What a shit day, actually the whole week hasn't been great either. Ds started nursery on Thursday last week and seemed to be enjoying it, although i had picked up on the fact that when i picked him up he was always away from other kids and been shadowed by a member of staff.
So i went to collect him on Monday and because i wasn't the first mum in the line he started to have a meltdown, i heard him before i could see him and the teacher had trouble trying to calm him, she was relieved when she finally saw me. Now instead of him being happy to see me as usual, he looked at me sat on floor and said, 'no'. Great!
I tried the gentle approach as always but when that failed had to end up carrying him out screaming and shouting. He continued this in the car all the way home and when i unlocked the house door he stormed past me and went into his bedroom and slammed the door shut. I left him to it so he could calm down and come out when he was ready(we live in a bungalow so i knew he was ok).
I had a very grumpy 3yr old for the next hour or so and was dreading him not wanting to go to nursery the next day. But he got changed no problem and off we went, i had a chat to teacher and we agreed the best thing to do was for me to pick up ds 10-15mins before other parents.
I did this and he was ok, better than day before.
Today we got to nursery and he didn't want me to go(normally he hadn't minded)and he got upset, so i hung around for about 20mins. BIG MISTAKE!!
I got to see how the other kids were with ds and it really upset me
He took a toy off a little girl who looked at me and said she had it first, so i gently told ds he was to give it back, he wasn't happy but he did it. Then what she said next choked me up big time, she said,'he's always doing that', and the scowl on her face said more. I tried to explain that he wasn't being mean he just didn't understand that it was wrong but i'm not sure how much of it sank in.
I must ask if the teacher has actually said anything to the kids regarding ds problems. There is another boy in the class who has Autism but he has been given dx and so has a 1 to 1. I do know the teacher is experienced with asd so i just assumed she would have explained to kids, well as much as you can to a group of 3-4yr olds!?
Anyway then he walked round the table and stood on a boys foot, totally unaware, after numerous times telling ds he was standing on his foot he eventually just shoved him off, ds was left wandering what he had done wrong!
I had seen enough and needed to leave before i wanted to take ds with me. So i got a teacher to take ds to an activity and i just left but i did hear him getting upset before getting through the door. I kept on walking and got to my car, as soon as my car door was closed i broke down, probably the first proper cry i have had since hearing the word autism regarding my ds.
I guess as the title says a penny dropped today, even though for the last 5 months i have been sure about ds having asd i suppose deep down i was always hoping that i was going to be told i had got it wrong. Seeing the kids in nursery today and the massive difference between them and ds was like a breeze block hitting me on the back of the head.
I am going to give it till the dx is over as nursery have told me they are backing me 100% for a dx as he definately needs 1 to 1. Then if ds isn't doing any better i am taking him out of nursey till sept term starts.
It's so hard not to wrap them in cotton wool but i have to put him first and if that means crying every day when i leave him then i'll have to get used to it.
Thanks for reading i just needed to get it off my chest.