Oh Gosh - I never realised this...

[pagwatch]

I saw a thread about a pregnancy with the possibilty of the chid having Downs syndrome. Don't normally click but thought the posters was looking for some support re liklihood of having a child with issues.
Anyway she is going to terminate - which of course is her choice.
But someone gently asked if she had considered the possibilty of keepingthe child and the responses were really aggressive. Then others joined in and it just seemed unessesarily hostile.
Being really dim I added that I didn't think the question was out of order but just that as the parents of children with disabilities we may have insight/knowledge that might be useful
Apparently that is grossly insensitive and terrible

Now if a woman has made up her mind I would never dream of commenting. Thats that.
But is it really outrageous and terrible and shameful to ask the question? As mothers do we not have insight into the very thing that a pregnant mother in these circs could draw on whatever her choice may unltimately be?

I was just so shocked by the hostility. It was as if the very mention of our children was offensive.

I am just going to hide that thread and avoid that topic. But the attitude was grim.
I know this is a thread about a thread but clearly cannot addthese views on there - especially as I have no doubt the OP is having a terrible time and i would not wish for a second to add to her distress. And please plaese please do not go to that thread - I am honestly not trying to shit stir - just trying to come to terms with the attitude.
So I put it here where I am hopefully amongst peers ( I very much doubt that any of the shouty contributors would have anything to do with the SN board)

Just made me glum in a way I haven't felt for a while. Thanks for letting me vent
Now please tell me why I am being foolish to be upset. Because it fely like being shameful, second class or something

Thanks for this thread everyone. It has clarified stuff for me. I am always so uncomfortable about those threads and its good to have it articulated why. I think your analysis is spot on Cory.

Good luck with your pregnancies Amester and Hanging. Exciting for you.

I thought it would be nice to link to this thread - refreshing to see not everyone is keen to screen.

when had dd and ds midwife asked me what would i do if triple test come back high risk would i have aminocetis .~When told her no and would keep anyway , she said no point bothering with tripletest that was end of that

And dd medical problems are genetic and we did not even know carried them and ds well could not tested anyway

I inadvertantly clicked on the original thread at the weekend and was shocked to discover that this will be the op's second termination for downs.

I so very almost posted "have you considered that actually,you were meant to have a baby with downs?" but fear I would definitely have been lynched.

slightlycrumpled I saw that thread and felt for you. You had given a lot of your time and shared your story. Of course people make their own decisions, but it's hard to put a piece of you out there.

I no longer really go on those threads for all the reasons identified.

Oh goodness I've just seen the thread this is about.

Erm I found it quite disturbing really for all sorts of reasons (usually I don't, just find them sad).

Right, I think I'll go a do the washing up.....

it was horrible. And all the sympathy and the "life is so unfair" posts - it is ultimately her choice not something she is forced to do.

what gets me is that the threads in question are still going strong in pregnancy - so everytime I look on the pregnancy board they are there. I think maybe it's time to move on from the pregnancy section but of course wouldn't dare mention that or would be accused of all sorts. I still can't get my head around all of the implications that is was like a miscarriage or comparable to a still-birth - at the end of the day it was a choice.

I found the thread in question and read it, then I read this one in full. Just had to post to say that there are many amazing people here who seem to be coping with so much with a glad heart. I have two young boys with a few issues which are as nothing compared with what you deal with every day, and then you make the time to support others here which I rarely do. Your special babies are blessed to have found their special mummies. This isn't meant to sound cheesy, hopefully what I'm trying to say is coming across in the spirit in which it is intended . The best of luck to you all.

sorry it does
I am not special, I was just unluck that someone cocked up and caused dd to have cp.

Sorry, I really really didn't mean to offend anyone. Sorry.

mrsturnip thank you for your kind comments.

sunflowermum I'm not offended by your comment so don't stress! I actually don't buy the line special babies for special mummies, all our children are special SN or NT, DS2's syndrome is just something that happened, a dodgy chromosome thats all. I do know where 2shoes is coming from though when (less well meaning than you)people have said that to me before I have just wanted to laugh. I am soooo normal, our family is ordinary, our lives are as mundane sometimes as others. Nothing special about us. But please don't worry.

Thanks for the link to the thread hangingbelly it is certainly refreshing.

fio

slughtlycrumpled- never feel that you have to share your story. I did it for a while on here and then found it really difficult when it was it was 'rejected' (iykwim). I remember dh getting really cross with me and saying 'why on earth are you telling these people this, they don't deserve to know about ds1 - what right do they have to know anything about our life?' And he was right really. I think I used to feel obligated to share information, a few batterings later I stopped.

Can anyone CAT - I really think spiderpig (who posted something that probably many of us felt but is going to be told off for it) could do with finding this thread.

Hmm she can' receive CATS anyway. I've asked her to contact me on another thread. Don't want to send her here publically.

Well I'm worried about spiderpig, she has had her message deleted - at her request, when it was an entirely normal thing to feel (and something I actually emailed someone yesterday saying I would feel had I had a stillbirth). Really want to give her a hug and say not to feel guilty about what she wrote as it was an entirely normal feeling and she would have been abnormal not to feel that way. But I think she's gone.

Oh, I've just been back to the thread. Poor spiderpig. I do hope she is okay, it looks as though she has been beating herself up about whatever comment she made.

The original comment has been deleted but I got the gist of it. A very normal reaction I'm sure.

No ! I will look for it on Catch Up TV - What Channel was it on ?