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MNHQ

What are your thoughts about returning to work after having a baby? Tell Fairy Non Bio to win a £300 voucher NOW CLOSED

341 replies

JustineBMumsnet · 15/09/2017 10:45

As part of our partnership with Fairy Non Bio, we’ve produced the Mumsnet Babies Podcast. There are ten episodes in the series, and the ninth is about going back to work after having a baby. Fairy Non Bio would like you to listen to it here and share your thoughts and experiences on this thread.

How did you make the choice between staying at home or going back to work with a new baby? Do you consider your career an important part of your identity that you couldn’t bear to give up? Perhaps you’re happier at home with your children? Maybe your partner is better at domestic-life than you, making them the clear choice to be the primary stay-at-home-parent?

Perhaps the cost of childcare or the logistics of going back to work mean that being a stay-at-home-parent isn’t a choice for you? Or, is going back to work a necessity to afford day-to-day life?

Whatever your experience and thoughts about going back to work with a baby, post this below to be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

If you’d like to rate the Mumsnet Babies Podcast, please go to the iTunes store to add a review.

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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What are your thoughts about returning to work after having a baby? Tell Fairy Non Bio to win a £300 voucher NOW CLOSED
OP posts:
badgermum · 20/09/2017 15:58

I felt like my old self when returning to work and I think it made us a better family my biggest issue was childcare and I also found it really important to sort out who was doing which chores at home and when otherwise it would have been me spending all my weekends catching p on them. I personnaly don't think there is a 'right time' for returning to work, but if it feels like the right time for you then it probably is. I found this great piece quote saying " Be brave and ask for the flexibility that you need and make sure that it works both ways. Be prepared to give something more back to your employer when you can"

Jesswoods1992 · 20/09/2017 16:04

I went back to work with my first I couldn't help but feel jealousy and guilt that I wasn't the one to comfort or soothe her. I was back at work for a while until the day I missed my daughter's first steps! I was absolutely gutted I think you should enjoy your moments with your baby they grow up way too quick

Spices001 · 20/09/2017 16:41

I had to go back to work. It was extremely hard at first, but think it did us both good in the end & meant we treasured our family time more

mollymoo818 · 20/09/2017 16:49

When I first gave birth I could not wait to go back to work. I couldn't stand the idea of being stuck at home all day on my own with only a baby for company and I literally thought about it all the time but when the time came to go back to work all of a sudden everything seemed to just change inside me and I really didn't want to leave my baby and go back to work full time and miss out on all those special moments. Luckily I was in a position that I know not everyone has in that I was able to go back part time so I still got out of the house and felt like a normal human being and I still got to spend lots of time at home with my baby which for me was the best of both worlds.

Bananacustardyum · 20/09/2017 17:09

I had a year off with my daughter and then returned to work 20hours a week. She goes to a brilliant nursery which she loves. I had to go back to work for my sanity, I suffered really badly with Pnd and needed the routine of work and the company of other adults. To be honest financially we are worse off as my wage doesn't cover nursery but I could not be SAHM it is the hardest job in the world.

MuckyPuck · 20/09/2017 17:13

It's so hard. Have recently gone back to work after our first DC. He loves nursery but I miss him so much. I wish I could have taken longer off or could afford to cut my hours down but it is impossible financially. I feel quite upset that I worked so hard to build a career and as a result could afford to take little time off as we're very reliant on my income. It's like a prison of my own making. Employers should have to fund a decent amount of time off at full pay for both mothers and fathers.

We have no family who can or will help with childcare and it's been really stressful so far both of us working, especially when DC has picked up illnesses at nursery. I'm lucky that my employer is quite flexible but it's still a huge struggle both emotionally and physically. I have absolutely no idea how we're meant to manage it once he is school age and childcare is less available. I don't mind my job but I want to be able to be there for my baby and at the moment I feel like I'm not doing either properly. Sad

I don't think things will improve for women or that there will be anything close to equality until good quality, state subsidised childcare is available to every family from the end of the mother's maternity leave onwards, including making it compulsory for schools to provide proper wrap around care. Many countries that are poorer than the UK seem to manage to provide this because there are solid economic arguments for why it is beneficial for everyone.

mooota1514 · 20/09/2017 17:53

I stayed on maternity leave for a year and then went back to work part time. I'm a single parent so my reason was because of the money originally. However when I went back I did realise how much I missed work. My son goes to a nursery during the 2 days I'm at work, which he loves and I get my time at work. It makes me appreciate the time we spend together even more.

IonaAilidh11 · 20/09/2017 18:02

i went back after 4 months because i had to financially, felt like i missed out on my babys first stages

roggy45 · 20/09/2017 18:09

I was lucky enough to not have to return to work after having my four children. Loved every minute of it. Best job ever.

thesockgap · 20/09/2017 18:59

I'm going back a few years here as my kids are older, but when I had my first baby, the standard maternity leave was 18 weeks! Given that I finished work at 36 weeks (and then went nearly 2 weeks overdue) my baby was only 12 weeks old when I returned to work full time. For me and my husband, it wasn't a "choice" it was a necessity, there was no way we could have paid the mortgage and bills with me not working. Going back to work on that first day was absolutely heartbreaking. The baby and I had literally just got to the point where we had a little routine going and I was starting to enjoy spending my days with him, rather than crying and feeling I was getting it all wrong. It was horrible having to hand him over to the care of others, although I was fortunate that various family members shared his care.
By the time I had my second, four years later, I had dropped down to PT (3 days a week) as we were slightly more comfortable financially. Maternity leave was by then 26 weeks so I had a bit longer with him, and to be honest I was perfectly happy to go back 3 days a week as I had the best of both worlds by then.

NicHay · 20/09/2017 19:00

I went back to work because financially I had to but I also think having time away from the children made me value time with them more. My husband and I both had a day at home with them when they were young. I also think it is important for children to have role models who go out to work

Sid98 · 20/09/2017 19:09

I dont work

Ikea1234 · 20/09/2017 19:10

It's really hard. Spending time with your children is priceless, but there are still bills to be paid, and, as everyone knows, children aren't cheap. I was lucky that OH had a good job, but we didn't have any luxuries for several years, living just on his wage until my son started school, and things were tough, particularly when he was made redundant - twice! But we persevered, and I now work part time (our son has additional needs, and it's far easier to work part time, rather than full time and constantly need to take time off for meetings, dealing with emergencies etc) and OH has landed his best paid job to date, which is reliable and secure. But everyone's situation is different, and I know it can be tough for all sorts of reasons, and you have to do what is best for you and yours.

emmmaaa26 · 20/09/2017 19:45

Dreaded it until I got back into the swing of it.

gd2011 · 20/09/2017 19:47

Nothing to worry about.

towser44 · 20/09/2017 20:02

Torment! Juggling annual leave to cover for the half-term holidays and putting enough money aside to ensure we can cover child care when we run out of annual leave!

arat · 20/09/2017 20:11

I always planned to go back to work but, as I became pregnant shortly after being made redundant, it wasn't straightforward. That's my excuse anyway! Luckily DH managed to keep his job, so we were able to manage.

littleme96 · 20/09/2017 20:17

I didn't go back until both of my children were in school. I feel it was the right decision for my family and I don't regret it at all, but I completely appreciate that people choose to go back for various reasons and that is fine too!

Different options work for different families. It would have been very difficult for me to work, because my husband worked very unsociable (and ever changing hours!) and my job was just a job and not a career. I used the time off to look after my family and gain additional qualifications.

Summerdays2014 · 20/09/2017 20:44

I was dreading going back to work after my years maternity leave. However it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I had anticipated and now 9 months on I'm enjoying having some 'me' time.

Signoritawhocansway · 20/09/2017 20:47

I chose to be a SAHP for our children. It means we exist on one wage, which is less than the national average, but it works for us. Sure, we make sacrifices in terms of luxuries vs necessities, but for me that's what I wanted to do and my DH supports us.

We've now selected to home ed our children, so I won't be returning to work for the foreseeable future. Sometimes I wish I was though!!!

SingingSeuss · 20/09/2017 20:56

I was off for a year with both. I went back full time after the first and it was really tough. I was tired and missed her and always felt guilty. After my second I went back part time. It was so much easier in terms of work life balance. Now the first is at school I find that I am no longer enjoying my job as much. I don't want to leave as they are very family oriented and although I could move within the organisation at the moment I don't have the inclination. If we had the option for me to be a SAHM for a few years I would jump at the chance but I don't know any families who can survive on one wage. Mortgage costs are ridiculous.

twinklenic · 20/09/2017 21:06

after my first child due to money restrictions i had to return to work 6 weeks after he was born , i hated it so much , and was probably part of the decission to have another child so soon after wards .unfortunately after my second child i became ill so have never returned to work , and although i miss it , adult conversation and someone to chat to i have been able to spend a lot more time with my children

Jade5093 · 20/09/2017 21:17

I start my may leave in 5 weeks and having 9 months off
It's stressing me out thinking about going back.... the cost of childcare the organizing the timekeeping.... I wish I could be a stay at home mum but we can't afford to do that!

Narnianescape · 20/09/2017 21:22

I am really daunted by how my lo will be when I go back to work and how my childminder will be

RiSo · 20/09/2017 21:33

I would go back to work but having 3 children under 7, it wouldn't be worth me working as we would need to pay for 3 lots of breakfast club, 3 lots of after school clubs and 3 lots of childcare for all of the school holidays. Not counting any time off I would need to take for them being poorly or needing hospital appointments etc. I would need to work really long hours to make it financially worthwhile but then I would never see my kids so not a chance would I go back to work until they are all much older. We struggle on husbands wage but at least I am always home with them and can pick them up from school every day.