If you have KS2/3 aged kids who are NOT SEN honestly how easy or hard do you think SEN parents have it?

[Notjoinedup]

I’m sitting here about to explode.

My two autistic children are in mainstream, hanging on by the skin of their teeth, there is no other even half suitable setting nearby. One of them has ft 1:1.

There is a school trip overseas, run by the language department. As it happens I never even considered putting my kids’ names down, it would absolutely be too much for them. Places are limited to 30, and there are about 150 kids in the year.

It has kicked off because not everyone that wanted a place got one. And I’m listening to a parent bleating on social media about how her child will be emotionally held back by her not getting a place, how it’s unfair that there are limited places, and that everyone that wants to go should go.

Clearly SEN parenting is a parallel universe because there are significant things that kids like mine can’t access, despite any amount of adjustment, it’s all too much for them. But fuck, let’s all take a moment to remember one kid who didn’t get to go to bloody Belgium for 4 days.

Is NT parenting THAT easy? Is that all they have to worry about?

I have one SEN and one with a medical condition that isn’t SEN.

parenting none SEN kids is a piece of piss.

I don't think this is really anything to do with SEN.

It's about the shallow shit a lot of people think will "traumatize" their kids, and their sense of entitlement. Frankly, a lot of kids would be better off to get fewer of the things they want.

But looking at that kind of attitude from the perspective of any kind of serious problem makes it seem all the more pathetic and annoying.

With respect it’s not the same.

I really don’t think you can judge people like this. Everyone has their struggles.

If you are white, do you daily think about the struggles non-white people have?

If your child is straight, do you think every minute how someone with a gay child who is struggling might be feeling?

I’d hazard a guess no. And their lives might be ‘worse’ than yours, so should you stop complaining about your lot? Again, no, you have a right to be upset.

We all have our difficulties. I’m sorry you are having a hard time, but it’s not helpful to compete with other parents - resentment and bitterness aren’t helpful for anyone.

Hope you and your children are ok.

OP you're absolutely not being unreasonable. You know why. Just don't expect anyone not experiencing similar to get it. It's heart wrenching having to accept your kid missing out on so many things others take for granted. You're very much allowed your 'dfod' moments.

Classic reace to the bottom thread.

Everyone has problems big and small...
except me, my life is perfect and sheltered and I eat cake if there isn't any bread!

This is my explanation for having a NT child and why it’s so hard….

I imagine most people would prioritise their children and their health over and above anyone and anything else.

I imagine most people would think and feel that the most significant and worse loss to them would be that of their child. It’s not to say other loses don’t matter but the hurt would be the worse for you child. I lost my mother when I was barely an adult - over 20 years ago and it was awful and so tragic as I was young. Having said that, if I lost one of my kids I could not go on. It would be absolutely worse as we’re programmed to adore out kids.

We all want the best for out kids - you see threads here all the time ‘Worried about my 35 year old’ 😳 but its instinct.

My point is that having a ND child is so difficult for me because I worry about their future. What will happen if they can’t hold down a job? Disabled but not disabled enough…. Will they get bullied and secluded for being different? Will they ever meet a partner to share life with? Will they live a normal/typical/ average life,
will they be able to have kids… if I die will they have to go in to a home?…

There are many unanswered questions that it consumes you. You can never settle. Parents of NT kids cant understand.

I know.

I spent 3 decades working with severely autistic and learning disabled children and their families. At the end of each day I'd go home to my own children and count my blessings.
But that didn't stop me worrying about, or hurting for my own children when they hit bumps in the road. And I still do it even now they're in their 30s, as they both have significant stresses in their lives.

I get how OP feels. I've hugged parents like her as they've sobbed. But that doesn't mean that she's reasonable in thinking that another parent shouldn't express her own upset on SM.

You have no idea what else these parents might have going on in their life. Maybe they have another child with SEN who normally takes to all their time and they just want their NT child to have something nice as they're normally put second and miss out on things all the time due to their sibling. Maybe the parent feels desperately sorry for their NT child not ever doing things they want so they just wanted this trip for them. Who knows.

OP posting here is like a single person with no family/friends and is homeless being upset in the shops crying and saying these are my numbers but I couldn’t afford to put them on this week and then going back to their cardboard box…

…..then a well to do privileged rich man comes in and starts crying saying ‘me too I didn’t put the numbers on this week’

Everyone is entitled to their opinion but some are far more ridiculous and less warranted than others. Anything to do with children struggling through no fault of their own or really poorly is the worse thing ever.

It is normal to feel this way. ,You are being unreasonable, but your feelings are real and valid. When things are tough (which parenting a ND child definitely is!) and people are complaining about seemingly small things it's hard not to feel frustrated. If only they realised how lucky they are! I, for one, would be absolutely delighted if my kid actually WANTED to go on a school trip... Even if they didn't get picked. Just for them to have an interest in something their peers were involved in would be amazing... So I would likely be annoyed at that parent too...as silly as that may seem...

Also....of course that child isn't going to be emotionally damaged by not going on a school trip FFS. It sounds like that parent is being a total drama queen.

Thank you for your rational and insightful post.

You have no idea what else these parents might have going on in their life. Maybe they have another child with SEN who normally takes to all their time and they just want their NT child to have something nice as they're normally put second and miss out on things all the time due to their sibling. Maybe the parent feels desperately sorry for their NT child not ever doing things they want so they just wanted this trip for them. Who knows.

Whatever the circumstances are it's unreasonable to claim that a child will be "emotionally held back" because they can't go on a school trip.

Some parents, and they do tend to be parents with NT children, are like that.

Everything is the end of the world.

Just eye roll and move on. You can't change them.

There's so many self indulgent posters here!
'How dare anyone else worry about their child! Me and my child is all that matters!'

Absolutely no thoughts for anyone else!

I have one NT and one complex needs SEN .

Absolutely no comparison.

Yes parenting an NT child is easy peasy compared to a child with SEN not so much because if the child or their disability but the whole fucking system you have to contend with to get an iota of support for your child.

You are so not being unreasonable!

They just have different things to worry about, so harder or non harder just different.

yabu. People are allowed to moan about their disappointments even though other people have it worse.
There will always be someone worse off, doesn’t mean people don’t have their own worries or just things that annoy them. I’m allowed to be pissed off that my train home was delayed by two hours even though my friend has a daughter in a wheelchair with a life limiting condition and that really is something to be upset about.

Wrong- that’s like saying a millionaire is worried about what pony to get for his child as they can be fussy and ungrateful….. and their situation is as concerning as as a single mum on the minimum wage living in a damp house with a child that has asthma….

Both worries for the parents but one is significantly more worrying in the real world

YABVU

Every second post on here is by a parent with SEN DC.

A fucking men.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry for you loss. That’s the worst thing ever imo to happen and nothing can compare to that. My opinion is the loss of a child is the most tragic thing ever and nothing comes close.

Having a child with SEN who won’t lead a normal life is very difficult though as many will never live typical lives. It’s like they’re 8 years old at 26. The grief is for the child that will never experience normal life abd decision making, having kids that will have no choices. Waft if I die - who wil care for them.

You're here whining that your children can't access an expensive school trip abroad when there are millions of children around the world who can only dream of going to school and instead are working 15 hour shifts in factories or being forced into child marriages. Why can't you consider people beyond your own privileged experience?

Fucking ridiculous thread and posts from you.

Would you be happy to swap a NT child life for a ND child life? Thought not..

I read posts from women with SEN children on here and I think that is so so so tough.

But parenting a child isn't a comparison sport. I had one child who had severe depression as a teen. Our goal was to keep her alive and safe. I have 2 other children - should I have dismissed their concerns at that time - like "what does it matter you have problems with your friend, your sister might harm herself?" What do you mean you are worried about your test scores - you are healthy aren't you" I don't think so. it doesn't work like that in life.

Sorry you are finding it hard at the moment OP. It is a tough thing to have to deal with. Other people have other problems and are allowed to express them. Just roll your eyes.