If you have KS2/3 aged kids who are NOT SEN honestly how easy or hard do you think SEN parents have it?

[Notjoinedup]

I’m sitting here about to explode.

My two autistic children are in mainstream, hanging on by the skin of their teeth, there is no other even half suitable setting nearby. One of them has ft 1:1.

There is a school trip overseas, run by the language department. As it happens I never even considered putting my kids’ names down, it would absolutely be too much for them. Places are limited to 30, and there are about 150 kids in the year.

It has kicked off because not everyone that wanted a place got one. And I’m listening to a parent bleating on social media about how her child will be emotionally held back by her not getting a place, how it’s unfair that there are limited places, and that everyone that wants to go should go.

Clearly SEN parenting is a parallel universe because there are significant things that kids like mine can’t access, despite any amount of adjustment, it’s all too much for them. But fuck, let’s all take a moment to remember one kid who didn’t get to go to bloody Belgium for 4 days.

Is NT parenting THAT easy? Is that all they have to worry about?

Why are their feelings, which they are allowed to express, a problem for you?

I used to feel like a total fraud as a parent of a DC with sn...my child was and still is incredibly easy to look after. Obviously I had lots of appointments and worries but day to day life was and is easy with her. I know plenty of nt kids who are much harder work.

Theyre entitled to think what they like but as I’ve said, it was the absolute horror that the child couldn’t get on the trip she wanted and clearly that was a very very rare thing. Most of the time I let things like this flow past but it’s been HARD lately and I literally cannot imagine a life where that reaction would be warranted.

I hear you. I have one NT one and if he so chooses he can be a shocker!

But surely you don't know that she isn't thankful for her "privilege"? Or that she doesn't consider anyone else?
People are allowed to be upset about things without constantly having to either prefix it with saying "I know I'm incredibly lucky that I'm able to worry about this" etc or just not express disappointment at all.
I caught covid and was unable to go to a concert recently. I posted on Facebook that I was gutted. Some people (maybe with SEN) might not be able to go to concerts at all. Should I not have expressed disappointment at all as I was privileged to start with by being able to go?
There is a lot in life I'm incredibly grateful for. But that doesn't mean I should never be disappointed in things. A friend of mine recently died at 42. She will never do anything again. I'm incredibly grateful that I am still alive. But I'm still allowed to moan when I have a cold or feel a bit miserable.

@Notjoinedup sorry, but no 'sort of' about being unreasonable.

This is a horrible post that demonstrates a complete lack of understanding or empathy for what others may be going through - which, ironically, is the EXACT thing you're 'bleating on' about here.

It depends on the parent.

There are examples at our own school of a parent weaponising her son’s SEN to the detriment of NT children and their education and school experience.

You can’t claim all the sympathy.

I have 2 autistic, one ADHD and one NT.
One of my autistic kids is easiest by far.
The worries are the same whether they are NT or not. We certainly aren't panicking that little Lottie may miss out on a Cambridge place and be forced to go to Exeter instead. On the other hand, my NT daughter's chronic illness is pretty much as devastating to deal with as my oldest's burnout, school refusal, and mental health crash.

At the end of the day, NT or not, nothing much matters beyond health and happiness.

You're making me angrier and angrier.

Can't you see FFS that you're not showing any understanding of what anyone else might be going through.

Pot and kettle.

I suppose it threw into very sharp relief that some parents have never even considered anyone beyond their own privileged experience.

So you think that a parent being upset at their child’s disappointment because of something being badly run by the school must mean that parents have too much privilege and are inconsiderate?

No. You are conflating things that are completely unrelated. It’s shit that you are having a hard time because of your child’s SEN, but don’t direct your negativity towards other parents. Their lives aren’t automatically easy just because their children don’t have diagnosed SEN.

I have a undiagnosed older teen who is very bright. Persistent school refuser with top grades and bad MH.

I have a clever boy with dyspraxia and a language disorder who is sitting 9 gcses in a sen school.

I have a boy with severe needs. Totally unsuitable for mainstream since nursery

I have a very clever girl with ASD full time with 1:1 in mainstream.

They are all hard. I'd love to be worrying about cello grading but I'm not. Clearly.

But if all my kids was NT? Absolutely I'd be worried about something.

Worrying about a trip to Belgium is an aspirational worry but I don't worry less for my eldest off to a RG uni. He deserves a mum who sweats the small stuff alongside worrying his brother will never sit a gcse ( he will not. Ever)

It's just different. Ever patent worries. I try really hard not to compair. It's not a race to to the bottom, I'm aiming high. Surely we all are wanting to be where Belgium mum is? I can't scoff at your two kids in mainstream because my two are in a SEN school and I don't want to.

Yes there are times I scream that it's so unfair and I'd love to worrying about a lazy kid chatting too much at the local school. But that passes and it's not my default mindset.

You’re winding yourself up here.

The parent concerned was whining about the emotional damage that would occur if her child missed the trip. Bollocks, frankly.

My DS used to have to sit out of playing football in PE lessons (because he was in the bottom set for Maths and therefore also PE because that was how the stupid Covid timetabling bubbles worked) as his teacher said he was too good and it wasn't fair on all the SEN kids.

Football was the only thing he was good at.

I don't see why the self esteem of some should come before the self esteem of others. Anyway my DS's self esteem was clearly lower than the SEN kids as he's now dead but at least he didn't score too many goals against them in PE.

But what does that have to do with you to the point you appear upset/angry about it.

There are many many many people who have it much worse than you yet here you are bemoaning how someone else expressing feelings that they are entitled to feel makes you feel about how hard you life is, when it is better in comparison to others -.don't join a race to the bottom.

This is not good expenditure of your time or energy and is not great for your mindset imo.

My DS is four and has type 1 diabetes. Keeping him out of hospital/alive is a round the clock affair.
I'm afraid when I'm upset for him that he's spent yet another afternoon being told to sit still indoors when he'd rather be out playing with the other kids when his blood sugar is through the floor, I'm not giving a microseconds thought to the kids who are in wheelchairs or in hospital being treated for cancer etc etc.
That's not so say I don't care about people in even worse situations than me and DS, it's just that my child and his challenges are naturally the most important to me and my daily life.
Why weren't you thinking about parents of T1D kids before you posted this?

The last sentence here absolutely nails it!!!

The OP's lack of self awareness is extremely ironic given her post

Nah, you’ve just got a bee in your bonnet.

Love this post.

So insightful open and honest and hits the nail on the head.

People are allowed to be gutted that their kid has missed out on an amazing trip that they were hoping to go on and their friends are going on. It’s not like they’re saying the have the hardest situation in the world. But they can fee disappointed for their kid. You have no idea what else is going on in their lives just like they have no idea what’s going on in yours

You’re right. I’m exhausted. Absolutely knackered and there is no let up in sight. It got up my nose. I just thought “oh do fuck off” at the “emotional damage” stuff. I’m going to have a big glass of wine in a min.

Most of us are all wrapped up and consumed in our own worlds to be fair

@Notjoinedup

Well so do the VAST majority of posters on here too then!

Again, lack of self awareness OP.

I've got a neurotypical child and two sen children.
In my opinion sen parents don't sweat the small stuff cos we need that energy for the big battles 💪🏼
But when I only had a neurotypical child I would have possibly been passed off if my child didn't get a place on the trip and I would have wined that there should've been enough places for everyone.
So if this parent only has one child i can understand why she was vocal 🤷‍♀️

No, you’re just quite determined to believe that.

@Notjoinedup

Have you not read any of the other responses?!