You can all call me an old cow but I'm fed up with SN board being used as resource for general advice

[Davros]

We seem to have had a spate of threads started by parents who have worries about their child's behaviour and development. Most of these don't seem to have looked through the SN archive (although I have told Tech it only goes up to D it certainly covers Autism, Aspgergers, ASD). I don't want to be totally horrid but I wonder if people could have a little sensitvity into our situations and check the archive or simply post in B&D where I think most of these threads would be more appropriate.
I wasn't going to say anything as I thought it was just a phase and would stop but then two more appeared.
OK, call me an old cow.

My DS has Dyspraxia and Hypermobility

It was dx without us knowing anything about it beforehand

His Physio and OT spotted it while treating his knee and leg problems

We had put all his problems down to being extremly premature

I have received so much help and support from SN board

Also when he had a seizure last year which was very scary LOU and others helped me so much.

My real point is that although I do realise that Jimjams and Davros children have many more problems than DS

There are lots of members with children with milder DX than Davros and Jimjams aren't there?

I do realise that it may be frustrating with people like me with a Dyspraxic Hypermobile DS on SN but where are we supposed to go?

Sorry if I have completely misunderstood what you meant

I have such mixed feelings about this, I felt quite brave to start the thread at all and I'm not surprised that I've been linked to a bovine . Lou, I have plenty of milk to spare, big udders you know (ugh!).
I genuinely would hate to put people off but do think spending a little time reading our threads would be time well spent, especially as BH has so much to say, ha ha! BH, don't you dare think about not posting.
I do try to have a sense of humour about it all but now and then it fails me and I get savage. Lucky I have those Daleks to carry out my orders and bring David Tennant to me, stripped and washed.

at 2am this morning, after dd2 had had her 5 hrs sleep, but wouldnt settle back down (she is generally awake most nights from 2am onwards) dh said 'maybe she has ADHD'

this from a man who doesnt belive in such a thing. after him being in hospital so long he is seeing how different dd2 is.

but i shouldnt post that here should i?

rtkanga I think you have misunderstood!

I'm a bit concerned that people who really need your help (like Misdee's post) will feel the SN board is to cliquey to post on after this thread. Can't you skimread thread titles and avoid if you don't have time like we do on the rest of the board?

sorry jimjams

Thought I must have got wrong end of stick

sorry

Could you give a clue as to what you mean then please

maybe a link to threads in question

AS the mother of one dd with a diagnosis of a syndrome which leads her to fit into special needs, I actually welcome vague questions about speech and development, infact I never even notice whether they are posted under which category, if the title or content within applies I'll reply if not I won't.
I know sweet FA about Aspergers, ASD and ADHD etc I know I am lucky not to know about these things, given the amount of SN posts that are about these conditions and the trials of living and dealing with them -
I do understand what Davros is getting at, but I do not use SN board as a home base on MN as luckily I do not need to... yet...?
I know that I found MN searching for something to do with dd and her dx, and I rely heavily on MN and the SN board at times for an informed response, some answers I trust much more than any health professional.
To some of us seasoned mums with SN kids a B+D query may seem trivial, but those of us with NT kids as well know differently. Everything you see re your kids can be a major worry time!
Who better to turn to than the experts?
Take it as flattery I think that is how it is intended, you SN mums, font of al knowledge

I suspect everyone will continue to get the wrong end of the stick though rtk. I think tamum and twiglett summed it up well from an non-SN pov as well.

You'd never believe I have to be concise in my job would you!

Oooh I don't think a link's a good idea. RTKM, I'm guessing Davros means people posting on SNs stuff like "My 3 year old is fine, happy, well adjusted and sociable...but he likes lining cars up and throws the odd tantrum - could it be autism?" when really that is a general behaviour/development type question. That's an extremely silly example, obviously. Nobody would object to anyone with real concerns posting on SNs - just sometimes a bit of pre-reading of threads woudln't go amiss.

but piffle - maybe that's it- we're not experts- we're mums struggling to keep our own heads above water- and as the quantity of posts has increased (sometimes it seems like everyone on mn is worried about autism ) it gets too much to be continually providing reassurance to children who sound perfectly normal! Especially when our own lives are so far from normal.

my god marthmoo you've just described ds2!

Um, I really doubt people are making a light or casual choice to post on SN. Especially if they're new. They're making an admission of how worried they are, sometimes to themselves at the same time.

And I bet that nearly all of the people who are helped when they first post on SN stay to help others with what they've learned, thereby helping to share the advice burden, not that it's a burden.

OOh I get it now

sorry was totally misunderstanding

so you mean reg toddler behaviour or naughty child syndrome

being classed as special needs

I am very sorry for my post

got it totally wrong

You're not worried though are you, jimjams ?

I can sort of see both sides of this thread and some people have made points that I would make but I would like to say the following:
I originally posted about being worried about autism in my ds2 on the B&D board having read a lot of previous threads about other people's concerns. I had answers within minutes mostly from people who have children with special needs so I don?t really think it makes any difference which board you post that sort of question on. I had scoured the board for information and read all the previous threads on this board from people who had similar worries, several of whom have gone on to get diagnoses and to be regular posters on SN since. At the time I was acutely aware that I was asking them to give me the outcome that they never had ? to tell me that my child was nothing like theirs, and I did feel the insensitivity of the situation. However I also felt that people quite enjoyed giving advice in the same way that experienced parents like to be asked for advice from expectant mothers and new parents. In a way it is a chance to share what you have gone through and tell people how hard it can be being the parent of an SN child.

This thread also seems a bit pointless as I can?t really see what you can do to stop this sort of question unless we all decide to boycott it. But then we would be boycotting the ones who do turn out to have genuine special needs and I don?t think boycotting is really in the spirit of this board.

I can sort of see both sides of this thread and some people have made points that I would make but I would like to say the following:
I originally posted about being worried about autism in my ds2 on the B&D board having read a lot of previous threads about other people's concerns. I had answers within minutes mostly from people who have children with special needs so I don?t really think it makes any difference which board you post that sort of question on. I had scoured the board for information and read all the previous threads on this board from people who had similar worries, several of whom have gone on to get diagnoses and to be regular posters on SN since. At the time I was acutely aware that I was asking them to give me the outcome that they never had ? to tell me that my child was nothing like theirs, and I did feel the insensitivity of the situation. However I also felt that people quite enjoyed giving advice in the same way that experienced parents like to be asked for advice from expectant mothers and new parents. In a way it is a chance to share what you have gone through and tell people how hard it can be being the parent of an SN child.

This thread also seems a bit pointless as I can?t really see what you can do to stop this sort of question unless we all decide to boycott it. But then we would be boycotting the ones who do turn out to have genuine special needs and I don?t think boycotting is really in the spirit of this board.

Who was it said they agreed with everyone? So do I. I can see it from all POVs here. I can see Davros' POV and I think binkie's right too.

And don't apologise, RTKM!

I do see what you mean Jimjams, I know many people esp come to you for advice, I imagine it must be quite difficult for you.
I do not ask here for medical facts but the human element and experience based help which medical professionals can't help with.
It is vital, I cannot imagine how you wold vet such queries without offending mums, esp new people.
Perhaps b+d could be more highlighted?
I know that although dd is SN I often ask on b+d for basic development comparisons

I think I can understand what Davros is getting at

A few years ago I had concerns as to whether my DS had verbal dyspraxia. I sat for ages trying to decide where to put it, as this was my first MN thread ever and I didn;t want to get it wrong I knew it didn't really fit into SN and I ended up putting it into Health IIRC. Irrespective of where it was Jimjams found it and gave some excellent advice which I was, and still am, very grateful for.

I read threads from active convo's or last day if I haven't been on all day so I think I know the threads that Davros means. I know it must be a pain for the SN mums to have to wade through these and TBH people are referred to the SN board with the tag of 'the SN mums being so helpful' that they must feel under some degree of pressure to have at least a couple of replies. On the other hand I do remember my first ever MN post and it wasn;t that easy to think of a perfect home for it!

I think the idea of a SN FAQ is a really good one and would help alleviate the concerns that some mums have about their littlies

I have the utmost respect for many of the SN mums who midst the relentless requriements of their own children, provide seemingly endless advice to others. I can understand how tiring that must be!

The trouble is that parental worry levels are by no means necessarily connected to the extent of disability in their children. That was something that truly astonished me time after time after time when I was working with families with children with disabilities. I could hardly ever predict which parents were at breaking point just from knowing something about their children's needs. A few children who were (as near as makes no difference to) nt in every respect had parents who were absolutely frantic about them and were convinced that there was an underlying problem. Many more parents with children with mild-moderate needs needed considerable support.

But I totally agree that constantly giving advice and support is draining, particularly if there is a tiny piece of your mind thinking 'Oh man- what is this person's problem? Their kid is fine.' Add a 24/7 caring/parenting role to the mix and well, I can't imagine really. I feel like keeling over at the very thought. I think the only option is not to go there all the time, really, because you will get compassion-fatigue. Just because you are a wonderful advice giver and a very experienced parent of a child with autism doesn't mean you owe your wisdom to every single person who may (or may not) be in a slightly similar position or merely want the benefit of your experience. Hard one- but people will post where they want- IME, from using all parts of the m'net boards for far too long- and sometimes picking and choosing what you want to read/reply to and steadfastly ignoring the rest is the only way to keep sane, I think. Sometimes a quick eyeball roll whilst passing through is the best one can muster. Doesn't make you a bad person.

Sorry my connection went all slow -didn't mean to post twice.

The problem can be where to draw the line I think. I fully agree that it must be a real PITA for mthers of children with real SN to deal with what might be loosly called the 'worried well'. The reason that I asked for help was that ds was showing lots of traits, language probelms, repetitive behavious, physical responses to stimuli. A well meaning friend was sugesting Portage to me, and the school had regestered their concerns about his development.

I'll agree that if fell apart and I posted on MN for help. In the end it turned out that ds is NT. Right at the top end of NT on the self test that someone posted. there isn't a day that I don't thank my good fortune that this is the case. I also remmber the great good sense that people posted to me at the time. It was a source of information that I couldn't have got elsewhere. And for that I am eternaly greatful.

In the end I suppose that we all have to make a value judgemnet as to wherer it is best to post. I hope that I haven't offended anyone. That was never my intention

I don't have a strong view on this as haven't been involved in any of the threads as I know I am not able to give advice. But

However, I'll just add my bit if that's cool.
In order for new posters, or old posters with new worries to receive the same 'level of care' from the 'been there, done it, washed the t-shirt till it wore out brigade', then it might be sensible to look through old threads to see if you can find your answer there first, before posting.

If every person who suspected their child of having ASP/ASD/AUT etc asked a couple of questions can those with experience and in the know really be expected to maintain the same level of compassion, match the same amount of advice given as last time and so on. If one persons posts doesn't get the same attention as anothers people get a bit upset but you can't expect the same people to keep saying the same things for ever and ever.

Everyone and anyone has every right to ask whatever they want whereever they want but please just understand that if 3 people this week have asked a very similar question you might not get a massive response and it might serve you better to do a quick search and then post.

TC x