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Let Fairy Non Bio know your thoughts on how a new baby can affect your relationships - £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED

194 replies

AmeliaMumsnet · 23/01/2017 12:26

As part of our partnership with Fairy Non Bio, we’ve produced our first ever Mumsnet Babies Podcast. There are ten episodes in the series and so far we’ve released five. Episode three is about relationships and you can listen to it here. Fairy Non Bio would like you to listen to the podcast whenever you can, and then discuss how having a new baby has impacted your relationships.

It’s difficult to imagine how much having a new baby can alter different relationship dynamics until it actually happens. With work schedules, sleeping patterns and responsibilities changing, you may feel that your relationship with your partner has drastically changed as you’re no longer each other’s ‘number one’, or even that your relationships with friends or family have been put under strain.

Fairy Non Bio would like to hear how your relationships have changed with the arrival of a new baby. Have you had any trouble with the expectations of your parents or in-laws? Maybe you’ve found that friends without children have been unsupportive of your new responsibilities? Or that a wedge has been driven between you and a close friend because of differing parenting styles? How have you and your DP navigated making sure you both have time for each other, and for yourselves while battling through the exhaustion and new parent fog?

Everyone who posts on the thread will be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

If you want to rate the Mumsnet Babies Podcast, please go to the iTunes store and add a review!

Thanks, and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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Let Fairy Non Bio know your thoughts on how a new baby can affect your relationships - £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED
OP posts:
purplepandas · 25/01/2017 12:22

Different friends I think were the biggest things for me.

Purplehonesty · 25/01/2017 12:23

It didn't really affect dh and I too much while they were babies, it was when they turned into non sleeping three year olds that the trouble started.
No sleep, work/life balance all out of sorts and so that did affect us.
I think too as they get older and need ferried around more to schools and nurseries and clubs you feel you have less and less time for each other and that takes it toll

tooneedyme · 25/01/2017 12:27

As a couple we have struggled with the stressful times and take it out on each other being short fused and tired. We have both said sorry too many times and have come to try and work harder as a team. We have two miracle children and we love them and each other so dearly. I love watching my dh with them and him the same with me.

finova · 25/01/2017 12:34

We did argue more and get very irritated with each other.
However, we could also discuss that this was happening and laugh about it.
We were definitely still a team, just not always that nice to each other!!

AlphaNumericalSequence · 25/01/2017 19:29

Having a baby really made me re-evaluate my relationships with the women I speak to online.

Before I had a baby, I thought of my virtual interactions with other women as being about an exchange of support, or humor, or intellectual interests. It was about who I was, and who they were.

Now I realise that is about more than just me and the women I talk to. I understand that that there is this endlessly needy little creature that I play second fiddle to.

What? No, I don't mean my baby. I mean the advertising industry, that seeks so ridiculously to convert my conversations into feeble little gimmicks to flog washing powder.

funkypyjamas · 25/01/2017 19:41

It's harder to solve problems now as we only ever seem to have time to talk in the evenings but we are usually so tired that we can't really be bothered.

I feel closer to my in-laws and my parents now, as I feel as though I can empathise with things they must have gone through when we were young that we didn't really appreciate at the time.

Boobiebalfie · 25/01/2017 20:26

Every type of relationship changed after my first dd was born.
I grew closer(always very close)and had a new appreciation for my parents.
My working relationships and friendships changed,due to a change of working hours and not being so readily available or wanting to attend the monthly team night out.
My friendships change as I met other new parents at baby/toddler groups.
I gravitated and grew closer towards my friends that already had dc instead of the childless ones.
My relationship with dp was strange at first as neither of new how to fit the other in around our new Dd, neither of us had the energy or inclination to to put the effort in,as we were so consumed by the baby.
After the first few months when everything settle and dd was sleeping better we did find time for each other.it wasn't either of us putting in extra effort, I think it was just the natural progression of thing settling down and finding our new norm.

vickyors · 25/01/2017 20:58

We never realised how tired we would be. Our relationship was hard because we were really 'shoulder to shoulder' for a while rather than face to face. But we used to go to bed at 7, as soon as our little one went down, watch some comedy and sleep, then face the night feeds together.. then gradually, just gradually, the sleep got better, and we found we were ok.. and we started to see each other again: face to face. And it was lovely.

EvieSparkles0x · 25/01/2017 21:01

We managed to maintain a really strong bond whenI gave birth to my daughter, but I think it help enormously that OH is very paternal, and we were both able to take a long time off work so that pressure wasn't there either!

It can certainly cause strange reactions among friends though. I'm inmy early twenties and was the first of my close friends to have a baby. I actually completely lost touch with my closest and oldest friend during my pregnancy! We're close again now, but OH was 30 when we had DD and faced no such problems, sso it does depend on circumstances I think.

NauticalDisaster · 25/01/2017 22:31

I found that having children highlighted all the negative aspects of my exh personality. He became more selfish, more controlling, lied non stop, and didn't support me in anything (breastfeeding, laundry, cleaning the house, cooking, dishes, grocery shopping, night time changes or comforting).

I think the stress of having children brings out your true personality. It shows if you can handle stress/pressure.

FeelingSmurfy · 26/01/2017 08:35

Making time for each other becomes a conscious effort, and it can be especially hard when you are tired from being up in the night

NurseRosie · 26/01/2017 09:37

I have a whole new respect for my mum. We were close anyway but now i just admire her even more, knowing what shes achieved in her life raising 3 children. It is hard work but worth it. She is the first person i ring for help and advice but she has let us find our own way too. When it comes to dh, I've found myself getting frustrated with him at times and there is a clear distance that wasn't there before. He was shocked when i said i love the baby most in the world, it is a different kind of love though. It is early days for us so we'll see what the future holds. On a not so serious note, my dog (who previously held the role of baby in our house) now drives me crazy at times. Things that were cute before are now a pain in the butt. She is so good with our lo and i wouldn't be without her.

CopperPan · 26/01/2017 11:01

Having our first baby helped DH and I to communicate more, as it was easy to have misunderstandings when you are so busy and tired. It made us feel like more of a team, and DH was lucky to have good paternal leave and took his holiday period after the birth so he was around a lot in the early days.

BillyButtfuck · 26/01/2017 16:04

It's turned our world upside down. The birth of our twins was our introduction into parenting and what a rollercoaster it's been.
Honestly, I've seen parts of my husband (emotionally) I never knew about before.
He's a different person and continues to grow as a person with them - he says I'm the same.
We are tired and grumpy and overwhelmed and we probably argue more than before but we are really trying. With each argument comes a much faster, more meaningful and wanted make-up.
The cost of twins is way higher than what we had ever imagined when we were planning to have A baby. Tensions are high but the stakes (our family) are higher and more important than anything.

We are fighting for each other so much, because we are a family. We are parents.

Our relationship is completely different from before and from what we had imagined it would be.
Our family doubled in size and so did the love.

LittleMoonbuggy · 26/01/2017 16:04

I find that I spend more time at home as it seems too much hassle to take out all the stuff a baby needs, so tend to meet up with friends less.

Me and DH do not tend to go out together alone much due to cost of babysitting plus I think I'd worry about DD not taking a bottle.

Hopefully in a few months we will get back to normal...a lot of how I feel is due to tiredness.

PunkyBubba · 26/01/2017 17:59

I love what Vickyors said about being "shoulder to shoulder" rather than "face to face".. That's exactly how I feel about my relationship with my DH since having the children (apart from our rare weekends away).. We are a team, and I love him as much as I always have, but the staring into each other's eyes part of the relationship has been replaced by the more functional showing our love by having each other's backs (doing our fair share of night wakings, nursery dropoffs, etc and making sure neither of us feel taken for granted.

We do sometimes comment that we feel we haven't properly connected in a while, so then make sure we plan a meal out, or night away when we can.

CheeseEMouse · 26/01/2017 19:57

I think some of the challenge is around keeping time for you as a couple when you are basically just exhausted.

flamingtoaster · 26/01/2017 20:50

My DH was a natural father so was very "hands on" when our DS was born. We were, obviously, very tired but went to bed when our DS went down at 7pm to get the maximum amount of sleep we could. We did work well as a team and got through the fog of tiredness staying just as close to each other as we had ever been. We had moved just before DS was born and were not near any family so it was just up to us and we just got on with it.

WowOoo · 27/01/2017 14:15

I never thought I'd be so tired and also have so little time for Dh. We had to go out of our way to arrange a rare child free evening but that wasn't until I'd stopped breastfeeding. They were tough times relationship wise.

IonaAilidh11 · 27/01/2017 17:14

having kids has brought us closer and prob respect each other more

Mummychoochoo3 · 27/01/2017 17:35

Remember that you are doing your best and so is Dad.

PenguinRoar · 27/01/2017 23:59

Single parent from pregnancy.
Relationship with my family has become much closer and supportive as a result. It's wonderful.

TiredAndRavenous · 28/01/2017 00:08

Our relationship has got stronger, we didn't share many hobbys/interests but it worked for us!

Now we are both obsessed with the same tiny person and it's magical ❤️

WheresTheCoffee · 28/01/2017 07:52

To begin with I missed DH, I was exhausted and emotionally exhausted after the birth and needed comfort and time with him just to myself. There was ways this little person on one of us or one of us would be sleeping!
However we have two amazing DC's to make it worth it and we are just starting to have time together to look forward to again

CheeseAtFourpence · 28/01/2017 08:25

Make time for one another - even it is a 5 minute cuddle whilst making tea. Take each other's opinion into account. We both fell into a trap of thinking I knew best as mum. I really didn't!