How to help teens become more confident - share with #iwill - chance to win £300 NOW CLOSED

[EllieMumsnet]

The team at #iwill would love to know how you help teens become (more) confident

What is #iwill?
The #iwill campaign promotes creating more opportunities for young people to get involved in social action - enabling more 10-20 year olds to say #iwill to doing activities such as campaigning, fundraising and volunteering in their communities to make them a better place.

By doing so, young people create a double-benefit – improving the lives of others around them, as well as improving themselves. By getting involved in social action, young people can develop their employability skills, boost access to further and higher education and enhance their well-being, communication skills and character.

So far more than 700 business, education and voluntary sector partners across the UK have pledged #iwill to embedding social action into the lives of young people so that all young people are able to experience the benefits of taking part.

They’d love to know your top tips on encouraging teens to develop their confidence in school, outside of school, during work experience or with adults. Do you encourage them to volunteer with local clubs etc, to mix with other young people from different backgrounds, have they flourished with some support from a mentor at school or do they need help to get through exams and school tests? If you had some confidence boosting experiences when you were a teen, please share what helped you become a confident teen too.

If you’d like to know more, do visit the #iwill pages here where you can sign up to get your FREE #iwill guide and monthly newsletters to find out more about the benefits of supporting your children to take part in volunteering & social action.

Check out their video here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v= NR8YjpKseK4

Please share your top tips on teen confidence below - everyone who does will be entered into a prize draw where one person will win a £300 voucher for the store(s) of choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck
MNHQ

Standard Insight T and Cs Apply

By trying new hobbies and encouraging them to develop new skills while having fun.

I've always encouraged my daughter to take part in local clubs and events such as fun runs, brownies/guides and even litter collection to tidy up the neighbourhood.

The important thing is not to force anything, give advice on what is available and let them decide if they want to take part. I'm always on hand to talk through any issues and help with logistics such as transport etc, but the choice is always hers to make.

For me, i try to treat them the same as any other adult. Listen, let them talk, and only offer advice if its asked for.

I think honest and open communication with teenagers is so important in helping them become well adjusted adults. I see teens hanging around the local shop with no sense of direction and it saddens me. When my kids get to that age I am going to ensure that they join youth groups as there are so many in my local community which do good and I want my kids to realise that not everyone is as lucky as them and helping to create a better community for everyone will benefit them as well.

My older children are aged 18 and 17 and i found it difficult at first to let them be as independant as they want to be. I think as long as you let them have a little leeway and encourage them in what they do then it helps to build confidence

i encourage my kids to step outside their comfort zones every so often to remind them that they can do things they thought they never could and every time it boosts their confidence

I think it starts long before they hit teens, I think developing a relationship based on trust and respect is crucial. Honestly is always the best policy, raising a child who is honest and respects others as well as their self.
Always encourage children to get out and try new things, meet new people, not to shy away. I always forced my children to try new things, even if they didn't want to, they had to attend something 3 times before deciding if they wanted to continue or not, more often than not, they'd love the activity and want to continue. I think it's important to give them every opportunity, it raises their confidence.

It starts with parenting and instilling confidence into them not just brushing their opinions off and becoming interested in their point of view.

I tell my teens that they're still growing in every way and things will change and I listen

I think by understanding that every one is an individual. It doesn't help if you approach a situation by stereotyping them. Don't be overbearing, but also be there with an ear to listen also reminding them that it's not forever and many teens struggle as it can be a very difficult part of their life. Finally encourage and nurture any talent they may have may it be a sport, playing an instrument or even introducing them to a new hobby.

My autistic teen struggles with confidence and friendships, and we've found that he has thrived in 'organised' activities, so he has become a Scout and now gone on to Explorers,where activities and volunteering are second nature. He camps, helps out at community events, and takes part in all sorts of stuff he wouldn't otherwise have the opportunity to, with people he wouldn't otherwise meet. He is also working towards his Duke of Edinburgh award and is working on his National Climbing Qualification. Being part of a team and receiving thanks from people,and working under adult instructions independently has made such a difference to him.

With a teenage DS and DD who are polar opposites in personality and motivation I will watch with interest.

Our DS is an introvert, has very little interest - in anything, we have tried to help him improve his self confidence, encouraging him to try new activities, sharing experiences with him, my DH did a first aid course with him. The biggest leap for him was getting a part time job, that has really helped his independence.

Shamefully we have offered incentives for him to complete activities, but to be honest it hasn’t then made a long term difference
So save your cash.

DD is the extrovert, team sports captain. We think she would really benefit from volunteering abroad - we managed to persuade her to go to an Op Raleigh information event, but she never followed through.

I talk about my experience of working abroad in an attempt to encourage her, as someone who now regularly recruits and interviews I try to talk about how candidates with these experiences generally stand out.

My drip feeding may work one day.

Always have the time to listen and offer suggestions rather than tell them what to do.

I don't have a teenager yet but if u could go back I wish I was taken out more and do more activities. And then talk about it , and being talked to like an adult and an equal to engage my mind about my experiences .

Give them responsibility...around the house. Teach them good decision making skills, show them you trust them to make decisions, help them think through mistakes. Treat them like an adult, model the behaviour you would like them to have. Encourage independence - however uncomfortable you feel about it, it's not about you.
Being cool is a false confidence, it forces you to conform....being yourself will bring more happiness in the long run.
Try out new things - not just activities - food, music, films, theatre.....you like it great, you don't - you've learned something about yourself.
Travel - see a world beyond your own nose...doesn't have to be another country - if you are rural, spend time in a city and vice versa, a different town with a different feel, move outside your comfort zone.
Learn to make appointments, introduce yourself at appointments, book a table in a restaurant etc. Knowledge fuels confidence.

Give teens responsibility & be a hands off parent, stand back and watch them flourish

We found getting my daughter her own bank account with a card she can use has given her confidence. Have confidence in your child and that builds confidence in themselves

I encourage them to be different. To be brave about being different and to embrace it. Listen to them about their fears and answer first as your teenage self and then give your experence as your adult self.

My son is 16 this weekend and to be honest his confidence surprises me. I was not at all confident as a teenager and as an adult I have stayed like that. He has always spent a lot of time with adults other than myself and he seems able to make his feelings and opinions clear.
He did his D of E Bronze award and enjoyed that. He speaks to his tutors with ease. I'm very proud of him and a lot of his confidence has come from being able to do things with his friends, by trusting him and giving him his own space and time.

Treating as you expect to be treated.
calmness
Taking part in clubs and activities particularly ones where they are forced to widen their own social circle

Take part in activities other than just academic studies. Could be a sport, musical instrument, drama, choir etc.

I think doing a Duke of Edinburgh's Award is really helpful too. Volunteering, offers them a chance to see that giving back is rewarding and helps make things better for others and the expedition encourages self-reliance away from parents. By the time they do Gold, they are volunteering for at least a year, which means they build relationships outside of school and show real commitment to something.

Treat with respect and understanding . We were teenagers once and its a difficult time not a baby! But not too grown-up. Life is for living and learning.

Dont treat them like a child, even tho they still are! Talk through things with them instead of just telling them off, that way they feel more grown up. Advise instead of telling, its tough, were about to go through it all again, one turning 18 next month and one 12 the month after!

Treating them with respect giving them responsibility & trust. Listening to them & trying to show them that it's OK to make mistakes and/or be different.
I also make sure that they are signed up to at least 1 physical after school activity a term. This as worked wonders. With their stress levels & confidence. At the moment they range from hockey, gymnastics & boxing it's been great for them