My DD left primary school in July and has recently started secondary school. I have 4 children and had a child at this primary school from January 2000 until July 2017. My relationship with the school was great and I have many fond memories of my children's time there. Unfortunately, my youngest DD had a rough time during some of her schooling; initially, I was happy with the way things were dealt with but, at the start of her final year, a new head was appointed and that, combined with a new class teacher ruined her final year.
The problem my daughter had was that she was happy to play with anyone. During Year 3, two girls in her year had a major falling out and there were lots of issues between them. My DD was used to play with and comfort one of these two girls. Over a period of time, they established a good friendship so that they became best friends. This was fine, until the friend moved on to someone else during Year 5. My daughter was upset, but still had other friends to play with.
My DD's friend had SEN and her DM was always going into the classroom to complain about something. An example of this was, in year 4, the class teacher said something she didn't like so she took her DD out of school for two weeks as she wanted an apology. Anyway, once the two girls weren't friends, the DM would constantly go into school and complain about anything and everything my DD did. Complaints were ridiculous - like her DD didn't like my DD playing and mixing with certain children. It got really bad and the friend would go out of school and tell her DM that she had had a terrible day because of my DD and the DM would stare at my daughter and go into the classroom. I must explain that, for the most part, my DD had not done anything (I know we all say this but I'm trying to explain that it was mainly the DM who had the problem). I am disabled and, as my daughter was in Year 5, she would either go to school alone, or I would wait in the car for her as I was unable to get into the school grounds.
Things got so bad that I spoke to DD's teacher, who was very supportive and it was then brought up with the head, who was also supportive. He started to patrol the playground before and after school and said that if there was anymore intimidation by the DM, then she would be banned from waiting in the playground. Year 5 wasn't great, but I talked to my DD about how to behave and to ignore the "friend's" DM and she managed the year quite well.
Fast forward to Year 6. As soon as the school year started, the "friend's" DM started on my daughter in the playground. She went to see the new teacher and the new Head within the first two days. My daughter came home from school on the second day in tears - another mother had gone up and "rescued" her from the other DM and I was furious. I arranged to see the head on the following day to sort things out.
Despite the notes on the records, the history from the previous teacher and my explanation, the head had spoken to the other DM and decided that she wanted to see the situation for herself. Fair enough, but in the meantime her solution was for my DD to go into class as soon as she arrived at school and then to leave school via a different door at the end of the day. I was not happy about this as my DD was being set apart when she had done nothing wrong but we agreed to try. Three days later, as my DD went to leave school, the other DM was waiting in the corridor outside the class (not in the playground). Because of this, my DD chose not to go past her but out the normal door to avoid her. The other DM then followed her along the corridor and pushed past her. As this happened, the class teacher happened to come out - she saw DD heading towards the normal door and called her back to the classroom and told her she had been told to go out the other way and was bringing problems on herself so the school wouldn't support her in future. DD came home in tears. I was furious, spoke to the teacher and the head and clarified the situation. I also expressed my annoyance that my DD was being singled out, when she was not in the wrong. In Year 6, children are supposed to be left in the playground in the morning and collected from the gate in the evening, so they were allowing the DM more freedom anyway.
Fast forward a few months, I had spoken to another mum who was picking up another child from the Reception class near the Year 6 building and she was keeping an eye out for my daughter. My DD chose to play with her friends in the morning and go out the normal way, knowing there was someone she could turn to if necessary. There were still problems but, by talking through them with my DD, we managed the remainder of the year. On one occasion, another mother complained about "friend's" DM - the result was she was banned from the playground for a week. The two girls have ended up at the same secondary school - the primary school wrote to the secondary school suggesting that the girls be kept apart and my DD is now in the opposite half of the year to the other child and doesn't mix with her very often at all. My DD has made new friends and goes off to school happily in the morning.
My anger at this whole situation was that, it is one thing to try and help your DC with bullying from their peers. However, in my DD's case, it was not a child but an adult who was doing the bullying and the school, who should have looked out for her, failed in Year 6 to protect her. It is very hard to protect children when the school aren't on board.
