Tell me, Count Olaf, the lies you've told your children - chance to win £300 voucher NOW CLOSED

[CountOlaf]

My dear MNers,

It is I, Count Olaf. Those fools charming fellows at MNHQ have temporarily allowed me to take the reins, and while I have them, I propose that - rather than your usual milksop fare (driveway parking, houmous, and whatnot) - we discuss something rather more meaty.

I want you to tell me the terrible lies you have told your DCs.

By 'lie' I mean, of course, an intentionally false statement - rather like the fiendish zinger I have (thus far) got away with telling those wretched Baudelaire orphans, following the tragic (boo hoo ) death of their darling Ps: that is, that I have their very best interests at heart, and certainly did not become their guardian with the sole intention of getting my hands on their sizeable inheritance. To which end, I have, as some of you may already be aware, developed a suite of cunning disguises to prevent them from wriggling from my grasp.

So do tell - what are the magnificent lies you have told your DCs. Maybe you've told them a single bed has plenty of room for 3 DCs to share? Or that rocks are toys? Share your devious methods below and I will reward one of you with a £300 voucher...but only one of you, of course: life isn’t fair!

Yours ingeniously,

Count Olaf

Standard Insight T&Cs Apply

Just the Santa Claus/Easter Bunny thing itself. I was really angry at my own parents for 'fooling' me when I found out, and I didn't want my daughter to feel the same way. Yet in the end we went ahead with it because we didn't want her to feel left out. She's quite sensitive and imaginative, and appears to still believe in these things even though she's about to turn 14. Last time I tried to ease into the subject with her, she ended up saying, 'You mean Santa's not going to visit me this year???'. 'Of course he is,' I said. I'm finding it a rather difficult situation to be honest.

Well I have changed the time on the clock to get them to bed earlier when they have been driving me up the wall.

I tell them if they tell lies there hair will fall out and more than one chocolate bar a week is bad for you that's why dogs aren't allowed to eat it.

I said that Santa is watching all year round to see how well behaved you are before deciding who deserves presents

The dog must have ate your Easter eggs sorry, was the lie I told after I desperately wanted some of their chocolate

That the tooth fairy only gives £1 😂😂

Father Christmas is the main one and I even feel guilty about that!

That eating fruit and vegetables would make you into a super hero

Santa!

I can only really think of Father Christmas & the tooth fairy. I can't think of any lies we have told

Mine is if you wee in the swimming pool, it will turn the water dark blue around you. Bless them, they always got out and had a wee then jumped back in.

I've told a few untruths in my time to keep my kids in check. Currently we have the elf on a shelf making random checks during the night where said elf leaves a note for my son on his blackboard in his bedroom. It usually says he has been Watching him to make sure he is doing as he is told.
My other lie us that on cold frosty nights Jack frost goes about freezing everything he touches but if little children are not asleep at bedtime he will freeze them as well

Our son used to like looking out of the window at any large vehicles especially the singing van . One day after watching it , he looked me and said "mum ,the singing van sells ice creams !"

that brocolli and brussell sprouts have magic powers and when you eat them, they will get special powers, however the magic powers have to be things like, strength and being good.

We never told our children lies, and always treated them as adults ... except we did once take them to Legoland without telling them where we were going. We had to distract them every time a road sign appeared.

I told my daughter once because i didnt wont to let her down about going to the sea side that it was adults day so we couldnt go. i was poorly that day and didnt want to make her feel let down by me so i told a naughty lie whoops

We told our son that the angel on top of the Christmas tree tells Santa when he's being naughty.

I think probably the most lies I made up were to make life easier after splitting up with his Dad, particularly over the Christmas arrangements where Father Christmas would come to my house earlier in December as well as to his Dad's on Christmas Eve! Amazing that Father Christmas eh?!

For years and years DH told them he was 39 - they still joke about it now

I work for a gift wrap company and my children think I see santa all throughout the year as he comes to collect his wrapping paper!

My mum told me my rabbit had run away when I was about 5. We went away on holiday and when we came back it was gone. She said my granddad must have forgotten to close the hutch. When I was about 20 she admitted my granddad had actually eaten it in a pie.

That I have secret eyes in the back of my head - they even believed it for a bit when they were small (Lots of reflective surfaces in my house - love it when I am cooking and can see them in the tiles behind me!)

the classic crusts give you curly hair!

For years my three children believed that when they went to bed they had a sensor button inside the mattress, so that if ever they got out of bed - it sent a signal downstairs and Mummy and Daddy could switch the TV over and watch them!!
Saved a lot of shouting up and downstairs to tell them to get back into bed / their own room etc !! They never moved after that and were all usually asleep within minutes :)

at the rabbit pie!