ill, terminal even, you still need to carry on working. A close, relative dies, you can't go to their funeral because there is no one available to look after the child in your care and they won't cope at the funeral. These,are real life scenarios of carers I know. Then there's the record keeping, risk assessments, training, neetings with SW, neetings at school, with CAMHS, not to mmention keeping on top of and recoding your personal development. All required. Then there's family time where youre required to take tge child/children to spend time with their families. This might take place several hours away and tge parents live in a other local authority. You may be facilitating this family tine for children from different families. If youre caring for a baby, this is likely to be daily.

Every 3 years foster carers have to sit before a panel of independent professionals to be reappearoved to continue caring. They have to have very in depth, intrusive medicals too.

Clearly there are lots and lots of positives too. Meaningful relationships are grown and children can experience the feeling of being safe, accepted, loved. And that is what makes it worthwhile. But it is not simply paid babysitting or simple parenting. Not even close.

Would you go to work and not be paid adequately for what you do? Bring your work home with you and not be off duty 24 hours a day, 365 days a year? Have no sick pay, no holidays? No I didnt think so. But this is the reality of fostering.

You clearly have no understanding of the task, nor the complexity of the needs of the children who are cared for, and the impact that caring for, loving, and ensuring the best for other people's, often very damaged small humans, takes. I stand by my first response to you.

Holy guacamole. Disproportionately high fees! Sometimes less than £400 a week for a job with very high responsibility, often poor supervision and support, outrageous hours (remembers fondly the hours and hours spent in hospitals and police stations and 24 hour supermarkets at 5am, driving round streets looking for young people who have gone missing, and the 11pm out of hours calls). It’s not every week that it’s so intense but you always have to be ready for it to be.

And I know it’s been said eloquently above but it is a job. I don’t know many people who work for that kind of money with that kind of responsibility with NO EMPLOYMENT BENEFITS OF ANY KIND but also, crucially, zero ability to change your employer without being reassessed (which takes a minimum of 6 months). That’s right folks, you cannot move your registration from one local authority to another or one IFA to another. You are basically trapped in a system designed for a bygone time.

That makes me question some people's motives (not all). I hear of Foster carers who have long-term placements (years).If those Foster parents love and care for the kids so much, why don't they adopt them

Because it's a job.

I've been a teacher for 25+ years and loved and cared for many families, but I wouldn't want to quit my income to care for them for nothing.

There are clearly two schools of thought here.

1. This is an important job which you need to be available 24/7 for, so can't work, so you are paid an appropriate and reasonable wage for this level of commitment.

1. It's an important role so you should be prepared to do it out of the goodness of your heart and if you expect to be paid for it, you're clearly not the person for the job and we will question your 'motives' for signing up.

Is it a job?

I will be very interested to hear the views of the foster carer Mumsnet have answering these questions! If there is a shortage of people willing to be foster carers, clearly something is very wrong.

Do you have any stats about how many you recruit, and how many leave the vocation, and why.
Fostering IMO can be a thankless task if you get a really troubled child, and need a lot of your time and patience to get them to a point that they can attend school with the right social skillset.

I want to ask a social worker if I’m thinking about fostering is about the level and type of support I’ll receive once a child is placed with me. I need to be realistic—fostering can be incredibly rewarding, but it’s also challenging, both emotionally and practically. I want to know about training, access to advice or counselling , emergency support, and respite options so I can understand how I’ll be supported in day-to-day life.

Do you recommend any sociology of phycology training before you apply - to understand some of the human emotions a child may need help with - I feel as much preparation would be required to help understand and help a child.