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MNHQ

Tell Asda about your pre-birth ideals versus post-birth reality - £300 voucher to be won! NOW CLOSED

281 replies

AmeliaMumsnet · 16/01/2017 11:58

We're all guilty of viewing parenthood with thick rose-tinted glasses... before we give birth. Who amongst us didn't have lofty ideals - never putting your child in front of the TV, reading Shakespeare to it every afternoon? Maybe you thought that dummies were the work of the devil or that every bit of baby food would be pureed from vegetables grown in your garden’s organic vegetable plot. And then the baby is born and reality comes crashing down like a tonne of nappies.

What high-minded expectations did you have for your parenting before your baby was born? And how have they played out now you have the real thing? Share your pre and post birth comparisons below and we’ll enter you into a prize draw to win a £300 Asda voucher.

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Thanks, and good luck!

MNHQ

Tell Asda about your pre-birth ideals versus post-birth reality - £300 voucher to be won! NOW CLOSED
OP posts:
StickChildNumberTwo · 17/01/2017 20:29

I think the sleep deprivation has made me forget everything I planned for before children! I certainly planned to baby led wean number two - it worked brilliantly for number one and suited my laziness (no need to prepare separate food or sit and spoon feed a baby while my dinner went cold) but he had other ideas and I've been keeping Ella's kitchen in business single handedly....

CheeseEMouse · 17/01/2017 20:46

Before: never really understanding why on earth you would sniff a nappy to work out if the child needs changing.
After: clearly i now do this and have no idea why I was being judgy about it

RupertsMum2 · 17/01/2017 21:08

They would just eat what we eat. They're teenagers now and I'm still cooking at least two different meals every night!

ThenBellaDidSomethingVeryKind · 17/01/2017 21:10

Pre birth: no dummies. No screen time (at all! Bahahahaha - what was I thinking!) No sugary snacks.

Post-birth: aalllll the dummies. 2 year old DS can operate the iPad better than me. And eat jelly babies at the same time.

IonaAilidh11 · 17/01/2017 21:22

before, my kids wont have tv in bedrooms
now, all 3 have tv in bedroom, peaceful life

earthmoon · 17/01/2017 21:24

Dc1 expected no sleep for the first year. In reality he was a Star and was born with his own sleep routine & slept through the night by 6months. before that it was every 3hr until 4months where it becamw every 4hr. He also accepted both bottle and breastfeeding and hardly cried.

Dc3 based on history i expected another easy baby. However, he was born premature & had reflux and constant crying. I still can't predict when he will have a good nap. I never thought it could be this exhausting having a baby and that i would turn up being one of those parents who give more attention to baby rather than the toddler. But i can't ignore a crying baby to play with dc1.

LittleMoonbuggy · 17/01/2017 21:45

Oh dear, too many to post here really!

The healthy eating thing- we started out well, but DD was very influenced by other toddlers having frequent sugary snacks at toddler group and soon expected them herself. I do try to limit them but I know that she rarely builds up enough of an appetite as she should to eat decent portions at mealtimes.

The TV thing- we end up having the TV on by default a lot of the time. However, we only have CBeebies which doesn't expose her to adverts at least, and I think a lot of the shows are quite educational.

HawkeyeInConfusion · 17/01/2017 21:48

My DC were not going to get caught up in the merchandising treadmill. I wasn't going to be handing Disney and their ilk my cash just so the DC could have something with a character on it. Reality - they and their possessions are covered with Frozen, MLP, Spiderman, Paw Patrol and so on.

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 17/01/2017 22:11

I did want to use cloth nappies, but the reality of it was not so good, they leaked, it was awful carrying them around in your bag when you were out all day, plus none of the baby's clothes fitted her as the nappies were so ginormous. Switched to disposables after a couple of weeks and never looked back.

Apart from that, I had no other ideas, I didn't have a routine, baby went where I did, and slept wherever it was and fed whenever it wanted. I was so much happier than if I had tried to follow some sort of routine.

BathshebaDarkstone · 17/01/2017 22:19

Only that he wouldn't have sweets. He's got cystic fibrosis and had his own snack cupboard without a lock filled with Monster Munch and Mars bars.

MiddleClassProblem · 17/01/2017 23:19

I never had anything I desperately wanted for a birth plan but I liked the idea of a water birth as I love wallow! But actually I had such bad hips that I probably would have struggled to get in and out of it and after 2 days of contractions an epidural was the best thing ever!

MiddleClassProblem · 17/01/2017 23:21

So I totally didn't read that properly. We definitely watch more telly than I had planned and a lot less sleep.

MrsFrTedCrilly · 17/01/2017 23:38

Never give them disgusting goop from a jar/packet
Yep...despite my lovingly home cooked, organic and sourced from the teardrops of unicorns meals both my kids happily munched the goop from a jar....

FeelingSmurfy · 18/01/2017 01:32

I was NEVER going to put my face to a child's bum to check if they needed changing! Unfortunately there are times when you just have to Envy

Summerholidayblues · 18/01/2017 06:04

That baby would always be well dressed and coordinated. Truth - they wore sleepsuits and whichever combination of clothes were not dirty or covered in sick for the first few months

claza93 · 18/01/2017 06:36

I really wanted a home birth but in reality I was so glad when they midwife suggested we headed to hospital. He clearly was too as he popped out as soon as we got through the door!
Also convinced that I would never bribe my children with sweets, threaten them that father Christmas was watching, lie about bed time............ the list goes on haha!! Love them dearly though and so glad I had four!!

Sleeplessinmybedroom · 18/01/2017 07:06

After being really sick on gas and air during my first birth I wrote on my birth plan for my 2nd that I didn't want gas and air. My labour was progressing much quicker than we expected and I was in a lot of pain. I asked for pain relief and was told that they could see by my notes I didn't want gas and air. I screamed I don't care what that says just give me the drugs. I was sick again but was past caring at that point.

Snog · 18/01/2017 08:30

I didn't want plastic tat toys in my house, just relented as soon as my dd showed any interest!
I do wish I had held out against toys made in china as the workforce in toy factories has such appalling conditions. I didn't know that at the time but I know it now.

theAntsareMyFriends · 18/01/2017 09:48

Before: I was not going to have a fussy child. Fussy children are caused by their parents pandering to them and giving them junk.
I would never use food, especially sweets, as a bribe.

After: 3 petit filou for breakfast is better than nothing.

Jam is an acceptable sandwich filling.

If you sit on the potty you can have a smartie.
My DS is extremely fussy and I'm now mentally apologising to every other parent of fussy children that I judged.

I think its good to have ideals before so long as you can laugh a bit at yourself when they don't work out.
I thought the baby would fit round my life, I would be bored with so much free time and I would be able to write a novel while on maternity leave. None of these things happened but having DS is still the best journey I have ever embarked on and I'm going to do it all again very soon with the arrival of DS2.

I now have lots of lofty ideals about how DS2 will fit around DS1 and how this time I will get it all 'right'. It seems like I never learn!

FeelTheNoise · 18/01/2017 09:49

With DC1: baby won't be stuck in front of the tv....
With DC2: let's download that CBeebies app :)

Bubblemumma1 · 18/01/2017 09:53

Pre-birth, I would have no toys in the lounge when DS wasn't actually in the lounge i.e when he went to bed or we went upstairs for an extended time.

Post-birth reality is that I often have no energy to put his toys away. He's 2.3yr so he'll put some of them away then make a game of pretending to listen to me but will actually hide them around the room or scatter them all over.

Also post-birthave screen time is about double what I swore to myself I would allow.

nroseleen · 18/01/2017 10:49

Its all the same but it needs proper preparation ,readiness , for adverse situation as well. You have to be strong mentally and having confidence in yourself can help you to comeover any worst situation. Its tough ,hard as everyday will be a new experience and new learning.

EllieQ · 18/01/2017 12:51

I had no expectations of a natural birth so was happy with my epidural, but ended up with forceps which was the only thing I ruled out on my birth plan (it was that or straight to c-section).

I had planned to breastfeed (though would be happy with the occasional bottle of formula as advised by friends with babies), and definitely judged people who didn't plan to BF or stopped after a few weeks (like SIL). Reality: couldn't get BF established and switched to formula after five days. Taught me a lesson!

I wasn't going to be one of those parents who used YouTube to entertain their children. Reality: BBC iplayer and cat videos on YouTube are very helpful.

I was going to keep her in our room until 6 months as advised. Reality: she slept a decent stretch by four months and was a noisy sleeper, so we moved her into her own room.

If I had a girl, I wasn't going to dress her up in cute outfits. Reality: I care more about what she wears and how she looks than I thought.

In a lot of things I have kept to my pre-children ideals (limited toys, very little TV, eats what we eat, still reading books and going out running), but I'm aware this is only possible because DD is an easy-going child who eats well, sleeps well, and is as happy to be with DH as me. And that wasn't something I could influence! Plus she's only a toddler and things could change at any time.

LauraFlossy88 · 18/01/2017 13:13

When I was expecting DD1 I was adamant that I would only buy toys made of natural materials, i.e wood, that I would not allow her to sleep in my arms (straight into moses basket after feeds) and that I would breastfeed until 12 months. Oh and of course no TV.

On the day of the birth she screamed EVERY time I put her down so she slept in my arms. Something I kept doing for months and definately paid for when she hit the toddler years.

3 days after the birth she still wouldn't latch on to feed properly so MW reccomended I switch to formula (she took to it straight away).

By 6 months after the birth she loved her flashy singing phone toy.

And cbeebies has saved my sanity more times than I can count.

CordeliaScott · 18/01/2017 13:33

DH insisted before DD was born that he would definitely be making all of her baby food from scratch as " you can't trust what they put in the jars" He bought a blender and everything which is still sitting pristine in the box two years later...