You can all call me an old cow but I'm fed up with SN board being used as resource for general advice

[Davros]

We seem to have had a spate of threads started by parents who have worries about their child's behaviour and development. Most of these don't seem to have looked through the SN archive (although I have told Tech it only goes up to D it certainly covers Autism, Aspgergers, ASD). I don't want to be totally horrid but I wonder if people could have a little sensitvity into our situations and check the archive or simply post in B&D where I think most of these threads would be more appropriate.
I wasn't going to say anything as I thought it was just a phase and would stop but then two more appeared.
OK, call me an old cow.

Perhaps mumsnet could send a "how to" guide email to new members

Telling them about all the boards

Also giving details of DD/DS/DH/IIRC/BUMP
etc cos it is very confusing when you haven't a clue what people are talking about

Also give details of how to search archieves

I didn't know about them when I started

I would just like to say how much I wished I had a pc in the early days with dd. It certainly was a very scary and lonely place

And perhaps Tech could fix the SN archive!!!! I suppose one of the things is that I feel bad if I don't post on a thread where I know I could give useful info, but I've done it loads of times already. I often skip threads that are about CP or DS or something else I don't have experience of and feel bad about that! My problem is that I can't shut up in RL and on MN!!

Sorry Tech, I don't mean the archive, I mean the alpha listing which is my usual method.
I'm still going on! I suppose the thing is that I do sometimes think "oh gawd, not again" or "that's been covered a million times" and I can't pretend that I don't (well I suppose I could). I'm not proud of it I'd like to think that I sometimes go out of my way with advice, support etc but not always, sometimes I'm a jaded, cynical old cow.

I think soapbox made a good point- when people post here (with as others have pointed out what seems to them to be a big concern) they do expect a reply, and for their concern to be taken seriously. The problem is (speaking for myself here) when they've given a description that sounds as if their child is completely and utterly normal in every way I just don't have the energy to craft a long and involved reply.

Maybe its my own expectations of myself that are at fault, and the problem is I do feel guilty not replying. But then I get cross during the reply and want to call myself 'getagrip' or scream 'do you not understand what my life is like'. When of course the poor person who started the thread doesn't. If they did then they would know their kid was normal!

Doesn't help that the explosion in reassurance threads has come right wehn I have a new baby and have been collecting jobs (4 at the last count! )

Anyway I'm off to cook tea, then earn some money. I'm just going to stop feeling guilty for not replying.

I think I've posted on most of those threads this week as I know how awful it feels when you're worrying about ASD etc. I can't help feeling that people reading SN posts must be getting pretty fed up of seeing me post the same thing over and over again.

I think some kind of FAQ section could be useful tbh but at the same time I wouldn't want to put anyone off posting if they have concerns.

The thing is, someone like me could probably ease your burden a bit and say oh that sounds normal. However, I am so acutely aware that when I said to you, ct, that my ds did all the things your ds2 was doing, I was completely off-beam. It was true, but totally unhelpful as my ds is (now) NT. I'm wary of misleading people because I may not recognise the red flags, or underestimate them because ds had such an unusual development. I just guess it must be draining and depressing having to reassure other people that their children are OK when yours aren't though. Good for you for giving advice though coppertop, I'm sure it's very much appreciated.

Marthamoo, it was me, and may I just say that I agree with everything you say too

i understand where you are coming with regards to peoples kids being 'normal' compared to your kids, but everyone has concerned. dd2 behaviopur is worrying me and other members of my family, even my mum and MIL, and for my mum and MIL to be worried/concerned says something belive me.

my dd's dont fit on the SN boards as their needs dont affect them physically/mentally, but they do have greater needs than others, we have hospital appointments etc, but the general 'health' topic doesnt fit them either. so when the allergy board was made i was happy, finally somehwre where i can post about my kids and their daily needs/routines, and other bizarre things like dd2 allergy to knicker elastic.

maybe the SN boards needs sub catorgeries as well, one specifically for advise for newcomers with concerns about ASD (hopew i have that right), with links to sites (childbrain, the CHAT test etc).

or just all shoot me down now

I don't think anyone should feel obliged to answer any of these posts if they don't have time or energy or if they just don't feel like it. I feel strongly we can't stop people posting, but equally no-one should feel obliged to reply.

wow those udders are efficient davros, i got 4 pints out of them

Oooh, me udders are drained....
Personally I am not talking about people posting with concerns whose kids seem OK and, boo hoo, my DS isn't, the point I was trying to make is getting so many at the same time and that people obviously hadn't checked the other messages, never mind the archive.....

Good point, Davros. I often wondered the same thing about some of the threads started in Special Needs.

Tbh I don't know if checking the archives would help - checking the archives took away all my reassurance - for example assuming my ds2 couldn't be autistic because he cuddled or could get a joke. What people really want is someone who knows about autism to look at the individual picture of their child and say "Absolutely not, your child cannot be autistic because of x,y,z". Which no-one can do obviously especially without even seeing the child and being a developmental paed . I'm not saying that this is a fair demand to ask of other parents but I think that is why they don't get reassurance from the archives.

quality milk, am impressed it came out semi skimmed as well, how did you manage that?

Shook the thick stuff up to the top..... double ugh!
Agree that the archive is cold comfort but still worth a look I suppose but at least a look at the other messages around the same time.

I see what you're getting at Davros. Our DD is onto her first paed neuro appointment the 27th. For us, it's not like, 'Oh, she's 7 months and not crawling, is she SN?' It's more like, she's 22 months and has had gross motor delays since shortly after birth . . . here we go on a process of elimiation. DH has hypotonia, dysgraphia, and dyslexia. What are we in store for?'

TBH, it sometimes hurts to read some posts that seem to carry a note of boastfulness. Of course it shouldn't, I know people don't mean to come across that way, but it does. It's like, 'I don't really want to hear that, you know?'

practical solution davros...could u collate a load of info and post it once then every time someone asks about ASD etc we could refer it to your thread dedicated to the signs of asd etc......I truly understand what u mean....having to talk about the TRIAD of Impairments and etc and recommended websites/books etc....I always feel like this when i have to explain my family,,,,,feel like having a WORD document saved on my pc that i can simply paste onto any thread!

BUT....a big but here.....I think that to discriminate about what can and cannot be posted is a bit restrictive.
I already feel 'less worthy' than many on here as i cannot face changing the boys diet etc to help them....that to then have to scour archives b4 i post a question really panics me.... i often feel that my boys are 'less autistic' than many on here...and cetainly less disabled than some i read about- but the truth is that THIS IS MY ONLY SUPPORT....and sometimes we need to sound out ideas/concerns that WE have....and they are not always to be found on threads easily.

often i post on the SN area as i feel 'safest' there...and am now feeling very guilty about wasting peoples time...but 4 me if i read a post and it isn't something i can contribute to i just move on to the next.

I have mental health issues...so felt i belonged to Special Needs...now i am worried i should just read archives and not post.

Think this is a bit sad personally

its like feeling that when i have a crap day i know i can download/share it with the SN board...get some rational suggestions etc...if this wasn't here i would be sat in tears most days.

MrsF - you need to post so we know about laminators

I think you've misunderstood in the same way RTkanga did earlier.

Read Tamum's and twigletts and scummymummy's posts- 3 NT mum's who've probably expressed the problem better.

I do see exactly where you are coming from Davros I dont think you are being cliquey or being an old cow. I just think you are asking for a little more sensitivity, which I think is fair dues tbh.

oh I meant better than me not Davros

Please don't feel obliged to post advice, jimjams or any other SN parents. Don't feel guilty. Lots of threads are put in the wrong topic category, or overlap categories.

Just a thought. Should mumsnet flag up the search facility next to the 'create conversation' and 'add a message' boxes, so new posters have an extra prompt to look at achived threads?