How to help teens become more confident - share with #iwill - chance to win £300 NOW CLOSED

[EllieMumsnet]

The team at #iwill would love to know how you help teens become (more) confident

What is #iwill?
The #iwill campaign promotes creating more opportunities for young people to get involved in social action - enabling more 10-20 year olds to say #iwill to doing activities such as campaigning, fundraising and volunteering in their communities to make them a better place.

By doing so, young people create a double-benefit – improving the lives of others around them, as well as improving themselves. By getting involved in social action, young people can develop their employability skills, boost access to further and higher education and enhance their well-being, communication skills and character.

So far more than 700 business, education and voluntary sector partners across the UK have pledged #iwill to embedding social action into the lives of young people so that all young people are able to experience the benefits of taking part.

They’d love to know your top tips on encouraging teens to develop their confidence in school, outside of school, during work experience or with adults. Do you encourage them to volunteer with local clubs etc, to mix with other young people from different backgrounds, have they flourished with some support from a mentor at school or do they need help to get through exams and school tests? If you had some confidence boosting experiences when you were a teen, please share what helped you become a confident teen too.

If you’d like to know more, do visit the #iwill pages here where you can sign up to get your FREE #iwill guide and monthly newsletters to find out more about the benefits of supporting your children to take part in volunteering & social action.

Check out their video here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v= NR8YjpKseK4

Please share your top tips on teen confidence below - everyone who does will be entered into a prize draw where one person will win a £300 voucher for the store(s) of choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck
MNHQ

Standard Insight T and Cs Apply

DofE is great for confidence. The volunteering part of it teaches them so much.

Give responsibility, show trust in their decisions.

I think respecting them but letting them be who they are helps - if they enjoy something encourage it, it always helped me. #i will do that with mine.
My friends teenager always helped when we served on the local council and I think that adult I interaction really brought her out of her shell

I encourage my teen to maintain eye contact whilst talking to me, as I feel that it will mean he will be taken more seriously in 'the big world' and as he has had a flamboyant side in the home (but not outside the home) he joined my am-dram club and now loves performing, particularly in the Chirstmas panto this year, he is able to portray a character with the confidence I am so proud of. He has had a few job interviews recently, and although not successful, he goes well prepared, confident, young man who is as prepared as he can be to take the next steps in his life, the rest is up to him, as for some of it, he has to learn by his self, by his own mistakes and triumphs.

I too was bullied as a teenager like many people and some who have posted on this thread. I was bullied as I was 'clever' and 'posh', so I stopped going to lessons, bunked off school and tried to come across as stupid to try reduce the name calling.

To me, life is all about being different and embracing people who are not the same as you. My advice I would give to teenagers is that not everyone's the same. If you love ballet, join a local club to spend time with people who enjoy this too. But also, seek out those who do not love ballet and embrace some of their hobbies. Just because someone is different, it doesn't mean that they're not the same inside. When my children are teenagers, I'd love them to volunteer with the homeless, at local hospitals and in other environments they wouldn't always find themselves in to see that underneath, we're all the same.

I haven't got a teenager yet - but what really helped me was taking on hobbies, joining clubs and volunteering really boosted my self esteem. Also, showing them positive role models and discussing why they're good people to look up to!

I think it's important for young people to find a passion, and to encourage them to pursue them. There's then an area that they have confidence in, and a chance to show that they can commit and be taken seriously.
My advice to young people: don't be scared to try a new hobby! If you don't like it, then at least you know. If you do like it, you have the rest of your life to pursue it!

I think it changes to some extent, depending on the teen but I have always tried to let them make their own decisions (within reason) as I feel they learn far more from making the wrong decision than they do by always being told "No". I have three teenagers, the eldest took GCSEs last year and the middle one will take them this year and my eldest got very stressed and anxious so we focused on the idea that these exams are a process that informs your next step. If things don't go as you'd hoped, your next step may be a little different but it doesn't mean everything will be bad and it doesn't mean you have failed. Having that awareness gave her extra confidence as she was less afraid of getting things wrong and ended up doing really well. I think schools give a very blinkered view of the importance of exam success that actually means some students go to pieces.

Just to be themselves and not to hesitate to put their hands up in class if they are not sure of something - I never did this and just ended up getting bored and behind in most lessons that I at first really liked. Also let them make their own decisions - (just guide them slightly). The best lessons in life is letting them make their own mistakes!! A lesson learnt!!

I found that when I was a teenager that volunteering at the youth club to help the really younger kids with face painting, art etc made me more confident as it was easier to talk to younger kids who looked up to me so that then made me confident to talk to kids my own age and older. But also not forcing teenagers into things they don't want to do eg volunteering as that can knock their confidence it needs to be gently persuaded to them.

Let them be who they are, don't try and put right your regrets through them.

If you ask a teenager to show you how to do something on the computer, that gives them a confidence boost.

Its 'empowering', as I was told.

There must be an opportunity to bring two disadvantaged groups together who could get mutual benefit from each other.

Marginalised old people, who are often lonely, could learn how to use a computer (when they have to). And this would give their teachers, young people, confidence in themselves and give them pride that they have helped others.

I'm thinking of trying to organise this (my username is a clue about where I sit on the youth-age spectrum) but don't know where to start.

We encouraged DS1 and DS2 to gt involved in lots of stuff. They volunteered at school as buddies to help combat bullying, joined a local cadet group and did martial arts. They also had part time jobs while at school. All this helped them with their confidence and social skills.

Unfortunately with DS3, we can barely drag him away from his computer. He occasionally goes out with his friends, but we'd love him to join some groups. He is totally uninterested though and we don't know what else to do to encourage him.

As a 20 year old myself, I’ve found that in work my managers remembering I’m still a young adult and still training I need extra support and flexible working hours. In various placements I’ve done in care homes all the staff have remembered I’m starting from the bottom and need extra prompting and explanations. Not once have I been talked down to or treated like a child which has helped my skills massively. Getting pregnant at 19 meant I had to do different jobs at work (retail) and was always supported and my pregnancy celebrated and never judged. Being treated as a young adult improved my confidence in so many areas. My parents have always communicated with me and trusted me to make the right decisions and looked after me when I’ve made the wrong ones. I’ve seen so many people my age treated with a lack of respect simply due to their age which is such a shame. Mental health in this age group is treated as laziness at times, and I’m grateful that I’ve never come across this and have been surrounded by understanding adults.

Give them your trust and a listening ear, respect their decisions (even if you don't agree) and help them with what they want to do.

It's all about respect and listening, which I make sure I do to any child / teenager. I think it starts at a much younger age than we realise, even with my v young DD I'm keen to make sure she knows I'm listening and proud of her.

I was a v confident teen, a lot to do with feeling like my family (grandparents especially) genuinely believed I could do anything, and were really interested in what I had to say.

There was always humour with it, and I knew they were sometimes being wildly over the top for effect, but it really made me feel like I could do anything I wanted if I worked for it.

Even today I can see it influence the way I act at work / in relationships. I don't have full confidence in every area of my life by any means, but it's given me a good foundation to believe in myself.

Encouragement in everything and helping my boys to turn negative experiences into a learning experience.

Reading with interest because I am about to grow a 10 year old!

Reading with interest because I am about to grow a 10 year old!

By not focusing solely on looks and beauty.
Talking to them and just spending time finding out about their lives.

I taught my teens to question, emphasizing "it's not what you say but the way you say it". They became more confident in querying actions or dictates they didn't like or agree with, listening to the reasons why, as well as discussion and negotiation without rudeness and argument. They found these skills helpful at school and more so college where they became more confident talking to adults in authority.

Listen and their issues. They mau seem trivial but to a teen they are 'huge'. Offer lots of encouragement.

I think meeting people of all ages, from all walks of life helps, and being introduced to many different social situations, also being allowed some freedom and independence to start building their own personality, friendships, interests and style.

I was a pretty unconfident teen, but got involved in things like helping with the little ones in Sunday School and being a Young Leader with the Brownies, and those gave me confidence and new skills. I hope when my kids are older they'll be able to find similar things to get involved in.

Listening to my children about their worries and concerns but encouraging them to have a go at sorting things out rather than rushing in to do it for them. Overcoming little manageable challenges has helped them deal with bigger challenges.