Mumsnet users share their experience of their child moving up to secondary school with O2

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Sending your children off to secondary school can feel like a milestone in your child's life and a big step as a parent. It's likely also a time where your child is seeking more independence, leading you to wonder "is it alright to...?" on a regular basis. With this in mind, O2 would like to hear about your experience or concerns about your child moving up to secondary school.

Here’s what O2 has to say: “#IsItAlright to let them use a tablet at breakfast? We hear you. Parenting is full of #IsItAlright questions, challenges and dilemmas. That’s why we’ve launched O2 Family, to bring advice, safety tools and kid-friendly offers to parents across the UK. We don’t pretend to have all the answers. But hopefully we make it a little easier to navigate the everyday messy magic of family life."

September will see a whole new start for loads of kids around the country and parents have to adjust too. Whether you're about to do it, or remember it well, how do you cope with your child making the move to secondary school? Are you giving them the independence of doing their homework without reminding them? Perhaps you’re debating whether the move to secondary school is a good time for them to get a smartphone? How have you changed the rules to give them more independence while keeping them safe? And how are you handling the emotional side of seeing them all grown up (yet still your baby)?

Share your experience or concerns with O2 in the comments below and you could be in with the chance to win a £300 voucher for the store of your choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck!
MNHQ

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Both my DS and DD had induction days and started a day earlier than the rest of the school in their first year in secondary. This really helped to reduce their worries about the change. Days are much longer than children are used to so make sure they have a snack to eat as soon as they come out of school if the journey home is fairly long, and give them time when they get in to adjust to being at home before you ask them anything. Help them get things ready the night before for the first few weeks - you can gradually hand over responsibility as they settle and get used to the timetable etc.

was really daunting

We walked the route to school in the holidays and they made arrangements with their friends to meet on a suitable corner. Mobile phones were a worry, but actually the schools so down on them, they only get them out to beg for a lift at the end of the day.

Not quite there yet, but I remember crying a lot on the evening after my first day. Mainly because my new shoes hurt so much!

Send them to a prep school and save yourself all this awful 11+ angst. End of story.

ArthuriaAugustaDarcy Prep school being in reach for most?

Yep, teeming with Prep schools in the South Wales Valleys, we are...

I have a concern to share.
My daughter is applying for Latimer Shool but the exam takes place over 2days and I am not certain that the examiners have prepared different exams.
The question is, how will the fairness of the exam be ensured if the information is shared at the end of day one?
Please share if anyone else have the same concern.

ArthuriaAugustaDarcy what fantastic advice

I wouldn't use a prep school (and yes I can afford it). We also live in a non-grammar school area. So yes, the vast majority of dcs go to a normal comp/secondary school and have ( unrelated to the fact that it's a school for the great unwashed) angst about transition.

When our DD was due to move up we looked around all the schools in our area and then decided to remove both DCs from school and home educate them.

our Dcs were getting bored at primary and needing the stimulation of secondary school. I think because they were all going to secondary with their friends group and looking forward to it, we had no concerns or nervousness. More anxious withe the other end of high school 5th/6th year and the next step.

Secondary school for me was horrific and the worst years of my life. I think for my DD, I would need to make sure that the school was right for her and that she would fit in. I didn't fit in at my secondary school and went from being bright and bubbly to bottom of the class and bullied. Hopefully she'll be able to move with some of her friends too.

My DD is about to start her 2nd year at Secondary school and she said to me last week "I'm going to be so nice and kind to the new starts as the year above me were really not nice or welcoming and I don't want new kids to feel like I did" I was conflicted between being sad her 1st impressions last year were not always good and being proud of the lovely girl I have.

It is such a strange time for them going off to secondary school as there is a great deal of excitement but also trepidation. My DD has loved the much more grown up approach of the teachers to the pupils, she likes being set in some subjects too. She also likes the bigger pool for friendships but this also creates a bigger pool of different personalities to navigate which can be hard work and a real learning curve. All in all, it's been positive and she is looking forward to her next year.

I thin you have to put up with being anooyiing parents for the first few weeks whilst you get used to it and them findout out your actually helping them.becasue going from small scale school to all these separate teachers and classes is hard.so it seems like we give them even more rules to follow at home.but its later they do see you were helping with finding a routine that benefits so much in the long run
so checking homeworks diary.finding a rule about when its done.straight from schoo.after half hours break?before going out?etc etc.
a new phone was bought.
pack your bag and look at next days lesson plan the night before.this was vital help.
be the support they need.let them know throughout that they can come to you with abosloetely anything.because all kids handle it different.very differently.
be consistant between parents.
sort uniform and kits out the night before.

My daughter felt ready for it as she felt she had outgrown middle school so we had an easy time

Had an awful time with o2. I received a phone that was with a bath code with a known fault in its battery. I went in tonnes of times and just passed pillar to post on sho I need to go to for help. There was no ownership and such poor customer from people who I was paying so much money to each month . At one point I was 8 months pregnant with no working phone still travelling to work. Disgusted in my treatment at o2 and weirdly I work on fenchurch st in London and had little to no coverage ! They were sh*t.

it was hard but we made it through

My 3rd child is about to start secondary school and she is not ready to go at all, she loved primary and cried buckets on the last day and at her leavers assembly.

I hoped she would become more excited as the summer went on but I asked her this morning and she is still terrified. Her brother and sister went to a different school, and while her sister was scared too, her brother was at least already at the school and getting the bus with her. DD2 will be getting a school bus on her own.

We have talked about her worries and that others will be feeling the same, even those who seem very confident will be nervous. We are preparing her bags this week and talked about being prepared the night before. The school gave us a few simple things for them to try to prepare them for some lessons and we have done those as well as practicing money for the canteen. What's not helping is that I have a sick parent and have been spending a lot of time with them, away from home when I had hope we could have a summer of shopping for school and day trips.

I'm sure once she's been there a few weeks she will be fine as the others were, she also has a visit to meet one of her favourite author's to look forward to at the end of September.

Fourth child about to make this transition. Child one, no issues, started without great anxiety and just kept his head down and got on with it. Was nervous but he coped far better than I expected. Twins were a different matter. Twin 1 was fine, loves everything about seniors and was so bored by juniors she was relieved to leave. Twin 2...argh. He was on autism pathway and struggling with massive anxiety. Sensory issues meant the uniform was a real worry and even the hair requirements were a problem, he had hair almost to his waist which they wanted tied up, he refused but trimmed it so they would leave him alone. He was clearly scared and I felt powerless as there were no other options available. The whole summer before was spent ignoring the whole issue and not mentioning the word school at all.we knew it was going to be tough, I stopped looking for work as I was expecting that he would at the very least, need transporting if bus was too hard. Needless to say we were proved right to worry. Zero support given at first he struggled from day one. End of day three..that was that. He vowed never to return, and he didn't. Now facing transition for youngest. She had extra meeting with her head of house who she now calls "Mrs Go Away" as she 'needs to go away'. Fantastic. They've put support in place as she's selective mute and has provisional asd diagnosis. She doesn't mind the new uniform but how will she ask for help when she gets lost? How will they know if she's there if she doesn't answer the register? I'll she eat in front of strangers? She's cross if I mention school so how do you get past that? She's coming to the end of art therapy and there's been no change, I'm hoping she will go...and that the support means she will cope. But any parent worries about this major change, I think I'm justified in worrying.

Mine has already moved up as we started back last week , I was worried about her confidence and that as she is a bit quiet she would get lost among it all. However she has loved it and seems to be really enjoying it. I think making sure you speak to them and trying to support them with their concerns helped. We found out it was logistic side of things that seemed to be the main worry. How the lunch system worked, buses, where everything was.

As a foster carer I have had a few children make the transition and each one in a totally different way......I really do not think there are hard and fast rules, just loose guidelines that have flexibility - this is then less stressful for both parent and child as we are all so very different. The one thing I do ensure is that I stay relaxed and cheerful! Deep down I have on occasion been more anxious than you would believe but there is no way you can show this to a child. We do planning together - choose new stationary and items together - looking round secondary schools is often really good too if there is a choice!

My eldest is due to move up next week, uniform bought (tick) bus pass organised (tick) practised the route there and back on the bus (tick). My worries are how well the new morning routine will go, the new rules to follow, the HOMEWORK, and pressure our children feel from social media and the obsession with getting good grades. I will support my DS as much as I can, encourage him to open up about ANY problems no matter how small, and travel through this journey with him.

DS has just finished Y7. He coped and did very well academically, but there were a lot of things that he struggled with and/or that came as a shock.

Homework: far more than he was used to. He got into a routine of doing it sooner rather than later as otherwise he got stressed and worried about it.
Swearing! He went to a tiny primary school in a good area where nobody swore, so the language at high school was a real eye-opener for him.
Discipline: detentions and other punishments were a whole new world... yet another thing for him to worry about!

On the up side, the pastoral care is excellent (unlike primary school) with numerous people willing to help to smooth things over when they go wrong...

ive not experienced that yet

OK, as a parent and an experienced teachers in several secondary schools this is what I have found to help a smooth transition.
A competent and caring school will have arranged induction and treat the new Y7s with consideration in the first few days.
Big schools are confusing, an exploratory walk around and a map will help.
Y7 classes should have adequate time with form tutors on the first day. They should have the various rooms and areas they need to use marked on maps. The tutor should clearly explain routines, expected behaviour, rewards and sanctions.
On the first day Y7s should go into dinner a little early and be sent home early too. This avoids large crowds which can intimidate some children.
For the first few days there should be some degree of consideration for Y7s regarding getting to lessons late, failing to give in homework, forgetting equipment or sports kit.
Sometimes a mistake by a confused or forgetful 11 year, if harshly dealt with, can influence their attitude to a school and its staff for a very long time. Equally kindness is remembered. Good teachers listen rather than stride about barking out orders at nervous new entrants.