Let Fairy Non Bio know your thoughts on how a new baby can affect your relationships - £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED

[AmeliaMumsnet]

As part of our partnership with Fairy Non Bio, we’ve produced our first ever Mumsnet Babies Podcast. There are ten episodes in the series and so far we’ve released five. Episode three is about relationships and you can listen to it here. Fairy Non Bio would like you to listen to the podcast whenever you can, and then discuss how having a new baby has impacted your relationships.

It’s difficult to imagine how much having a new baby can alter different relationship dynamics until it actually happens. With work schedules, sleeping patterns and responsibilities changing, you may feel that your relationship with your partner has drastically changed as you’re no longer each other’s ‘number one’, or even that your relationships with friends or family have been put under strain.

Fairy Non Bio would like to hear how your relationships have changed with the arrival of a new baby. Have you had any trouble with the expectations of your parents or in-laws? Maybe you’ve found that friends without children have been unsupportive of your new responsibilities? Or that a wedge has been driven between you and a close friend because of differing parenting styles? How have you and your DP navigated making sure you both have time for each other, and for yourselves while battling through the exhaustion and new parent fog?

Everyone who posts on the thread will be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

If you want to rate the Mumsnet Babies Podcast, please go to the iTunes store and add a review!

Thanks, and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

Standard Insight Ts&Cs apply

I had always had a difficult relationship with my sil, however once my first dc was born we are much closer.

My friendship group completely changed when I had children, as most of my friends were childless and just lacked the maturity or experience needed to understand how my priorities and lifestyle had changed. I don't mean this to sound condescending, but I genuinely don't think you can fully understand just how demanding and time consuming having children is until you have them yourself...more empathetic people will be able to understand better, of course, but on the whole I found that a lot of my friends without children didn't get it!

I lost touch with a few friends, for obvious reasons such has having so free time, feeling tired and having less in common, but have bonded with my friends who are mothers too

Id say it bought me and my husband closer together as we had to work as a team and support eachother more than ever.

sheer tiredness just stops you communicating reasonably - lots of counting to 10 needed!

Wow its like an emotional rollercoaster! At first I felt like our relationship would never be the same again! I missed everything we had before the baby came. Then I began seeing my son as the only person in my life and shut out my husband. Then I felt like he did the same and felt invisible. Now, we are a very happy family of three and our relationship is stronger than ever! It turns out that most of what you are thinking are assumptions based on your own thoughts and worries, talking to each other helps haha :) Who knew?

Thinking about all the advise and literature I read about having a baby so very little mentioned the impact it can have on your relationship. It can be so intense. You are sleep deprived, have lost any routine and even getting a cup of tea before it's gone cold is a challenge. Fitting in time and attention for your other half quickly falls down in the list of priorities. Before you know it you're arguing about whose turn it is to change the nappy, get up in the night etc etc. I actually remember we used to fight about who got to do the dishes or do the weekly shop, just to get that 1/2 hour or so of solo time.

Looking back i would say it is so important to expect this to happen and go easy on each other. Have a strategy for those exhausted times where you both just go easy on each other. Try to make time to thank each other, appreciate what you each do. Don't take each other for granted and if at all possible try to get some time together alone, beyond crashing into bed shattered at the end if the end of the night. A 1 hour walk around the park together on a spring day can lift the spirits like a weekend away during this time 😃
Realise that phrases like 'a baby brings you closer together' are rubbish and should be ignored. Remember in a couple of decades it's going to just going to be the two of you again so aim to gave a friend there not resentment and because unspent frustration. Talk to other mums you trust to get some of the angst out of your system and try not to personalise things.

As a final piece of advice, sign up to Netflix or something and discover the joys of box sets etc. This can be a great way to do non-kid stuff without the worry of childminders etc.

It changed our relationship enormously in that we had less time for one another - it's hard to create that time when they are very little. Now they are a little older and at school we make time for one another in the day - we have a date lunch once a month. Doesn't sound much, but to be able to meet up for an hour or so, just the two of us and choose somewhere nice & grown up to eat is a real treat!
It changed my relationship with my Mum in that I had a whole new perspective and respect for her - her support in the early days when I was struggling leaves me deeply indebted to this day!

The main thing we noticed was the logistics of just leaving the house with the baby... Just popping out no longer exists! Make time for each other when you can and remember to say 'thank you' for the silly things that one of you does that actually mean a great deal when you are both shattered! :)

I think when you have a baby you realise straightaway whose going to be helpful and whose going to interfere. It's best not to let anyone do anything you're not happy about, i.e. if you put your baby down to sleep you don't want visitors coming round and waking your new baby up by scooping them up whilst their sleeping. Gentle words at the beginning can save harsh words and arguments in weeks or months to come

We just muddled through one way or another. Very often with a baby in the bed between us.

We luckily have close friend who had a baby 6 months before ours, and had a fairly good insight into the they way your world can turn on its head for the first 6 weeks. You put your baby first, my partner did the washing and jobs I used to do, without a second thought, we were both exhausted, but it has made us stronger by going through this journey together x

I found that it was important to set a bedtime for the children as soon as it was practical and then me and hubby could have 'us time'.
I think its too easy to get caught up in the work, kids merry go round and forget about who was there in the beginning (before the kids lol)

I had all sorts of plans of things I wanted to do after our baby was born but the reality was that all I ever wanted to do was sleep. We also discovered how everyone has an opinion on how children should be brought up, what they should eat, wear, you name it. We found it highly irritating, especially from childless friends - some of whom totally changed their tune when they became parents lol.

For me unfortunately, having children ended up costing us our marriage. I had 2 children in quick succession but due to financial pressures I had to return to work full-time. I had psot natal depression and all my friends seemed to not have to work or only worked part-time and I began to become resentful at the way my husband spent his money. Things got worse over time, we tried counselling but I realised that I would be more financially stable without him as he used to spend all his own money on ridiculous things which was why I had to work full-time to pay the actual bills. We were also both young, he was immature and I guess we didn't realise how hard it would be.

I don't think anything prepares you for the lack of sleep and the impact that has on your relationship.
That the baby takes priority over your partner, I have seen a few relationships ended because of this.

It made me closer to my mum and my sister and made me less selfish and less self aware

Naivety- I really think I knew what love was until my son was born. Oh, I was so wrong. That realisation certainly made it hard to prioritse my other half for a while (plus sleep deprevation and post-baby body!)

it's very hard to maintain relationships when time is limited and you are sleep deprived but it's important to work on them

Of course we were/are tired but we knew that was going to happen. It's tough to accept and to lose the time you previously had to yourselves/together but we keep each other reassured and it just works.

I lost touch with quite a few of my friends since I didn't have the time, energy or willingness to meet up at the drop of a hat and go partying. Don't think they understood this little bundle was my world now. But for each friend I lost I made a new one who understood me as they were mostly new mums and I think my friendship with them is stronger and more real than any before I was a mum.

It made me closer to my parents because I needed their help at lot.

Always tired and groggy, never enough time for each other.

my relationship with my husband strengthened with every baby. We were so close after creating a life and that's never dipped. I think this is because we both took particular care to appreciate and care for one another as well as the babies.

Literally everyone just stayed away when I had my DS - we did live over an hour away but my soldier hubby was whisked away with work and I was left on my own. Date nights were a no go, girlie nights didn't happen and family rarely visited. With DD we were abroad. Hubby was away when she was born but my friends all rallied round and we took it in turns to cook etc as we were all in the same boat. (MIL didn't see my DD till she was 3)