Mumsnet users share their experience of their child moving up to secondary school with O2

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Sending your children off to secondary school can feel like a milestone in your child's life and a big step as a parent. It's likely also a time where your child is seeking more independence, leading you to wonder "is it alright to...?" on a regular basis. With this in mind, O2 would like to hear about your experience or concerns about your child moving up to secondary school.

Here’s what O2 has to say: “#IsItAlright to let them use a tablet at breakfast? We hear you. Parenting is full of #IsItAlright questions, challenges and dilemmas. That’s why we’ve launched O2 Family, to bring advice, safety tools and kid-friendly offers to parents across the UK. We don’t pretend to have all the answers. But hopefully we make it a little easier to navigate the everyday messy magic of family life."

September will see a whole new start for loads of kids around the country and parents have to adjust too. Whether you're about to do it, or remember it well, how do you cope with your child making the move to secondary school? Are you giving them the independence of doing their homework without reminding them? Perhaps you’re debating whether the move to secondary school is a good time for them to get a smartphone? How have you changed the rules to give them more independence while keeping them safe? And how are you handling the emotional side of seeing them all grown up (yet still your baby)?

Share your experience or concerns with O2 in the comments below and you could be in with the chance to win a £300 voucher for the store of your choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck!
MNHQ

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DD no 2 starts next week! I am more worried than she is. Her big sister is already there so I know she will keep an eye out for her. She is pretty street wise :)

#isitalright to send my son to school with a packed lunch and let him spend lunch money each day - he's eating double the amount of food! But otherwise he gets hungry through the day.

I'm concerned about the journey to school - worried about school bullying etc.

Youngest DD started secondary school last September. My 4 children are DD1 now 23, DS1 now 21, DD2 now 19 and DD3 now 12. I thought I had managed fairly well with the three eldest DC, who all went to the same secondary school. However, in the seven years since DC3 started secondary school things have changed, both generally and personally. Also youngest DD chose a different secondary school to her siblings.

With a birthday on 20/08, DD was one of the youngest in her year (although all 4DC have birthdays between 22/07 and 22/08 - so all young in year).

In the past few years I have become increasingly disabled, which has led to DD being more independent than her siblings. However, friendship issues at primary school (mainly due to another parent) meant that she was quite insecure and anxious about starting secondary school.

There was a two-day taster session in the July, which my DD really enjoyed and felt encouraged by. At the end of this, she knew that one other person from her primary school would be in the same tutor group, although in different sets for some subjects. The other DC - another girl - was not a particular friend of my DD but they did get on. I arranged a couple of meetings over the summer so the two girls could discuss plans for the September and talk about routes and methods of getting to/from school. For the first few days they stuck together - the mum of DD friend took them to and from school. After the first few days they started walking to school. During the summer holidays I had let DD walk with a friend into town (just over 3 miles away), which involved walking past the secondary school. DD also caught the bus to town in the summer holidays, so that she knew which bus to take to school. As a young carer, DD has a free bus pass and so, as time has gone on, she has taken to getting the bus to school and usually walks home.

DD seemed to settle really well and soon made a number of friends. She doesn't seem to get too much homework and has found her own system of organising herself to get it done on time. The school she attends encourages the use of iPads - in fact, there is a scheme to purchase them from school, which means the majority of children in her year have a school-issued iPad. This was an extra expense for us, especially as DD had a tablet, but we didn't want her to be disadvantaged so signed up for one. I have since spoken to DD about how many children don't have a school issued iPad and they do sound as if they are at a distinct disadvantage as so much is set and planned using the iPad.

One thing I have learned is not to rush out and buy everything on the school uniform list immediately. Obviously the basic kit is a must-have but there were various items we purchased that have not been needed at all, particularly different items in the sports kit.

Having older siblings, my DD already had a phone. However, we did buy her an iPhone for her 11th birthday. This has proven to be such a different experience than when her siblings were at school because, although they were all given phones when they started secondary school, technology has moved on so much in the past 7 years and the older children had basic phones, without the internet. We went for an iPhone as it matched the iPad DD required for school but I really have reservations about the use of phones. Not only do I worry about bullying and incorrect use of the phone, but also I find my DD will contact me if she has forgotten something or if she wants something (eg more money added to her account for the canteen).

I feel I was a bit too laid-back with the transition. I did ask questions and try to talk with DD about school - initially she was loving it but gradually started mentioning issues. She did not want me to intervene and so I respected her wishes. Some of the children seemed quite mean (although I am well aware my daughter is no angel). DD thrives in an environment with 2 or 3 close friends but she seems to have got herself into a large group, which is not ideal for her.

After Christmas, we had complete melt-down from my DD. It was so bad that she missed the first day back and I had to physically take her into school for the second day. There have been other days like this since - I have spoken with the Welfare Officer and we have discussed the situation and my DD has had counselling but I am worried that, after a long summer break, I will have problems with her returning to school in September.

If your child is travelling to school by bus or train, make sure they have practised the journey, both there and back. Also that they have a Plan B, if the bus doesn't turn up or the train is cancelled.

When dc were yr6 in primary, they were very confident, independent, in their comfort zone... I was shocked how much there was to master in the. transition to secondary: school buses, lunch money, different classrooms, so many different teachers and pupils, two week timetable, homework, "Neanderthal psycopathic pe teachers" (according to my dc!)

We ensured one of us was home when they returned from school every day for the first few weeks. I was concerned I was turning into an obsessive/helicopter mum, as we had endless chats about what happened that day, what notices they had received, when
ther they had recorded homework and other messages clearly in their planner, what their teachers were like, what was concerning them, how to avoid queues and crowds at brwak and lunch times, what they needed in their bag for the next day, how to organise their school stuff at home, etc etc!

However, this investment of time in those early days and weeks really paid off. Within a month they had got everything sussed and organised; and were well on the road to confidence and success.

So my top tip would be: plan as much as you can to support them and to give them your time in those early days to avoid problems later.

When my oldest child started secondary I was quite naive. As a sociable boy with plenty of friends I thought he would cope fine. I didn't want to have to warn him about bullying or peer pressure or whatever as I didn't want him to think school would be a scary place. I thought his emotional intelligence and natural people skills would see him through, and that all the nice kids I knew would stay nice. I had forgotten how foul teenagers can be to each other, and that he was bound to encounter some pretty nasty types. Now that my younger and less confident DS is about to start, I have had more conversations about how to react if someone is unkind, what to do if you see someone being bullied etc. I hope I haven't scared him but I want him to be better prepared for the reality of amassed teenage hormones and insecurities!

I'm more nervous than him! He always looks so big when I pick him up from primary school yet he looked small and innocent again when we went to the high school open day... I look forward to his mind developing and questioning the world and more than ever I hope his character shines through in his transition from schoolboy to teenager to hopefully a good, generous, thoughtful, caring and kind man (can you tell I'm slightly crying as I write this??!)

My eldest started secondary school last September.
The trickiest thing was managing time and homework, which we did support him with, and navigating new friendships,which we offered advice with when asked but tried to stay out of.
We were pleasantly surprised with how well our son managed to organise himself and his belongings, although there were a few occasions when we had an emergency phone call because he’d forgotten sports kit or homework.
We’ve given him quite a lot of independence in the sense that he can go out with friends after school if he wants and now has a later bedtime, but screens in the bedroom are still a definite no no in our house, despite the peer pressure.

Just some advice for kids going into high school get a tracking app on their phone for when they lose it.
My son is terrible at remembering things and at his summer camp held by his new school today he lost his phone.
So not even day 1 at high school and he loses his phone!
Luckily I have a tracker on his phone and managed to trace where it was.
This saved me money in the long run by not having to block his phone and SIM card.

My son is finding it so hard. Hes moved from primary school to secondary last year. He went from a big fish in a small pond to a teeny tiny fish in a huge gynormous pond!

He had a good circle of friends at primary school but these have all moved to other schools. He was feeling anxious and scared and worried about what it would be like. He finds making friends and getting involved hard but school have a room which they call bridge and they help quieter less confident children get to know each other and form friendships in there then they are let back out into the open school so they can integrate back in with all the other children in the hope that they have now gained more confidence.

My son had the added back up if you will of his older sister but as he started year 7, she started year 11. This means that when he goes back in september, he will be all on his own again. I can honestly say im worried for him. He knew his sister was there before and relyed on that fact.

Im worried it will be overwhelming and of course bullies. Going from small, intimate classes into big ones is also a worry.

Ours have both had the opposite outcomes here. DD was king of the hill at primary, but dropped to social mid pack. However DS who was a quiet nerd found more of his kind and now has a full social life.
It's a nerve wracking fresh start for all though.

it was sooo cute

ds1 moved up a couple of years ago - when he was in Y6 his school ran an after school programme for the year that they called [school] University - they went once a week for an hour or hour and a half, and had a secondary school type lesson (they got to put down their choices out of about 8, including cookery, art, IT, languages, and drama). It was a great way to get them used to the school, finding their way around, seeing that the subject teachers were all nice, to meet others from the other feeder schools going there, and so on. They got to do 3 different subjects, one each term and then there was a graduation ceremony at the end of the year.

The downside was that it wasn't open to everybody going there - theoretically it was something that you had to apply for in school on an application form and they chose the brightest. In reality, turned out a teacher went into each y6 form, asked who was going to the school and chose a few from each class, with significantly more from her own class - there were only spaces for less than a third of those going to the school. It was great for ds, particularly as he is not particularly confident in new situations so really helped him gain confidence before going and enabling him to settle in easily. However most of the kids would have benefited - they could have done a term for each child rather than 3 terms for a third of the kids and it would have been much fairer.

This year ds2 is in y6 so I know that I need to be that parent proactive and try to get ds onto the programme as he is even more shy than his big brother and would really benefit from this...

They also have a single day they go to the school beforehand which helps.

D nieces go to a different school - they go in for a week or two in the summer holidays and do lots of fun activities to get to know the school without too many big kids around - although a few older ones go in to help. THey loved it but not sure about the fact it's in the holidays - not sure if it's compulsory or if you can't go then you miss out - neither option is ideal, so having something in the year beforehand feels like a better solution.

Getting ds1 organised to take everything in on the right day (without taking everything everyday!) has been one of the biggest challenges. 2 years in he's better but not perfect - has needed a lot of reminding from me, a lot of getting ready the night before and that actually meaning the bag being ready to pick up / uniform being ready to put on rather than just the bits he could find and then waiting until 5 minutes before time to go to announce he hadn't got something. Still don't have a great solution but being able to monitor homework set online and check it has been done has helped.

I was very worried about how mine would cope as he's gone from a very small school to a huge secondary.
Everything went fine and the school couldn't have been more supportive.
He was given a phone for emergencies. He loves it - but has only used it to watch gaming videos. It does make him feel grown up. Can't believe the year went so quickly.

We're going through this now, well moving from 1st to 2nd school as we are in 3 tier system. My lad can't wait and is really excited so has made things easier. I still expect some issues with the older kids at some point which will need to be addressed but that I think is the same for everyone.

My eldest was very nervous about going to secondary school , I was even worse but did my best to reassure and prepare him. Luckily he loves it and is doing well.

It depends a lot on the child. My dd moved up to a secondary where none of her primary school classmates went, but she's a confident girl and coped with the bus ride on her own from day one. With DS1, he needed more support, and we went for a more local school within walking distance, and helped out by walking the route several times during the summer holidays, and giving him guidance on organising himself. So don't assume that your child will be able to cope as well as other children have, everyone is different and some might need more help and support.

I worried that my son wouldn't be able to organise himself at school and I found it hard not having access to the teachers like I did at the previous school but it was all a learning curve for both of us. I worried about him on his journey to/from school which is quite a distance but he always has his phone so that we can keep in touch. He has become much more responsible since starting and although it can be hard to let go I can't describe how proud I am of how he takes things in his stride

My parents just said “you’ll be fine, all your siblings have done it, it’s no big deal, and your brothers are doing O’levels and A’levels, they are much more important!” so I always felt totally insignificant and like I didn’t matter.
I have treated my children totally differently and listened to their concerns or excitements and gauged my reactions from theirs. I have told them it’s understandable to be a bit nervous of the unknown but it is an exciting time too and the first step to independence and creating their own life. My son is starting this week and as soon as he tried on all his uniform again this week he went from worry to pure excitement.
With other parents in the village whose children are going to the same school, we have arranged to meet in one place on day one so the children can all get the bus together - this will make it easier and less worrying for them. After that they can carry on meeting in the same place if they choose, or get on at their own stops and meet on the bus. They now have a ‘bus boys’ WhatsApp group to sort it out themselves so we have helped them start confidently and safely and now handed responsibility back to them.

My son is starting secondary school next week. He is very ready for it. My main concern is that he won't be safe walking to school. He is very dopey when crossing roads. He is very excited though and can't wait to meet new people. I've tried to make him more independent this last year, going out on his own, organising lunches and his own bag so that it is a bit less of a shock

I home ed my lot, its changed our lives, as the secondary school near us which used to be wonderful, went massively downhill!

My eldest got ill, to cut a long story short, we were then attacked by the school, despite having hospital notes and Drs notes, which then gave my once popular sporty son depression...the school didn't even try to support us, so, we did the only thing we could and supported our child ourselves.

We lost a whole salary, but it was so worth it...we might be less well off, however, knowing that my kids still have all the benefits of friends and going out with all the clubs there are available, there is no uniform to worry about, no bullying to stress over, they can sleep in (the way most teens need to!) and we can holiday when we want, plus I must be doing something right as my eldest has two jobs, and is also off to Uni.

Some schools out there are marvellous, and support and teach our children wonderfully, however, there are now way too many who make ridiculous rules (one day off sick and you miss the end of term ball? No running outside?) and put massive expectations on our kids.

Our kids are young once, I want mine to not have to worry and stress about life until its truly needed,lots of schools don't let them be kids anymore...we work hard, but we play harder! ;-)

It was a scary but exciting time, the realisation that was little one was growing up!

I am very worried and so is she. She is very sensitive about friends and a bit of a weeper. I was like that at school and people used to get so fed up with me!! I hope people can see past that to the kind hearted funny little dudette that she is.

I think I'm really finding it hard as I teach in a secondary school and I just know all the stuff she'll hate about it and transition between lessons can be very scary for year 7s.

I have mentioned none of this to her I keep talking about what sort of clubs she'll want to do after school (none apparently!) and the extra freedom she'll have walking home with her friends....

She starts Tuesday..,