Primary school auties thread 9 - spring / summer 2022.

[danni0509]

Thread 9.

Links to previous threads below.

For the parents / carers of children with additional needs, most of us have asd / adhd children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8

If I try to hold DS' hand, he knows its because I'm worrying, and so he gets upset because he thinks I should trust him. Which I do, most of the time. He's nervous about going back tomorrow too. Name change for me again ha, same theme!

Tbf both DS and DD like holding my hand, even her at 9! I think DS just accepts that that is how we walk, generally he’s ok. We had a couple of days in a hotel last week and you know how long hotel corridors are… we stepped out and he just went…. Running full pelt. I shouted his name but he was just running and laughing he doesn’t understand any safety logic etc etc, was it just age and maturity that cracked it, Open?? DS still does what he wants to do, he’s unstoppable, literally and metaphorically.

Fortunately a cleaner grabbed him at the very end of the corridor.

Adhd meds working a treat as you can see….

Good luck to everyone going back tomorrow!!!!

School uniform went on OK today, then it all fell apart when dd said she hated how it felt. She went off to her cm dressed, but without shoes and socks, not having cleaned her teeth and having refused to have her hair brushed or put up. I am only thankful she put on and kept on her seatbelt.

Last night she insisted on us buying one of her two only friends a birthday present for his 5th birthday today. In doing so, it reminded me that she's not received an invitation to a party for him. She said the other night sadly "I never get invited to parties". My heart breaks for her. If only people would understand and see the loving, affectionate, funny little girl we see rather than the difficulties she experiences with her emotions and sensory issues. Beyond sad for her.

On the bright side, I remained calm and saw her off with a big hug and I love you. She did also manage to finish getting ready for her cm.

My morning is going as I thought, with ds refusing to go to school. I need to find a clinical psychologist as I feel like we’re getting nowhere. I will ask the school to see if they are able to recommend anyone.

whata so sorry for your dd. I hope that she has a good day.

carrie I think with ds it’s just been him getting older. We still hold hands often and no way would I not hold his hand in a town for instance (we are in a village), but we are making good progress.

I might email his caseworker and see what she says.

Open I have no ideas, I’m sorry. Is he anxious in general, or just with school? Have you thought about any kind of medication? I think ds is about to be put on some sort of anxiety medication, we have his appointment next week (well, I have it when he’s at school) I sent his teachers email over to CAMHS this morning and they said they’d send him a link to join.

Ds went off to school ok, I don’t have a car now though so if they ever want me to collect, which they have phoned me for once before. Now I can’t. Not my problem! They have this ‘rule’ if a child is poorly and needs to be sent home they aren’t allowed to send them home on transport, the parent has to collect. Not possible now I share cars with Dh and he’s at work most days ds is in school, so they’ll have to send him home by pigeon or keep him 🤣🤣🤣 not being funny but the taxi gets paid daily to drop off and pick up so no can do I’m afraid. I can hardly walk can I, it’s at least 20 villages away 😂

Dh can’t leave work to collect either, he works 40 minutes away and he isn’t at a job you can just leave, he’s on site and doesn’t have access to his phone or anything. Ah well. Joys of having a child at school not locally!

Ds holds my hand when we are out, he sometimes tries not too depending on his mood and then I’ll just hold the back of his coat or whatever, but for many years he refused completely to hold hands, but now if I let go temporarily to get my vape out of my pocket or phone etc he holds his hand out waiting to get back hold. He’s improved loads with this.

I just use to say on loop, No hand, then home. I must’ve of repeated that phrase for 3 years..

I couldn’t not hold his hand walking about, I’d never see him again 🤣

Are CAMHS back then Danni? I thought they had halted any further services/ new meds??

I don’t want to rush into medication danni, I want to try and understand the cause of his anxiety and how to help him if possible. I don’t think it’s just anxiety, as I’ve said before. He seems to see no value in education or see why he should go to school and we don’t seem to be getting through to him.

Today has been crap. He hasn’t gone in at all and had an epic tantrum about screen time before lunch which lasted about an hour and twenty minutes.

Carrie I posted about it a few pages ago I think. No still no psychiatrists I have to go in and see the adhd nurse whilst ds is at school, they are linking the meeting with his school. If anything needs changing or adding the adhd nurse can request another psychiatrist (from god only knows where) to review it and give the adhd nurse the permission to do it.

The adhd nurse usually writes Ds prescriptions anyway, he is who you are handed over too once the child is settled on a med and you have reviews with him from then on, he’s just doing us this becuase i explained about all going on, and they don’t have any psychiatrists at the minute!

Sorry that you've had such a challenging day Open.

Hope that you are able to sort meds out soon Danni.

We are still on our hols in sunny Scotland. It has mostly been a great success. Today though DS had a major meltdown at the play area. I ended up walking back to the holiday cottage with him screaming, hitting and kicking me whilst threatening to push me into the sea. He wasn't totally out of it - he asked me why everyone was staring at him.

Why do they do it dimples? Sorry you had a stressful day too.

Our afternoon was better, once school was no longer an issue and screen time resolved. Back on the merry go round tomorrow.

Enjoy the rest of your break Dimples, overall sounds fab.

Open hope you may have had a bit more joy with school today? I struggle to know what the advice to you from school/ professionals can be? Put simply and bluntly if you said to school look, he just won’t come to you what do I do, what would they say? What are your options? Can they refer you/ recommend someone to DS? Are they under any obligation to provide tutoring at hone for him if this is going to stay his stance? I don’t know but there must be an answer somewhere (I would surely hope!!). Esp if you can access private specialist help (not sure if that’s an option but it’s always so quick isn’t it.)

Or do school have any amazing thoughts/ strategies that they can implement themselves?

Dimples I hope the remainder of your holiday goes by with no more mis-haps. When ds tells me he’s going to kill me, I sometimes think to myself, go on then! you’ll be doing me a favour! 🤣🤣🤣

open how did this morning go?

ds weed in the taxi yesterday, first time he’s ever done it. I think it was an accident, and school maybe had not put him on the toilet before he left, I’m not too sure. Just one of them things.

What does the taxi do? Makes a song and dance (not in a bad way) more joking, eww I’m going to get wee on my hands cleaning it up now ds, ewwwwww etc etc (she was just trying to make him laugh and wasn’t annoyed at all) he thought it was hilarious. So as she’s saying it (like I said before esme about people saying the wrong thing and me cringing!) I’m thinking for fuck sake, he’s going to wee in it every day now to get the same reaction. I said honestly don’t make a fuss, unless you want it to occur frequently. Left it at that.

This morning, he gets in, she says I cleaned your seat, (why did she have to mention it!) first thing he does is try squeeze a wee out 🙄

literally I know what he’s going to do next before he even decides it 😂

Hes been really good with toileting (wee side of it anyway) the last 3 months or so, I can’t honestly remember the last accident he had.

Wish we could get there Danni! Does he just go himself or tell you he needs to go? Or do you have to remind him/ take him?

if I said nothing to DS all day he would just have endless accidents, if I say try for the toilet or whatever he will go. Accidents don’t both him enough from a social or discomfort view to go unless I tell him to.

No he doesn’t tell me carrie, I take him. Every hour and half roughly, before we go out / when we get home / right before bed etc. (He wears nappies for bed still, long way off that yet)

He has a schedule at school, Velcro picture of a toilet, they put on regularly, he goes about every 1.5 hours there.

Hes been out of nappies in the day 3 years this month! Still not initiating, but loads better at staying dry.

Ds isn’t bothered about being wet either, he’d be happy to fester too! Lol

We had success today. Ds said he would go in for a very short while but he ended up staying an hour and a half. It helped that they were outside when he arrived. So hopefully no tantrums today 🤞

carrie I don’t know what they’d suggest as he’s been going in every day. I’m not convinced they’d have any magic solutions though or there wouldn’t be so many autistic kids out of school. There are plenty of other kids in his school struggling with attendance.

danni what a pain about the taxi, hopefully he loses interest soon.

Oh that’s great Open, well done DS!

DS had a very messy poo accident earlier (whilst sitting on holiday cottage sofa ). I don't get DS's toileting issues. Up until about 6 months ago poo accidents were rare during the last couple of years but wee accidents were 3 or 4 a week. Now he is having 3 or 4 poo accidents a week and wee accidents are about 1 every 2 or 3 weeks. He hasn't had a toileting accident at school for about 2.5 years. He takes himself to the toilet about 60% of the time, 30% because he has been sent to the toilet by me and the rest accidents. I think that if I eliminated screens entirely at home I could probably stop the accidents at home - I am not sure that I can manage that though. I started training DS then aged 4, 5 years ago this summer. I am glad that I didn't know then what I know now! DD will be 3 in July but not showing any signs of readiness yet...

Oh sod that dimples I couldn’t ban screens either, it’s my only sanity. I’d have him in nappies (or diapers as ds calls them 🤣) until he was 28 it meant he sat quite for a bit on his iPad.

Ds only Pooh’s in a nappy, he won’t use the toilet for it, every evening like clock work, in his bedroom, door closed. I have to sit on the landing and wait, it’s what I’m doing now 😂 if he’s left too long he starts getting his fingers in and wiping it about his carpet / walls etc. Lovely!

ds has been crying on and off at school today, fine one minute, sobbing the next, when asked what was wrong, he said he was sad that x will be leaving the school, they said she isn’t leaving, obviously confused as to what he’s talking about as x isn’t leaving the school, and ds said but she will be leaving when she’s 19.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m not laughing cos it’s funny bless him, I just find how he thinks, so so bizarre, it’s like 11 years away and he’s got himself so upset, but I suppose when he isn’t aware of time, or how far away 11 years actually is, then I do understand to a degree.

He cried 20 miles home, taxi said I stopped the car to hold his hand for a few minutes as he was genuinely heartbroken.

This is the girl he is obsessed about, he’s googling ‘green jacket white hood’ the other day I said wtf? He said buy me that now, and a black fleecy jacket with a gold zip, bcos x wears it, he wants them, he’s wearing George pig sunglasses at all times in the house, I said why ds? 😂 bcos X wears glasses, then he talks like her, makes her noises, mimics her body actions and sounds, changed his surname to her surname, etc etc. He’s memorising logos on all her clothes / school bag / lunch bag then googling to find them every day after school. Demanding same foods in his lunch bag she has like certain chocolate bars etc, but then won’t eat it as he doesn’t actually like it 🤦🏻‍♀️ Says he’s deaf now, which is funny really cos then I immediately ask him a question and he answers me, I say I thought you was deaf ds?

It’s obsessions to such a whole other level. His teacher said he’s the same at school, he literally stalks her. Not his fault I know. But really not healthy.