Mumsnet users share their experience of their child moving up to secondary school with O2

[EllieMumsnet]

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Sending your children off to secondary school can feel like a milestone in your child's life and a big step as a parent. It's likely also a time where your child is seeking more independence, leading you to wonder "is it alright to...?" on a regular basis. With this in mind, O2 would like to hear about your experience or concerns about your child moving up to secondary school.

Here’s what O2 has to say: “#IsItAlright to let them use a tablet at breakfast? We hear you. Parenting is full of #IsItAlright questions, challenges and dilemmas. That’s why we’ve launched O2 Family, to bring advice, safety tools and kid-friendly offers to parents across the UK. We don’t pretend to have all the answers. But hopefully we make it a little easier to navigate the everyday messy magic of family life."

September will see a whole new start for loads of kids around the country and parents have to adjust too. Whether you're about to do it, or remember it well, how do you cope with your child making the move to secondary school? Are you giving them the independence of doing their homework without reminding them? Perhaps you’re debating whether the move to secondary school is a good time for them to get a smartphone? How have you changed the rules to give them more independence while keeping them safe? And how are you handling the emotional side of seeing them all grown up (yet still your baby)?

Share your experience or concerns with O2 in the comments below and you could be in with the chance to win a £300 voucher for the store of your choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck!
MNHQ

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My kids are now 20 and 17 - but I still remember their first day of secondary school. I was a bag of nerves, as I had hated my secondary school experience and didn’t want them to have an unhappy time. I think schools are much better now at helping kids through the transition from primary school - school experience days, starting school on the first day earlier and communicating with parents over any issues help kids to settle.

My youngest went from mainstream to special school for secondary. He was so well supported that he started to do new things pretty much immediately.

I was very worried as I had a very quiet child, yet he thrived he made a small group of friends, enjoyed the work and is now loving university. I think in the main they will find their feet.

I have twins so they moved up at the same time which probably helped. My DD had a few issues with friendships shifting and then settling down, but we talked about this and she was remarkably mature. Both are now very settled and happy and far happier and more confident than they ever were at primary. I think there's more opportunity to be expressive and creative at secondary school and my children have flourished.
The only hard thing as a parent is that you are so much less involved. I wouldn't even recognise half their teachers in the street!

My dd has just finished year 7, the thing I found a struggle and a balancing act was her desperete desire for independence when she first started, and that it was all new and unknownto her! So she did need some help getting herself organised and finding time to spend on her homework. She wanted to manage it all herself, and go out with her new friends but did struggle to find her way with it all.

Think she's cracked it now and shes ready and raring to go again next week!

DS1 is about to start secondary school. He was very sad about leaving primary school which he loved and still anxious about starting secondary school. He has had a taster day and a 5 day summer school there to help him in the transition, and I think they have helped but he's still anxious.

My dad kindly helped buy the uniform but dp, ds2 and I all went along with my dad and ds1 on the trip - luckily there was a big Sainsburys with a cafe just across the road from the small, very crowded shop and 3 of us went into the shop - ds1 to try stuff on, df to pay and also because I have no experience of wearing or buying formal men's/boy's clothes like a button up shirt and tie and ds1 has been used to a logo sweatshirt and tracky bottoms/shorts for school. I think uniform's going to be a tough thing for us all to get used to. Am feeling guilty about df, ds1 and ds2 because I've allowed him to take the boys to buy new school shoes on a day out today for ds1 and ds1 v anxious just about that - hoping they have found some already without too much pain or upset!

Also anxious about DS1 learning to carry little but important things around with him, eg keys. We are, oddly, only 5 mins walk from secondary school so I actually think he shouldn't take his Oyster Zip card unless they are going out on a trip from school.

My secondary school experience was very different but I hated it, and my brother also had a difficult time 8 years later. Just before she died I really understood that my mum had also really disliked school overall, though she was still in touch with several people and had close friends from school - at least two were at her funeral 57 years after she left at 15! DP also had a difficult time at secondary school but he was the only kid in his rural primary school class to pass the 11+ and felt that he was the only working class kid at grammar school in the town at least 10 miles away. I am definitely hoping DS1 will break those family patterns.

I think the biggest for me is her worrying. Plus walking and getting on a bus on her own. Sure she'll miss it. Losing everything too. She's pretty haphazard in her approach to most things. Not really sure how it's all going to work actually. In the end I'll probably drive her to the bus and pick her up to drive her home! And label everything.

Prepare to be left in the dark. Primary school were always inviting us in, even to eat lunch with children. Secondary school - not a clue. Don't even get to meet her friends.

I believe that the most important thing is to be supportive and encouraging and let the child go at their own pace, they will make new friends and settle in in the end.

I would be lying if I said it wasn’t scary like when they started nursery or primary school. But this is a real big deal and all you can do is prepare your child by being positive and open about secondary school.

This will be us next year. Can't read the thread for fear of all the worries of how my baby DS will get on as a small fish in a big pond.

Quick heads up in case anyone is watching BBC this morning, don't let any nervous kids watch! News story on self harming teens 'it all began at the start of high school when x was bullied' - ffs not the best thing to put on tv at this time of year !!

“If like my son yours might be a bit disorganised it is handy to talk to the girls who are in the same class - there was a lovely girl who used to almost organise my son at one point, which he probably thought was a little irritating but it was great as when i came to the school gates if she was there she would tell me what he needed the next day and how well he had done in a test.”

Did I just read this? By @AuFinch

Really???

Women are not there to organise men. Girls are not there to organise boys. If one pupil wants to help out another they may well do that, but to suggest seeking out girls specifically for that reason, as some kind of PA to the boy??? There is so much wrong with this, I don’t even know where to begin.

@ChanklyBore

My post was put on here with no intention of stating that "women are here to organise men" - you said that not me.

ONE pupil came to me to help me with my son - it was a good thing, a nice thing for that pupil to do. My post was merely suggesting that other parents may find that other pupils could help them. The fact I said girls was because she was a girl, if it was a boy that had helped him I would have said boys, that is how i type. Please do not turn this into some kind of womens rights campaign hate post on this forum - you do not know me, and if you knew me you certainly would not accuse me of this as you have absolutely no idea of the doors that I have helped other fellow women through during my career.

What annoys me is when some women pick at others on their words without accounting for any intentions of the person who wrote them.

I was a little concerned, as most of her classmates went to the other local secondary so my daughter was the only girl, along with 2 boys, moving to her secondary. I also worried that she was not as streetwise as others. It was fine. She took it in her stride. You never can tell - some things cause grief when you wouldn't anticipate it, others that you fret about are trouble free.

My youngest is about to start secondary school. She is worried. I am just concerned at all the changes. Like I usually walk her to school but she'll be going alone by bus. What if she leaves her bag on the bus (I'm sure she will), or her coat.

Primary I had a very good relationship with the SENCO and could call her at any time. Secondary I don't even know who the SENCO is.

She is our 5th to go to secondary but the others are all grown up and I am much older now. I didn't really worry about them.

DD begins year 7 next week and I am dreading it! She's never walked anywhere without a parent or adult (primary school was too far) and she's dozy most of the time.
It's obviously all going to be fine but as my first to go I do have nerves.
I've found the schools parent forum a god send of tips from more experienced parents, also found out that half of what we think they will need they don't need at all so have saved money too.
It's reassuring to have a group of people with tips and tricks as we found out it's not a posh school where everyone has designer this and that, in fact, you're actively encouraged to write what your DC needs on there and someone usually has one you can either have or buy for a small amount. It's nice to see some recycling! And there's some nice welcome evenings coming up too.
But yes, if I could keep her at primary a year longer I would!

@AuFinch

You are correct, I don’t know you, I wouldn’t pretend to after one post on an anonymous forum.

I’ll call out what you wrote as wrong any day of the week. It isn’t ok to suggest, when asked for tips on starting school, that if your boy is disorganised his mother should ask the girls in his class for help. I am very pleased that you say that wasn’t what you meant. But it was what you wrote.

You probably worry more than them - it will be fine - just let them settle in and support them as needed

My DS started secondary school last year. His biggest anxiety was getting lost in such a big and busy place but he was fine and it helped that on his first day only the Year 7s and Year 11s were in school.
Top tips:
Label everything and find out where lost property is stored.
Don't expect school to communicate with you like primary schools do. They tell you nothing so you mostly have to rely on your child to relay information to you.
If school provides a planner make sure they have this with them at all times.
Check out what apps are available. Apps like "Show My Homework" and "School Gateway" have been sanity saving.
Find out what social media the school uses and follow them. DS's school shares a lot of information on Twitter!

My sons new secondary school have set up 4 days of sport summer camp this week specifically for the new year 7's to meet each other and play sports for 4 days so they will know someone when they start.
This has really helped my son who is anxious but going to a summer camp and seeing some new kids who could be in his class has helped massively.

Getting them a much bigger bag for all the books they are going to need to carry around and giving them a later bed time for all the homework they inevitably have to do due to the increased subjects and topics they will learn in school.

My DCs primary school made a big thing of them moving on with an emotional leavers' assembly. This just served to make me feel guilty about splitting up my DD from her best friend as they were going to different secondary schools. Didn't need to worry, they are still in touch now and both have done well in their respective schools. Great that it's easy for them to keep in touch via mobiles.

My DD doesn't go to secondary school for another couple of years but I'm hoping with all the transition days and the links the primary and secondary school have that she will be ok. I remember not being able to sleep for several nights before my first day at secondary school

I was badly bullied at school and was worried about dd. Ds started 4 years ago and was fine. This is dd's second year ( yr8). I needn't have worried as she is thriving. I signed up to a cheap phone contract with o2 (loyal customers in my household) on her behalf so she had no problem contacting me just in case she was late or needed permission to go somewhere.