You can all call me an old cow but I'm fed up with SN board being used as resource for general advice

[Davros]

We seem to have had a spate of threads started by parents who have worries about their child's behaviour and development. Most of these don't seem to have looked through the SN archive (although I have told Tech it only goes up to D it certainly covers Autism, Aspgergers, ASD). I don't want to be totally horrid but I wonder if people could have a little sensitvity into our situations and check the archive or simply post in B&D where I think most of these threads would be more appropriate.
I wasn't going to say anything as I thought it was just a phase and would stop but then two more appeared.
OK, call me an old cow.

You can count on me Enid We are, you'll find, Mothers From Hell

I must confess that a few years back I was seriously worried that ds was showing some marked ASD traits and I did post asking for help. I don't remember if I posted on B & D or SN (don't know if SN existed then). If I unwitiingly caused offense I'll say my mea culpa now. I do know that I was given some excellent advice by Jimjams which put my mind at rest.

All of the sn mums do love each other. We had a great time when we met up.

Trouble only stirs when outsiders dare to enter

i know, I can only worship at your altar of Hardness.

Get 'em Bloss.... bundle!

Well, I never thought that the special needs board was restricted to people directly affected by the special needs of their families.

I posted a general question about autism diagnosis some time ago because we were not sure if the behaviour of my nephew was caused by autism or if it was something else. Unfortunately, when you are starting to look for information on something you have never had contact with, it is very difficult to find a good starting point: doctors are vague, and there are so many places in the internet that you really need some help to know which are the good ones and which are better to avoid. I think that if it had not been for those mumsneters who kindly answered my very basic and uninformed questions, my nephew would have continued undiagnosed for years, and surely would have missed the benefits of therapy at an early age. (BTW he was diagnosed with autism a couple of months after I started that thread)

I generally post on the eczema threads because I learned a good deal of things while my DS had it (I know is not the same BTW), sometimes I answer questions about tacrolimus to people whose children are likely to be suffering only craddle cap or detergent induced skin dryness, but hey! if we can help another mother out of her misery by saying "no, your child doesn't seem to have X or Y condition" or to point her in the direction to get more help if it seems like her child does have it, I don't see why we should restrain ourselves or make the people feel as if they don't have the right to check if their suspictions have some fundament.

Appologies in advance if my post it's late on this discussion, it has take me ages to write it with DS around)

Am a bit astounded at this thread tbh. I appreciate what you are saying Davros but really don't think people should be being told where they should or shouldn't be posting concerning probs like that.

At the end of the day the people writing these posts are probably worried, and looking for experianced people to advise. As long as they get that help i can't see why it's a prob where they post.

I'm not saying that the board is restricted and that people with concerns shouldn't post but 6 in one week? I knew that I wouldn't be agreed with and in theory I don't agree with myself (!) but I FEEL that there is something not right about it.

as a non-SN mum, i'd like to say how happy i felt when flicking through the brochure for courses at the jacksons lane community centre in highgate, who have a special drama/movement course just for autistic children..

now i feel bad for asking questions about my dd2.

i have alweays felt that mums of SN kids have more 'expertise' than some GP's/HV's. i know i can help some mums more with eczema than the GP can.

And a friend of mine started it due to there being little available.

Davros, well... when I found a thread/question/post that I can't be bothered to respond to, I only move on to other thread and forget about it.

Me too, which is what I did. But I noticed that there were quite a number and they kept coming.

I've thought about this a bit more and I think it's sad actually Davros if you think people who are looking for help with sn shouldn't ask for it on the sn boards. Where else should they look? I sometimes start a thread asking for help when I've only got 5 minutes to post and I just haven't got time to search the archived threads. If there's been a recent relevant thread I'm grateful if someone points me there though. So because I haven't got time to search the archives, should I not post? I thought we were all here to help if we wanted to. If you don't want to respond to a thread you don't have to, no-one has to.

I agree with you WWW. I don't have a problem with it in general but sooooo many all at once starts to feel like more than a trend and a bit silly when those threads are there and very recent, no need to even check an archive.

Davros, can't you just ignore the questions you don't think warrant your time?

Yes I do. I didn't post on any of them. I still noticed it.

I kind of agree with everyone really (how pathetic) but I guess what Davros means is the deluge of people with toddlers who aren't talking yet and who sometimes line things up and like wheels, that sort of thing. I guess if you have been through all that yourself and come out the other side with a non-verbal severely autistic child you would feel a bit jaded. I do agree that people need to be able to ask for advice somewhere though.

I do know what Davros means- perhapps there have just been a lot of them recently, but sometimes I read and think "gosh do you think I'd be making such a fuss if that was the only problems we had'.

See I'm a cow too. but then the nice cop part of me thinks "well how would they know?'

No - somedays it does take its toll though. Just had to listen to 2 hours of screaming because the routine to get into the house has become so elaborate that even ds1 can't remember it (and got his knickers in a right old twist), and sometimes when people list all the things that are "right" in their threads I feel like 'hey rub my nose in it- ds1 won't be doing that in 10 years time'. And then I feel like I haven't got the emotional energy to reply. I spend most of my life avoiding big gatherings of nt children (too "in your face") so sometimes I feel like I'm not the best person to provide reassurance.

But also its true that I found out about autism via the internet and I asked some pretty stupid questions at the beginning, and would hate people to worry about posting when they should be seeking help.

Perhaps the best thing is to say post away and use search but please don't be offended if not everyone replies (I've always replied when a post has set off alarm bells and I know davros would too). mumsnet is much bigger now, there are many more queries and some days I use all my energy dealing with ds1 and can't summon up the energy to reply about children who sound well.... normal.

I still stick by my handy summary the other day (for autism at least). If every trip out ends in tears (yours), if your child is being banned from groups like tumble tots, if they don't seem at all like other children then seek help. The key really is how difficult your life is- not exactly what they are/aren't doing. If your child is quirky and different but is sailing through life they don't need a dx. If everything they try and do is difficult they may do.

Tamum- you are a sweetie- that's it.

But then perhaps the problem is that people don't understand really what severe autism etc is - and what a toll it takes (or even how AS requiring a dx differs from say geekiness).

I really should shut my mouth because I haven't seen the threads you're on about! And I haven't walked a day in any of your shoes and also, you're all hard. So I'm a bit scared of pissing you off

tamum, well said, that's what I mean. I know Jimjams understands because we both have severely autistic, non-verbal DSs but not everyone on SN does and their views and issues are different and great to share. And I'd hate to see an allegation that was made a while ago that the SN mums won't tolerate the parents of NT kids, some of us are both remember! There are also lots of MNers whose kids don't have a dx or have a questionable dx so that's not the issue either. It wasn't the quality of the posts, just the quantity.

Oi www. Be afraid, be very afraid...

I wouldn't dare call you an old cow - you have all those Daleks at your disposal.