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MNHQ

What are your thoughts about returning to work after having a baby? Tell Fairy Non Bio to win a £300 voucher NOW CLOSED

341 replies

JustineBMumsnet · 15/09/2017 10:45

As part of our partnership with Fairy Non Bio, we’ve produced the Mumsnet Babies Podcast. There are ten episodes in the series, and the ninth is about going back to work after having a baby. Fairy Non Bio would like you to listen to it here and share your thoughts and experiences on this thread.

How did you make the choice between staying at home or going back to work with a new baby? Do you consider your career an important part of your identity that you couldn’t bear to give up? Perhaps you’re happier at home with your children? Maybe your partner is better at domestic-life than you, making them the clear choice to be the primary stay-at-home-parent?

Perhaps the cost of childcare or the logistics of going back to work mean that being a stay-at-home-parent isn’t a choice for you? Or, is going back to work a necessity to afford day-to-day life?

Whatever your experience and thoughts about going back to work with a baby, post this below to be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

If you’d like to rate the Mumsnet Babies Podcast, please go to the iTunes store to add a review.

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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What are your thoughts about returning to work after having a baby? Tell Fairy Non Bio to win a £300 voucher NOW CLOSED
OP posts:
MerlinsBeard87 · 20/09/2017 07:26

I went back to work when ds1 was 9 months and he went to nursery. Expecting ds2 in 2 weeks and this time in fairness to my dh, he is taking the leave instead, and will also take 9 months. I need a a c section so will just have 6 weeks off. I'm worried about having so little time with ds2 and making a strong bond with him, but these are the feelings dh had last time. We are an equal partnership so both wanted to experience time with our babies.

jacqui5366 · 20/09/2017 07:43

I went from full time to job-share when I went back to work, I was dreading the mornings, (I had already resigned myself to needing to go back to work) we used to have long easy mornings, staying in our pyjamas and watching tv. So it is bags packed with lunches the night before, the drive across town to the nursery, and thinking about what they would be doing most of the day. This subsided and the routine became easier, and as I saw my DC trying new foods (some I would never have thought off - veg chilli and chicken curry) their palette, appetite and vocabulary flourished we were both happy in our little routine. (we still love our mornings together).

user1483229282 · 20/09/2017 07:50

I think too many mothers feel pressurised to return to work before they really want to. Usually down to money worries or fear that you'll lose your job or no longer be able to progress your career.

feefeegabor · 20/09/2017 07:53

I was very lucky in this regard. Six months after I had my daughter, I was offered a job where I could work from home, which has been an absolute life saver! I am still doing it, although work a lot more now, but it has always meant I have been there for my daughter and have been able to be around at holidays and take and collect her from school. I am very, very lucky.

amyhalliday1 · 20/09/2017 08:05

Mixes - was desperate for adult conversations but didn't want to miss time with her !!

vonniebab2 · 20/09/2017 08:09

I was lucky I did not return to work after the births of my children I started back when they went to school

Ganne1 · 20/09/2017 08:31

I tried to fit my work in with the children. I worked part-time in the evenings only, so there was always my husband or I available to look after the children. But our paremts hated that!

compy99 · 20/09/2017 08:34

can be very hard, if part time possible can be a way to get back into work and then possibly increase hours once circumstances allow.

jandoc · 20/09/2017 08:41

I would have preferred to have more time off but it wasn't possible

finleypop · 20/09/2017 08:44

I didn't return to work & I was grateful to be in that position. Nobody should beat themselves up over going back to work, sometimes it is not a choice, sometimes it is, however, it does not make you a bad mother

AngelwingsPetlamb · 20/09/2017 09:01

I stayed off work for 11 months but as it was my first, and subsequently only baby I decided that he would really benefit from regular socialising with other children. So, I went back to work and he went to the crèche at work. If there was problem I could pop over easily and it took a lot of the worry away for me.
I found getting back into work tiring but therapeutic and so this combination worked well for us both.

SSCRASE123 · 20/09/2017 09:07

A view from the "Other" side. My wife was really torn between wanting to go back or staying home with them. Our preference was for her to stay at home but we had to change a lot of things from my work perspective to make it possible. We have been very fortunate to be able to do so and really appreciate that it's worked out OK so far.

frances93 · 20/09/2017 09:08

I genuinely think that returning to work is a decision that is different for everyone, not one persons life is the same and your whole life changes when your baby is born. I'm due my baby in less than 2 weeks and I'm really worried about the financial impact maternity leave will have, as I am working up to my due date. So I intend to go back to work fairly quickly, not that I want to!

kateandme · 20/09/2017 09:09

everyone is different.yet all mothers seem to feel at some point they are failing if they go and failing if they don't.
I think childcare cost deff come into it more than it used to.sometimes it just isn't a choice the cost of work pay just doesn't cover some care facilty costs.
I think also the amount of family support is vital.a good grandma on hand.
I think it felt good to get back to doing something with the mind.but I wouldn't have wanted to go back before I had had the time at home I did have.i wanted to see every last second I could of her first months.
I needed it.and its helped us and our bond no end.
but all are different.children too are all different.some might need more care some might be totally independent little being as soon as they can look at you!
the pressure though can feel intense.and from both sides.

lizd31 · 20/09/2017 09:13

It all depends on the individual. If you have a well paid job & can afford the childcare then going back to work is fine but for someone who is on minimum wage it's just not possible to be able to return to work because of the cost of childcare

daydreambeliever21 · 20/09/2017 09:18

I was rubbish at juggling work and baby at first- I couldn't have been more disorganised. But when I was at home with the baby I longed for adult company and to be independent and yet when I was at work I wanted to be at home with the baby. I only really managed it well when baby 3 came along and I changed career and worked from home. This meant the work side and the family side were both covered although I suffered for a while on the social side of things. It is a balancing act you just don't think of before your baby is born.

AuFinch · 20/09/2017 09:26

I went back to work as I had to, I didnt want to, I wanted to stay at home all day with our baby! After racking through the finances it was decided between us (and with the cost of childcare which is far too high when you dont have a mahoosive wage) that I would go back part time, working 2 and half days a week - my MIL looked after our son on the half day for us to save childcare costs and we paid for a childminder for the other two days - which didnt leave much left out of the pay packet!. I think it was the best thing I ever did - I got to have the best of both worlds, being a mother and feeling so lucky to spend so much time with our son, but also our son having time with other children (he was an only child), but also being able to work so I was not just known as a "mother" - yes some days it was extremely tiring and I may have been a bit of a zombie and I had to learn how to express milk as i was breast feeding - it was hard to keep that going and I must admit that after about 4 weeks of being back at work i only breast fed at night times - that was my only regret, along with I wish I had just another month of maternity leave at home.

felicity69 · 20/09/2017 09:30

It is very difficult, but financially I had to go back to work. However my Mum looked after my daughter whilst I was working so I did feel more at ease, knowing that she was being looked after by her Nan :D

tallandlong · 20/09/2017 09:34

do i have too :(

becky004 · 20/09/2017 09:40

With DD I had to return to work when she was 12 weeks old as Maternity Leave was much shorter 20 years ago. It was awful, I was fully breastfeeding, went back to work night shifts as a nurse and within 2 weeks my milk had dried up.
With DS the Maternity Leave had changed and I went back to work when he was 10 months old and I managed to breastfeed until he was 14 months old which was a much better experience.

hiddenmichelle · 20/09/2017 09:41

Lucky that I did not need to return to work after two back to back maternity leaves. It would have been a long commute and did not make sense for us. We made the decision to manage on one salary and glad we did. It was right for us, but everyone is different!

littlemonkeyz · 20/09/2017 09:59

I had a year off and went back part time. I am now a SAHM which is great for the time being but I do miss work and feel like I have lost a part of my identity.

emmav6 · 20/09/2017 10:06

i was lucky enough to go part time after my first and second, i took nearly 2 years out with my third and love the time i spend with them as they grow so quick! i'd rather have less xmas presents and enjoy the time together. I work saturdays for now for some adult conversation!

MrsDramaQueen · 20/09/2017 10:13

I think every person has their individual preference. I only wanted to do 7 months because of the financial cost. If I could have afforded more I would have.

ameswright2906 · 20/09/2017 10:18

I went back to work 10 months after having my first child but I found being a stay-at-home mum very hard and battled with post natal depression. I also got pregnant with our second child when the first was just 6 months old so I went back at 30 hours per week (I was a manager in a pub) but I also knew that I would be going off on maternity leave again. However when I went back to work, I hated it. I hated being away from my husband and son and I just didn't want to be at work. I had around a month off due to stress and depression but then stuck it out until my next maternity leave. When my 2nd child was born, I felt like I couldn't cope being a stay-at-home mum again but also hated the job I was in so it was a big dilemma. I applied for a job in finance when the 2nd was just 3 months old and I got it so I started full time when she was just 4 months old. My husband worked around 70 hours a week but had Tues & Wed off. We found a childminder for Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays and then I had the weekends off. This was very hard because I absolutely loved my job, I felt like myself again and not just a mother but it was hard getting myself and the kids ready and out by 7am to drop them off at the childminders at 7.30 to then get a bus for 40 minutes to work. I didn't drive so this was always very stressful and hard. I then picked them up at 6pm, got the bus home, bathed them and put them to bed. About 18 months later, I fell pregnant with our 3rd child and working full time and travelling to work was just too much so I reduced my hours and worked Mon-Wed and put the kids in nursery. Nursery was so much better than the childminders! When we had the third, again I had depression and being at home with 3 kids was so difficult, I had to go back to work when the youngest was 4 months but this time I stayed part-time. After about 8 months of being back at work, I had a bout of severe depression and decided to give up work all together which has its pros and cons. Financially, we are probably better off me not working because of school holidays. I also have such a strong bond with our youngest because I have been at home with her since she was around a year old so I don't miss out on the things I missed out on with the other 2. However, it is so difficult in the school holidays having all 3 of them around 7 days a week - it's just too much and I don't cope well at all.

So I'm not sure if I prefer working or not working, I just try and cope the best I can and when the youngest is 3, i will go back to work full time and try to progress and have an actual career rather than just being a mum and a wife. At 28, I've still got time to have a good career.