You can all call me an old cow but I'm fed up with SN board being used as resource for general advice

[Davros]

We seem to have had a spate of threads started by parents who have worries about their child's behaviour and development. Most of these don't seem to have looked through the SN archive (although I have told Tech it only goes up to D it certainly covers Autism, Aspgergers, ASD). I don't want to be totally horrid but I wonder if people could have a little sensitvity into our situations and check the archive or simply post in B&D where I think most of these threads would be more appropriate.
I wasn't going to say anything as I thought it was just a phase and would stop but then two more appeared.
OK, call me an old cow.

lol jimjams

Message withdrawn

I posted on the SN archive about concerns about my ds.
I did this because I had a meeting with the SENCO at the school & thought maybe SN was the best place to ask for advice.
Sorry if I have offended

blueteddy, it's a free world, those who dont like it dont have to read. hope the senco meeting went OK.

Blueteddy you wouldn't have offened anyone, that is not what this thread is about. If 1 or 2 posts/posters have made you feel this way they are wrong. Ignore and keep posting, whatever you like, whereever you like. For every 1 mum who isn't intereested there are 10 that are.

Okay, as this thread is still running I might as well have my say....

I would just like to point out that the whole time this thread has been going on, there have been other threads in SN carrying on their merry way with people asking for advice because they are worried about their child, and people sharing their child's achievements, etc etc and lots of SN mums have been posting on them and replying in the same way they always do.

So to everyone who has read this thread and thought 'oh I can't post on SN anymore then' please just go look in the rest of the section.

Done.

Not coming back to this thread now.

Honest .

Thanks Davros, again positively reinforcing words, I am not a SN expert, but I live with it day in day out like most of you here, and for everyone it is different, and not everyone has years of experience/wisdom, or even someone to talk to for fear of appearing neurotic. I was told for years that DS1 was just a failure to thrive and 'not to worry dear', I felt like an over anxious mother, I never wanted the dx we have, all I wanted was someone to listen.

But I would like to ask who made you (Davros)the one to decree what should or not be posted? You are entitled to your opinion like everyone else is, but you talk about newbies being insensitive ... I'm sorry but arent you being extremely insensitive as well, if not condescending.

Sometimes all someone wants is a bit of reassurance, and it isnt up to anyone to respond, it is a free choice.

That's out of order CynicalSara. I don't like your tone of 'post' towards Davros OK, so maybe this post should never have existed but Davros is here everyday and I just thought, she obviously needs to let off steam, I can see her POV, as I can see everybody elses. That's it. Can we PLEASE end this now and get back to what we do best- as TC said, supporting the highs and the lows, hearing everybody's opinions and insights whether they have NT or SN kids (I have one of each, and many mums on SN have one foot in both camps)?

Hi again, apologies for the delay but kids, tea and all that were calling...

As much as we do understand the reasons for folk wanting this thread to be deleted, we're going to let it stay. We think there's been a balanced argument going on here and, as someone says further down the board, all members are welcome to come here and let off steam, even if their opinions are different to those of other members. There's also been a lot of constructive suggestions about the chat boards - particularly the SN board - and we'll take these up at our next meeting.

As ever, if you're keen for this thread to disappear into the realms of archive, the best thing to do is let it lie.

Hope you're with us on this - or at least understand our stance!

lou just saw your message, about that you rarely post on SN anymore because you can't help, well you've helped me before, but i know thats bcause we share a disability (cerebral palsy) I rarely post here anymore because I feel that I can't give any advice to the ASD/AS mums, and I know there is lots of you compared to the ones with physical disabilites. I do think we need seperate subtitles within SN, as sometimes my messages get ignored and I really need advice at times, as there is so many ASD/AS messages, sady that does mean that many more children are being diagnosed with ASD/AS and can fully understand the reason for the amount of posts. Hope I have worded that all ok and don't get shoot down....

LOU you were totally brill when DS had the seizure last year

Thank you so much

Thanks, i wasn't looking for any replies to that specific part of my post, but i appreciate it.

Thanks Justine for your post.

sorry, rachel!

This thread is very sad. I could see davros' POV when she started it (still can) but it's snowballed in that unique MN way.

Flashingnose - I saw you posted my comments from the other day. I'm saddened to realise that a few people would find my attitude condescending and would rather I was not able to read the SN threads. I would never want to cause anyone distress with my comments. I don't know what it's like to have a child with SNs: that's the top and bottom of it. One of the things I love best about MN is how inclusive it is - or how inclusive I thought it was.

Just feel sad about all this .

Btw, jimjams - I have been amazed since my early days on MN at how patiently, intelligently and thoroughly you have posted on all manner of subjects. Then I will read one of your "personal" posts about ds1 and think how the hell can she do it? Had you pegged as Superwoman, tbh. It must be very wearying to feel obliged to reply - and guilty if you don't. I know you don't get any "me" time really - but have some MN free time at least: we'll keep

Sorry for reviving it - took me a long time to catch up and a long time to word my post.

sparklymiaow (sp)

Can see the logic about different threads, but at the same time I think a lot of stuff is shared (eg, benefits?), ao there needs to be a shared thing too. Perhaps there needs to be an AS etc thread started each AM so we dont dominate? I am sad you dont feel so happy posting now.

The most traumatic thing I found though so far, want when Sam started to get problems, or any of that- it was last week when I got blanked at the school by all the mums for having the one with the problems. That sort of thing is a shared experience, and there is strength in numbers so they say.

The strange thing is, as a mum of 3, 2 NT, I worry just as much about the NT's 'little' problems as Sam's 'big' issues (though I acknowledge a lot of you have children with more severe problems than Sam). When Harold didnt start speaking, or Stirling faced his ENT appointment... you love them all and their trials are all your own. Although they should be posted with B+D, I have sympathy with the mums who post here.

Sincerely hope no one feels guilty about not posting advice or put off asking for it.
Also, if people with undiagnosed or mild SN children should show more tact and restraint about posting, and use the archives more, where does that leave parents of NT children? Does that mean we really should not post on SN threads even if we want to say something supportive or (in rare cases) might have some small suggestion to make based on our experience of NT children? isn't it possible that occasionally, there might be an overlap of knowledge?

blimey - this thread is the first I've seen which has rocked me a bit... I haven't got kids with SN, but I have got a fairly atypical 3 year old ds in some senses and from time to time have had concerns he might not fit into what someone else might consider the 'norm', so yes, I do keep an eye on the SN section and have always loved it for the advice, positivity and sense of humour of the threads. I've never started a thread but when I've had musings about aspergers etc. have had a look and found some brilliant links.

BUT I suppose at some point I might have started a general small query of a thread and would hate to think that that was seen as a waste of time by others...

Jimjams - hope you don't stay away too long. Our MN paths don't really cross that often but I always look out for and respect your advice.

dot1, don't feel sad! Most of us (I think- I know I am) are quitwe happy for you to be here. 'Atypical' is worrying for you I am sure, and therefore most of us (actually, probably all) are happy to help any time you need it.

i havent been on mumsnets too long but i have soon felt at home on SN bit and really love the support it has offered to people, i have never seen any unpleasantness on SN, don't let this spoil things, i think all should be welcomed and i often read stuff but dont reply s i have no experience/advice to offer, if i can help i will help, if i can't help i don't feel guilty cos i know somebody will be able to help.

I thought the spirit of mumsnet was for people to be able to ask questions in environments where they are able to get answers /support from people who either a) just care of b) have been their themselves.
Nobody forces anybody to reply to a new thread set up. I haven't been on MN long myself, and set up a thread quite quickly because I wanted advice from people and though I didn't get a trillion responces, the ones I got were very helpful. It certainly made me feel a lot more welcome than trawling through old messages to get other people's previous points of view.
I realize that SN can be a sensitive topic. My two goddaughters both have ADHD and my friend despares are people telling her that her kids are just badly behaved (headteacher of the 7 year old said "she doesn't have ADHD, it's just that you lack parenting skills"). Any area on MN is a place to vent feelings and events. I'm sure if my friend had access to a PC, she would have set up a new thread in SN about her situation. But, like I said, nobody would have forced anybody to post a reply. Or even read it for that matter.