A request for opinions and advice regarding Amber's departure from an outsider, but concerned friend.

[Catitainahatita]

Hi.

I am one of Amber's friends from outside the SN board. We have been distressed and upset by her departure and are unsure of how to respond to it.

We know that Amber was trying to seek a solution with MNHQ for some of the problems that she has faced on the boards recently. We would like to continue this, but are unsure of how to proceed.

To be clear: We are aware that there are many, many issues here that we do not understand or know about. It is not our intention to try to do anything that would be detrimental to other users of the SN board.

For these reasons, we seek your opinions and advice. We do not wish to be presumptious or insensitive or disrespectful in anyway. We would just like to help our friend.

One final personal comment. I realise that my own participation in a recent thread here was rude and beligerant. I apologised there and do so again here. I hope this lapse of personal control can be forgotten if not forgiven.

My only motivation here is concern for Amber; although, I repeat, this does not mean that I am looking to help her at the cost of anyone else.

I really hope there is a solution that is amenable to all. Could you all give us some help on how this might be done?

Thank you very much.

I am all in favour Justabout.

But I think one or two (or more) posters here have yet to express their views and it would be preemptive of us and unfair to them if we should proceed until a wee bit later.

justaboutspringtime thanks I got confused

Personally I think that would be a good idea.
However, my timezone is a bit different to you and while I am at work the now, by 8pm I will be in my other non-internet friendly job (looking after DS!)

Could you take it upon yourself to do the necessary to open a thread on the subject in Site stuff (and link it here obviously). I think that is the next feasible step (and correct me if I am wrong, I'm a complete MN novice really).

to clarify...

the reason i think a link 'advertising' the safe place on mental health etc... is not because i am 'linking mental health to SN'...its just that when i have been on mental health i have read many posters which in my humble opinion would benefit from a chance to chat with SN parents... alot of depressed/struggling parents....

and also...i have OCD...which gets talked about alot in mental health...and obsessive behaviours are common with ASD...so feel there is an overlap. My ds2 gets very depressed- so could help me to have input from a parent who does not have SN child- but to go straight to main board scares me...but someone posting in mental health feels safer.

Oops, sorry, talking to Justabout really.

does it need to wait? Mnhq aren't going to set up a new topic within the next few hours are they? If you put a thread in site stuff now people will still have ample time to post on it.
After all this isn't just a sn issue is it, so IMO the sooner this issue is put out there in the wider mn community the better.

like the parents who post in 'behaviours'...how often do we recognise 'something' they are describing as a 'sign' of a SN... and the parent (not knowingly) is angry/depressed ...they may never think of looking at SN threads...as like me...their 1st child...COULD NOT POSSIBLY HAVE SPECIAL NEEDS...then years later with hindsight we recognise it everytime someone describes their child doing what ours did.

please do it now

So is the only suggestion as "safe" place for MN as a whole with some links to it if possible? I still wonder whether SN should now be a separate section that includes SN, SEN, SN Teens, Disabled Parents and ?
I certainly don't object to the "safe" place though but, like SaintlyDame I noticed a Tea Room thread with some potentially upsetting comments so what happens then?

Davros.
It would be suggested to be modelled on the "contact MN about this post" idea. This way, an objective person would then decide if the request was reasonable or not.

No, like this Fio:

lol Fio

I'm still a bit confused, not least about a hoisted cow and crushed cat/dog. But posts are made first in the "safe space" and then can be moved? But then at whose request and under what circumstances? Presumably according to whatever criteria are set for the "safe space" and what are those going to be? Sorry to be dim, I'm sure its very simple and has probably already been explained.

I think our problem now is that we do not have the technical knowhow to know what is or isn't viable. This is why we need to open a thread on the Site stuff so we can find out.

IMO and if it were possble, the idea would be that a thread that opened in the "safe space" and subsequently violated the "safe space" guidelines (something we have no discussed) should be able to be moved to the general board. This might not be feasible at all.

As for guidlines, I think perhaps they could be something like:

1. This is an area to offer support and advice. A respite from the freeforall of the boards.
2. Please strive to be polite at all times and avoid confrontational language or overt criticisms of other posters.

(Personally I think am going to make no.2 my own guideline for all future MN participation. And I think many people adopt some version of it already, especially here. But others thrive on confrontation, such is life)

wouldn't that cause upset, if you move a thread?
threads take on a life on their won and it might be a bit much for the op if it is moved.

I think a 'safe space' would be good - one which is clearly signposted to try to ensure that posts are unlikely to cause offence - even to those with a less hardy disposition.

I think that there are small groups around who have evolved their own threads that meet this need - but I am sure that these could appear difficult to join in with to 'outsiders' and they may be in obscure locations - something that was more encompasing and generally flagged up so that people wanting friendly discussion or support had somewhere logical to go as a first option would be helpful.

This whole saga has peed me off no end.

Someone pass me a bigger fish to fry.

2shoes I think you clearly identify the problem.
Yes, I think people will be annoyed if their thread were subsequently moved. But, on the other hand, no quite as much as if it were deleted. The idea is not look for a compromise that does not involve censureship.