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Original poster

Oh Gosh - I never realised this...

185 replies

pagwatch · 31/03/2009 08:50

I saw a thread about a pregnancy with the possibilty of the chid having Downs syndrome. Don't normally click but thought the posters was looking for some support re liklihood of having a child with issues.
Anyway she is going to terminate - which of course is her choice.
But someone gently asked if she had considered the possibilty of keepingthe child and the responses were really aggressive. Then others joined in and it just seemed unessesarily hostile.
Being really dim I added that I didn't think the question was out of order but just that as the parents of children with disabilities we may have insight/knowledge that might be useful
Apparently that is grossly insensitive and terrible

Now if a woman has made up her mind I would never dream of commenting. Thats that.
But is it really outrageous and terrible and shameful to ask the question? As mothers do we not have insight into the very thing that a pregnant mother in these circs could draw on whatever her choice may unltimately be?

I was just so shocked by the hostility. It was as if the very mention of our children was offensive.

I am just going to hide that thread and avoid that topic. But the attitude was grim.
I know this is a thread about a thread but clearly cannot addthese views on there - especially as I have no doubt the OP is having a terrible time and i would not wish for a second to add to her distress. And please plaese please do not go to that thread - I am honestly not trying to shit stir - just trying to come to terms with the attitude.
So I put it here where I am hopefully amongst peers ( I very much doubt that any of the shouty contributors would have anything to do with the SN board)

Just made me glum in a way I haven't felt for a while. Thanks for letting me vent
Now please tell me why I am being foolish to be upset. Because it fely like being shameful, second class or something

OP posts:
TinySocks · 31/03/2009 16:25

I just read the thread in question. It is a very sad thread, and couldn't help crying to be honest. I cannot put myself in this person's shoes, however, one of the remarks that caught my eye was something along the lines of :this is the ultimate mummy sacrifice. Not sure I agree with that one.

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 31/03/2009 16:40

I'm so glad to read this thread - it's been really upsetting me all of this, especially as I am pregnant myself. I want to post on the pregnancy board but the whole thing seems to be about nuchal testing, and cvs and wheedling out those unsavoury disabled kids. I chose NOT to have the nuchal scan and triple testing but did not feel the need to go on and on about and act like I am more of a mother for it. I feel as if I am tolerant person and pro-choice but this is really hurting me. My dd has CP, something which cannot be diagnosed whilst in the womb - however I am certain that if it could then incredibly wonderful children like my dd would have had their lives terminated. Fact.

busybeingmum · 31/03/2009 16:43

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busybeingmum · 31/03/2009 16:45

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PheasantPlucker · 31/03/2009 16:52

SlightlyCrumpled - please accept this large cyber Easter Egg.xx

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 31/03/2009 16:59

Hey - if there's cyber easter eggs going I need one over here! I do have a hangingbelly and baby to maintain

PheasantPlucker · 31/03/2009 17:02

Sorry - of course you can have one, I sort of skipped the last few posts as I was upset on Crumple's behalf, if that makes sense.

Sending you one now HangingBelly...... have you got it?

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 31/03/2009 17:10

Thanks Pheasant, received and consumed. .
Slightlycrumpled - I thought you were lovely on that thread and my heart went out for you when I found out the outcome.

slightlycrumpled · 31/03/2009 17:14

Thank you so much for kind messages. Will just not click on the threads next time.

hangingbelly It really is such a sensitive issue and whilst I tell myself its silly to be upset over people I have never actually met I still am! Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy, I am very, very jealous!

pheasantplucker Thanks for the cyber egg!! Chocolate really can cure all!

I wish this thread had been started a couple of weeks ago as I really do feel better already, probably just for talking to like minded people I guess. Nothing worse than feeling as you are the only person that thinks this way.

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 31/03/2009 17:17

I wanted to start this thread myself but was too scared that someone would come along and have a big go at us . Never sure if we are quite safe here but agree it is a real relief to hear that others feel the same way, it's been nibbling away at me for a few weeks now.

PheasantPlucker · 31/03/2009 17:27

'Hear hear' to above two posts.

2shoes · 31/03/2009 17:29

so glad I have no idea where this thread is.
I have been on threads like it before, imo they are horrid.

slightlycrumpled · 31/03/2009 17:30

Oh that is exactly how I felt. Also wasn't sure how to word it without sounding unsympathetic. Thanks to pagwatch for starting this with such sensitivity, I cannot express the relief when I clicked and read the opening post.

amber32002 · 31/03/2009 17:34

Not going anywhere near that thread, but wanted to offer a very large cuppa to anyone here who has. Goodness me, if only they knew what it felt like to have a child with a disability/have a disability yourself and read some of that stuff....

sarah293 · 31/03/2009 17:47

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slightlycrumpled · 31/03/2009 18:20

I also wish I could express better that I don't just love DS2 the same as DS1 but I enjoy him the same as well. It isn't about duty or responsibility, we wanted a second child and that is what we have.... a child!

Original poster
pagwatch · 31/03/2009 18:28

slightly and hangingbelly
hope this didn't upset you but I did need to vent and, as I said before, I feel better that others feel the same. I shall listen to the wise Fio and not go there again.

I too find the 'act of mummy love' angle really really hard to understand.

Anyway - chuck us a bit of choccie someone.

OP posts:
slightlycrumpled · 31/03/2009 18:37

pagwatch significantly less upset because of this thread. Thankyou. Here, share my chocolate!

PheasantPlucker · 31/03/2009 18:41

Egg for you too Pagwatch. I have loads, as it is Easter!

Act of Mummy love angle v strange.....

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 31/03/2009 18:49

God I love this place - thanks for not making me feel like I'm a god damn freak for feeling the way I do.

slightlycrumpled · 31/03/2009 18:51

hangingbelly I love your name! It makes me smile.

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 31/03/2009 18:53

thankyou, tis pitifully true as well

PheasantPlucker · 31/03/2009 18:57

Me too, thanks all.

5intheEgg · 31/03/2009 20:24

Well I'm staying well away from that thread if what they have said is "act of mummy love".

Makes me feel really sad when I read stuff like that.

SJisontheway · 31/03/2009 20:28

Coming to this late as usual - just wanted to comment that I dipped in to that thread briefly and left it feeling quite depressed. I found it very hostile and hated the overall tone (although did feel sorry for OP predicament). I also don't get how SN parents are seen as almost a different breed to average parents rather than just a random, typical cross section of society who get on with things - but our views are somehow not valid.