Let Fairy Non Bio know your thoughts on how a new baby can affect your relationships - £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED

[AmeliaMumsnet]

As part of our partnership with Fairy Non Bio, we’ve produced our first ever Mumsnet Babies Podcast. There are ten episodes in the series and so far we’ve released five. Episode three is about relationships and you can listen to it here. Fairy Non Bio would like you to listen to the podcast whenever you can, and then discuss how having a new baby has impacted your relationships.

It’s difficult to imagine how much having a new baby can alter different relationship dynamics until it actually happens. With work schedules, sleeping patterns and responsibilities changing, you may feel that your relationship with your partner has drastically changed as you’re no longer each other’s ‘number one’, or even that your relationships with friends or family have been put under strain.

Fairy Non Bio would like to hear how your relationships have changed with the arrival of a new baby. Have you had any trouble with the expectations of your parents or in-laws? Maybe you’ve found that friends without children have been unsupportive of your new responsibilities? Or that a wedge has been driven between you and a close friend because of differing parenting styles? How have you and your DP navigated making sure you both have time for each other, and for yourselves while battling through the exhaustion and new parent fog?

Everyone who posts on the thread will be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

If you want to rate the Mumsnet Babies Podcast, please go to the iTunes store and add a review!

Thanks, and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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It's affected mine and dh relationship more than I thought as we tend to go to sleep/wake at different times which we never used to and just seem to be on different wavelengths. I struggle to find time to be affectionate with dh due to being tired a lot and I think breastfeeding is affecting my hormones so having sex isn't a priority for me.

Alot more friction as everyone gets very tired and fractuous

I hate to admit this but I think it took having a baby to see all the faults in my ex, he didn't seem interested in my son and would go out more in the first few months, it sort of forced me to think my son should come first as he didn't deserve that lifestyle. I also think it made me realise how different some of my friends were that didn't have children, they would make all the right noises but didn't seem that bothered when my child was trying to get their attention and would glaze over, it showed me how much our lives had gone down different paths. On the plus side I had much more respect for my mum as I now realised how much love a parent has for their child and we are much closer as a result.

"Friends" drifted away - but new friendships were formed with other mummies. My relationship with my husband grew stronger as we both share the bond with our children. Things change but mostly for the better.

We both have different ways of doing things and knowing what is best

It has been hard on my and the OH, and we still struggle for intimacy and making time for each other. Thankfully we're a strong enough partnership. Being knackered 90% of the time isn't conducive to a romantic relationship!

I have found it's made us a lot more a "team" - we have to share responsibilities and collaborate more. Plus we've become a lot better at deliberately making sure that we communicate, which I think is really important, as it means that we both always say what's on our mind and share any challenges we encounter before they become problems.

well my youngest is 3 , and i don't remember the last time just me and hubby slept in bed together without her in the middle !
Tiredness is the major change i found after each one of my children ,and tired parents are sometimes a little moody with each other which wasn't like that before
On the whole though i think we've become closer together

I think the tiredness was the worst thing for me. It meant I was always snapping at DH.

My son didn't sleep through till 10 months so there was a lot of short tempers.

I try to keep to strict bedtime for the kids so that it means we can spend some alone time to relax. We took every opportunity for parents to take over and give us a break which helped also.

I found that I am drifting away from the childless friends as they seem to understand the stresses of having children, you can't just decide on a whim that you are going out for a drink or to the cinema. I have one really good friend who has stuck around and will babysit. Even though she doesn't have any kids of her own, she has a younger sister who is almost old enough to be her daughter so she is very helpful!

A new baby can put a massive amount of strain on a relationship it certainly did on mine. I believe that you really need to set aside time for each other even if it's only once a month you need to feel like a couple and not just parents

Try to remember it's difficult for him too... That's probably why he is behaving like that.

My relationships with husband, family and in-laws are now much stronger because of the baby. But on the downside I don't get to see my friends anywhere near as much as I used to since we live in different cities, taking my DD with me doesn't work well for an afternoon in the pub, and I don't really like the idea of being without her for the day if I leave her with DH.

The stress can put a strain on the relationship and cause a couple to drift apart for the first few months. Not wanting to cuddle or be close because you're too tired and feel gross, not wanting to be touched in certain areas where your body has changed dramatically, etc.

Definitely lots of challenges. In many ways those early days I felt pulled us apart and we sort of existed while running around trying to adjust to our very different life. Longer term however I think it's brought us closer together - more like working as a team although of course this is liberally sprinkled with agurments about which team member is the most tired / does more etc. When things didn't follow a 'normal' course of events the realationship was challenged more but again we now work as a team sharing the highs and lows.

Babies are indeed all consuming and demanding, but on the plus side they are incredibly portable, and with a little planning and some positivity, life does indeed go on and relationships continue -with family and friends!

When i became a parent i found that my friends without children drifted away, suddenly you arent so interested in rowdy nights out and cant just go away for the weekend at the drop of a hat.
But relationships with the older women in my family became muh closer. My aunties and Nan had fab anicdotes, advice and wisdom to share with me and i have found that support priceless

Its really different for a while as both (maybe!) parents turn their focus to baby rather than each other and tiredness rules your world! But remembering you're on the same side and helping each other to manage this situation can strengthen the bond you have even if you don't have much time for each other!

This is very interesting. The effect that having children has on a marriage is not really discussed, is it?

Ultimately having a child ruined my relationship with ExDH. He wasn't the supporter, husband or parent we both thought he would be and I suppose to some degree I resented that he got to go out to work while I had to do everything else - care for a child, cook meals, do laundry, support him and being a "good wife" fell out the window. Just when I thought we were getting on track he decided he wanted out.

Oops - it sent too soon. The interesting thing is now, 5 years on, we have a strong friendship. There's no chance in hell we'd ever get back together (he has a new partner anyway) but we're there for each other and its easier to accept the parent that he is. Our marriage may have failed but we created a beautiful little girl who binds us forever and thats something worth celebrating.

i found a baby makes a solid relationship stronger

I've been on both sides of the card. When i had my 2 boys the relationship was strained because we were always tired and never had time for each other. However not long after my 2nd the relationship ended. With my girls my (now ex) was ok with my first daughter when she wasnt crying but other than that didnt want to know and when i was prgnant with my 2nd dd he had left me. I brought her up alone and even though i was surviving on reserves i felt i was a lot better than dealing with relationship issues.

My relationship with my husband changed the most - overall it has made us a lot closer from the shared experiences of raising 2 children, but there have been times when a lack of sleep and competing priorities do cause a strain - particularly differences in the amount of household / child related jobs each of us do, and differences in the the focus / time each of us is able to put into our work.

I feel my relationship with my parents has improved, we have become closer. I appreciate all the things they have done for me.