Primary School Auties 11: 2023 is here

[openupmyeagereyes]

Thread 11.

This is a thread for the parents & carers of children with additional needs. Most of us have autistic/ADHD children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Links to previous threads below.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed
Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2
Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3
Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4
Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1
Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1
Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7
Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8
Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022
Thread 10
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4592899-primary-school-auties-10-summer-and-beyond-2022?page=1

That sounds hard @Ahna65 . My MIL constantly makes comments to me that basically equate to 'be less autistic', like it's something I can turn on and off. Fortunately she seems to be a bit more understanding with DD.
So far DD's been ok with the supply teacher, although did complain she didn't know about her rewards at the end of the day. I also get the feeling school aren't telling me about the small things, it was only at parents evening they said she spends most lessons under her desk and her books all had doodles up the margin and writing in all different colours. I feel my hands are a bit tied though as I want her to remain in mainstream due to the woeful alternatives for academic children, she doesn't want or respond to a 1-2-1 and they're already doing most other stuff.

@Jules912 not all special provisions are 'woeful alternatives'
My DS is thriving now he's getting the support he needs. He can do gcses too etc.

Sorry that should've said special schools where I live. I think part of the problem is that the bases which would normally take children who can access the mainstream curriculum are so oversubscribed they won't consider ASD children who don't also have learning difficulties.
There is a brilliant school in the next borough but it's a high school so a while to go yet before we can even consider it.

I’m sure all special schools are trying to do the best they can for the kids they have. There’s been such a push for inclusion I think the idea was that children capable of higher academic achievements should be in a mainstream school. We all know how flawed that thinking is.

I do wonder if what’s missing here is a level below GCSE which is a more functional qualification across the core subjects. I don’t think this exists or am I completely out of the loop? You don’t need GCSE maths or English to work in Starbucks but you need to be able to make change, take orders, prepare drinks etc.

I think that they can Open. There are Level One qualifications that they can do in numeracy, literacy, life skills etc (GCSEs are level 2, A levels level 3, honours degree level 6). That's what my cousin's son did then he went to FE college and did some horticultural courses - bit of a waste of time I think but gave him time to mature a bit more. Now (22) he has a job in an Amazon warehouse and seems to be enjoying life (and enjoying the money!)

I think that DS will be doing Level 1 qualifications.

I would say Ds school is pretty woeful for the academic side @Jules912 so I do agree.

My ds is so clever in ways but they have him matching coloured envelopes to the corresponding coloured postboxes in the pictures they put on the parent app. (This was last week) also loads of twinkle phonic sheets with the most basic of phonics when he can read what I would say very bloody well.

He’s known his pissing colours for about 7 years too so no idea why they give him such basic colour matching activities, (I left a comment on this to be honest because it really annoyed me)

They don’t do GCSE’s either. Nothing like it.

I think socially it’s ok for ds, because in mainstream he was like a caged animal, were as here he mixes with kids and I think it’s good for life skills, cooking / baking / weekly swimming / sensory gym etc etc and the staff are trained in behaviours, so they do have some redeeming qualities 🤣 but academically it’s piss poor..

But then on the other hand I also think, with ds anyway, what’s the point in him being able to read and write and add up, but being unable to wait in a queue, wipe his own bum, get his own clothes on etc.

So academically I’m not too fussed for the minute, he has more important things to learn first.

Danni when you say to them ‘but he’s known his colours for 7 years, why isn’t he doing more here?’ What do they say back?

IMO they can only justify it by saying well he doesn’t show that ability here with us and/ or he’s legging it around school so much we can’t pin him down (literally) to see what he can do (the words of the MS). Interested to know how they respond!

Open, yours sounds very good with expected progress etc as per your earlier post. Do you feel directly as a result of school DS has made progress since he started there?

completely agree with your last post Danni. As things stand, as bright as I know DS is (we were playing shop yesterday and I was saying oh, I had £80 but lost £35, what have I left? And he was counting the right amount of notes into my hand) all the things you mention are FAR more important aren’t they.

Danni do you feel school have moved him on with that other stuff? (Queue, toilet, dressing). Are they trying do you know?

danni I remember ages ago you said ds was doing basic phonics. That’s just bonkers.

carrie I think I said before that the linear progress the school expects them to make seems incongruous with what the EP
talked to me about re. not comparing children, spiky profiles etc.

Ds’ class seems to be doing lots of stuff ds’ yr1 class did. Ds does not seem to be making expected progress across the curriculum, in part because he’s not in for the full day. What I don’t know is how his peers are doing which would be a useful comparison.

That is frustrating dimples. When is his next annual review? It would definitely be helpful to have a clearer picture if you are going to try and get a new school place.

Jules It's so hard with special schools and academics. Ds's school does cater for both and the more academically able can do GCSEs.

Hope you all feel better soon Carrie.

Thanks open. So they have suggested going back to visual supports while he's finding things difficult. A calendar, social story, morning routine list and then also keeping a log of what is happening day before/day of missing school. Also things like generally reducing language in the morning, which I know but often forget in the moment. We'll do that till the end of term and review after Easter. Nothing revolutionary but it will hopefully help work out what's going on in ds's head.

This is probably a bit advanced for our kids as it's meant for teenagers/adults but I thought it was interesting:
www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/sites/default/files/toolkits/know-your-normal-toolkit-ambitious-about-autism.pdf
It's about know what your normal looks like so that you and other can know when things aren't quite right. Sorry I've never worked out how to do the clicky links!

Sorry cross posted open. Are the school monitoring them academically or just against their EHCP outcomes?

Both liv.

I hope those things help or at least shed some light.

Liv, yes annual review is next month so not too long away.

I saw the SENCo at pick up but couldn't talk properly as DS was there. He had left his coat out on the field at lunchtime but this wasn't noticed until home time and it is snowing here so we had to borrow a lost property coat. DS had also been rolling down the hill so he looks like he has had a mud bath. They were v apologetic about this but I really don't mind about stuff like that if he is having fun.

Re academic progress, it tricky isn't it. DS doesn't seem to have made much progress at all recently. I think that he has been 'working towards' year one targets in numeracy and writing for a few years. His reading is slightly better. It must be frustrating to feel that your children are not being given a chance to show what they can do but I guess the schools are also trying to manage anxiety (as well as perhaps underestimating potential and not being ambitious enough). That said when DS was at nursery he was not able/willing to do the same things he could do at home. I remember them excitedly showing me a video of DS going down a slide and I was a bit nonplussed as he went down slides at the park all the time with me.

Ds has smashed a class window today chucking a toy that he was told not to chuck, he thought it was hilarious that the caretaker came and boarded the window up and he’s told me he’s going to smash them all tomorrow.

His teacher has phoned and emailed about it and the Pa passed a message on too so his school are not very happy.

I told him if he smashes another window tomorrow the money he’s saved in his safe can pay for a new one. The whole amount, he will be left with zero.

Thanks, I just put up all the visuals and read the social story with him and he seemed to accept it, so let's see if it works in the morning which is always higher pressure. Open yes it's hard to know about peers, I suppose there is probably some confidentiality issues involved. Having said that you would imagine the school has an idea of who is making expected progress in terms of class percentages.

Sounds like he had a good day dimples! Good luck with the annual review, we have ds's in a couple of weeks.
Yes to what the kids show at school as well! Ds is brilliant at only showing certain people what he can do!

What a nightmare danni!! Hope the saved money threat stops him from doing it tomorrow.

I don’t need to know about individual children but it would be useful to know if ds was the only one not making expected progress or if only half of the class are and it’s not such a big deal.

Totally agree about life skills being the most important. So far DD's issues are more with emotional regulation and anxiety rather than not being able to do stuff, but I can see it being more of an issue when she's expected to be more independent.

Carrie I have spoken to his teacher about the work he is given (a few times) and she says that it’s very difficult to have ds engagement due to his attention span mostly, so they give him things he enjoys to do to keep his engagement, which is fine I do totally understand all that, but then also that’s kind of the point in him coming to school so they can teach him new and more difficult stuff? 😳

They say he’s the most able academically in the classroom (I know this is true as on the parent app they share all the other children’s progress, like x has written the first letter of her name today, and x has counted out 5 cubes, that sort of thing, I was quite surprised they shared that sort of information, they don’t even block out the child’s faces, you get to know all sorts about them, their parents will for ds too, anyway ds is far ahead of all of that, there is 1 other child who is above the others, but not at ds level.) but then they give ds work which is really not up to scratch for his ability.

Ds is the same, I bought a new bathroom mirror the other day and he asked how much it was so I said to him it was £8 and he wanted to know how much the old mirror I replaced was so I said £7, so he said the new mirror was darer by £1, so I said how much change would they give me if I paid with a £10 note and then a £20 note and he knows the answers, he then said to me, mummy was £8 a rip off 🤣🤣🤣🤣 he learns so much from me!!!!

Open how many hours a day is ds managing now? Do you still wait for him etc.

danni he’s doing 2-3 hours. Depends what’s on that day. We are still waiting on the EP which is ridiculous. If we engaged a private EP it seems we’d have to wait 2 terms for assessment.

Danni they could set up shop together! Out of interest are they other kids in DSs class the same age? I can’t get my head around that either. They say at 7 DS is the youngest (in the school), the other kids all look huge but he is small. One of them I thought looked DDs age… the mum said the other day she was 10. I can’t work it out!

yes Open that’s rubbish. Could/ would you pay private just to move things on? I must say patience is not my forte (in life generally), I’m very want everything done yesterday so if it was affordable I probably would.

Not that you should have to of course.

We can’t move things on even if we pay (which at this rate we may well) as we’d likely not be seen until January.