Primary School Auties 11: 2023 is here

[openupmyeagereyes]

Thread 11.

This is a thread for the parents & carers of children with additional needs. Most of us have autistic/ADHD children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Links to previous threads below.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed
Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2
Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3
Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4
Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1
Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1
Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7
Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8
Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022
Thread 10
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4592899-primary-school-auties-10-summer-and-beyond-2022?page=1

We usually eat around 6 and that’s when dh finishes wfh. If he’s in the office I just plate his up and he eats it when he gets in.

We didn't really start eating together until DH and I started wfh, though the children still eat at the childminders on days they go (which coincide with DH's office days) so we eat late then. I tend to either end up eating at 5.30 or 8, which isn't great for cutting down snacking!
DD's been sleeping ok recently, which is good as she definitely struggles more if she's tired. She will chew her necklace, but she was more into chewing collars than cuffs before I got her it (she'd come home from school with her chest soaked to the skin)

We eat usually between 5.45 and 6. DH back from work by then and I get back with DS after school. I just leave lots of activity type things around for DS and then he gets stuff out as he wants, mostly board games or cards, easier in the summer with the garden toys. If i said right we are doing this now DS, he would ignore me and get cross if I pushed. He's always been like this. He is very demand avoidance, PDA, so it fits. Also explains why I could never get him to do activities when he was younger unless he thought it was his idea!
@openupmyeagereyes We all go upstairs at about 6.30 and do games together, then generally I read books to DS in bed while DH works (he runs a business) in the office, bathes, etc. When I'm out, DH will happily do bedtime completely, but DS prefers me reading and being there while he goes off to sleep. If I'm at home, unless it's my bookclub online, DS would just call until I came up!
@carriebradshawwithlessshoes I usually share a bottle with DH on a Saturday night. Honestly, I feel the same the next morning whether I have one glass or 5, so it puts me off as I always feel so rubbish!

We always do bath, teeth and into bed together and then we generally take it in turns to read a story and stay until he’s asleep. At certain times ds will want me to stay with him each night, like when he’s ill.

Ds is now 9, I can’t believe how fast it’s going. His party was a great success and all the kids had fun.

That's so lovely about the party Open

DS standard waking up time for ages has been 06:30 and as we don't leave the house til 08:10 or 08:30 ,that leaves plenty of telly time for him. But when he sleeps in I have been waking him at 07:45-8 and there's no time for screens. It takes ages to get DS dressed and any attempt to hurry the process is disastrous!

At the end of the day all DS wants is screen time. If I just stop screens he has no idea what to do with himself, get bored and start looking for trouble (it's the same at playtime at school). So I have to lead that time and he will scribble do playdough, play Uno or hide and seek. We also try and do deep pressure activities eg rolling the kids up in duvets, rolling exercise ball over them. This is my most stressful part of the day as both children have had baths and I am with DD trying to get her to sleep and DS is downstairs alone on the ipad. It's usually okay as long as I get a drink and snack ready for him ...

Light glad things seem calm with you.

Carrie I think that I might have mentioned this before but until the age of 9 DS had no interest in mark making but now loves to colour in a blank page.

I took DS to his adoption therapy session this afternoon and he has been v unsettled. Loads of screaming and 'I hate yous from him

I am trying to lose weight again. Low carbing. So no wine for me at the moment.

Hi all <waves back>!

DD would happily be on screens all the time I think, but doesn't complain too much about doing other things as long as she gets enough (i.e. a lot!) of screen time, and thinks it is "fair" relative to what DS is getting. That said she does quite often do projects on minecraft like building particular things, or spends time watching stuff that his vaguely educational like Horrible Histories.

Whereas DS's screen time is 90% Youtubers playing video games, and he's much more drawn to those "timewaster" type games rather than Minecraft (which I see as a bit more like Lego so not really "proper" screen time ... yes yes I know I am probably kidding myself!). DS is more likely to want to do something like crafts or Lego in real life though, so I guess it evens out. And they both go through phases of wanting different things.

I should probably limit screen time more but they do really enjoy it and I think school days are long and quite hard and it's good to wind down at the end of the day. We try to keep them busy at weekends so it's not too screen-heavy.

I definitely agree that minecraft is good for creativity but even the games that I don’t really like ds playing are teaching him quite a lot. He likes to play on the laptop so he can use the command functions to explore the game differently so he’s getting used to the computer and typing in commands. He watches YouTube to teach himself how to play (a great skill) and work out all the puzzles and it also teaches him frustration tolerance and persistence. So not all bad at all, I just wish it were more balanced with other activities.

It’s a bit like how watching videos of kids opening toys and playing them really helped him learn how to play with toys better. In an ideal world he’d have learnt that from us, and I’m sure he did, but that was more motivating for him.

Open happy birthday to your ds 🥳 I’m pleased your party was a success, it’s my ds birthday tomorrow, just got him to bed, got his balloons out and prezzies set up. Got to pick his cake up when he’s gone to school and kfc after school. He’s got his birthday badges to pin on his school jumper (which I’m sure he’ll unpin and stab himself with multiple times)

Just catching up quick, carrie your ds is like mine, can’t leave him alone for a minute, I swear on my life I’m not exaggerating when I say he has to have eyes on him at all times, it’s disastrous if you don’t, he found a tin of air freshener at school yesterday (what the hell was it doing in a reachable place?) and he sprayed it in 2 kids and his teachers face, I said to his school what do you expect if you leave it so that a child can get hold of it, do not come at me with your complaints for your own negligence.
So I know EXACTLY what you mean when you say you don’t want him up so you can get ready! 🤣 Ds is an early riser anyway but I breathe such relief when he’s asleep so I can get my shit done.

Dimples great news about 5 weeks accident free, my ds hasn’t had any for a while.

Can’t remember who asked about eating times (liv?) ds doesn’t eat with us, he won’t eat near anyone, he has a stool against the kitchen side, he eats on there,
we eat on the sofa, he’s not far from us. I can see him etc, He just prefers to be away from us. He says my food smells etc (he only eats set things) so I just leave him be.

Light I give up limiting ds screen time, I did for a length of time as he was getting headaches quite a lot which coincided with him being on his games a lot, it seemed to be every weekend, but not during the week and weekends is when he’s on them a lot and through the week he’s out 7 hours at school so it wasn’t a coincidence (I always get headaches if I’m on my phone a lot) he’s not complained of them lately so I just let him go on it 24/7 as and when he wants.

He watches a lot on YouTube kids, some of it is really informative though, like volcano videos and lots of what would happen videos, he also likes to watch foods go mouldy, like time lapses of foods rotting away, strange child lol.

Happy birthday to ds danni

Happy birthday mini @danni0509 hope he has a fab day!
We don't limit screen time either. We tried it and the battle of wills it created meant he wanted it more, but he often gets bored after a bit now if I just trust him. It helps him regulate too.

Happy birthday to your ds's danni and open. Great news about the party.

Hope ds if feeling a bit better today dimples. Well done on the low carbing! I find life without carbs very difficult.

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who has kids that don't do normal meals and have way too much screen time

We had a horrible time with Ds yesterday. He flat out refused to go to school and both me and dh lost our tempers. Not my proudest parenting moment.
I took away all his screens and told him that he could have them back when he went to school. I felt this was a relatively natural consequence as he wouldn't have them if he'd been in school.
After that it was very calm, he spent most of the day playing with fidget toys and occasionally asking about his iPad.

Anyway making the day as boring as possible seems to have worked and he went in happily today.

I did ask him lots of times throughout the day why he didn't want to go but he couldn't express it. I think it was more about wanting to be at home with his screens than not wanting to be in school if you know what I mean. I'm hoping it was a one off.

liv I had to bribe ds to go in yesterday but he went in ok today. Hopefully Monday will be fine for you.

Ds in a grotty mood today as he woke up wet at 2am and didn’t go back to sleep. Early bed for all of us tonight.

Happy birthday to your DS's @openupmyeagereyes and@danni0509.
DD's been a bit better going to school lately but woke up with a sore throat and burst into tears after breakfast so us currently sprawled on the sofa.
DS is ill too but took some persuading he couldn't go to school. He's got a pretty much constant cough which would drive everyone nuts. Glad I didn't send him as got worse as day went on.

Hope that the birthday boys enjoy their celebrations.

From reading about some of your kids screen time it seems more educational than DS's and they seem to choose to stop. DS would literally be on a screen every waking minute if I let him and he watches si much crap - at the moment he's watching Jannie and Emma or manicured women emptying out slime . That said he did come home asking to watch 3 times table videos. Rather than expressly imposing a screen ban I am trying to structure our time better. So I just say 5 mins til slime time etc - that is working quite well so far ...

Do any of your autistic/Adhd children get in trouble at school for snapping at teachers? My DS (age 7) doesn't have big meltdowns nor is aggressive, but his teacher often has to have a word with him for answering "FINE" in an angry way if she tells him off, or asks him to do something he doesn't like. At a loss how to help him overcome this as I don't know the reason behind it. Defiance has always been a trait of DS. He doesn't lose it, but is VERY quick to get annoyed.

@openupmyeagereyes ah I.missed it was your DS' birthday too, happy birthday to him!

Ponder I imagine that would be the very least of the things my ds’ teacher would have to worry about. Maybe she needs to find a different way to engage with him which is not helpful to you, I know.

Does he do the same with you at home or do you manage to avoid it by using different language?

He does @openupmyeagereyes, to my knowledge he doesn’t mask at all so is the same in most settings. I don’t think he would snap at a less familiar adult such as his swimming teacher but he’s only with them for half an hour once a week!

At home we just tell him he mustn’t speak to us like that. He apologises but the constant answering back is really draining.

thank you for replying.

Please can I join, I’m the parent to 4 year old DS on pathway to ASD/ADHD diagnosis

Hi Nearly2023. How are you feeling about it?

Hi @openupmyeagereyes I’m up and down with it. We finally have paediatrician appointment next week, so hoping we are getting closer to a diagnosis.
We already have support in place in nursery, but feel having an actually diagnosis may help some people around me to gain a bit more understanding.

Hello, my son is 9 and in year 5. Diagnosed six months ago as autistic. School is still not perfect but a lot better than it was last year. Has anyone here gone through the process of applying for DLA? It's something I've just started to think about.

RaisedOnADietofBrokenBiscuitsOh I applied for DLA for my ds last year.

• I recommend using the Cerebra guide to help you work through it.
• Call for a printed copy as they will date stamp it and backdate the payment to that date if it’s awarded.
• I recommend posting it recorded or special delivery as my application was lost. As they could see it had been signed for they investigated and found it which was a relief.
• Make sure you take a copy of the form before you send it, just in case.
• Awards are based on need so outline all the help and support that your ds needs that a typical child doesn’t.

Welcome, we're still awaiting diagnosis for my 7 year old too, seem to be on a very long queue but hoping to get it done privately.
After an awful start to year 2 school seems to be going a bit better now.