Mumsnet users share their experience of their child moving up to secondary school with O2

[EllieMumsnet]

NOW CLOSED

Sending your children off to secondary school can feel like a milestone in your child's life and a big step as a parent. It's likely also a time where your child is seeking more independence, leading you to wonder "is it alright to...?" on a regular basis. With this in mind, O2 would like to hear about your experience or concerns about your child moving up to secondary school.

Here’s what O2 has to say: “#IsItAlright to let them use a tablet at breakfast? We hear you. Parenting is full of #IsItAlright questions, challenges and dilemmas. That’s why we’ve launched O2 Family, to bring advice, safety tools and kid-friendly offers to parents across the UK. We don’t pretend to have all the answers. But hopefully we make it a little easier to navigate the everyday messy magic of family life."

September will see a whole new start for loads of kids around the country and parents have to adjust too. Whether you're about to do it, or remember it well, how do you cope with your child making the move to secondary school? Are you giving them the independence of doing their homework without reminding them? Perhaps you’re debating whether the move to secondary school is a good time for them to get a smartphone? How have you changed the rules to give them more independence while keeping them safe? And how are you handling the emotional side of seeing them all grown up (yet still your baby)?

Share your experience or concerns with O2 in the comments below and you could be in with the chance to win a £300 voucher for the store of your choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck!
MNHQ

Insight Terms and Conditions apply

I would say take the lead from your child - if they are not nervous etc don't make them feel anxious by asking them if they're feeling nervous etc about their first day/making friends/bigger school etc.

Make sure they have everything they need well in advance of the first day to avoid last minute rushes.

Schools are very good at holding lots of transition events so by the time your child moves up they are already familiar with the school so it doesn't feel such a massive step up.

I have two DDs at secondary school, and another DD due to start this year. My eldest struggled a bit to adjust and found the school overwhelming, whereas her younger sister found it much simpler. My advice is simply to try and support, to prepare them, but essentially to give them independence. I never thought mine would ever be responsible enough to ensure they had the right things everyday, there on time and so on - but secondary schools are great at reminding pupils that these things are their responsibility and not their mums. Encourage friendships; try and get the numbers for their friend's mums: these will be invaluable for confirming arrangements.

My son started high school last month and it’s been easier than I thought. He’s having a great time, seems to enjoy the variety of classes and meeting new people. The only issue we had was his school bag was too small (there are no lockers) so he had to get a new one after a week!

My DD is the only one from her small primary school going to this senior school. She's very shy and anxious but we chose this senior school because we feel it can offer her the emotional support she needs. So obviously I'm worrying about whether we've made the right choice (she wanted to go to this school too.) She's had transition days which she loved. She didn't know anyone, but I knew some kids going there so asked them to look out for her.

She's really excited about going, so I hope the reality lives up to her expectations and she continues to make friends, including finding some good friends who are similar to her as she's always struggled with this at her small primary school.

Other things I'm worried about are her getting the bus, she'll be getting a school bus most of the time, but so far our attempts at travel training in case she needs to get the normal bus haven't been very successful.

We've got her a phone but she's great at losing things and she'll be taking money in for dinners and bus fares and I can imagine her losing that too.

I'm also a bit concerned with how she'll cope with peer pressure and wanting to keep up with other trends. I remember how difficult it was when I was at senior school, but kids are much more savvy nowadays. She's got very fixed ideas about what she likes and doesn't like and I'm hoping peer pressure doesn't make her change too much.

Quite stress free but was there all the way for her.

I remember my ds going into secondary school like it was yesterday. (It was only last September). My ds was given a couple of extra transition afternoons (was pointless but hay something is better then nothing.
The whole 6 week holiday we were rushing around left right & centre getting the correct uniform, pe kit (which of course has to have the school logo lol & of course the school is only open for a couple of hours during the holidays) then you have to get the 100 (ok maybe not 100 but it was pretty damn close lol) items that are in the equipment list that they must have on them at all times, it soon all adds up (could of gone on holiday for less lol).
Then the what if questions start, what if I get lost, what if I don’t make friends, what if I get bullied or beaten up? What if... what if.. and of course all you can do is blag your way through them & hope & pray that you’ve given the right answers because u will never here the last of it if your wrong lol.
So the big day arrives & they have scrubbed up well & then you realise that your baby is all of a suddenly growing up & of course we must mark this occasion by taking 1001 pictures of them to upload to Facebook lol, whilst they are standing there with a big fake smile (that’s if you are lucky to have a child that actually smiles lol) inside they are freaking out bless them.
So off they go & we jump for joy that they are out of hair & we think great some piece & quiet & then we take a deep breath & suddenly start thinking what if they don’t get there, what if there is an accident, what if they don’t make friends what if what if so then we spend the rest of the day on tender hooks clock watching waiting for them to get home (& of course the time drags lol).
When they get home you pounce on them bomb barreding them questions, if u are lucky you will might get “yeah it was great” next day off they go & the day flys by again when they get back you ask “did u have a good day?” & the is “no I hate school” & why because today the whole school was there & they have gone from a school with 300 pupils or less & they were the biggest/oldest pupils there were as now they in a school where there is 1000 pupils & they are now the smallest/youngest.
Then the let’s start arriving home you must set up an account on this app that allows you to see what homework is set & when it’s due in, student also has to have an account so they can tick it off once it’s done. You also need to set up account on this app as it’s the new traffic light system to show you how they are getting on in each subject if it’s yellow or red then child must do & submit the extra work that on website. Then you have set up parent pay because long gone are the days where u paid for stuff with cash lol & of course u must sign upto the app that allows you to receive the weekly newsletter lol.
So as much as I am trying to give my ds some independence they school are taking it away as the school say it’s my responsibility to make sure that my ds gets there in time in correct uniform & does all there homework & if not it’s me they ring & have a go at. So my advice to parents who have got this to come

1. rob a bank lol (only joking) 2)make sure u have a good username,strong password, good internet connection & a device with a lot of space on it if not start deleting some of them 1001 pictures u took on day 1 lol
2. take a breath & count to 10 & good luck if any of your children are like mine you going to need it lol 😘😘😘😘

DS3 started secondary school last year. I’ve noticed how important his phone has become to him over the year.

It’s always in his hand and it does worry me. His peers are the same though.
I bought him a phone so that he could contact us if there were any problems travelling to and from school but it has become his constant companion.
I take it away at night so that he doesn’t have it at bedtime and it’s always turned off while he does homework but I feel it makes him rush through so he can get back to WhatsApp!

It’s difficult to find the right balance when their friends are allowed their phones at all times.

Do everything at your own pace, don't try to keep up with the jones! make sure you make most of every moment of the summer holidays....

Maccy2018 brilliant post! 😊
Sorry nothing to add but as this will be my DD next September I'm watching with interest, some excellent practical advice, thanks everyone!

I was so worried for my son going to secondary school! I was a anxious wreck... he was fine! he settled in amazingly, made friends in days and I need not of worried!

Quite a lot of things changed when my older ones started secondary school. It was really daunting for them to start catching the bus for an hour each way across Central London to get there and back when they had been used to me taking them to school each day and they had rarely used public transport before! We checked the bus route out on our own before the term started and got my son used to using public transport on his own. Also due to the travel and new friend connections, a mobile became essential to keep in touch. The mobile is a mixed blessing. We can keep in touch and it's great if there are any issues, but unfortunately I can never get the kids to put their phones down! Phones need to be insured as they can get dropped, lost or stolen.
It's an odd time as they are growing up too fast and as a parent you have to start stepping back a little to allow them some freedom to grow more independent and let them gain confidence making some of their own decisions, but at the same time they still need support and reminders to do homework and some help to get their priorities right. I always feel nervous for them starting a new school and mine always feel a bit strange going from the eldest class in the school to being the youngest class. I was happy that my daughter is very lucky that her best friend got the same school and class allocated to her so she will have the friendship and support there from the outset, unlike my 2 older boys who didn't really know anyone in their year group. However nervous I am, I feel confident that the school is a good school and that my children will be OK there and I talk positively about the move to my kids to encourage them. I've also asked them how they are feeling about it so that they can express themselves and that we can discuss any big worries beforehand.

I think social media and increased bullying via this brings so much more worry but I try to make sure they are open and honest with me so I can help them deal with anything they are going through.

We found that planning for the potential hurdles made a great deal of how secure DS felt when he started secondary school last year. They have an extensive kit list of stationery and must have a journal in each lesson but can buy spares from the student office if anything is forgotten so he had spare pens and pencils in a separate pocket of his bag plus £3 to buy a journal if need be. He also has a couple of cereal bars and a bag of crisps in case of lunchtime emergency!
We also have an emergency box at home with spares of everything, from pens and pencils to a dictionary, black socks and a tie, plus envelopes and a handful of change to stop any last-minute morning panics!
Talking him through all the things which could have gone wrong, in his mind, meant we could think of solutions and tackle any potential issues before they arose, which, touch wood (!) they haven't so far. Plus a PAYG mobile which he practiced calling us on for emergencies!

Two of my DC have already moved up to secondary school with no problems, they were looking forward to it and ready for it because they were getting bored towards the end of junior school. They both enjoy school so that probably helped.

i am very worried about my son with ASD, he has an EHCP and will find it hard to adapt to change. He has had extra transition visits to help with anxiety but I dearly hope that the support is in place from the start as anything that goes wrong results in school refusal. I alos hope that he can make friends up there, he struggles with socail / communication. The HT and SENCO have said all the right things but time will tell. I am glad he doesn't have to get a bus to school he wouldn't cope with the noise and chaos, we live 200 yards from school so he can happily walk. I have to micro manage him so how he will cope with remembering books and homework?
He will also struggle with the uniform (sensory) a tie and blazer will add to his stress although I know there is nothing you can do about this. Fingers crossed

Mixed emotions.... worried, excited and proud all at the same time.

He had had a bad time with his father, was tiny for his age and knew no one at the school due to a house move. On the first day after school he couldn't cope with the crowd at the bus stop and hailed a taxi. Luckily the driver was kind enough to take him home, he only had his bus fare in his pocket.
The second day he'd had enough at dinner time, walked out and went home. After that his form tutor did all she could to help him settle, as did the head, and some girls in his form took him under their wings.
Unfortunately a year later the lovely head left and a harsh man took over but that's another story and DS is ok now, many years later.

I found things much harder for my daughter than my son. The girls seemed to thrive on the clicks and groups making it really hard if they fell out.

We practised the journey and did lots of “what if...” scenarios (bus diverted, leave your bag behind). We talked lots about friendships and joining in. We met up with older children at the school who were delighted to share their experiences.
The emergency box is a great idea! Mine have a small wallet/zip bag with £5, a pen, plasters, a sanitary towel and some emergency contact numbers in case their phone batteries die.
Stuff does go wrong - I try and help them understand before it does that it is rarely the end of the world and adults are there, mostly, to help.

I was worried that my daughter wouldn't settle in as she is very quiet and finds it hard to initially speak to others. However, she has settled in brilliantly and really enjoying high school.

It was the hardest day of my life because you have to accept they're on their way to adulthood, in as much as no more watching them walk into the school etc they are at big school now!

Prepare your child as much as possible by attending any open days/taster days prior to starting.
I helped my son by teaching him to get everything out and ready the night before so there is no panic in the morning.
Encourage your child to join as many new clubs/sports as possible to meet as many new people as possible.

My third and final child has just started secondary school this week. It's been a very positive experience for him, no doubt helped by the fact that a few other children from his class at primary school went to the same school, and also that his older brother is already in the school (we didn't have this before as DC1 was obviously the first, DC2 went to a different school, so DC3 is the first to have an older sibling there).
He's not been without his nervous moments but on the whole he's enjoyed his first few days.
Tips for making the transition easier:

• Plan well in advance how they are going to get to and from school. If it's walking, make sure they know the safest and quickest route. If on public transport, make sure they know the times and have their pass or fare stored safely in a zipped pocket. If by car, the parent in charge needs to plan a route that will take account of traffic, the last thing a child needs is to be late in their first few days!
• Familiarise them with the interior of the school. Obviously most children will have been on an induction day, but if this is not the case, then try and get a time when you can take them in, before they start, to see how the classrooms and corridors etc are laid out.
• Reassure them that it's OK not to know everything straight away. You'd be amazed how many kids won't ask a simple question as they are worried about "looking stupid". Things like getting lost, not knowing where the toilet / cafeteria is, etc, are perfectly normal in the first few weeks but they will get used to things soon!
• Check their planners and bags daily. For the first few weeks at least, you will need to nag them to do homework, bring in the right PE kit, food tech equipment, return forms etc. Encourage them to do homework the night it is set, rather than leaving it till the last minute. Also encourage them to prepare their bag the night before school so they are not rushing round looking for things in the morning.

It's a very steep learning curve, going from the big fish in the little pond at primary school, to being the smallest, youngest children, often surrounded by older pupils who are practically grown men and women. Keeping a routine going will help a lot at this stage: sensible bedtimes, getting up early enough to get to school on time etc.

It's my daughters first day of High School today!! I'm worried sick... I'm mostly worried about bullying and friendships.. My daughter seemed happy and excited, but then her so called "friends" seem to have ditched her as no one wanted to meet up before school to walk with her so she walked all on her own :( Girls can be so mean :( Another worry is the amount of homework she is likely to get, she doesn't like to do homework! lol

This was a difficult period of adjustment and it took some while for confidence to be established. Don't expect it to be fine from the start.
All in good time and things will come right.