Tell Asda about your pre-birth ideals versus post-birth reality - £300 voucher to be won! NOW CLOSED

[AmeliaMumsnet]

We're all guilty of viewing parenthood with thick rose-tinted glasses... before we give birth. Who amongst us didn't have lofty ideals - never putting your child in front of the TV, reading Shakespeare to it every afternoon? Maybe you thought that dummies were the work of the devil or that every bit of baby food would be pureed from vegetables grown in your garden’s organic vegetable plot. And then the baby is born and reality comes crashing down like a tonne of nappies.

What high-minded expectations did you have for your parenting before your baby was born? And how have they played out now you have the real thing? Share your pre and post birth comparisons below and we’ll enter you into a prize draw to win a £300 Asda voucher.

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Thanks, and good luck!

MNHQ

I think I've done quite well: have worked with toddlers for a very long time so tried to have an open mind about how we would do things and try to follow where DS1 and 2 would lead. Whatever keeps them happy, right?!

I have found that I have deeply engrained high standards for myself - probably because I'm the childcare "expert" right?! - which threaten to overwhelm me on occasion. Standing back, deep breaths and reminding myself that it doesn't matter if Mrs Judgey is hoiking her pants at me because my son is tantruming again and, "what did you say you do for a living?" That's the part I didn't expect to be so hard!

So many...
-I was going to sleep train by 3 months (I'm so against it now at 6 months and have learnt to sleep in short bursts)
-I was never going to co-sleep...loving it now and no plans to stop
-I was going to take the baby everywhere where she would just drop off as necessary (I spend each day largely starting naps - then ensuring they continue - in a darkened room! But I enjoy it in a weird way)
-I was not going to give her anything sweet to eat (then I realised milk has almost 5g of sugar per 100ml so give fruit, porridge, etc. along with savoury foods)
-I was going to go to baby groups all the time (they annoyingly coincide with naps)
-I was going to make 'mum' friends (I like my current friends so focus on them - plenty of that later)
-I was going to wait until 6 months to start solids (started at 5 months)
-I was still going to wear makeup every day (pah! Who cares?)
-I was going to be really overweight
and lose it (no need - had my cake and ate it and breastfeeding sucked the pounds away)
-I was going to make time for exercise (I do!!!)
Phew!

I was confident I would breastfeed as this was pre-internet/mumsnet and there was the implication that it was quite easy. It wasn't - I went through sore, cracked bleeding nipples, nipple shields etc. but came out the other end and mixed fed DS for four months. Having done a lot of baby-sitting I thought I wouldn't have any problems - but after an emergency c-section DS cried when put down during the day for his first six weeks regardless of having been fed, changed, etc.. I cooked one-handed and held him all day every day - which, surprisingly I actually enjoyed. I'd always envisaged having a baby and having friends and family rally round in the early days but we moved just before I had DS, I knew virtually nobody and the day after I came home from hospital (complete with blizzard as we drove home and c-section stitches) DH had to go away for a week. The district midwife refused to sign me off until he came back, gave me a telephone number to phone day or night if I needed anyone for advice or to come round, and I just got on with it.

Pre birth - I'd wanted a water birth, would be really prepared, read every book and was looking forward to the "it's a girl" moment with my husband, doing all the mummy things, BFing was a must, and I'd do crafts and painting and go to the park, long walks, our girl was also going to have great fun at highland dancing.

Post birth - emergency c- section under general anaesthetic baby girl born at 29 weeks, gravely Ill. Survived and ended up with cerebral palsy so pretty much everything I thought I'd be as a mum was taken away from me.

I did manage to breastfeed though, and despite using a walking frame, she still loves to dance ❤

Why would you co-sleep surely it just took a bit of effort to get them in the cot.
I could probably count the hours he spent in the cot and still co-sleeps aged 4 ❤

I'm the opposite to most on here I had no expectations at all probably totally unprepared Infact ( which in itself made me feel bad when people asked what I thought /was doing regarding X y and z ) so now I realise most people are just muddling through the Same as I

Not too much tv and no gadgets = they watch too much and both have iPads
No food in the car = my car looks like a skip
No gadgets in the car, we could all play games = see no 1
Baby will fit around us = ha! Where has our social life gone?!
Baby will sleep in it's bed = that one at least worked for a while...
I will be a crafty, earthy, patient mother = umm well I don't mind playdoh too much!

I thought I'd finally be able to get stuff done around the house whilst the baby is napping. Sadly he currently only naps when I'm next to him. If he feels like it.

I thought, "I'll never co-sleep". I type this, whilst being amazed at how much bed a six month old baby can steal (and how loudly he can snore...)

I thought I'd be able to spend time with my husband in the evening after our son had gone to bed, but it often takes 3-5 hours to get him to settle fully.

I never realised how much I'd love him, and how he and his safety and future well-being would dominate my thoughts.

I thought I might have time to write a novel on maternity leave. With a clingon baby who slept only on me during the day and woke up hourly at night, I barely had time to eat and shower!

I bought a food processor as I thought I was going to make all the baby food from scratch, my baby wouldn't be fussy as I would feed him healthy meals from the start so he would eat all my meals. Realistically he has asd and wouldn't touch anything wet in texture and would rather starve than have a vegetable remotely near him.

I wouldn't let my children misbehave in shops, mine would behave as they would listen when I told them not touch or to come to me, in reality your children know how to push your very own individual buttons and sometimes you are tired, or feeling ill and short tempered and you just clash and they misbehave worse for you than any other person in the whole world (because they know mummy loves them and will forgive them eventually!)

TV, the children would only watch a bit then go outside and play/read/constructive activities or family time doing activities all together but reality was my asd child becomes 'logged on' and that's all he will concentrate on and sometimes it's better to let him have longer than have yet another meltdown whilst I need to make dinner. Dd of course loves TV now too.

So yes, I expected things to be a bit different but I love them lots and that's what counts

I underestimated the serious lack of sleep. You assume that the baby will be happy to be put down sometimes! My babies never want to be put down, day or night.
didn't think I would use the dummy or co-sleep! the dummy was a must with my first and I co-slept with all 3 of mine (and will this time with no.4!)

I planned to not let my baby or toddler watch tv on a daily basis and limit it to perhaps 30 minutes when they do.

The reality is sometimes you need to eat yourself, do some ironing, get a quick shower etc. If DS is awake I'll pop him in his walker and put his nursery rhymes on my iPad. It's the only thing that keeps him occupied if I'm not playing with him and now I've watched them I can see how some help baby develop/ learn.

Pre dc: TV is fine in moderation, no need for it to be on in the day - after dinner before bed is enough.

Post non-napping dc: peppa pig /Thomas the tank engine distraction the only way I can get any calls or cooking done in peace.

Well everyone's routines are different my point was that I'd previously imagined to not let DS watch tv at all and I've been more flexible than I intended.

I wouldn't have tv on around the evening because we have dinner at the table and DH plays with DS when he gets home at 5. Dinner, books, bath then bed. No need for tv for us.

Having walked past a couple sat on a park bench, each completely engrossed in their phones with baby sat in a pram a sleep next to them, DH and I looked at each other and said no way would we be doing that once our little one arrived, we'd be giving the baby our undivided attention! The reality is you don't realise that actually once baby is a sleep and you get 5 mins peace and quiet, just taking some time out and grabbing a drink and a quick browse of your phone / Facebook or whatever can actually be godsend and help you unwind and recharge, and baby is no worse for it (especially when they're a sleep anyway!)

My kids were never going to have sweets or chocolate, only fruit and yoghurt and they were never going to drink juice. When I think back at my idealistic stupidity it makes me cringe a bit.

My sister was worse, she imagined post birth that her house would be immaculate, because her DH doesn't like a mess. Explained that she would be spending time playing with the baby and looking after it, feeding it etc but she insisted her house would be tidy and her baby would still be 'stimulated' . This was while I had a 5 month old and had washing piles up to my eyeballs and she hadn't conceived yet. I now have three and life is wonderful chaos. My sister has two and her life is wonderful chaos also!

My god I had so many.
It all went wrong from the minute my DS decided to make his big arrival.
No drugs at the birth - I had everything.
Breastfeeding - he was having none of it!
No co-sleeping - to get some peace I did it.

It did get better though. I insisted on no dummy and he never wanted one. Giving up the bottle was surprisingly easy. Potty training was even quite a simple affair. I even managed to avoid processed foods, crisps, sweets, squash until he was about 3 and my parents started to let him have treats 😡... and now I do it too!

Everything in moderation.

DD1

I was going to have a water birth listening to lovely soothing music.
(reality: emergency C section with 12 people in attendance and both of us nearly dying)

My baby would breast feed and would have no need for a dummy
(reality: Neither of us managed to get the hang of breast feeding and she had a dummy 3 days after we got home because she just cried incessantly)

My child would not be watching TV endlessly, we would spend out time doing 'educational stuff'.
(reality: She adored the Teletubbies and Teletubbies in the Snow was her favourite even in the summer - I bloody hate them)

DD2

I had no expectations whatsoever.

I thought I would be the boss. I am the grown up after all.

How wrong I was.

They fucking own me. Little benevolent dictators darlings.

I didn't have expectations beforehand. I was useless with babies and assumed other parents knew what they were doing, but I had an uncharacteristically well-organised first couple of mornings at home with my pfb, and thought, wow, this is a piece of piss. My life will work like clockwork from now on. I Am In Charge.

I have never been entirely In Charge since 1994.

Before - baby would go down sleepy but awake and sleep beautifully in her basket

Reality - baby will only sleep on me with a boob in her mouth.

Pre birth: By the time he's one, he'll be down to one breastfeed a day before bed so it won't be a problem when he goes to nursery. A co sleeping cot is the perfect solution. He'll love to be near us and won't need to sleep in our bed. Let's get a big one so he can use it for the first year or so.

One year post birth: thank goodness I went for a nursery a few minutes' walk from work so I can go there in my lunchbreak; he still feeds as often as he did at three months. The Babybay maxi was a great buy; although he slept the first six months in my armpit in our bed and then moved mostly to his cot unless he has digestive trouble, now he likes plenty of space around him whenever he is in with us, so I often end up sleeping with all but my legs in the Babybay while he lies horizontally across my side of the bed.

Mainly that I would never tell my children what to do in a 'commanding or shouty way', I would never bribe them but merely reason with them and help them choose the appropriate outcome..... what a load of tosh... thus morning before school I have yelled at them to get change after a good 20 minutes of asking nicely, shouted at dd to stop writing words on my dirty car with her tongue by licking off the dirt (yuck!), had to threaten ds with no rugby training if he didn't change his crying sister back from a frog 🙄 And finally bribed them with chocolate money (found at the bottom of my handbag .. not sure how long or when they got in there 🙈) to hold onto school with no tantrums.
As you can see I am stick to my pre birth ideals 🙈🙊😂😂😂

Before I had my son I thought I'd be pushing him around the park, probably with glowy skin and a bouncy blow dry, every day, stopping to talk to anyone who wanted to stop and admire my baby. The reality was me with sleep deprived pale skin and trudging through slush and sleet with a scraped back pony tail hoping my son would sleep for 3 minutes!

Theory: I was going to start my own business during maternity leave as I wouldn't really have anything else to do

Reality: My son barely slept during the first 6 months due to allergies, ezcema and constant vomiting so I remember the first time I was able to cook and eat beans on toast with no interruptions feeling like I'd climbed Everest.