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Original poster

Good luck Claw!

186 replies

fightingtheLA · 14/06/2010 22:14

Hi Claw
Have been following your sorry saga with school for a while now. Just wanted to say good luck with the meeting tomorrow and hope you get more from it than the usual clap-trap,fob-offs etc. etc. I find it difficult dealing with everything even with a very supportive school so am in awe of your tenacity. Knowledge is strength and posters such as yourself, Debs, Star,Attila etc..have really given me the confidence to fight for my ds!

OP posts:
claw3 · 17/06/2010 18:31

Star lol that is cruel i like it!

Ds doesnt know that he has a new school yet, if i tell him before the visit, he will worry, he doesnt like the unknown.

I was going to take him tomorrow, he knows we are going to have a look at the school where the children were having fun riding bikes.

I have told him he can take pictures and have a look around as i thought he might like it there. After visit this will become the 'new' school.

I will ask him if he wants to go back to old school to say goodbye after visit, but i think starting the new school, then going back to old school might confuse him?

It would have been ideal to do the finish, then the start, not sure about the other way round though.

StarOfValkyrie · 17/06/2010 18:41

Can you ask him what it is he likes about his old school, so you are forewarned about the things he might miss or get confused about?

You could then reassure him that those things will be at the new school too. They can get some funny things into their heads sometimes. For example my ds doesn't realise that all buildings have toilets in them unless I specifically take him and show him when we arrive, otherwise he holds on and holds on and has an accident.

This may also help to reassure you that it is nothing that can't be addressed.

debs40 · 17/06/2010 18:44

I moved DS at the beginning of Yr1 and I was worried but I gave him a week off in between and a trip to London and he never looked back! Fickle soul!

claw3 · 17/06/2010 18:47

Debs, we have been surviving without a kitchen, weve been eating lots of junk, ive put on a few pounds

Yep a passive kid can be forced to conform, then everyone praises the conform without dealing the issues. Nice and easy for everyone, but the child.

The only people who ds actually liked were one class TA and his class teacher. There were 3 children who were nice to him and by nice i mean who had never hit him.

Im afraid ds has come to accept that this is how school is. He never actually liked it there, he just come to accept it. He was forced to conform, no matter how uncomfortable he felt. 'Friends' are the children who dont hit you. Thats pretty fucked up.

Your right fuck the transition, il write a social story!

claw3 · 17/06/2010 18:53

Debs, exactly emotional ties, mean sod all to ds! He is as fickle as they come too!

SE13Mummy · 17/06/2010 19:30

What fantastic news... have been following (and occasionally commenting upon) the saga as a stowaway (aka MS teacher-sorry!) on the SN board.

I think if your DS were someone I'd been teaching (except that I'm not as hopeless as his soon-to-be ex-school) I'd suggest that instead of a final day in school/an actual visit he could choose/make a goodbye card and physically post it instead. It could say something as straightforward as, "dear class X, I am not coming to this school again as I am going to X school where children ride bikes. That is my new school" - something almost social story-esque. Doing nothing may worry him as there won't have been anything concrete to suggest that the old school episode is truly over whereas a clear action (goodbye card or maybe role play a funeral & cremation with the nasty hamster-eyed Head in a coffin on the BBQ!) might help him realise that the new school is 'his' now. It's just a thought...

I'm also thrilled that you've found a mainstream school that seems to know its stuff and actually cares - I've posted before about having worked in places like this so know they do exist but, more often than not, the Ofsted rating will put off the majority of parents and so much good goes undiscovered.

justaboutupright · 17/06/2010 19:42

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debs40 · 17/06/2010 19:57

SE13Mummy - what is your advice about finding these schools? How do you tell the wheat from the chafe?

I'm sure DS's school would do the hard sell on how inclusive they were to any parent coming in and the LA EP's inform me that they recommend them as the most 'ASD friendly' in the area

They have improved immensely but there is no willingness/planning/heart in what they do. It is always me, driving everything, proving what needs to be done, arguing my case.

Claw shows it doesn't have to be like this. But how do you find these places?

want2sleep · 17/06/2010 20:03

well done claw3 on this find sounds a gem! Good luck tomorrow with visit...

I went to school today so negetive and painted worst day re ds as so fed up over IND school yest ...they said when can ds start!

Still looking though...have not met a school that clued up I must admit claw...I esp primary age nothing within 10 miles where I live like this!

want2sleep · 17/06/2010 20:03

well done claw3 on this find sounds a gem! Good luck tomorrow with visit...

I went to school today so negetive and painted worst day re ds as so fed up over IND school yest ...they said when can ds start!

Still looking though...have not met a school that clued up I must admit claw...I esp primary age nothing within 10 miles where I live like this!

claw3 · 17/06/2010 20:17

Fighting - thank you so much again for starting this thread, it was this thread that prompted me to start ringing different school. Have 2 glasses of virtual bubbly you deserve it

Star - Usually when i ask ds anything about school he simply says 'i dont want to talk about it'. I think that says it all. He is able to tell me the things he doesnt like about school, albeit a bit muddled at times. He cant tell me what he likes.

SE13 the card is a brilliant idea, i will get ds to make one and if they have a kind bone left in their body, they should get the kids to make him one too.

Silver he cant go back for a last day, he starts the introduction tomorrow with me, thats it now, its all started. The SENCO works quick, she got on the phone to LA while i was still having my tour. Copies of the reports for her tomorrow and she will put a plan in place agreed with me by Monday!

Thank you so much everyone for your support

Original poster
fightingtheLA · 17/06/2010 20:38

I'm glad I have helped you and your ds. I've received so much help here myself just from reading a lot of the threads and have never been able to offer much help to anyone else.
Your story just struck a chord with me as ds is now having to have counselling after trauma suffered at his infant school. If I was on MN then I know things could have been so different for him. At the time though I was naive and thought that school would do the best for him. He didn't tell us everything that happened as he "thought all schools were like that". I am now really worried about how he will cope at high school so am doing what I can now in the hope he will be o.k.

OP posts:
StarOfValkyrie · 17/06/2010 20:47

blimey at the SENCO. 25th March I was offered a place for ds at a local school. Is he in there? No, they're still trying to figure out the provision

StarOfValkyrie · 17/06/2010 20:50

Felatio makes me really hungry

StarOfValkyrie · 17/06/2010 20:50

Ooops, wrong thread.....

justaboutupright · 17/06/2010 20:51

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StarOfValkyrie · 17/06/2010 20:54

seriously, - it isn't anywhere near as bad as it sounds

debs40 · 17/06/2010 20:58

Star are you multi-threading? I feel betrayed? Have you a whole different world of mumsnet buddies we don't know about??!! We thought we were the only ones!

justaboutupright · 17/06/2010 21:04

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StarOfValkyrie · 17/06/2010 21:08

No no, Felatio is a MNer, and she was talking about food! I promise!

Anyway, - let's keep Claw's happy thread clean and hers so she can revist it in the future!

StarOfValkyrie · 17/06/2010 21:09

other pleasures than whinging about SN tribunals?

justaboutupright · 17/06/2010 21:11

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thederkinsdame · 17/06/2010 21:40

Claw, that's absolutely fantastic! Well done for fighting so hard.

I hope you have told the HT at your DS's current school to stick her report so far up her arse she'll be using her teeth to shred it? If you haven't, there's nothing to stop you now

mummysaurus · 17/06/2010 22:55

been lurking in your thread claw - bloody well done woman.

I don't suppose new school will be perfect but let's face it - it cannot be any worse.

good luck to your ds, he deserves to be somewhere he is kept safe and is understood.

debs40 · 17/06/2010 23:05

I said the Head would end up singing'I fought the Claw and the Claw won'

You just remember that madam whenever you doubt yourself!