Say NO to bullying with Andy Day and his brand new band Andy and the Odd Socks - share your thoughts on dealing with bullies: chance to win £300 NOW CLOSED

[AnnMumsnet]

We have been asked to find out about your childs’ experiences of bullying and to hear your tips on dealing with bullies by Andy Day and the Anti Bullying Alliance. Andy is one of the most popular faces on children’s TV as a presenter on Cbeebies.

Andy, with his band ‘Andy and the Odd Socks’, are also patrons of the Anti-Bullying Alliance and next week (13-17 Nov) they will be encouraging primary schools up and down the country to take part in Anti-Bullying Week. It's a cause Andy is very passionate about and is one of the reasons he formed the band. He believes that music is not only great entertainment for children, but is also a great way to inspire them to be accepting of each other and to show everybody is different in their own way.

Andy and the Odd Socks say “we are all about putting across a positive, inclusive fun message via our new song ‘Unique’ which has been chosen by the charity to support their message this year of ‘All Different, All Equal’”.

See below for the video for 'Unique' by Andy and the Odd Socks.

The Anti-Bullying Alliance say “the aim of the campaign is help young children understand that everyone is different and to celebrate that from an early age. The main focus of the week is the introduction of ‘Odd Socks Day’ (the official Odd Socks Day is Monday 13th November (but schools can still take part and hold an Odd Socks Day at any time)), whereby Primary Schools and their pupils are encouraged to wear odd socks for the day to promote individuality, being unique, a sense of self and awareness for the overall aim of the week....to say NO to bullying”.

So Andy and the Alliance would love to hear how you and your child have coped with bullies, any tips on avoiding being bullied and also your experiences and thoughts generally about bullying amongst primary school aged children.

Add your comment below and you will be entered into a prize draw where one person will win a £300 voucher for the store of choice - from a list.

Thanks and good luck
MNHQ

Standard Insight T and Cs Apply

PS If you have any questions about bullying, do join us on Monday 13 November at 11.00am where we will be Live on Facebook Live Andy Day and Lauren Segar-Smith of Kidscape

I have taught my children they don't have to accept someone being unkind to them, even in the guise of a joke.
There are some good definitions of teasing and bullying to help explain the difference.

We've also discussed standing up for other people as well as yourself.

Really pleased that bullying is taken so seriously these days having experience of it myself at school which wasn't dealt with at all. I've been really impressed with my kids school at their approach to bullying and how it is dealt with. I think it makes the kids aware of what is and isn't acceptable.

My kids haven't experienced any serious issues but we do talk to them about standing up for themselves and others whenever problems with other kids arise. However I think walking away rather than arguing back can often be a more effective solution.

My dd has mild sn - I've just had. To go out and buy the right kind of socks so that she won't get laughed at for having the wrong ones for the odd socks week. I know what the idea of this is but I'm not really sure that planning something where the focus is sgain on cool appearance - which is how kids will see the week even if it's not meant like that - is helping us move away from judgement on appearances.

I think if I could wave a magic wand I would propose zero tolerance in schools for any unkind remarks at all. Ie if you are heard calling someone a thick idiot with a baby hairdo and vest then you lose golden time immediately. I think there is far too much tolerance of cruel remarks as being joshing.

I don't have any answers but have literally just sent another email to the HT as DD has been injured four times in five weeks by the same child. I am beyond cross as they don't seem to be doing anything at all.

My ds was briefly bullied at high school and although the school said they’d deal with it, they wouldn’t tell me how. Luckily it soon passed. I wasn’t so lucky. I was bullied all throughout primary and secondary school. At secondary school I went straight to the head teacher who spoke with the ringleaders but it never really went away.
I believe it’ll always be around unfortunately but I think schools could do a lot more. Communication, involvement with the families (the bullies and the victims) and looking out for the signs.

My DD was bullied by her so called best friend at the end of primary school. She chose to go to a different high school. Not the best way of dealing with it but it has worked. They still see each other occasionally but the bullying has stopped.

I keep a close eye on my daughters phone - she is 12 and a phone means any bullying comes home with them. Social media means there is no escape. My daughter knows that because I pay the bill I can ask to look at her phone. My son is younger and I tell him to avoid children who are unkind and tell him to treat others as he would like to be treated. Who knows if it works!

I think some schools need to do a lot more to tackle bullying My son was bullied in primary school,- we did our best to give him suitable answers to verbal teasing which helped. On one occasion a boy put his hand on DS's head and pushed it down while bringing his knee up - DS's glasses were broken luckily without damaging his eyes. The school didn't want to do anything because the "family have problems". I explained that had the child been much older I would have been reporting the incident to the police and the school did then say they would tackle the issue. On another occasion DS was set upon by a group of boys and was flat on the playground being punched when my daughter (two years younger) was passing. DS shouted for her to help him - DD rushed off and brought six of her friends back with her and they saw the boys off so effectively they were lucky not to get into trouble themselves. We sent DS to Judo which avoided problems when he started secondary school. He was grabbed from behind by a much bigger boy and immediately dropped into the judo position to throw him - the boy said "Oh you do Judo", let him go and there was no more trouble. DS knew only to actually throw someone if seriously threatened as they could be badly hurt on landing on a hard surface but that it was acceptable to get into the position ready to throw when attacked as that is often enough to scare the bully off.

So in my opinion we need to give children the ability to respond confidently either verbally or physically when bullied.

Ds is still very young but we have discussed that is somebody does or says something to you that you do not like you use your words to say that you don’t like it but do not hit, push or use hurtful language. And you always tell a teacher/adult & mummy/Daddy.

I would then follow up concerns

I've been really fortunate that none of my DCs have experienced anything other than occasional bouts of short lived, low level nastiness. I've tried to help them deal with it by giving them a good repertoire of witty comebacks to use if they feel the need. I agree with other posters that keeping communication open is critical.

My DD starts school next year and I worry about bullying at school. I encourage her to talk to me about her day at nursery and will be doing the same at school, and hope that she will be open and honest if she is having any issues at school.

I struggled with bullying and it breaks my heart seeing my own DC going through it. I encourage them to stick up for each other and to stand up for friends (means they are more likely to stand up for them/not go off with the bully)

I also encourage out of school contact when I can, I have found that it strengthens the friendships they do have, with play dates hate that term meeting up at the park/softplay type places, and doing some of the same out of school activities

Following with interest. DD knows to object assertively if someone is mean. She shouts "not very kind" or "you don't push me" or "you don't grab".

Role playing at home how to talk to other kids has helped

I think my DS was bullied in a very subtle way; always being “it” when playing in a group - or other kids asking to race him running as they know he’s slow so they’ll win.

I’m trying to work on his awareness of it (as he seems a bit oblivious) - so I’ll say something like: “do you think that was kind? Did everyone take a turn? Well, that wasn’t very fair then, was it?”.

Also practising some assertiveness role-playing with him. For example, practising saying “no” or “it’s someone else’s turn to be it” very firmly.

The school have recently circulated round a link for an anti-bullying website which has videos etc you can watch together, so we’ll do that later today.

It is so difficult because there is no one size fits all solution and laughing it off or ring assertive does not come naturally when you're a child.

My daughter began being bullied when she stuck up for another girl.
It escalated quickly and many others joined in.
She was called names and threatened on a daily basis at school.
She was physically attacked twice in town by girls who she didn't even know but who were jumping in the bandwagon.

School were terrible.

They told her to report every incident but then ridiculed her when she did,
They seems to believe it was "two groups of girls who don't get on" meaning my daughter and her two gentle hard working friends against a large and every growing group of foul mouthed girls who literally did nothing at school but play up, bring alcohol to school and most who were known of by police.

We fought and fought, I'm a social worker and my Dh a policeman so we know what we are doing.
They ignored anti bullying week even though I sent them details.

Thus September my lovely daughter started year 11 in a local college.
She is doing performing arts BTec and some GCSEs.
She is a different child, happy, lots of friends and loving her life.

The school were useless.

What I think would have helped is.

The school Ackowledging that they have a BULLYING PROBLEM and not just worry about their reputation.
The school looking at more diverse ways of dealing with this such as mediators or at least acknowledging anti bullying week.
Communication between teachers about what is happening so that the victim isn't made to feel stupid when they report another inccident.
Parents actually accepting that their child has behaved badly and dealing with it instead of just scowling at me and Dd when they see us.

We had a situation with our eldest child. Quite a sensitive soul and socially awkward. We have always emphasised the importantance of talking to a trusted adult and how it’s important to recognise that perception of the situation can be different from one child to another ie that they may not realise that they are being hurtful so it’s important to call them out if something said upsets you.
Like a PP martial arts has been a really good way for our child to develop confidence and resilience both physically and mentally.

always keep an eye on yoru kids for the signs of bullying.
keeping it open at home so that they no whatever and whenever anything might come up they can talk about it with you.with no judging.
showing enough love and safety at home to show you have their backs so to share anything that might come up.
keeping your own relationships free from bullying behaviours.
letting them know if they are bullies that its something wrong in the bully not them.the reason other bully is because something insdie of them is so wrong its turned nasty and so makes them nasty and needs to tak it out on another.but that no one on the reciveing end is ever at fault.they are often the nicest of people and this is why the bully picks them because it cant stand nicenes that they don't feel inside.
share example of bullying in celebritys too.to show how varied and often ridiculous the bullying is. ive seen recently some celbs sharing how they were bullied over the fact they microwaved a potato or had a skirt with a hem rather than straight.let them no the absurd ways in which bullying happens to help them see its wrong and stupid.

My kids are used to being 'teased' by their Dad from a young age which I think has given them abit of a thick skin, only harmless stuff nothing like bullying, but I'll admit that I think it's helped and made them resilient to being overly sensitive. However on the flip side, I'm taking my 5 year old to see the new film 'Wonder' on Monday thanks to MN and I'm hoping that will give her a bold insight into how it feels to be bullied and instil in her that bullying is NOT ok and to be kind, always.

my son was on the receiving end of taunts and physical bullying in school it was nipped in the bud by teachers but yes it does effect them l have always told my children to be kind but if someone hits them to hit back if someone kicks them to kick that person just so they know how it feels themselfs l know its not right but that was how l was taught as a youngster plus my dad always said if anybody hit you in school to hit back

My daughter has recently been the subject of unwanted attention from boys at school. It seems that she is the only one in her class who is being subject to the 'kissing monsters'. She has just started in reception and 4 years old. This has all been a learning experience for me. First of all I found it useful to have time with my daughter alone to talk to her, ask her how she is etc..this is when she opened up to me and told me what had been happening. She told me she likes to talk to me about things that worry her. I explained the importance of telling people about things that upset up. I spoke to the teacher and they were very supportive and encouraged my daughter to do the same. It is also important that she sticks up for herself. We have been doing role plays where I have taught her to be assertive about telling boys she does not want them to kiss her and to report things to the teacher. I am so proud of my daughter, she now knows how to stick up for herself and not to let this get her down. We regularly talk about the importance of being nice to people.

Our daughter is 3 so not been bullied but is really quiet so we worry about her not saying if she’s being bullied so we try so make sure she is able to talk to us and other adults.

One of my DC's has suffered terrible bullying and sadly the bully has moved on to the same school as him. The bullying has been verbal, physical, online, you name it. The last school were very slow to take action, but thankfully this one is more proactive.

My advice would be to keep telling your child that it is not their fault and make them comfortable talking about any problems they are having. Keep a detailed record of everything and photos of injuries. Encourage them to report incidents as soon as they happen and go with others who witnessed it. Where possible, try to ignore taunts and walk away- if bullies don't get a reaction, they get bored. If you are physically attacked, it is okay to defend yourself in order to get away whilst shouting loudly for them to 'stop', 'get off', 'leave me alone', so those around know you are not playing. Meet with the school as soon as you find out it is happening and keep meeting with them until they take action- your child has the right to feel safe in school.

It can be soooo hard because often the bullies are the ones with troubled homes and families, and they don't know how to behave any other way other than be verbally nasty and lash out. My son was bitten, scratched, and punched by a child for the first 2 years of primary school. I remember the child approaching my son one day after school, and my son screamed and ran, and seemed traumatised by the child being near him, and I wasn't sure why until he came home with the physical evidence of his troubles with this child. I have a photo of my son on Santa's knee, and his face is all scratched up. It's sad that he had to go through it. The school didn't do much about it, and it wasn't until i spoke to the child's parents one day in the playground that it stopped....completely.

I did make sure my son knew to tell a teacher or dinner lady ANY time something happened. His friends were also helping with this as they had been targeted too on occasion.