Do you talk to your children about emotional wellbeing? Share with the GDST for a chance to win a £300 John Lewis voucher

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There’s been a huge change over the years in how we speak out mental health, and it’s becoming more and more apparent that we need to be educating our children about their emotional wellbeing as well. The Girls’ Day School Trust (GDST), a family of 25 schools across the UK, would like to hear your views on how we can help children to be happy and feel good in the world.

What do you think affects your children's mental health and how do you talk to them about it? Do you think exam pressure or even entrance exams cause your children stress? Does social media affect your children? Do they talk to you about their emotions or do you approach the topic of mental health if you see them struggling? Do you think mental health and wellbeing should be discussed and taught in schools?

Please share how you talk to your children about their emotional wellbeing and you will be entered into a prize draw to win a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list).

Thanks

MNHQ

Terms and conditions apply

It's so hard and things are so different now than when we were growing up. My nieces feel a lot of pressure from social media which can be disheartening.

Always listen to DC when they want to tell you what's going on in their lives. Without prying or jumping to conclusions encourage them to explore their sad or angry feelings. Reassure them it's all right to feel hurt or angry but, if appropriate, remind them that another child or even an adult might also be having be having negative emotions.
Should you DC be lonely or unhappy in the playground at school suggest they look for someone else who might need company rather than hoping the cool kids will welcome them.

Watching with interest

I talk to my DC about emotions like sadness, happiness etc. But mine are still young and I don't want to burden them with the intricacies of mental health illnesses just yet. But they will come a time for that soon.

I think nowadays talking about emotional wellbeing is much more common - it has definitely been raised with the children at school in PSHE lessons.

I'm a very open person and have always encouraged the children to talk to me - my daughter is naturally much better at it (tells me every detail) my son less so, but generally if I sense something in him, I can gently encourage him to open up to me. I hope ultimately that they both feel loved enough by me to know that they could tell me anything...
I do think education nowadays puts much more pressure on children from an earlier age - they are very aware that results matter to the school. My son is definitely more of a worrier coming up to exams, my daughter seems to take things more in her stride.

We try to make sure DC can name their feelings, and recognise that different feelings make your body respond in different ways - racing heart, shallow breathing etc - and try and work out some strategies to cope when they're feeling overwhelmed.

Pay attention to children’s reactions and behaviours (such as acting out, depression, aggression, procrastination, arrogance, or introversion). as parents we are better positioned to help them respond to challenges and any emotional upheavals.
Identify any causes. Help kids recognise the causes that underlie the feelings they’re experiencing, fear, guilt, joy, embarrassment, jealousy, confusion, disgust, and loss. Encourage them to name and to acknowledge their feelings in order to gain self-awareness. Some children have trouble putting feelings into words, so be prepared to help them with that. Stories can be good catalysts, and drawing or writing down their feelings can really help.

Talking about emotions with others can be an effective way to deal with them. Always chat with your children AND listen carefully to what they have to say. Don’t rush, or attempt to diminish children’s concerns, or gloss over them. Sometimes children’s venting, crying, silence, represent their first steps toward coming to terms with their emotions. Give them the time and space they need to put their feelings in perspective, and to then learn to come to terms with them.
Children may need relaxation, unstructured play, fewer demands, music, or alone time in order to calm down, get a handle on what they’re feeling, and consolidate their thoughts.
Help children develop the ability to deal effectively and creatively with setbacks. Sometimes children have trouble accepting their limitations. Other times situations may become rocky, and the resultant feelings (such as nervousness, excitement, or doubt), can be intense, or hard to manage. Children may require extra support to know that it’s okay to have these feelings, and that they can be reconciled.

Consider self-esteem. Children often face uncertainties, have to cope with competitive environments or situations, or meet difficult expectations. Many kids struggle with confidence. Help them believe in themselves. Their self-esteem is based on many factors and these factors may be internal, external, big, small, anticipated, unforeseen, and so on. Reinforcement and encouragement from parents can go a long way toward strengthening children’s self-esteem, and instilling feelings such as optimism and relief.

From a toddler I think it is important to talk about feelings and being happy and sad. Books are a great way in to talking about issues.

I try to have positive conversations about feelings with my daughter about mental health and emotions. I use the mind up curriculum book to tqlk to her about the different parts of her brain and how emotions affect actions. Once a week we make bread together. We talk alot about feelings when making the bread and knead in our feelings. It sounds silly but she enjoys it and always asked when it csn be bread time.

Yes absolutely - DD is primary aged but we make sure that we talk about how she is feeling, anything she is struggling with and any worries she has. It is vital for her wellbeing and that she knows I am always here to talk through anything that’s on her mind. Hopefully she will continue to think that as she approaches the teenage years.

I’m a teacher so see first hand the impact of exam pressure on children. I try to reinforce that we aren’t all the same same and as long as we try our hardest that’s all that counts. Some of the children have drilled into them from a very young age at home that they have to be a doctor. The child then becomes so consumed in that & worried about letting their family down.
Mental health is now taught in schools but could be better still. It needs teaching from a much younger age and the children need to become more resilient.
The children that seem to cope best with the stresses of edutans life are those that have hobbies outside of school.
My son is 4 and has just started school, I ask him about his day every evening, look in his bag, chat about his and complete his reading etc. We talk about how it is ok to ask for help if don’t understand, feel sad etc, so far so good.

I talk to my 5yo DS about anything and everything that he wants to discuss in age appropriate ways.

I've done this since he was only just learning to talk and I think it's helped him massively.
We talk about all feelings, whether he's looking nervous so we discuss it, why he's sad or why other people might be and we always talk about the things that make us happy too.
The other night I hugged him tight and said how much I love him, and he cried because he doesn't want me to ever leave him (he means when I die) and instead of dismissing it and saying it's all ok we talked about it and had a real conversation. He knows he will lose me one day, but we talked about how we will enjoy our lives together and how he will have a family of his own to support him.
He thinks very maturely for his age!

I think a well rounded and honest approach is the best way to go and I hope it makes him resilient as an adult too! I don't want him to grow up as the type of person who never discusses how they're feeling and bottles it up. So practicing talking about emotions is essential.

I also hope it means if he has a problem whilst going through school he'll be used to talking and find it easier to tell me about what's going on

We talk about emotions a lot and also it's often about how and why others are feeling/behaving in a certain way too, so being empathetic about other people's mental health. It took me a little while to work out how to respond, but the wonderful book 'How to talk so kids will listen' taught me to repeat back and accept what they're saying to me. You hear people dismissing and contradicting kids emotions so often.

Mine are adults now and have turned out pretty decently, if I may say so. They could have suffered from being dim in a very clever school but used other strengths to rise to the top of the heap, such as kindness and humour. Was always very open, let them take risks, taught them independence, that it's fine to fail.

My own DC are too little at the moment, but I'm an auntie to 14 year old twin girls who I've always been very close with. They have always been very academic, good at music, languages etc and love to learn and excel at things. The downside of this is that they are naturally quite competitive with each other even though my sister does a really good job of teaching them that everyone is good at different things and life isn't a competition.

I can recall a time where everything they did - tests at school, music festivals, dance shows etc - and one twin always pipped the other to the post, every single time. The twin who always came behind her sister found it really hard and went through a really tough time emotionally. My sister asked me to speak to her before she jumped out of her bedroom windows (joke!) and I told her that if she could learn now that there will always be people in life who are better at something, have more of something etc. and be happy with who she is and what she's got, she'd have learnt a very important lesson at a very age - something some people struggle accept all of their adult life.

They since started secondary school and this twin has found she is actually really great at sport whereas her sister is not particularly gifted in this field. Their relationship is so much better for it and I'm so glad that they've both found their feet

I think it's really important to help children to be resilient and I talk to mine about how it's ok to feel big feelings, and it can be really helpful to talk about them and share them

Also there's a great book: The Huge Bag of Worries, which is a great way to show kids that talking can help worries getting too big

Keeping the lines of communication open with your children and being open and receptive to what they want to discuss with you. It's more of an issue with DD because she is currently experiencing issues with frenemies and despite being quite astute doesn't yet have the maturity to just walk away.

Emotional wellbeing is a big subject matter in our house. I suffer with anxiety and Complex PTSD, which my DC are aware of and we discuss this openly as I feel it's important to.

My DS is 4 and just started school so this can be a bit of an emotional minefield. We have daily chats about things that have happened, and talking about the fact that it’s not just his feelings that are important, but that he’s got to consider how situations might make other people feel

Mine are still quite young (under 6) so we haven't had the exam/social media stresses yet. At the moment we just try to let them know that they can come to us with any problem or worry and that we'll do our best to help them with it. We encourage values like hard work and kindness and how those things are more important than winning/always being the best/being the most popular. DC1 has recently having some anxiety at bedtime (afraid of the dark etc) and we used it as an opportunity to learn some breathing techniques for times when things might get a bit overwhelming. I think the most important thing is listening though - can't remember where I saw it but there's a saying that "if you don't listen to the small things, they won't tell you the big things".

My dc are now 15 dd1 and 11 yr old girl boy twins . But right from.the start almost 6 months or 9 months i made a big deal.out of your feelings are always right although your choices ( hitting sibling because you are angry ) may be wrong. I was always very sympathetic if they were angry or upset because I was there safe place ... I never made them say sorry...If they didn't feel sorry but I would say things like ...you were angry, you wanted the toy but we don't hit. Hitting hurts. what else can we do to help you feel better?

With twins there were lots of sharing issues but it was important for me that their feelings were always heard respected. I was spanked as a child and I am 100% against that . I think forcing children to contain feelings or forcing apologies does not help. Apologies came naturally when they were older. I always taught all feelings are too be respected even if you don't agree.

With three close in age there are lots of disputes in this house. My son also got diagnosed with ASD (mild) when he was older and struggling with some social things expected from children older than 5.

So even more than before his feelings and any struggle a he has need support and respect by me.

School has been very good on whole although one teacher was very bad with preconceived and inaccurate ideas.
We all pull together and everyone is important. We negotiate now they are older and try and work out best solutions. Social media and texh can be a problem but i check their phones and laptops regularly and we discuss any issues. Bags of sympathy if there's a conflict but still we must do the right thing.

Interesting GDST

You didn’t want my feedback last year at at about this very topic.
My poor dd has a scholarship and bursary to one of your schools (100%)
You knew about her serious health conditions when she started. She was bullied by a member of staff so badly she lost 2.5 stone.
She was told that her invisibly disabilities were made up as this teacher had ‘seen her smiling once in the lunch hall’ so that meant she was lying. At the age of 15 she was emotionally destroyed.
Banned from the medical centre when she needed to rest as apparently you were ‘running a school not a hospital’ and she was told off when she missed a counselling session as was ill and was made to feel guilty when told that because she missed it another girl in need went without
You then referred to social services and lied saying you had never seen proof of her diagnosed conditions and a child protection investigation was launched further traumatising her. Then we were told because of low attendance and illness she would lose the bursary and given a 4 day deadline to get new up to date consultant letters to keep it.
I tried to raise these issues with the headteacher and the GDST. No luck at all
So yes, it’s great you are now thinking about these issues

I talk to 15 year old DS about school and if he has any concerns. It can sometimes take a while to get him to open up but hugs and open ended questions help. I let him know that I am always there for him when he needs me.

Oh yes and you also refused all exam concessions requested by her consultant as she ‘wasn’t dyslexic’

And further to that the one teacher who offered support was then withdrawn from any involvement with dd at the request of the bullying member of staff.

Sorry for this mnhq but I’ve been ignored and seeing ‘GDST’and how they want to do all this good for mental health issues made me angry as they ignored my complaints