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Let Fairy Non Bio know your thoughts on how a new baby can affect your relationships - £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED

194 replies

AmeliaMumsnet · 23/01/2017 12:26

As part of our partnership with Fairy Non Bio, we’ve produced our first ever Mumsnet Babies Podcast. There are ten episodes in the series and so far we’ve released five. Episode three is about relationships and you can listen to it here. Fairy Non Bio would like you to listen to the podcast whenever you can, and then discuss how having a new baby has impacted your relationships.

It’s difficult to imagine how much having a new baby can alter different relationship dynamics until it actually happens. With work schedules, sleeping patterns and responsibilities changing, you may feel that your relationship with your partner has drastically changed as you’re no longer each other’s ‘number one’, or even that your relationships with friends or family have been put under strain.

Fairy Non Bio would like to hear how your relationships have changed with the arrival of a new baby. Have you had any trouble with the expectations of your parents or in-laws? Maybe you’ve found that friends without children have been unsupportive of your new responsibilities? Or that a wedge has been driven between you and a close friend because of differing parenting styles? How have you and your DP navigated making sure you both have time for each other, and for yourselves while battling through the exhaustion and new parent fog?

Everyone who posts on the thread will be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

If you want to rate the Mumsnet Babies Podcast, please go to the iTunes store and add a review!

Thanks, and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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Let Fairy Non Bio know your thoughts on how a new baby can affect your relationships - £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED
OP posts:
jandoc · 30/01/2017 14:08

it definitely had a change in the way that we conversed with each other

ProfAnnieT · 30/01/2017 14:26

It's tough, and there is a period of readjustment however "good" your relationship is. A lot more consideration for each other, and the family unit as a whole, is required.

Sammyislost · 30/01/2017 15:15

We definitely had issues with friends without children being rude and not understanding why we couldn't come out for their birthdays, etc. A few friendships eventually became strained and now we just don't bother with them at all.

I even had a childless friend who complained that I should be the one to travel an hour on public transport with a newborn baby and a toddler to see her in the house she shared with 7 other people that I didn't know. Some people don't understand how having children makes things different!

jeffy2222 · 30/01/2017 16:04

The tiredness, i was warned but couldn't believe how bad it was. date night is now sleeping and not fine dining like it used to be!

Ninja12345 · 30/01/2017 18:54

I was surprised how much I had to rely on my DH in the early days with DS. He really kept me alive whilst I was looking after DS. He's a great dad but it took longer for him to 'step up' to the role but I think we're a stronger couple now than before. We still see childless friends but it's more stressful than seeing friends with kids

justgina · 30/01/2017 19:27

Life with me, my DP and baby is fairy book perfect except for the clashing advice from our parents which at times is frustrating! Sometimes you have to ignore the advice and go with your gut :)

Maclairey · 30/01/2017 21:25

I didnt realise how little i would want to be touched by my DH. Having a breastfeeding newborn constantly attached to me coupled with the "who's more tired" discussion made things difficult for a while. We came out the other side though. We still have the occasional "discussion" though. Mostly when he is being a selfish git Grin

Lariflete · 30/01/2017 21:31

Pre-DC I was very independent. Marriage had bound us together in a whole new way, but having children made the bond so much tighter and we work so much better as a team.

spottypjs · 30/01/2017 21:36

I think lack of sleep when you have a baby really takes its toll on everyone in the household and it can cause a lot of arguments. I think also getting used to not having your freedom anymore when you have the responsibility of a child can take a lot of getting used to.

buckley1983 · 30/01/2017 23:01

Fortunately - having our son forged us together even closer - although we only saw each other in passing during the first few weeks! My OH was amazing & helped so, so much with night feeds, early morning, etc - I felt so well supported.
We've discussed many times since though how difficult it was & how we could not fathom how anyone could think having a baby might save a relationship - if we were struggling together, we'd have fallen to bits with a newborn!!

cookie09 · 31/01/2017 19:44

My relationships with family and friends changed massively. Having twins as my first children was extremely tiring so often i cancelled going out as it was just too much of a mission getting 3 of us ready, just seemed easier to stay at home in PJs as i only ever smelt of baby sick and poo. My relationship with their dad broke down completely. He was going out more and more with his friends and leaving me to sort the babies out on my own. Coming home drunk and arguing with me all the time. Long story cut short we split (he cheated). At this point it was now time for me to take control, which i did. I don't see everyone as much as i would like too, but if i make plans i stick to them. I think its important we have relationships with others, not only for myself but to show the kids how it is important to socialise.

larkin29 · 31/01/2017 22:26

After the birth of our daughter our relationship was definitely tested and I'd put this down to lack of sleep, my partner works long hours so I was the one doing Day and night shifts and it was tiring! When he was home all he wanted to do was relax which is understandable but I wanted time to myself.18 months on our relationship is better than ever and we are planning a second baby so it does get better.

sweir1 · 31/01/2017 22:42

The one thing you must do is hare the responsibilities. The slightest adjustment to the norm can cause couples distress and a baby only exacerbates this. So enjoy the good times in the day especially but share the pain at night also.

ButterflyOfFreedom · 01/02/2017 10:43

It was hard finding quality time for me and DH. We'd gone from spending a lot of our time just us two, going out for nice meals, holidays, cinema etc to then having a demanding little bundle wanting our time & attention! Now we make sure we have date nights or at least an evening together to be husband & wife as opposed to just daddy & mummy.

MaccaPaccaismyNemesis · 01/02/2017 12:19

DH and I were totally unprepared for how having our son would change our relationship- we are more driven to provide a nice home and environment for our son, and I worked too many hours which impacted on our relationship. We were so tired that we were more likely to snap, my temper was frayed and I felt quite lonely on maternity leave. I didn't expect to feel jealous of him going to work! We are closer and better now though we have had some rough times and blazing rows. Recently I had another chemical and he was my rock.

I lost a few friends on the way because I was less interested in going out and getting drunk- partly money but hangovers and kids don't work for me. And a very good friend of mine thought that I wasn't doing a good job because I wasn't into BLW or posting endless pictures of my son. We fell out and I regret it but she was very vocal about my so called failings.

sarahbrokenshire · 01/02/2017 13:15

We definately dont have as much time together so you have to remember to ask for help and spend time with yourselves - time passes so quick!

deepcmum · 01/02/2017 13:32

I'm amazed at what a team we became. Before our baby came along any tasks we did were as individuals.

user1485904403 · 01/02/2017 15:55

Molluscum contagious!! My ten yr old daughter has this,anyone had any experience of this horrible virusAngry

goldenretriever1978 · 01/02/2017 15:58

I was definitely too tired when it came to nights out (and most other things!)

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 01/02/2017 16:09

I've found it funny how much more I love my husband watching him play with our little boy. I have found my expectations of my own mother and father a bit to high and although it's clear they love having another grandchild it's not really what I expected (thought my mum would help more but she hasn't). I'm lucky that I at an age where a lot of my friends are also having children so sharing this new experience is lovely.

KnottedAnchorChief · 01/02/2017 18:42

I'm much closer to both sets of grandparents than I was before. My parents in particular, as they live quite far away, but we now arrange to see each other much more frequently because of the DC's. It's lovely seeing them develop their own special relationship with both DC's as they grow.

ann28 · 02/02/2017 12:16

They certainly affect your sleep which is enough to affect any relationship!

Lulabellx1 · 02/02/2017 14:10

It just meant that we has to be more organized! LOL.

We literally had to schedule in some time for 'us', to make sure that very important part of the relationship did not fall by the wayside.

welshmardymum · 02/02/2017 17:10

I had trouble with my in-laws wanting to buy everything for the baby - as if it were their baby, from conventional Babygro's right down to their first hair brush and nail scissors - I felt overwhelmed and because I kept my mouth shut with the in-laws I took it out on my hubby, bless him and he never put a foot wrong. By the second one I had prepared myself and got ready to take all the unwanted baby stuff to the charity shop. There are some things you want to buy yourself!

ha2el · 02/02/2017 17:37

You learn more about your partners than you ever knew with the arrival of a baby. Some things are good others not so. You are both learning with a first child, and I surely had to establish that some routines be shared instead of assuming that the Mother deal with some roles on her own.