A request for opinions and advice regarding Amber's departure from an outsider, but concerned friend.

[Catitainahatita]

Hi.

I am one of Amber's friends from outside the SN board. We have been distressed and upset by her departure and are unsure of how to respond to it.

We know that Amber was trying to seek a solution with MNHQ for some of the problems that she has faced on the boards recently. We would like to continue this, but are unsure of how to proceed.

To be clear: We are aware that there are many, many issues here that we do not understand or know about. It is not our intention to try to do anything that would be detrimental to other users of the SN board.

For these reasons, we seek your opinions and advice. We do not wish to be presumptious or insensitive or disrespectful in anyway. We would just like to help our friend.

One final personal comment. I realise that my own participation in a recent thread here was rude and beligerant. I apologised there and do so again here. I hope this lapse of personal control can be forgotten if not forgiven.

My only motivation here is concern for Amber; although, I repeat, this does not mean that I am looking to help her at the cost of anyone else.

I really hope there is a solution that is amenable to all. Could you all give us some help on how this might be done?

Thank you very much.

Can we have a Disability is Shit Corner? Please! Maybe with another title, for the benefit of those posters won't want to read even the heading?

(was shouted at last night, have been shouted at this morning, will doubtless be shouted at tonight- because dd hurts and it's my fault)

The said poem was presumably written by someone affected by autism. That person expressed her feelings (at the time) about her/his situation. Writing is a way of therapy for many people, why shouldn't someone express their inner feelings if that makes them feel better (freedom of speech).
That poem reflects what the person was going through. So, do you want people to negate their feelings? Are we going to ban people from writing poems of this nature?

Personally, I don't agree with a safe place. It implies that the rest of the forum is not safe. If I were a newcomer and saw a "safe area" I would be very confused about it's purpose.

Hmm, TS the poem had dubious roots, it seemed it was written in the seventies 9very different attitudes about ASD then, AS not even figuring) by soemone who has chosen to remove it from the public domain but was then alledgedly plagiarised by someone else, known in ASD circkles in their country but from what I can see not universally liked

So really not a good choie of source in itself? Something half plagiarised at best would nto be something I'd choose tbh

TBH you have to learn to just not read, I have JH's rubbish book as I know it would make me angry, I didn't read the poem thread as it didn't seem to be something aimed "to me" you have to just take the good with the bad.

meant haven't read

If the OP wanted the their post containing the poem removed then that's fine. It was not fine to remove the whole thread. I agree with fio and others, we have managed and coexisted perfectly well on SN for years, it aint broke so don't change it. But I have no objection to new areas being created but also agree that saying somewhere is "safe" implies that other parts of MN are not. I didn't look at or examine those other threads but MrsT has said on here and to me privately that I am probably one of the targets and I couldn't give a shit tbh.
Mind you, I did look at one and don't like any of us being characterised as "mums who are hopping mad at life and how it is for them thanks to child's disability" which is not only utterly incorrect imo but insulting.

TTR does work well afaik. I stopped being a member because I found it "too Pollyanna" for me but that is fine, I don't object to that away from a public forum, it isn't for me so I left it alone. That is what people need to learn to do, leave things alone that you don't like, don't care about or find upsetting.

Davros, I know, I shouldn't have looked at the active thing - need to get the screen to set only particular boards.

Do you mean where I wrote "...some exhausted parents who need SO much more help and support and someone to be there, really. I guess that if we could all take part in 100% reasoned discussion under those circumstances, it would be a miracle of Biblical proportions? It's me not being able to handle it, and people not knowing enough about ASD responses, that's the problem, I think?.ooo, now my explanations are always a bit of a worry in case I mis-explain, but On the SN board there's a) mums who are hopping mad at life and how it is for them thanks to child's disability
b) mums who want to have a general debate and want to look at controversial material as part of that debate
c) mums who need advice on general things
d) mums who need a really quiet safe place because they're not able to handle the Big Debates - often people with ASDs. I think there's about 8 mums so far on there with ASDs. Some can handle debates, some can't. Depends on the brain wiring we end up with.
So I asked if anyone had ideas from mumsnet on how we might be able to keep the people with a disability safe enough that they can join in ok. Any ideas at all. Free ideas, quick ideas, anything"

If that's insulting (I never ever meant it to be), I apologise totally and utterly . I've been one of the hopping mad mums, even very recently when ds's school messed up one of his GCSEs and he was so upset.

I hadn't realised it meant it the way you read it. I will learn from that.

Really sorry. and for anything else I've written whilst that sounds rude in any way in the last days. I'm afraid I was doing my best, but it really isn't good enough - you're right, which is why out of respect I'm not here now. I'm gone to other places.

No-one here needs me to foul up any more

davros good comment, I know what you mean(we did talk about it once) I think it is about finding your place.
I remember a while back being "upset" as I couldn't get help with something on here. it the end it did me a favour as I looked abd found some where that could offer me that help when needed(SKITUK) TTR isn't for everyone, but it does prove that you can make your own places IYNWIM

Fyi have posted relating to this issue here. Do let us know your thoughts.
Thanks.

Havent read the whole of this thread, but did read some of last one after poem,(didnt read that), then thread was withdrawn.
I truly believe this site should remain as is-somewhere everyone can express a feeling/concern without worrying they may upset someone-it is for this reason, it is a "safe" site.
I feel sad Amber is distressed and has chosen to leave for now,but prehaps the break will give her some breathing space.
We cannot converse with one another and before each sentence, think, now, if I say that, will so-and-so think this.
I have two sons on the spectrum, and by the very nature of the way they are "wired", (to pinch a word from Amber),they often cannot see another persons point-of-view,or understand it.They often say outrageous things to us as parents, their siblings and others, with no clue that they may have caused a cross/sad reaction. Equally, we may say something we percieve as innocuos,(sp), and get an extreme reaction from them.
This is our reality-this is autism-but none-the-less, it is communication,and to try and "field" it, would render life almost impossible.
Amber is a sensitive, caring,wise individual whom I dont know personally, but have read many of her responses to people,and I dont think she offends-intentionally, or otherwise.Perhaps somewhere inside her, is the space to heal, and come back to share her wisdom once more.