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MNHQ

What are your thoughts about returning to work after having a baby? Tell Fairy Non Bio to win a £300 voucher NOW CLOSED

341 replies

JustineBMumsnet · 15/09/2017 10:45

As part of our partnership with Fairy Non Bio, we’ve produced the Mumsnet Babies Podcast. There are ten episodes in the series, and the ninth is about going back to work after having a baby. Fairy Non Bio would like you to listen to it here and share your thoughts and experiences on this thread.

How did you make the choice between staying at home or going back to work with a new baby? Do you consider your career an important part of your identity that you couldn’t bear to give up? Perhaps you’re happier at home with your children? Maybe your partner is better at domestic-life than you, making them the clear choice to be the primary stay-at-home-parent?

Perhaps the cost of childcare or the logistics of going back to work mean that being a stay-at-home-parent isn’t a choice for you? Or, is going back to work a necessity to afford day-to-day life?

Whatever your experience and thoughts about going back to work with a baby, post this below to be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

If you’d like to rate the Mumsnet Babies Podcast, please go to the iTunes store to add a review.

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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What are your thoughts about returning to work after having a baby? Tell Fairy Non Bio to win a £300 voucher NOW CLOSED
OP posts:
TellMeIAmBonkers · 18/09/2017 10:31

I have to go back to work for at least a year after having DC2 because I took an enhanced maternity package.

I don't want to. I work in a very young, trendy industry. All the women are in their twenties, or if they're older, they're largely childless. The men, if they have families, still tend to work long hours with lots of late night 'networking' down the pub .

There are people ten years younger than me doing my job at the same level as me. I find it a bit humiliating and it makes me feel shit about myself. Maternity leaves and working part time (with no chance of promotion) have eaten about four years of my career and it's definitely plateaued. I feel like an embarrassing, frumpy mum when I'm at work.

I'd love to leave but equally, I don't really enjoy being at home with children all day. I find it boring and isolating.

I wish I could find a job with flexible hours that was still fulfilling and challenging.

Seems like the only choices are: work full time or compressed hours and pay the equivalent to your salary in childcare (unless you're lucky enough to have family help); quit and SAH (provided your DP earns enough); or take a 'little' admin job or something, to fit in around school hours but that will never help your career progress.

Women would have so much more choice if childcare wasn't so hugely expensive. It really is that which limits where you can take your career post-kids. For so many women, it's just not worth working any more. What a waste of all that talent :(

voyager50 · 18/09/2017 10:56

It was bittersweet - it was good to take a break from the usual childcare routine and have adult conversations but at the same time I just missed him so much. Now he is older and at school it is so much easier as there's no guilt at not spending so much time with him.

UpOnDown · 18/09/2017 16:18

Shared leave is good.

Sashkin · 18/09/2017 19:07

I would never have given up my career - I worked very hard to get where I am, and it's a huge part of my identity (doctor).

Having said that, my priorities have definitely shifted now I have children. My job is not one where I can just leave at 5pm, so I'm going back three days a week. If I went back full-time, I'd be getting home after bedtime and would only see DS at weekends. DH works similar hours.

DH is also looking to do compressed hours, and I expect one or other of us will continue on reduced hours until the youngest is 16 - it isn't fair on them to have both parents working sixty hour weeks.

NotTheCoolMum · 18/09/2017 19:25

I wish salaries were significantly greater than the cost of childcare. If I returned to work on the same salary as pre baby I would be £30 a week better off versus not working at all. To try and beat the numbers I'm applying for higher paid jobs that are more local. There are not many of them and I have no guarantee of success. I may yet have to return to my old job. I don't want to stop working as I fear it will seriously harm my future earning power. I really want to progress and earn more to provide my son with the opportunities I didn't have as a child. I have loved spending time with DS but at 7 months old he is ready for fun and adventure at nursery and I am ready for a break!

foxessocks · 18/09/2017 20:27

I didn't go back to work apart from a bit of freelancing which I do from home evenings and weekends. It suits me but everyone is different and we should all do what suits us and our families.

Thirdload · 18/09/2017 20:34

It was really important for me to keep my financial independence. I went back 3.5days a week and it has been tough at times with the role that I do, but it's the best option for now. My DH fully admits he couldn't have been a sahd, he finds it far more tiring being at home with DC!

Hairq · 18/09/2017 21:59

I always planned to go back to work after 6 months but my baby didn't sleep...until he was 4! I was just exhausted and surviving on 2-3 hours sleep per night. We decided that we'd choose having no money over me attempting to hold down a job on no sleep.

Stephgr8 · 18/09/2017 22:34

I hated going back to work but for us it was a financial necessity. I am always wishing I was a stay-at-home Mum.

xcxcsophiexcxc · 18/09/2017 22:37

I am dreading it. Not work. But the effort it takes too work. It's not worth it. After childcare and commute I'm not even breaking even and I'm just loosing the motivation to work, it's hard as a single mum with out the whole childcare/work situation. I do look forward to going back and engaging my brain though I worry how I'll be seen now as I have commitments and how this will effect my career going forward.

FlopIsMyParentingGuru · 18/09/2017 23:01

I've done both. Returned to work after having my son. It made sense, although a stretch time wise nursery had good hours and it was only two days a week. The right decision at the right time, although I still
Felt guilty about it. Fast forward five years to having DD and I didn't return to work. Partly that the job, I felt, has run its course, and oarryly because we found childcare around school age children much more complicated, less "wrap around" and hard to juggle with collecting a baby from nursery. Also, slightly unexpectedly, I actually felt needed more at home with a school age child who was really tired after school, needed to do reading (and in subsequent years homework) and to allow him to build relationships by having friends over.

Hopezibah · 18/09/2017 23:35

i think it is a shame that so many mums have to give up jobs they love because the cost of childcare makes it impossible to go back. I think i worked out that I'd be earning only £50 a month after childcare expenses so really not worth going back even though i loved my job. On the other side of the coin, childminders often don't get paid enough either so it's a really tricky one.

Zebee · 19/09/2017 14:02

I went back to work after both children but found once one was at school the juggling was much greater, so much so that I stopped work - I recognise how fortunate I am to be able to make that decision.

ErinSophia · 19/09/2017 14:20

I went back to work when my first born was a year old, it was a difficult decision to make as part of me worried how she would cope being away from me for the first time. We're very lucky indeed to have 2 sets of grandparents who help out so my daughter would go to her grandparents 2 days a week and nursery 2 days a week as I worked 4 days a week. It was easier to leave her as I knew she was in good hands with her grandparents who adore her and the amazing nursery staff who I couldn't fault. I missed her so much at first and was nervous and scared she would hate it but she loves it and really I had nothing to worry about. It was the best decision for my family to go back to work after my daughter was born, I developed new skills at work and my daughter has formed a closer bond with her grandparents so I'm so happy I went back.

Theimpossiblegirl · 19/09/2017 19:26

I had to go back as we couldn't manage on one wage. I loved being at home with my babies.

I have since managed to retrain, increase my salary and then go part time,so I'm bringing in more but have a few extra days at home, but it took a few years and was a hard slog.

Elizasmum02 · 20/09/2017 05:49

i stayed at home until my daughter was 3 and i found it much harder to get into a working routine and missed her terribly, if i were to have another id probably go back to work earlier it makes sense money wise, we were alwlays broke!

fuzzywuzzy · 20/09/2017 06:05

I went back to work after having my older dc because I was in a horrifically abusive marriage and I was clinging on to financial independence by the skin of my teeth. I just knew I could not/did not want to be totally reliant on ex.

Leaving my dc behind to go back to work was agony as I was breastfeeding and I returned back to work when dc was fourteen weeks old. I had to pump breast milk at work at first. I don't know how I managed it.

I had nannies and then childminders for my dc when they were small and also sent my eldest to nursery when she was slightly older and I could drop her off to nursery in the morning and pick her up on my way home from work.

With my current baby, I plan on taking the full years maternity leave then returning back to work and working from home im also going to be compressing working hours to four and half days along with DP also working from home so hopefully we won't have to rely on outside childcare. Mil is also really really wanting to have DD sometimes and we're fine with her turning up and having DD for the day as and when it suits her.

It's a lot more relaxed and happy this time, I'm really glad I'll have done the main breastfeeding bit and won't be suffering engorged breasts and missing my tiny baby.

ThemisA · 20/09/2017 06:33

I hated it, I was not ready emotionally to leave my baby (lucky that family looked after her) and also felt that I had lost confidence and interest in my job. After a week I got back into the swing of things but truth be told I would still rather have had more time at home with her.

mave · 20/09/2017 06:45

I was desperate to return the first time, but after my second I loved being at home and dreaded it as lost a bit of confidence. I soon got back into it as enjoyed adult company and going to the toilet in peace!!!

Chloe96 · 20/09/2017 07:02

Its hard you have to balance the financial situation with spending time with your baby

Emmap12 · 20/09/2017 07:03

I personally found going back to full time teaching after both of my son's extremely hard although I managed it and survived, and they did too lol. It took immense organisation and we had to leave the house at the latest at 7.20 so that they could be dropped off at childminders. I was lucky that there was the school holidays that made our pace of life easier.

Ratbagcatbag · 20/09/2017 07:07

I went back to work full time when my dd was 5 and a half months old. It was needed so I could pay the bills.
I found a childminder near where I worked rather than near where we lived so I had some extra time in the car, chatting and singing to her and I was close to her if there were any issues in the early days.

It cost a small fortune and me and her dad took all the childcare vouchers allowed from work. We both signed up for them the moment DD was born. It meant by the time j started needing to use them we'd banked over £1k worth. It meant the £800 monthly bill was avoided for a few months too.

Tips I found for working full time. Have her childminder bag packed ready for the morning, my CM were also fab that for a couple of years I took my DD in her PJs and they dressed her after breakfast. So again all clothes were in the bag ready.

maryandbuzz1 · 20/09/2017 07:08

I had little choice after having my son as we could not manage on my husbands pay alone. I had 6 months maternity leave and it was very hard returning to work. As we only had one car and lived in a tiny hamlet I had to wait until my husband came to pick me up and by then I was desperate to see my son. Although we were very lucky and happy to find a great child minder that my son loved it was so,hard leaving him with her each day. My saving grace was the fact that I was a teacher and although we paid a retainer over the holidays it meant I had my son all to myself.

glenka · 20/09/2017 07:12

Going back to work was a very stressful time with an awful lot of planning but in the end we made it work and even though it is very exhausting I'm glad I went back.

peggsknifeprty · 20/09/2017 07:21

Strange at first as so used to spending time with your newborn, but worth it to see that face when you get home :)