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MNHQ

Let Fairy Non Bio know your thoughts on how a new baby can affect your relationships - £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED

194 replies

AmeliaMumsnet · 23/01/2017 12:26

As part of our partnership with Fairy Non Bio, we’ve produced our first ever Mumsnet Babies Podcast. There are ten episodes in the series and so far we’ve released five. Episode three is about relationships and you can listen to it here. Fairy Non Bio would like you to listen to the podcast whenever you can, and then discuss how having a new baby has impacted your relationships.

It’s difficult to imagine how much having a new baby can alter different relationship dynamics until it actually happens. With work schedules, sleeping patterns and responsibilities changing, you may feel that your relationship with your partner has drastically changed as you’re no longer each other’s ‘number one’, or even that your relationships with friends or family have been put under strain.

Fairy Non Bio would like to hear how your relationships have changed with the arrival of a new baby. Have you had any trouble with the expectations of your parents or in-laws? Maybe you’ve found that friends without children have been unsupportive of your new responsibilities? Or that a wedge has been driven between you and a close friend because of differing parenting styles? How have you and your DP navigated making sure you both have time for each other, and for yourselves while battling through the exhaustion and new parent fog?

Everyone who posts on the thread will be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

If you want to rate the Mumsnet Babies Podcast, please go to the iTunes store and add a review!

Thanks, and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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Let Fairy Non Bio know your thoughts on how a new baby can affect your relationships - £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED
OP posts:
thesockgap · 28/01/2017 15:00

Firstly, I found once we had our first baby that although my life had changed irrevocably, my husband's didn't seem to be changing much at all - he was still going out to work as normal, going to the match every weekend, going for drinks with his mates etc - I found myself feeling very resentful of this and it did cause a lot of arguments.

Secondly, I drifted apart from a lot of longstanding friends as I was the first to have a baby - most of them didn't understand that I couldn't just drop everything for an impromptu night out, or expected when I did get out that I'd be up for an all nighter and then got huffy when I went home at 11pm!

Ganne1 · 28/01/2017 15:00

I know a baby can affect one's relationship, but not in our case. Both our babies have been very good at night (or is that my selective memory?), and any relationship should be able to continue strongly even with a baby who is loved.

ThemisA · 28/01/2017 15:01

I found that I was so engrossed in the new arrival and quite honestly had nothing left over to give and sleepless nights didn't help. I felt like and saw myself as a mother and that took over, once the child is at nursery things change back again. t

RACHELSMITH45 · 28/01/2017 15:05

With our first of course everything changed completely. It changed for the better of course but then came with it the lack of sleep, lack of time to go out together, lack of willing babysitters (parents not that involved really!!). We found that grandparents of our friends children absolutely doted on their grandkids but felt and still feels that ours have other interests and priorities which hurts at times. It does however make us feel that we want to make the extra effort for our children and be there for them when they are older and parents themselves!

With our 2nd child came even worse sleep deprivation and like the books say, you pretty much compete who is the tiredest, who got the most sleep and argue who gets the lie in etc!! We do have to remind each other that the sleep deprivation wont last forever and we have great kids who will eventually both sleep through the night.. for now we are just trying to stay awake!! They are so worth it though. We wouldn't be without them!!

AngelwingsPetlamb · 28/01/2017 15:05

I felt really alone after I had the baby. My friends were all at work in the day and didn't have babies and my husband did not take paternity leave so I felt on my own for much of the time. My son wouldn't sleep at night and woke every hour to feed for weeks on end, so I was exhausted.
Having the baby was a joy but my husband was unsupportive despite all his rebirth promises to everyone.

Lisapaige24 · 28/01/2017 15:12

I Found after having my first Child my relationship with my friends changed as I was the first to have a child and get married when all my friends were single and care free I was changing nappies and washing endless amounts of clothes I just drifted away from them and found new ones at mum and baby groups although when my old friends had children and settled down we became close again as we had a shared interest again also I became closer to my husband and family as I was more reliant on them and made are relationships stronger .

amyhalliday1 · 28/01/2017 15:12

I think it's important to make time still here you Can- even just a brew at the en for the day x

TiggersAngel7774 · 28/01/2017 15:18

Having a baby can make or break even the strongest of couples. We been married 10 years almost before my son was born. I would of said I was very selfless. But when its 3 am and baby wont sleep and bed is warm very easy to get selfish and bargain with ya partner who is getting up

compy99 · 28/01/2017 15:27

I think the main thing was lack of sleep and both of us being totally exhausted until things got easier, it really made us work as a team and appreciate each other even more.

samcornfield · 28/01/2017 15:32

I had my first when I was 18 so none of my friends had babies. However I managed to stay in touch with them and they were very supportive. As the younger ones have got older I find that our friends are now the parents of our children friends. This works out really well and we do a lot of things together as families.

jlwells1986 · 28/01/2017 15:39

When you have children, your whole world changes. I found having my children lost me friends but made me new ones. Those non mummy friends tend to distant themselves as they don't have children themselves and therefore not very supportive. However i have always made new friends from attending baby/toddler groups and so on.

LeeR1985 · 28/01/2017 15:43

I only have a handful of close friends and still do to this day. My partner lost a lot of friends as they didn't realise my partner couldn't just drop what she was doing to hang out and things like that. The good friends stuck around though :)

pennwood · 28/01/2017 15:48

Our relationship changed because my husband looked after our baby every afternoon after he had finished his early morning shift, so I could go back to work. It brought us even closer as we shared the care of our daughter, & made us appreciate each other.

fayesmummy · 28/01/2017 15:52

When my children were young, the biggest change my relationships was with my friends. I just found it difficult to meet up with them and when I did, I was always tired and grumpy.

renas · 28/01/2017 16:00

I didn't realise how tiring it can be but apart from this the children made our relationship stronger knowing we made them together.

littlemonkeyz · 28/01/2017 16:02

I think a total lack of quality sleep affects everyone on some level. For me, the most positive thing was seeing such a wonderful caring and doting 'grandparent' side to our parents that we hadn't seen before.

TJCB68 · 28/01/2017 16:12

Suddenly you realise that you and DH are tied together for life, no matter what happens in your relationship.

towser44 · 28/01/2017 16:13

It's just the tiredness and broken sleep, which combined with working makes arguments over the smallest things happen so easily!

fazkin · 28/01/2017 16:15

All my relationships have changed. I have new sets of friends or my old ones are now also parents and our chats now revolve around totally different things (children/husband/household/health). My relationship with my parents is also very different as there is a deeper understanding between us and new love that ties us all together.

As for mu husband - relationship takes many rough and tumble but at the end becomes much stronger - a bond harder to break as your have gone through parenthood together.

gd2011 · 28/01/2017 16:42

A new baby will affect how much time you can spend together.

footdust · 28/01/2017 16:53

My relationship with my family was made closer with the arrival of my baby. Everyone rallied round with loads of help and support

beckyinman · 28/01/2017 16:55

I think we were lucky that we were able to take advantage of the extended paternity leave so even though we were both quite stressy it actually brought us closer together

maryandbuzz1 · 28/01/2017 16:58

The birth of my son enhanced my relationship with my husband. He was always a thoughtful and caring man but he wanted to, and still does, play an active role in our sons care.
I was disappointed with my parents reaction. Although they thought the world of my son and did not live close by ...I didn't get any helpful advice neither could I rely on their support.

MrsDramaQueen · 28/01/2017 17:00

You find yourself so tired. To start with we both stayed up and got up with the feeds, but after a few weeks of exhaustion, we started doing shifts. DH would stay up later and I caught some sleep and then I got up through the night, so he could get some sleep. That way we both got a few hours and felt better for it. I think it's also easy to stay in the house as you have visitors and the baby naps, but we always felt so much better just getting out for a bit, and having some fresh air.

mummy23xxx · 28/01/2017 17:06

Lack of sleep didnt really bother me in the early days, as I have always worked night shifts etc at work. OH and I coped by natching a quick hour through the day at weekend or early evening as and when we could.

For me it was mainly the fact that our social lives and taken a downward nosedive. Weekends in the early days were spent - shopping, washing, cleaning and general exhaustion, and then we would just get one to toddler stage, sleeping through etc and have another new addition. We had 3 under 5 and looking back not sure how we coped at all in the early years.

Have made some lovely lifelong friends along the way, playgroup, nursery and school parents.

We coped as a couple because we have too. I think as long as you love and support each other unconditionally theres not as lot else that matters!

You need to manage timeout as Parents and for us we made sure we had a date night at least every month!! For our sanity :) It didnt hurt the kids either to be looked after once a month by a friend or babysitter. They quite looked forward to it x