How to help teens become more confident - share with #iwill - chance to win £300 NOW CLOSED

[EllieMumsnet]

The team at #iwill would love to know how you help teens become (more) confident

What is #iwill?
The #iwill campaign promotes creating more opportunities for young people to get involved in social action - enabling more 10-20 year olds to say #iwill to doing activities such as campaigning, fundraising and volunteering in their communities to make them a better place.

By doing so, young people create a double-benefit – improving the lives of others around them, as well as improving themselves. By getting involved in social action, young people can develop their employability skills, boost access to further and higher education and enhance their well-being, communication skills and character.

So far more than 700 business, education and voluntary sector partners across the UK have pledged #iwill to embedding social action into the lives of young people so that all young people are able to experience the benefits of taking part.

They’d love to know your top tips on encouraging teens to develop their confidence in school, outside of school, during work experience or with adults. Do you encourage them to volunteer with local clubs etc, to mix with other young people from different backgrounds, have they flourished with some support from a mentor at school or do they need help to get through exams and school tests? If you had some confidence boosting experiences when you were a teen, please share what helped you become a confident teen too.

If you’d like to know more, do visit the #iwill pages here where you can sign up to get your FREE #iwill guide and monthly newsletters to find out more about the benefits of supporting your children to take part in volunteering & social action.

Check out their video here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v= NR8YjpKseK4

Please share your top tips on teen confidence below - everyone who does will be entered into a prize draw where one person will win a £300 voucher for the store(s) of choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck
MNHQ

Standard Insight T and Cs Apply

[farhanac]

Listen to what they have to say

[sbruin1122]

public speaking. theatre group and reading.

[ifigoup]

Having relationships with and the confidence of adults who aren't their parents can be really important for teenagers, especially when there's dysfunctional family stuff going on.

[Flickabella36]

Encourage them to be themselves and authentic. My daughter volunteers at Brownies and they have to come up with activities and ideas for the sessions which is brilliant for confidence. She also enjoys helping at local village events such as fairs. She I still in the local drama group which do productions for the village. I think this helps build a sense of commitment, community, confidence and belonging.

[ha2el]

Respect your teenagers, give them responsibility and include them in conversations. Check to see who their friends are and note whether their behaviour undermines your teenager's confidence.

[user1485629191]

Be silly, joke with them and laugh a lot. If you show confidence yourself, children will pick up on that.

[rachelmi]

By participating in sports and trainings helped my boys to develop confidence and discipline

[mrsglowglow]

give teens responsibilities and jobs to do around the house. Let them make decisions where appropriate. If they make errors encourage them that its ok as long as they learn from it. Listen and make time for them. Let them know they are loved and valued.

[jen1984j]

I make sure i tell me niece to always be herself

[Toadsrevisited]

As a teacher, do some lessons that are not on the exam syllabus but important for life, and tell them. Eg dissecting newspaper headlines and talking about politicalbias, or doing a research and a presentation project on something that matters to them.

[gentlydoesit89]

I speak to teens through a volunteer scheme at work- I signed up because I was bullied from about the age of 9 until I was 17 and not having support and encouragement at the time has had a huge impact on my adult life and how I conduct myself.
I tell them, honestly and quite frankly, that there aren’t always going to be people that agree with you, or like you, and that it’s ok. I encourage them, through the help of work (i work for a county council) to get involved in various volunteer programmes and to undertake activities that spark their interests and passions- they usually end up surrounding themselves with likeminded individuals who they end up striking up friendships with and the growth you see in them is incredible.
I think it’s so important to support our teenagers and encourage them to talk and be true to themselves.

[lotte321]

I encouraged my 2 teens to take up some volunteering work within our community. They both volunteer for a local charity helping children with Special Needs. This way they have become more confident around others. Children, parents, leaders etc. It has most certainly helped with their confidence whilst doing something rewarding in return.

[Beeziekn33ze]

Never give up on them, everyone can change.
Don't dismiss their hopes and dreams. Suggest they focus on one aim at a time and break their journey into small realistic steps. Then they will find some sense of achievement rather than feeling they are failing if they don't get all the way.
Listen to them instead of telling them what to do. Treat what they say with respect and pause to think before you respond.
Make sure they realise that people who put them down or ridicule them must have had that treatment from someone themselves and are damaged and resentful.
Suggest that those who put their 'perfect' lives on social media may be trying to reassure themselves that they are loved and popular.
Do what you can to keep them in touch with their wider family, it's too easy to lose touch and regret it in later life.
Remind them that schools and colleges are there to support them in learning - as well as providing hundreds of their contemporaries a few of whom may be lifelong friends.

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

We have given them age appropriate decision making as much as possible to get them used to choices and confident in making choices that impact other people.

Starting with choosing between 2 pieces of fruit or what tshirt to wear, progressing to choosing a meal for the family (within certain boundaries) t

We also listen to them and if they don't agree with something then they know that they can tell us and we can discuss it, it could lead to us sticking by what was said/done or sometimes admitting we were wrong.

[EleanorTaylor16]

#iwill
Always give my children a chance to talk and be listened to

My mum used to ask us I'd we had any questions worries or anything we wanted to talk about' some evenings at dinner or 121. This was a great chance to open up about worries or questions and helped develop confidence and openness... great skills to start thinking about volunteering with.

[NineteenForever]

We encourage our teens to be individuals and not to necessarily conform to being the same or liking the same or believing the same as other in the peer group.

[ShangriLaLaLa]

Trying to create our home as a haven that they can come back to for unbiased guidance, unquestioning support and love, however hard things get in the outside world.

We encourage talking and no question is ever out of bounds. We have some very frank and interesting discussions and they are growing up into (mostly) sensible and mature young people.

Extra curricular public speaking exams, debating and drama have given a lovely confidence, without arrogance.

We encouraged them to find ‘their thing’ in sports and the arts. Numerous classes and teams have been attended over the years. Some have stuck, others have been more fleeting. Logistically it’s been tough but I’m glad they’ve had a variety of opportunities laid before them.

[TickyTakky]

I think helping teens understand that there are always options for their future in helps them feel happier and more secure. Even if a child has completely flunked school they need to know that they can still do something positive with their lives.

[PhuntSox]

Holidays are good for this, they get to try new things outside their comfort zone and in a new environment, whether it's talking in another language or zip wiring across a canyon.

[devito92]

My teenage son is involved in helping young children learn how to swim at the local swimming pool. He is an acomplished swimmer and thus helps him commincate with others both children and there parents.

[SmartiesHaveTheAnswer]

I support young people 11-16 yrs in class and regularly tell them that exam stress and anxiety is a normal response to something important. I see lots and lots of youngsters unable to cope in these circumstances and totally lose the plot. Somewhere along their journey, they've learnt that these emotions = mental illness and some parents, their peers and the internet reinforce this concept and it renders them incapable of dealing with it.

I tell them that, while it's unpleasant, it can be overcome and worked through. I tell them about some of the stressors in adult lives (money, bills, jobs etc) and say that these emotions are a normal, albeit testing part of life. "There's no getting away from it so let's deal with it" type attitude.

Of course, there are pupils who genuinely struggle and are a cause for concern, but that's where safeguarding comes in.

Hope that makes sense.

[badgermum]

I encouraged my teen to join groups and do activities which he enjoy and fortunately my son has turned into a very confident 17 year old mentoring younger teens and being sent on leadership courses,

[Falconhoof1]

I'm so impressed by my DD's confidence. I'm not sure how she got there but I think listening to them when they tell you about what they've been doing, treat them like you would a friend who had important things to tell you. I would love her to be more confident but she's doing well and finding her feet in the world.

[Signoritawhocansway]

Confident kids become confident teens - you need to start well before teens! Exposure to different ages of adults regularly, encouraging a balance between politeness/stranger danger. Use positive praise wherever possible - not negative punishment unless totally necessary. Seems to be working so far for us...

[lindali94]

While the young people are preparing for the life, many of us are making mistakes.

Let them make their own decisions, let them make mistakes, and then learn to deal with the consequences of their mistake. Of course not to restrict everything to the front. For example, we should avoid being technology addicts at an early age.