If you have KS2/3 aged kids who are NOT SEN honestly how easy or hard do you think SEN parents have it?

[Notjoinedup]

I’m sitting here about to explode.

My two autistic children are in mainstream, hanging on by the skin of their teeth, there is no other even half suitable setting nearby. One of them has ft 1:1.

There is a school trip overseas, run by the language department. As it happens I never even considered putting my kids’ names down, it would absolutely be too much for them. Places are limited to 30, and there are about 150 kids in the year.

It has kicked off because not everyone that wanted a place got one. And I’m listening to a parent bleating on social media about how her child will be emotionally held back by her not getting a place, how it’s unfair that there are limited places, and that everyone that wants to go should go.

Clearly SEN parenting is a parallel universe because there are significant things that kids like mine can’t access, despite any amount of adjustment, it’s all too much for them. But fuck, let’s all take a moment to remember one kid who didn’t get to go to bloody Belgium for 4 days.

Is NT parenting THAT easy? Is that all they have to worry about?

People can have different problems, just because you have some doesn't exclude them from having issues too.

DD has 2 disabilities. Both would preclude her from going on the the next extended school trip, which has limited numbers. I would still expect the school to ensure the selection for the trip for the children would can go is fair.

Every child is important, but one child's needs does not trump the many.

Literally makes no sense

I have one NT and one ND. I worry about them both in different ways 🤷🏼‍♀️
People can have a moan if they wish without having to stop and think of someone who has it worse.

YABU, because the trip isn't about you or your children. You've said that you didn't put their names down because they'd find it too hard. So why is it ANY bother if yours that someone else is disappointed?
Parenting SEN kids is difficult. Parenting NT kids is difficult.
Parents of SEN kids (and I speak as one...) it's not always about you. ESPECIALLY when your child is in a mainstream school.

Would you be happy to swap your life for the life of a parent of child with severe or life limiting illness?
(See how blisteringly horrible and condescending that sounds?!)

Do you really imagine all parents with NT child have a child who also excels in everything, is blessed in every way and life is easy peasy?

Seriously?

What is sad with this thread is one of the most common thing about parenting.

That insane constant competition, to the top or race to the bottom but the constant need to compare with others. It's unhealthy, unhelpful and is probably what causes the most upset.

In your own words, yes, your anger is "irrational" and your very misguided and false generalised assumptions just serve to prove that the OP is infact, spot on. Parallel universe entirely.

Terrible parenting. Oh my days. What a gulf there is indeed, and complete and utter lack of awareness and understand from people like you.

I hear you OP.

i know I’m being unreasonable but I still bubble with resentment and rage.

you are going to get lots emotionally stunted people send you shitty messages - I’m not scrolling through five pages of it.

but I understand where your coming from. Truly.

@KarenOH so posters who say actually although my child is nt their physical ill health is hard to deal with is 'emotionally stunted and shitty'?
As per pp its not a competition.

Yes.

So my saying I found it hard when my child was in hospital hours from home having surgery from a baby is me being "emotionally stunted and shitty"? And you then would expect me to have sympathy for you and your struggling?

Ive not seen your posts, so I have no idea if you were coming from a place of empathy and understanding and comradery or tried to one up an upset mother by making it about you and your circumstances.

You tell me.

'One up someone'? By talking about my sick child? Seriously and you're going on about empathy? The whole thread then is about the OP trying to 'One up' other parents is it not?

What was you motive for talking about your child?

Gently OP, yabu.

I have one NT child and one SEN who has 1:1 f/t and can’t access lots of things. I care and worry and stress and advocate for both.

Is it easier in regards of DD? Yes. But it doesn’t her less important or remove my emotions when it comes to her. It’s just different.

My 'motivation' was the assertion that as long as your child is NT you've got nothing to worry about.

If you haven't read the full thread @KarenOH, then I don't think you can appreciate the context of more recent posts.

I think you should back off from being unkind to @RainSodOff.

Many posters on this thread have difficult times with their DC. It's such a shame that it's pitched one poster against another about who has it worse, who is unsympathetic, who couldn't possibly understand etc.

OP, I'm sorry you're having it so tough, and that other mums' whinges feels like a slap in the face to your DC who has real troubles.

But what was the OPs motivation for starting this thread and talking about her child on here? It was to moan that she had it much harder than this other woman so as a result this other parent shouldn't had no right to complain.
So if others on this thread have it much harder why are they not allowed to also say the same?
Maybe those who's children have life limiting physical illnesses are bubbling with resentment and rage at your "pointless" complaints about not being able to access school trips etc.

@Gazelda @Possinass

Because she perhaps wants some empathy, some people who understand what it feels like? i know I’ve felt like that. Yes, I know I could have it worse.

i stand by my point that it’s emotionally stunted to come onto a thread and pile onto someone who is clearly feeling down/upset/frustrated and be like “you think that’s bad? At least your child isn’t X/Y/Z”.

Thats the entire premise of the thread though @KarenOH ?
Op is saying 'how dare you say x, your child doesn't have y'?

She could easily start a thread just saying how hard she has it and look for some support and empathy from others in a similar (or even not similar) position. But she didn't need to even bring the other parent of the NT child into it and basically say that was all she had to worry about and that it was ridiculous. You can look for empathy without slagging someone else off. I think if she'd have just said how hard it is for her without comparing them others would have been less likely to have others responding with how much harder they have it.

Oh OP people just love to miss the point on here and make out you're just another parent of a child with ASD who probably badly parents them and wants to have all the attention because you think you've got it so hard.

ASD parents are considered the worst of the worst on here. Lately it's just got awful.

They're probably worried that you'll want to overtake them in a queue in a minute and they'll say no because you're probably making the ASD up - and don't you know their child has been waiting beautifully patiently for A WHOLE THREE MINUTES already.

It's clear this thread isn't a race to the bottom or a competition. If you weren't a parent of a child with ASD they'd all be calling out the parent who thinks their child will be emotionally traumatised by not being able to go on a school trip that 4/5th's of the school year also can't go on.

Why not? That parent was the catalyst of her feelings.

Well the OP is a catalyst for the other posters on here comparing their lives as well then.