Say NO to bullying with Andy Day and his brand new band Andy and the Odd Socks - share your thoughts on dealing with bullies: chance to win £300 NOW CLOSED

[AnnMumsnet]

We have been asked to find out about your childs’ experiences of bullying and to hear your tips on dealing with bullies by Andy Day and the Anti Bullying Alliance. Andy is one of the most popular faces on children’s TV as a presenter on Cbeebies.

Andy, with his band ‘Andy and the Odd Socks’, are also patrons of the Anti-Bullying Alliance and next week (13-17 Nov) they will be encouraging primary schools up and down the country to take part in Anti-Bullying Week. It's a cause Andy is very passionate about and is one of the reasons he formed the band. He believes that music is not only great entertainment for children, but is also a great way to inspire them to be accepting of each other and to show everybody is different in their own way.

Andy and the Odd Socks say “we are all about putting across a positive, inclusive fun message via our new song ‘Unique’ which has been chosen by the charity to support their message this year of ‘All Different, All Equal’”.

See below for the video for 'Unique' by Andy and the Odd Socks.

The Anti-Bullying Alliance say “the aim of the campaign is help young children understand that everyone is different and to celebrate that from an early age. The main focus of the week is the introduction of ‘Odd Socks Day’ (the official Odd Socks Day is Monday 13th November (but schools can still take part and hold an Odd Socks Day at any time)), whereby Primary Schools and their pupils are encouraged to wear odd socks for the day to promote individuality, being unique, a sense of self and awareness for the overall aim of the week....to say NO to bullying”.

So Andy and the Alliance would love to hear how you and your child have coped with bullies, any tips on avoiding being bullied and also your experiences and thoughts generally about bullying amongst primary school aged children.

Add your comment below and you will be entered into a prize draw where one person will win a £300 voucher for the store of choice - from a list.

Thanks and good luck
MNHQ

Standard Insight T and Cs Apply

PS If you have any questions about bullying, do join us on Monday 13 November at 11.00am where we will be Live on Facebook Live Andy Day and Lauren Segar-Smith of Kidscape

My son has adhd and autism. He has been bullied since nursery by 3 boys in his class. Back then it was always his fault , or just our perception despite us witnessing many situations.

One day in year 1 he had enough as he would almost never retaliate.
He decided one break time when they had hit in stomach yet again to push one to ground and sit on him and fart in his face for rest of break.

Every bully I have ever come across, either when I was at school myself or the bullies I see at my children's school, all appear to have a reason why they behave the way they do. The root of the reason needs to be tackled and dealt with as the bullies themselves often need the most help.

Sometimes easier said than done but I try making time to talk/listen to my children about their school day. I also try to make sure they have relationships with other trusted adults that they would be able to talk to about bullying or other issues if they felt that couldn't or didn't want to talk to me. I think helping a child build resilience so they feel more able to challenge unpleasant people and situations as they get older is also important. Bullying is horrible and can make you feel so alone and isolated, children need to know that there are people who care about them at home, at school - wherever they are.

My daughter is a friendly, sensitive girl, she generally gets along with everyone in the class. There one boy in class who goes out of his way to constantly hurt others, saying nasty things, physically hurting them, he's driven one girl from the school and constantly bullies at least 2 other kids in the class. The school do nothing. My daughter hasn't had any problem with him until he couldn't get her to do what he wanted one day so he shoved her to the floor, resulting in a broken wrist. Once again, the school did nothing. All the schools (I'm sure there are SOME good ones out there) seem interested in doing in sweeping these incidents under the carpet. If the school don't get on board how on earth will anything change ?!

Need to be strong and nip it in the bud with weekly meetings at school if it is happening there

We've always talked openly and I hope our children feel they could talk to me or their Dad - or another trusted adult if necessary.
The school do a lot to encourage a zero tolerance approach to bullying, but kids being kids, there will always be some nastiness that goes too far. How the school deals with it is really important.
What doesn't help is having someone tell them to give as good as they get - Noooooo!

I've got a somewhat troubled boy. Just thinking about telling you all what his life is like right now shames me. But the story must be told.

My son, born a cute welsh baby, always seemed emotionally a little 'off'. From his earliest years he would grab our cat and squeeze it until it hissed. A bird once found on our doorstep would end up in the bathroom sink with its head ripped off. I took these incidents at first as a sign that he was over-stimulated by the cat's fur or the cuteness of the bird so I took him to a doctor to validate my suspicions. The doctor concluded after examining him that it wasn't autism. I was relieved but worried that something else, something far more sinister, was wrong with him.

Growing up he made only one friend. At 10, this friend, Tom, came screaming bloody murder into our flat with a gash across his cheek. Between shrieks I made out the gist of his story: my son had slashed him after he made a joke about his intelligence. After a week of punishment I let my son out of his room and returned him to school. He would never be the same from that point on.

I had another child before him, my eldest son, that was somewhat shy during his adolescence but never would I have imagined that my youngest son, such a cute lad at the time, wouldn't speak to me for three entire years. But by the time he reached his teenage years I found a husk of a son waiting for me at the dinner table, never looking me in the eye or even giving me a kiss on the cheek. It was the worst feeling a mother could have, and I took it horribly.

Looking back at his development, I noticed that there were certain factors perhaps beyond my control, but others that were directly caused by my failure as a parent. As I look at my son now, 26, jobless, obese, what people call a "NEET" in japanese culture, I feel that I let him down. For the boy that he slashed would go on to make his life a living hell. Tom turned the entire school against him, and ridiculed him for nearly 8 hours of the day, 5 days a week, totaling 7 years of gruesome torture. I later came to find out when he was finally allowed online he would receive streams of hatemail directed at him. The worst part? As he faced all of this hate, I wasn't there for him.

So looking back I realize two faults: 1) I chose to believe something was biologically wrong with my son, something I thought was "evil" due to some mishaps he had as a child and 2) Society raises your child as much as you do.

Thank you for hearing out my story and please make sure you're ALWAYS there for your child.

U shouldn’t bully bullying is not good

In my experience the old saying of ignore them and they will go away can make the buyyling situation worse. One of the best ways I found with my children was to act as if they couldnt care less and not to be nasty back ( as difficult as that may be). Give a neutral, non-harmful comment like ‘whatever’, ‘if you think so’. Often if the bully isn't getting the reaction back that they want they grown bored.

If your child is suffering from online buyllying, dont take away thei phone/tablet as they will think they are the ones being punished and will be reluctant to come to you in the future with online problems and it will stop them communicating with their real friends and wont actually tackle the bullying.

Above all else communicate with child, teachers and friends .

My children have always had a sense of what is right and wrong. I have told them that by saying nothing when you are in a group where bullying is happening to a person makes them part of the bullying because they are giving what is seen as silent approval. Being bullied usually comes from within a weak position so it is hard to stand up to bullying, and if unchallenged tends to continue, so I have always encouraged them to tell me if they can't deal with it themselves. then I get involved by contacting the school. I believe in nipping it in the bud and it has always been effective.

I hate seeing people of any age being nasty towards others so I try to teach my kids not to behave that way.
Building up your childs self confidence is a good way to combat any negative comments.

Tell Someone. Teacher or me or granny etc

I have to say I’ve always told my kids - Never hit first but if someone hits you don’t be afraid to hit back so they don’t do it again!

I was badly bullied at school but too shy to do anything about it

My daughter is dealing with some very bossy friends at the moment that are not being very nice. I have told her to just play with some others, but I have contacted the school to make them aware so hopefully I have nipped it in the bud before it escalates.
I am very lucky that I have a good relationship with my children -they talk to me about most things

My dd experienced verbal bullying in year 2. The othrr child obviously felt rubbish about themselves and took it out on dd. I got some very useful books, aimed at kids, which encouraged us to role play responses. ..previously i had just told dd what she should say...it was much more effective when she thought of it. We also did a general raising self esteem workbook too.

My 7 year old is currently being bullied at school. Incidents include being hit in the face with a rock, being kicked in the face, being punched, slapped, shoved ... unfortunately there are no other available school places in the area for his year group. I've now had to give up on my degree to ensure that I can be there for him during this time. He's spoken of not wanting a life any more and my next step will be to remove him from the school for good. Although the tips below haven't solved the bullying in my sons case it has helped to have it taken more seriously and it's also made me feel like I am taking appropriate action - as a parent you can feel so helpless when your child is being bullied!

Tip number 1 - would be to record ANY incidents right away, no matter how minor. Keep a record of who was involved, witnesses, was a teacher told, dates, time etc - this can be very useful and important if you need to take this further.

Tip number 2 - instill it into your children how important they are and how important their feelings are. My son, when shoved and shouted at, told me it didn't matter because it didn't hurt him - only his feelings! We had a long chat about feelings being just as important and how hurt feelings can sometimes be worse than physical hurting.

Tip number 3 - Email the school and ask for copies of all corrospondence to be kept on file. Remind them of their duty of care to your child. Also ask for their anti-bullying policy.

Tip number 4 - Do not be afraid to 'be that parent' by going to the school about every instance. If you wouldn't tolerate this in the workplace then your child shouldn't tolerate it at school.

Tip number 5 - Do get the board of governors involved if you don't feel the school are taking it seriously enough. You can also contact the local education authority too.

All three of my boys have belonged to a peer mentoring group in their school, which aims to tackle bullying. It gives bullying victims a chance to talk about what they've been going through and encourages discussion with the bully. This often has a dramatic effect, as most bullies don't realise how harmful their actions can be, until it's pointed out to them.

It's a great scheme and has done wonders for my kids' confidence as well as helping others.

DS was bullied in really subtle ways - his stuff would go missing, perpetrators would tell teachers he'd done stuff he hadn't (as evidenced by other kids) - that sort of thing

What has helped is talking and talking, never letting things slide, and deciding to move him to a school where bullying at any level isn't tolerated at all and does lot to combat it

We haven't had issues with bullying so far and I do hope it stays that way. Our eldest isn't the most confident in social situations though and it is something I am worried about as he moves further thought the school years.

I think it's important to stop children becoming bullies in the first place. Teaching kindness and empathy from an early age is vital to stop children becoming bullies.

My daughter had a tough time with one girl at primary school. Unfortunately with social media, it is much easier for bullies to target people online and say spiteful things.

My advice to my daughter is if anyone is mean at any time, then they become invisible to her, dont even acknowledge their existence. So they get blocked online and they get ignored in real life.
To me, bullies thrive on attention , so give them none and always, ALWAYS be happy. Never show them sadness. xxx

This is such an important issue. We home educated, but I used to teach. Many kids in the home education circles are there due to bullying in schools where the administration did nothing to protect the child. We are talking serious cases of violence, not just name calling. Other children were on the verge of suicide.

As a society, we have inadvertently empowered bullies with our beliefs around getting ahead and success. We reward people who take no prisoners in life. We overlook the quiet ones, and those that challenge social norms. The result is evident in the US political system. It doesn't work for the whole. A system that rewards bullies, creates bullies. Teachers turn the other way, often because the child's parents are just as bad.

We don't want our children to be bullied, so we tell them to walk away, but we don't teach everyone how bullies and victims are created. Victims are those who have no friends. As modern parents it is thought best to allow children their free will, but what if our child befriended the victim? Bullies travel in packs. Victims are almost always alone. Rarely do even adults step in to say anything, thinking either the child did something to deserve it, or stepping in will make it worse.

No one wants to think their child is the bully, but it is a crisis. Each child needs a support group of peers, if our children are not stepping up as helpers, befriending victims, then unfortunately the situation worsens. THAT is the ONLY thing that will stop bullying, until we are willing to address it within every aspect of our society. Be a friend!!! Have our children imagine they were the victim, what would they want someone to do?

We've had some issues with bullying with my eldest (8) for the past year - unfortunately some kids can be very unkind. My son was acting up at school and we couldn't figure out why and he finally told us in the end that another boy was hitting and kicking him at playtime and nothing was being done by the dinner ladies/teachers. I went through the correct channels with him though and made sure the child in question was spoken to and warned about being kind to others. It has stopped for the moment so we shall see how long that lasts

one child particular took a dislike to my child and would often say hurtful things and try to hurt him.
I have nothing but kind words for the school the dealt with it brilliantly.
had discussions with parents and class discussions on why bulling is not ok.
after this all was ok and the bully never bothered my son again.
the child in question was 5 does make you wonder how then ended up bulling at such a young age

Laughter, just laugh in their face, bulling is about power, of the bullier over the bullied. Take that power away, by laughing at them and that'll stop them, well it worked for me, when I was being bullied at school many, many years ago.

My daughters are close in age and always look out for each other and one tells me if the other is having any problems in school. Never really had any issues to deal with though.