Tell me, Count Olaf, the lies you've told your children - chance to win £300 voucher NOW CLOSED

[CountOlaf]

My dear MNers,

It is I, Count Olaf. Those fools charming fellows at MNHQ have temporarily allowed me to take the reins, and while I have them, I propose that - rather than your usual milksop fare (driveway parking, houmous, and whatnot) - we discuss something rather more meaty.

I want you to tell me the terrible lies you have told your DCs.

By 'lie' I mean, of course, an intentionally false statement - rather like the fiendish zinger I have (thus far) got away with telling those wretched Baudelaire orphans, following the tragic (boo hoo ) death of their darling Ps: that is, that I have their very best interests at heart, and certainly did not become their guardian with the sole intention of getting my hands on their sizeable inheritance. To which end, I have, as some of you may already be aware, developed a suite of cunning disguises to prevent them from wriggling from my grasp.

So do tell - what are the magnificent lies you have told your DCs. Maybe you've told them a single bed has plenty of room for 3 DCs to share? Or that rocks are toys? Share your devious methods below and I will reward one of you with a £300 voucher...but only one of you, of course: life isn’t fair!

Yours ingeniously,

Count Olaf

Standard Insight T&Cs Apply

[farmergirl29]

I regularly tell her that her toys and books have gone to sleep so can't play anymore when it is getting close to bedtime. Her noisy toys quite often need to 'go to bed' during the day too.

[mishknight]

very concerned about when my DC finds out about Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy. She'll probably never trust me again

[pfcpompeysarah]

I do the usual 'oh McDonalds is closing soon so we have wait until another time' or 'I haven't got any spare money for an icecream at the moment' .. this is usually on his 4th request for an icecream in one day!!

[Alibongo0001]

When the ice cream van rings his bell, he's run out.
We often go to our local ice cream factory shop and when the vans come in, they sometimes ring their bell if theirs loads of kids there. My 3 yr old tells the lady behind the counter 'quick, fill the van up, fill the van up' 😀

[Alibongo0001]

Or... if you feel poorly, have a sore knee etc that there's little men inside their body that fix them when they're asleep. Works wonders to get the kids to bed when needed. Son:'I've got a headache' me:'don't worry, the fixer men will fix that when you're asleep, night night'

[Agerbilatemycardigan]

My eldest daughter would only eat meat, but I wanted her to start eating fish too so presented her with some for her tea. She refused to eat it until I told her that it was something called 'sea chicken.' She ate all of it

[Butteredpars1ps]

I have eyes in the back of my head.

There is always a lot of turbulence near our house on Christmas Eve. That's why pyjamas always fall off the sleigh during dinner.

There is no ice-cream in the freezer in the garage

No of course I haven't eaten your chocolate. Have you asked your brother / sister / father?

[mumpetuk1]

That we have little imps that live in the house that will take their toys if they leave them out at night... Wicked I know!

[alcin]

I told DS that he had to go to sleep early so the tooth fairy could come to practice getting in & out of his room.
The next day he was told the fairy had text me and said his room was too messy to find bed & pillow so he would have to tidy it for her!

[21Catherine21]

I have told my children that a shop is closed (when it isn't) to avoid having to buy them something I don't want to!.
But by the same token I have told them once that we were going on a camping trip in the UK when actually I had booked a coach trip to Spain for a fabulous camping holiday there!
Their faces were priceless when the coach pulled up!

[oldjacksscrote]

That when he has trapped wind or any type of stomach ache it's because he had too many treats e.g. 2 biscuits

[kazlau]

I told my DC that the veg had a wonderful farm that our aging cat was going to go and live in for his retirement. I had to park down the street and get my sobbing over and done with after have my gorgeous boy put down do the DC would believe me. 😞

[JonesTheSteam]

Told my older DS that the 'nice' chocolate in the cupboard had nuts in it.

He thought he was allergic to nuts for years.

DH and I just wanted all the chocolate for ourselves... (greedy buggers!)

[sweir1]

That if he doesn't clean his teeth they will all fall out

[sadiewoohoo]

That they were once small enough to pop in my pocket and carry round

[liamell]

If you pick your nose your head will drop off :)

That fish fingers are sea chicken.

I text santa throughout the year and update him on naughtiness.

That the iceream man plays music when he has ran out of icecream (cruel i know)

Everytime you touch something you shouldnt in a shop a kitten dies

[BathshebaAndGabriel]

The children kept pestering me to buy them a PlayStation like their Irish cousins have so I told them that Ireland has different "Toy Laws" because it rains so much there.

[purplevamp]

I used to tell my kids that I needed to test their food and drinks incase it tasted funny or was poisonous!! They don't believe me now!

[ha2el]

That the stars are twinkling because of all the good things you do and say in the world, and the more you do this the more stars will twinkle.

[AmeliaMumsnet]

Congratulations @tabbaz123 - you have been selected to win a £300 voucher!

[tabbaz123]

Thank you so VERY much!

[angiehoggett]

I always wrote a letter every christmas from Santa telling them if they were naughty all of the presents would get took away. They started to realise when they got older that it was my handwriting though!

[rejcomp]

I have never lied to my children, probably because I don't have any..

[justgina]

that the internet closes down at 7pm !!!

[multiplemummy]

We bought our twins a lovely yellow canary a couple of years ago & they were both absolutely besotted with it!! We'd not long returned from our holiday in Spain when I woke up one morning to a dead canary!! We managed to hide the deseased canary from the twins & they went happily off to school. When they got home from school, I told them that the canary had flown to Spain to live in the sunshine & they were actually quite okay with it!! Phew!!!