Oh Gosh - I never realised this...

[pagwatch]

I saw a thread about a pregnancy with the possibilty of the chid having Downs syndrome. Don't normally click but thought the posters was looking for some support re liklihood of having a child with issues.
Anyway she is going to terminate - which of course is her choice.
But someone gently asked if she had considered the possibilty of keepingthe child and the responses were really aggressive. Then others joined in and it just seemed unessesarily hostile.
Being really dim I added that I didn't think the question was out of order but just that as the parents of children with disabilities we may have insight/knowledge that might be useful
Apparently that is grossly insensitive and terrible

Now if a woman has made up her mind I would never dream of commenting. Thats that.
But is it really outrageous and terrible and shameful to ask the question? As mothers do we not have insight into the very thing that a pregnant mother in these circs could draw on whatever her choice may unltimately be?

I was just so shocked by the hostility. It was as if the very mention of our children was offensive.

I am just going to hide that thread and avoid that topic. But the attitude was grim.
I know this is a thread about a thread but clearly cannot addthese views on there - especially as I have no doubt the OP is having a terrible time and i would not wish for a second to add to her distress. And please plaese please do not go to that thread - I am honestly not trying to shit stir - just trying to come to terms with the attitude.
So I put it here where I am hopefully amongst peers ( I very much doubt that any of the shouty contributors would have anything to do with the SN board)

Just made me glum in a way I haven't felt for a while. Thanks for letting me vent
Now please tell me why I am being foolish to be upset. Because it fely like being shameful, second class or something

what did she say? If it was something relevant she shouldn't feel she had to have her comment deleted.

The more I see that thread in active convos the more I get and the more I want to post on it.

And I don't have a child with ds or any other disability so how much more hurtful must it be for someone who does, and who has to skim past these types of threads in active convos, in the realization that they are full of sympathy and 'life is so unfair' and 'you're so brave' comments.

And why should only comments in support of the op be allowed? Surely this just perpetuates the belief that it's ok to iradicate babies because of their disabilities and that anyone who believes otherwise is in the wrong.

I've emailed you wannabe

I suppose there would be an element of wrong audience in challenging on the thread, and it would probably just cause lots of upset. And not achieve anything except have us framed as pro-lifers, anti-choicers, which I'm not at all. But it's how you get pigeon holed if you question terminating for a compatible with life disability. I think its a conversation that just can't be had tbh.

And there are plenty of people who would meet ds1 and not see the good he has contributed to our lives or understand why we wouldn't be without him. And there's nothing I could say or do that would change that.

I think that's really hard to learn to live with- that many many people will see your child as undesirable enough to terminate given half the chance. I think I've achieved it now, I just use him as a filter to find the people worth bothering with.

If I was brave enough I would like to ask them to remove the thread from the pregnancy section of the board to elsewhere.

I agree mrsturnip it is an impossible conversation to have really. I would never consider myself anti choice or pro-life at all costs but can quite see that that will be how I would be percieved.

I want to just stop looking at the bloody thing but it's like a scab I can't stop picking.

Just read back my post of last night re special mummies and all that. Sorry, looks pathetic in cold light of day. I read Hangingbelliesofbabylon's message about being pregnant and almost saying 'bring it on' or words to that effect and got all carried away. Feel a prat. slopes off

I'm feeling quite special today

oh go on then Riven you're a nutcase lol.
Meanwhile that other thread goes from bad to worse. Hells bells, so much pain around.

SunflowerMum sorry if I was a bit short last night, dd was playing up and I felt anything but special
I am wndering if I should be special2hoes
though has quite a ring to it.

I'm not special.

Mrsturnip did you email ntl or google - I appear to be having major issues with email atm but google seems to be most stable - and I can access that from the web as outlook having an off day it would seem and ntl appears to have died completely..

google......

hmmm ok dunnow what it's playing at then...

What is the church's view on terminating for LD's???

Or are we dealing with a policewoman rather than a vicar? Er I'll post where I like thanks love.

Depends which church I suppose. If it's C of E anything is possible I suppose - but I've no idea how we got onto this.

depends which church I suppose. Or how devoutly religious the individual from the church is, as some are more devout than others.

Also I guess it would depend on the church's view of disability - a religion that believed disability is a punishment for your sins might be against termination for disability as it could be seen that you should take your punishment iyswim. .

"If it's C of E anything is possible"

Sorry if Amber reads this !!! Hopefully she can explain it in detail if necessary.

"a religion that believed disability is a punishment for your sins might be against termination for disability as it could be seen that you should take your punishment iyswim"

That's Rudolph Steiner I think

I don't know, Steiner was educating people with LD's at a time when no-one else was.....

And he did live in a time of strange beliefs....

not sure.

I guess that if you believed that though then you wouldn't have a decision to make, iyswim? So while the concept is obviously wrong, the outcome would be a positive one.

I don't know much about these things but I do know there are some religions that teach this. I know we were told at school (devoutly religious, afrikaans school) that it was God's will that we were all blind, either because of the sins of our forefathers, or because God was testing our parents, or us. Dunnow about that though. I do believe that me being blind has made me the person I am, and that had I not been I would have been a different person, but not sure if God comes into it (if there even is one).

ok, here's the deal. I am pregnant and want to be able to visit the pregnancy board but like slightlycrumpled I cannot stop reading those threads - I've hid them from active convos but of course they are still in the list in the pregnancy topic. I don't think it's appropriate anymore and they should be moved to bereavement perhaps. who dares me to say something?

I think you're right.

Termination threads don't belong in the pregnancy section at all IMO.

Although I have to say I'm finding it hard to consider the op in that thread as being bereaved as she made a conscious choice - twice.

I wonder if there's a case for a new topic in health perhaps, for high-risk pregnancy/pregnancy-related health issues, where these posts could go? that way people could post there when they had the need, and then hide the topic entirely once that need was no longer there.

I have found the other thread very upsetting.