What are your thoughts about returning to work after having a baby? Tell Fairy Non Bio to win a £300 voucher NOW CLOSED

[JustineBMumsnet]

As part of our partnership with Fairy Non Bio, we’ve produced the Mumsnet Babies Podcast. There are ten episodes in the series, and the ninth is about going back to work after having a baby. Fairy Non Bio would like you to listen to it here and share your thoughts and experiences on this thread.

How did you make the choice between staying at home or going back to work with a new baby? Do you consider your career an important part of your identity that you couldn’t bear to give up? Perhaps you’re happier at home with your children? Maybe your partner is better at domestic-life than you, making them the clear choice to be the primary stay-at-home-parent?

Perhaps the cost of childcare or the logistics of going back to work mean that being a stay-at-home-parent isn’t a choice for you? Or, is going back to work a necessity to afford day-to-day life?

Whatever your experience and thoughts about going back to work with a baby, post this below to be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

If you’d like to rate the Mumsnet Babies Podcast, please go to the iTunes store to add a review.

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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My LO is 10 months, I went back at 7 months to my dream job that I've been doing for 5 years in a really sought-after industry...and I hate it! I'm really astonished by how strong my desire to give up my job to look after LO is. DH he thinks I shouldn't give up work or go to part time because he thinks I'll regret it (it's hard to overate how committed to my career I was before parenthood) and financially it makes sense for me to work as my salary is the bigger. But every day I just wish even more that I could be at home!

go back to keep on top of your career.

For my first child I took nine months and was ready to return to full time work. My son luckily loved nursery 3 days a week and grandparents one day. Me and oh had different days off so felt we had plenty of time.
Second maternity leave we took shared leave with my oh taking the last 3 months. This was great as I could return to work knowing everything was good at home. Settling my dd at nursery was harder as she took about 6 weeks to like it. She loves it now!! So much so that she still attends 2 days a week whilst I'm off on maternity with dd3. I'm planning on going back ft again, but anticipate this time will be harder as my eldest now goes to school so will attempt between me and oh, to get some flexibility with hours so we can share drop offs / pick ups.
I think everyone has to try different approaches and what you plan to do might not actual happen so it is good to keep an open mind and look at various options.

I went back to work after DC1 after 9 months as we couldn't afford for me to stay off any longer. My company had changed my role and moved me to a new department after giving my original role to my maternity cover. It was sold to me as a promotion (but with the same salary). I was devastated initially but ended up loving the role and it added so much to my CV. We worked out a good commute and although I was working full time I got to see DD for at least 3-4 hours a day as she was at a nursery close by.

I was at a new employer for the birth of DC2 and chose to take a year off. In the end I had 16 months with sick leave and annual leave before my maternity and then more annual leave after my maternity. Having previously been full time I asked to return part time due to a disability I had gained as a direct consequence of pregnancy. I knew the disability would not enable me to do the commute. My request was rejected and instead I was offered a meeting with occ health to facilitate a return to work full time. I knew it was fruitless as there was nothing they could do to facilitate my disability as it will be with me for life and I need to manage it. Legally I could have pursued it, but as I didn't see eye to eye with the manager I took a big payout and found a part time job working from home. The job isn't in my field and I've had to learn lots of new skills. I'm relieved that I found something and it is a massively flexible job and the employer has made it clear they want to support parents in the workplace (saying we are raising the next generation) but I'm still sad that i was pushed out of my last job. My manager at the time just didn't like me because I was pregnant and didn't have a straightforward pregnancy - that, she made quite clear.

So I've experienced all sorts but I know it's not easy for women returning to work and there needs to be much much more support. I am lucky I have a supportive employer now but there is much work to be done in the workplace.

I went back quite early each time (3dc). It was always quite a relief to go back, actually. I have a flexible job so I can work at home a lot, part time when I want it, and vary my hours. Plus my partner works part time and does half the childcare which obviously makes a huge difference.

I liked the stimulation and adult-ness of work. It's not that I disliked maternity leave, but I do find it easier working part time than being full time at home. My dc have all seemed happy in childcare, so that obviously helps too.

I had all good intentions of going back to work again after my first DC but nine years later and two more DC'S and I still hadn't. Things didn't quite go as planned lol (in a nice way) but I don't regret it.

I went back to work after my second son was born, and it was so hard as I was a single mum as we sadly lost my partner while I was pregnant. I ended up paying out more for childcare than I was actually bringing in, but, the reason I carried on working was because while I hated my job, I loved my sons seeing their mum working. Being a very young single mum, I knew there would be people judging me without knowing the full story, so I wanted to be the breadwinner, despite knowing I could get more benefits, I carried on working. However, since having my last two children, I have given up work as we are home educating, and pretty much living off the land!
I do feel like I'm working still as I am teaching four kids at home, my husband goes out to work, and thats how its going to stay for now, until my youngest is old enough to be home alone. But my career has never meant more to me than my kids, nor would it ever. I love being able to be with them all day while they are young, and it shows, they are happy well adjusted cheeky funny kids! x

It's hard. However I need to fine a life balance.

My DD is now 9 months and it's been abit of a rollercoaster since she arrived, but I'm loving the time with her. I decided to take a year out, even though financially I'm worse off, but I'll never get this time back. The thought of returning fills me with dread. Nursery is all sorted, but going back full time worries me and lack of quality time with her as she grows up. Weekends end up with extended family stuff and i often feel helpless to get out of stuff. I'll have to find a way, but right now make the most of these precious days and hopefully returning to work won't be as painful as I'm imagining

When I left work on Maternity Leave - I had planned to return when LO was 9 months old. When I reached that point though, I didn't feel ready to leave my lovely little chap! I took the last 3 months as unpaid leave - but had some holiday banked which made things a little easier financially.
Initially I returned to work 3 days per week, which was a good balance - I enjoyed work & I loved coming home to my son & enjoying the majority of the week with him.
Financially - I was more or less working to pay the nursery fees - which may seem like madness to many - but working is really important to me &, having experenced mental illness in the past, is one really positive way I have found to keep to a routine, engage with others & feel a strong sense of self-worth.
Being a Mum is hugely rewarding, but also very challenging & I was constantly second guessing myself & feeling I should be doing things differently. In work, I felt confident - so I was able to return to my baby having had a bit of a confidence boost & he was able to benefit from that renewed energy too.
I do return full-time for 6 months - but this wasn't good for either of us so I cut my days down to 4 asap!
LO is at school now & I wasn't sad to wave goodbye to the nursery bill!!
I have friends who do work & friends who are stay at home mums - it's different for everyone & one works for one family unit, may not work for another.
Do what works for you & your family & don't judge yourself by anyone elses standards! :)

I felt very anxious before going on maternity leave with my first baby, because my job was so inflexible and it felt like walking away from over a decade of very hard work in a demanding and prestigious career... DP was very supportive and happy for me to go back to work if I needed/ wanted to.

This feeling lasted for roughly 12 hours into maternity leave. I woke up the next morning feeling like a different person. Birth was fine, baby was delightful and I just knew I didn't want to go back to work. DP and I are incredibly lucky in that not only does DP love his job, he earns enough that I can stay at home very comfortably.

My life now is totally unrecognisable to my pre-baby life, but I love it. No plans to go back to work - as it is, DP can focus on work with no worries about home life and I have no financial worries or any of the stress of a job. I can also get all the domestic chores etc. done during the week so our mornings, evenings and weekends are just family time. Children are very happy with me during the day and then scream with excitement when daddy gets home to play with them for a couple of hours before bedtime. I'm also very happy to put my feet up when he gets home - it works perfectly for us!

We are incredibly happy. I wish more families could choose a life with one parent at home (if they would like that).

I returned to teaching in a HE college after my first two children . i found my bosses were supportive and I was timetable for more late night classes than other other member of staff with out a family I was also given more staurday work shops throughout the year. I have faced nasty little digs about selfish mothers who work and expect other to look after their kids. I had an articular put on my desk about a grand mother who health suffered due to her child care of her grand kids some had written is this your mum on the top. After my last child My husband died so i took 18 months off I returned this September, I cry on the way to work and on the way home. I suffer bullying and Little support the union seem scared of the ethos of the company and advice women to leave and find other work!!!!

That should say un supportive

Work is a huge part of my identity. I went back ft four years after my youngest so two yrs ago. Happy but so hard and I don't regret the earlier part time years with my dc. Definitely hit my career though. I think these choices are tough for all, regardless of what you do.

When I had my DC1 many moons ago (and in a different country), we only got 3 months max maternity leave. You hardly felt like you had been out of work at all and I had to go back full time as I was a single parent and needed the money.

I am much better at home with kids. My partner is very career driven and he is provider. I will eventually get part time job but kids are still very small. So far this arrangement work but when kids get bigger I will look for work.

Spend time finding the right nursery and then spend time settling in before you go back to work

I became a mum at 42. I really enjoyed my maternity leave (one year) but I knew I needed to go back to work.

During my year-long maternity leave I did a lot of soul-searching and I was quite torn between whether i should go back to work or extend the break and try to find a job that perhaps i can do from home whilst looking after my baby myself. In any case I knew I had to work, both for financial reasons and for my own mental health.

I am a geek with no close friends (I only have acquaintances and colleagues) and I found being at home very boring and if i didn't go back to work I would be depressed in no time, despite the fact that I adored my baby and i was fascinated by every moment of the experience. Work life gave me a wonderful structure which was lacking when i was at home. I desperately needed (and still do) a structured life.

My own family live abroad (so i don't have family support ie for babysitting or for emotional support either).

My workplace required long commuting (London) and I had to find childcare support from professional childcare settings.

Lots of soul searching, lots of visits to nurseries, childminders, seeking advice from other people... I decided to go back to work on a part time basis and it was the best of both worlds.

If my workplace could not accommodate my requested hours/days it would have been a stressful situation but luckily I was able to go back to my original job with less hours and it has been the perfect solution as i loved my job despite the long commuting.

Another reason for me to go back to work, was the fact that my own mum was a career woman and like myself she also needed to rely on paid childcare. When we were small, rather than staying at home to look after myself and my sibling, she went to work and always been happy and successful in her job. She set a positive example. She set the template for me in my mind. I was not at all traumatised by my mum not being at home looking after me. I had a good childhood and took it as given fact that I should go back to work.

Looking back, it has been the perfect choice for me and my child. I was able to keep my sanity and economic independence and was able to give my full attention and quality time to my child when we are together. It benefitted us both.

I'm on maternity leave with my second and if I had the money I wouldn't return to work. I'd rather not have the stress of juggling work and children but needs must.

Become Amish and live off the land so I don't have to go back to work and leave my baby.

The worst part was judgemental relatives. My eldest was 2 when I went back to work, surprisingly it was the men saying you'd never get that in my day.

The weirdest part is I'm no spring chicken and I recall both parents working.

I think you need a good support network in case LO comes down with something. The only real negative thing was again the men saying a child wants its Mum when it's ill.

cough We're in the 21st Century cough

I was lucky enough to be able to reduce my hours to part time, so had the best of both worlds. I think it is hard for mums to work full time and bring up a family, as they are in danger of missing those special moments, that are so important in a childs development

Unfortunately with DH still trying to start a business and therefore having no income, I had to go back. I always get nervous before mat leave or even a holiday as I don't like leaving my work but on the other hand I get nervous about leaving the children and returning to work when the time is up.

I found it very hard to return to nursing after having dd. I found I had very little confidence in my skills and knowledge. I doubted all my clinical decisions and felt very anxious. I have made a real effort to ensure my knowledge is up to date and taken any training opportunities to try to increase my confidence again, and gradually I'm feeling better about it.

My son is 6 months and I'm on statutory maternity pay until he is 9 months. I won't be going back to work right now. My wage is not high enough to justify the childcare costs since we don't have family who can help out. I would have liked to go back to work if I could have as I really enjoy my job. I work in animal care and unfortunately the hours are long and the wage is pretty low, so it just wouldn't work out.