The Goose & Carrot Pub

[RedRegular]

A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted in 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The season is changing and the bar is well stocked.

@Zeonlywayisup it was an hour and a half later when we were packing to go and he just got up and got his stuff, we weren't going to ask him. TBF it was a very short seizure, maybe 20 seconds.

@FrostySunRun studying at a pace will be the hardest bit of college i imagine. The constant prompting and doing is exhausting, it’s like running two brains inside your own head. I’m approaching life skills by picking an area and focusing on that then moving on. Next step is DD filling her own weekly pill container on a Sunday night and eventually relying solely on her alarms to take them. What one thing would impact most to get more ready for college? What could be reduced? Showering less is an unpopular suggestion for obvious reasons, maybe shower/bath at night, pits and bits sink wash for mornings. DD2 wanting to try college is brilliant and I have a feeling you will make and do everything possible (even if you are stuck in two brains until she is settled and comfortable there).

Thanks @RedRegular i am thinking I’ve got a year to get her working on some self organising skills. I know she has them as she runs a business via YouTube selling something she creates digitally and set up her own website, order form, automated spreadsheet with clicks for each stage tracking the make and tracker for the income she generates from it. All herself, when it’s linked to a special interest she can do it! However when it’s something she’s not fussed about nope it’s like her brain goes to mush sigh. The biggest issue is the college that does the course she wants to do would need to allow an hours travel time door to classroom seat. My eldest did it for 2years however I cannot facilitate taking her or picking her up and keeping my job she would have to take the train then walk 10mins. She’s done the train ride with a friend & DH sat in another carriage she’s capable as a one off but the stamina to do it 5d a week is on a whole other level of social exhaustion that at the moment she won’t cope with. The nearest 6th form is very school like and not a great fit either.

Your DD1 is doing so well @FrostySunRun to do the competition by herself. Hope the annual review isn't too depressing.

Sorry about the seizure @BlueandWhitePorcelain

Just been out clearing the garden of leaves and DH was painting one of the mini tool stores then cleaned kitchen floor as its got a bit muddy but nothing like before, DS sticks to paths now. DS has had 2 baths so far today, one early morning and one when we were gardening. He must smell like a beautiful rose now. The cat got out as DH was coming back in with me and he was slow to change footwear, cat went to a metre of the silver silkie and started a matcho don't fight me big chicken walk but fortunately DH grabbed him in 10 seconds. The silkies were very chatty after. Its a much better temp here today, maybe 25C or so.

@FrostySunRun does the college require daily attendance? Could a reasonable adjustment be made for some studying from home. Combine that with a couple of pick ups/drop offs by you maybe. I’m excited for DD2!

@Tulipandmagnolia its 25 and cooler here too. Weird that I’m classing 25 as cooler. Think we have more 30ties ahead of us next week in this area.

@RedRegular I was saying to DH on day it was 36C, it'll be cooler tomorrow, only 31C.😂Today is much better for doing things and its 25C or so and similar all week but week after we are back to 30C. I am a little worried about the lack of rain for the garden that's why we are out there so much, trees are dropping a lot of leaves due to heat and then the lawn struggles if leaves on it.

@Tulipandmagnolia im thinking about planting only drought friendly plants going forward and making borders and paths, seating areas etc to replace all my lawn as it’s just not thriving. I’ve got a lot of tomatoes though.

DD school have said no blazers again this week, even though it's only 20° (but they were in PE kits for part of last week!).
DS is probably going to stay at my dad's on Sat which is the second time we've been away from him since he was placed with us aged 3 weeks. DD will still be with us but my DM house where we'll be staying is tiny.
Then on Sunday DH will take the DCs to see DM in hospital which will probably lead to her moaning about what an awful child he is and how dare DH bring him to see her.

@RedRegular We have found the 3 paths useful, was hard work to put them in but now we all use them, even the birds and the silkies use them and it reduces mud coming into the house a lot. Our lawn we had to re turf about 3/4s of it as DS was 4 hours walking on it every day and its surviving very well. It was also a lot of work laying it but glad we did. I got tough turf. Our plants survive well though need to water them daily in the heat. We all love the plants. DH said to me look at our beautiful lily its come out now today. He always points out the new flowers and DS also loves flowers. My bugbear is the leaves, I have spent 5 hours clearing leaves this week and DH one. Though its great exercise and I love being in the garden. You have to clear them otherwise lawn gets damaged. I didn't realise how much work gardens where until we bought here, we had a tiny garden at our London house which was once a week for a couple of hours to look perfect. I'm glad it was that size in hindsight. I love our garden here and its great exercise for DH and I and it helps DS and now I'm not working and DH is retiring its fine. I wanted to use my hand rake today but DS appears to have snaffled it, does love his garden tools. It depends how much time you have really.

@Lougle - I am sorry to hear about DD’s driving lesson. I don’t know why men feel the need to bully young women!

Thanks @Tulipandmagnolia ive just collected DD1 she’s very tired and exhausted her social battery too but had a good event. Back to work for her first thing tomorrow. I’d admire your energy for the garden mine desperately needs some tlc but I can’t find the mojo at the moment to tackle it. I’ve had loads of strawberries, gooseberries and a few raspberries over the last few weeks which is nice and I need to pick the rhubarb.

Hows @RedRegular DD adjusting to time off studying hopefully doing ok. We have a positively chilly morning forecast tomorrow. I can’t wait I’m not a fan of over 20c neither is our ddog it will be nice to walk her tomorrow in cooler conditions.

@Tulipandmagnolia you put a lot of work into the lawn and paths is good that it’s all worthwhile. I like the exercise and blank mind gardening brings.

@FrostySunRun DD is still having 2 tutors for 1 hour each a week as she likes to prepare for modules and is more confident if she already knows a percentage of what she is going to study next modules. Grumbling away but doing it. I’m trying to stuff in the life skills and give her a break and also prepare her for October.

@Lougle I think you are very brave to start the carers process and increase by stealth might be the gentle exposure needed. I never understood the people that wouldn’t do DD1 led activities every visit surely it’s the way to successful beginnings. Random idiot aside DD2 and DD3 are really cracking on with driving it’s lovely to read, oh the possibilities for them with driving licences.

@Zeonlywayisup little wave of thanks from me. DS’s food journey has made me rethink and DD tried a new food and she liked it. It was mochi so I’m going down the maybe rice route.

@drspouse honk honk it’s incredibly difficult to handle. Gin vat and snorkel coming your way.

@drspouse I didn't realise you had DS from 3 weeks old. You've put in such a lot of work with him.

@Tulipandmagnolia the amount of leaves must be phenomenal. Do you compost them?

@FrostySunRun exciting plans. Would a taxi work for DD2? The LA may be able to provide one if it will facilitate her attendance at college and you can't do it.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain sorry about DD's seizure, too. Dry drowning is very scary, so I can't imagine the stress of trying to establish if it's a risk.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain and @RedRegular thank you - people can be idiots, can't they? It was very sweet though, because DD2 sighed and said that she was glad it happened to her because she thought it would really freak DD3 out. Then, when DD2 heard about it, she said she'd wished it was her because it was so upsetting for DD2.

@RedRegular the difficulty with DD1's interests is that they largely revolve around treats, eating, and Costa at the moment, which isn't good for her every day.

DDs have their D of E expedition on Tuesday. DD2's dog is attending as her mascot.

@Lougle that is tricky would be excellent if they can steer her back to animals. The weather is a bit better for DoE Ddog is in for a lot of fuss and love.

Glad your DD1 had a good event. That must be lovely to have all that fruit.

Glad you DD is progressing @RedRegular

Hope DoE goes well @Lougle

No we don't compost, there was a composting thing here when we got the house but it was all manky so we got rid of it. Previous lady I don't think had been up to doing her garden for years so her son did lawn mowing. It would be difficult to compost as there's 10 different trees and their leaves are all mixed including 2 big hollies and an apple tree and you would need to separate leaves. We have 2 giant green bins so I just fill those with leaves and they are both full every 2 weeks. I am fine with the disposal, an extra green bin is cheap here, about £1 a week. Out of BST its only once a week for a couple of hours so October to March is fine. Its April to September its loads of leaves which go on all the plants and the lawn and you have to be careful to collect in a way that doesn't damage plants or lawn. DS also keeps taking rakes and hiding them. I need to get another leaf rake. I have a metal rake he hasn't taken but its too rough on the new turf. He's taken our big plastic leaf rake and my hand rake. Its all good exercise though and we have the time now. I also have silkies following me round and the silver one always walks into me. Its like gardening with toddlers. At least DH can mow lawn now its cooler but we have about 9 hours of 2 mini tool store painting to do as well. I think its the very hot weather that's causing it to be so much and also there are lots of big trees close together, I might start watering ours once a week if this heat continues but only 4 of the 10 trees are ours.

Ugh been awake since 4am mind worrelling away so walked dog early and made myself go for a sea swim as it always helps calm the anxiety of dealing with the LA. Honestly they are like the worst bully in their behaviour and despite the law supposedly on our side their complete and utter disregard for it means the reality is I really do feel powerless against them. I shall repeat that this too shall pass and hopefully they will leave us alone for another year & allow DD to complete her exams funded. I’m extra nervous because I’m fully aware the local massive secondary school has been gearing up its “resource base” & recruited 2 extra TAs to staff it. I have a very good friend whose a HL TA & has worked there adhoc as cover who has said it’s a nightmare holding room for the very disruptive mostly boys not at all an inclusive calming educational environment!

Good news LA verbally agreed to hold current AP as is until July27. Hopefully the paperwork will reflect that as I don’t trust them at all. But the caseworker I thought we were getting is off sick and we have newer shiny enthusiastic one who I’ve been told by someone else is good. So hopefully as she’s the 4th person this year overseeing DD2 package they stick around a bit longer!

@BlueandWhitePorcelain sorry about DD1’s seizure. I hope she made it to swimming today.

@FrostySunRun glad DD1 had a good event and the AR meeting went well.

@Lougle good luck to DDs tomorrow.

The HT at the school the LA has named for September visited today to meet DS1. DS1 was not happy about it. It went as well as it could. The HT will be a strong witness.

Sorry the visit distressed DS1 @scoopofmintchocchipicecream but hopefully that will deter the placement and you don’t have to wait too long for the tribunal to challenge.

We are back from a happy week away. Ds did brilliantly. Gosh his progress with language is phenomenal. Still emotionally very vey delayed (well preschool really but a nice preschool😍), but such a charmer. I was able to detach from all my LA/EHC/etc angst and have come back feeling the beginnings of my old non-victim-of-the-system self returning. I have a really busy few weeks coming up with lots of physical work to be done in the garden and a skip and lists of things to get done. Slightly daunting but I think ok.

@RedRegular mochi!!! You nonchalant little food adventurers….I wonder if ds would try one? This goose power is really very helpful at keeping us all moving forward. thanks

@Lougle boil that frog! To my mind the very best progress is always painless and gradual. Keep notes, or you will die of impatience. Ds tends to move so slowly you think you’ll explode and then just do a huge jump. I think you’ve got an excellent chance of success.

Shall we think about an October meet?

Glad the AR went OK @FrostySunRun

Sorry the LA are making things very stressful for DS1 and you @scoopofmintchocchipicecream

Great you had a happy week away @Zeonlywayisup and so good that it helped your DS. October meet up would be great.

DS ate a new food, we got him dim sum and he ate the bao bun though not the smaller ones, probably as you could see the prawns through them. I have been gardening / cleaning DSs bathroom for 2.5 hours and DH was giving a second coat of paint to 3 sides of the first mini tool store. I have been looking up when trees drop leaves and it seems to vary by type - hollies which we have two big ones of are April to June so that's all normal but maybe exacerbated by heatwave. Our lime tree it says spring and autumn but if its happy it should shed less. Looks like we need to deep water trees once a week when its very hot. Apple tree is normal cycle its the blossom of it and a few apples on ground now.

I told DS I would clean his bathroom and it was partly to get the rubbish he leaves in it out and best to put it in a bin as will attracts insects this time of year when its hot and he started using the bin. He's currently running round the garden. Had our roast dinner today as its cooler today.

@Zeonlywayisup glad you had a good holiday.

Thanks @FrostySunRun and @Tulipandmagnolia. The school is aghast at being named. They don’t want DS1 to attend. The HT recognises DS1 won’t cope with the school and the school won’t cope with him. It would put DS1, other pupils and staff at risk. The HT meeting DS1 will help with their evidence.

I can’t commit to anything later in the year yet with DS1’s appeal. While we have a summer hearing date, there is a chance the hearing will be vacated due to a lack of court time. If that happens, it won’t be heard until the autumn term. DS1 will also be having surgery on his hip sometime after September (needs to be at least 1 year on from his scoliosis operation).

Spent most of the day putting off editing a huge work document and then staring at the work document though it does now look a tiny bit better. Then had to find all the documents for the solicitor for appeal. Includes various emails with school, so depressing.
DD being extremely combative, we really need to get on the same page for parenting her but we've lost our way a bit. I hate feeling like the only one who holds the boundaries.

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream Thanks. DD1 did go swimming, because she loves it and is an excellent swimmer. Unfortunately, she had another seizure. The nurse and lifeguard suggested she only go in the water for 15 minutes next time. It’s probably the change in temperature. Getting in and out of the bath is always a problematic time for that reason!

I am sorry you and @drspouse are facing tribunals.