Primary school auties step into Christmas and the New Year - thread 8

[openupmyeagereyes]

New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

Thread 7 -
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

He doesn’t eat anything at school open other than his chocolate bar in his lunch bag, everything I send comes home, he doesn’t eat anything he makes either, he is the same in that he will very rarely try anything new no matter who is offering it. I can count on both hands the foods he eats. Although I think he eats a little more variety than your ds. (I think)

Ds teacher was supposed to phone me about his hours after half term this week, of course he never. Ds has broken up now too, that’s just Ds teacher all over. 10 months he’s been at the school now and still only doing 3.5 hours a day. Infuriating. Have you ever heard of it!! A child being part time at every school he’s been too! I’ve had this 4 years now.. as you all know. Been ranting about this since thread 2 back in 2018!

His hours were supposed to be increasing after half term but ds has had a few unsettled weeks (incidentally - EYE ROLL) so his teacher wanted to ring me to discuss. (Move the goal posts… I’m going to start calling him boris!) he hasn’t rung.

Sorry I forgot to add, I’m pleased he had a good day at school today. That’s sounds positive.

And regarding ds cooking, he does this a lot, I think it’s a way to entertain him more than anything, as no other child does it as often. He makes rice crispie cakes about 3 times a week…

Does he like to bake at home? I wonder if that’s what he chooses for choosing time.

Ds has been absolutely hyper this evening. Hoping he crashes at bedtime. So grateful for the melatonin.

open yes he enjoys making cakes & pizzas at home.

He probably does choose to do these things at school, I just wish sometimes they’d steer him to do a bit more ‘work’. Reading / writing / maths etc. When they send me a minute by minute email most days of his short time in school it’s a lot of outdoor time, playing what time is it mr wolf, cricket, indoors it’s sensory gym, cake making etc, then there’s the lunch hour, he is only there 3.5 hours total so doesn’t leave much room for ‘work’ and more than often it’s only 1 ‘work’ activity on the list, such as picture matching to sentences, or a maths sheet.

I know he needs the sensory gym, and the outdoor play with peers is great for his social development so I’m not saying these things aren’t important, but I now know the answer to why he’s forgetting how to spell his name and forgetting phonic sounds he knew when he was 5!

Just wish they would distribute it about a bit or have him longer bloody hours so they could fit more in with him, because currently the academic side of his ‘education’ is being a bit neglected. Hope that makes sense!

I’ve never had a parents evening there and he’s been there 10 months. I just find it all bizarre. His teacher claims the annual review is informative for parents but it was totally bog standard and rushed, he discussed nothing with me on ds academics, he just went on about his behaviour. So much so the child physcologist from CAMHS who diagnosed ds with adhd who joined the AR even commented and said to his teacher can we please remember these behaviours come with ds’ diagnosis’ and she told him he wasn’t being fair! Plus he had 2 parents evenings a year at old school plus AR so that doesn’t stand up as an excuse for me!

In my eyes it’s a wasted opportunity, ds does have a lot of things going on, behaviour, sensory, autism, adhd, anxiety.. list goes on, but he’s also bright! I know we’ve said before they are probably just managing his behaviour the time he spends there, but if that’s the case maybe it’s not the school for him. He can’t just spend his school days playing what time is it mr wolf.

Anyway I’ll shush now. Took me ages to write this, ive stopped half way to make toast 😂

Anyone have anything planned for half term? I’m thinking of taking ds to a zoo this week, I’m certain he’ll enjoy it but it’s if I can manage him, think maybe going during half term is asking for trouble….

He wants to put a message in a bottle and put it in the sea, he see it on one of his games so that’s something we can do and have a walk down the beach.

I hope ds had a nice sleep for you open

Ha, he didn't danni. Awake at 3.20ish, up at 4. He had a fair bit of time outside and lots of exercise yesterday too. And he's still hyper, I think because he's over tired.

Yes, you are completely right about it being a wasted opportunity. They really need to balance the sensory and practical stuff with more academic work. I know you have complained to them about this so I don't know what the answer is. What other options are there school-wise? Are you in contact with your LA caseworker?

Over the half term, I think we'll have a trip to buy a toy, visit a zoo, possibly soft play and visiting grandparents. Maybe bowling, we'll see.

Ds has been invited for a covid jab. I'm getting daily text reminders... I cannot imagine that he would have one.

I took ds bowling once open was a couple of years ago now, he ran down the bowling lane and were the machine automatically collects the leftover skittles ( not sure what it’s called ) he tried to climb into it. That’s how impulsive he is. We had to take him home, how embarrassing I had to run down the lane after him and get him off. My own fault really as I know what he’s like, i try do ‘normal’ things with him but never do they go to plan. Lol!

I want to take him to a pot painting place but I know he’ll smash the pots, loads I would like to do, but just can’t. I know he would enjoy things like this too.

I explain to him what is expected of him and if he is good then he can do so much more, but in the heat of the moment all rationality goes out of the window and he HAS to do whatever has flicked into his head without a second thought. Suppose thats his adhd though!

He wants a fudge cake today so we are off to Tesco in a bit, not going to argue with a bit of that!!

Late but just a quickie to say we tried the 5mg medikinet today and it was sooooo much better. So I do think (Danni) less can be more so to speak. Rubbish weather and DH watching 6 nations so nipped to shops, just silly things like normally DS pulling, laughing, jumping, shouting, tripping me up. Today he just stood quietly and nicely, I took my hand from his very tentatively a few times to browse a rail… obviously watching him like a hawk but he didn’t move, just waited. I didn’t push my luck but it was very different to normal shopping.

I darent hope this is it, he does have good days without any medication but maybe it helped just a bit, who knows?

Danni re the bowling we went with work last year. I’d had only a couple of beers but somehow managed to skid and went flying down the lane with the bowl, flat out! God knows how I didn’t break anything! That was embarrassing!!! At least your DS isn’t 45!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Carrie On the bowling theme, I once (as an adult) let go of the ball when I swung it behind me....perhaps we had best stay away from bowling alleys.

Hi everyone.
@danni0509 it's a shame they can't get his curriculum a bit more balanced. Maybe in time? I know it's worrying though to think of the education they could be missing out on. The taxi incident qnd him running off sounds scary. You're right, they should have someone right by the barrier too. DS does cooking every two weeks and loves it but never eats what he makes unless it's cakes as hr can't stand food that mixes (e.g. stir fry) which is the majority of recipes to be fair!
@openupmyeagereyes oof an early start! Glad your DS still wants to go in. Hopefully you can both just chill a bit over half term.
@carriebradshawwithlessshoes with my DS it totally depends on his mood, tiredness, and disregulation state as to how he behaves. We went to the cinema last weekend and, although he enjoyed it and it was an autism friendly performance, the demands of sitting etc really took it out of him and we went to McDonald's after where he could barely sit still etc. Glad your DS was OK in the shop. My DS is like my DH in votes shops, no patience ha! But hopefully the meds are helping.
@dimples76 sounds like me bowling too! DS also wouldn't cope well with the sensory overload I suspect.
We're on half term next week. Got dentist, (argh), then some local stuff planned. Our local.museum is quite small and has a craft day thing on. Will try it and see! Other than that, just lots of DS' choice of activities to give him that control back, and I'm hoping I might have time to read a book or two you never know! He's been stockpiling maths workbooks and library books for this week! It is also nice to have the week off work as it has been quite hectic there lately and I'm missing my old job (that couldn't work with childcare) a bit.

That sounds a nice mix of things Magrat, I hope all those on half term enjoy.

Another week for us.

Anyone having a romantic valentines?? 🤣🤣. I’ve bought a card for DD, it’s very important to her! Ignore my laughing faces if you are having a romantic valentines… I’m just envious 🤣🤣.

at the bowling shenanigans. Ours haven’t been that eventful.

carrie good news about the medication. Did he have it yesterday too?

I have got dh a card and present and we’ll have a niceish dinner, does that count as romantic? We never get out together so that’s as good as it gets here.

For those dc interested in maths, I’ve been reading about maths games for kids using playing cards and dominoes. Might be of interest. Some free games on here but there are probably lots of other online resources. I downloaded a book on my kindle.
denisegaskins.com/math-games/

Meant to say lovely news about DS doing so well at school too Open. DH is right it’s a long game but sounds like he’s made a really positive start.

Yes we gave the meds yesterday too. So to illustrate, went to mums who lives in a bungalow. My cousin popped over we walk with DS to a local hotel for a coffee about 30 mins walk when we go over there. So usually DS charges into mums shouting, running, dive bombing on all the beds, pulling stuff off, then we have shenanigans on the walk and sometimes in the hotel.

Yesterday he walked in, when my cousin arrived he was standing with mum listening to a story she was telling him about a bird issue in the garden 🤣🤣. The fact we weren’t chasing him round the house was a first. He then walked nicely to the hotel, sat with a juice and a packet of crisps. No commotion anywhere. No shouting, no silliness. He was very happy, attentive, interactive etc but it was like he had just been brought down a notch. Like a mental weighted blanket!!!!

I don’t count my chickens but we will see. My cousin was like, what has happened, who is this child?! 🤣

That's fab carrie, it will be interesting to see the impact at school.

Things are fairly quiet here, ds didn't want to go out yesterday so we stayed at home. It's windy and rainy today so not sure how much time we'll get outside. Ds slept until 5am today which was very welcome as we've had a run of very early starts.

Posted on another thread but keen to know views.

Asked school to comment on DS afterc3 days of adhd meds. Previously they had said he was manic, hyper, wouldn’t listen or focus.

Now they say he is subdued, anti social, distant, tired, poor focus. They are just soul destroying.

So do we give this bloody stuff or not???? Can they ever be pleased? Can’t do right for doing wrong.

carrie I read your post in chat. I guess the first question is, do these effects settle after a short time or not? I know appetite can be affected long term and that is one of the reasons people don’t give meds at the weekend or late in the day. Are you still hoping to move him or were you hoping, with meds, to possibly keep him in the same school? At least you have the appt to discuss tomorrow.

That is absolutely right Open and yes I’ll ask tomorrow. Re school I hate them but being brutally honest if I thought he could learn and progress in a MS (even if not this one) that would have been my hope for him. Current school have gone on so much about his inattention if I could have done something to help with that given that I know his ability that would have been a big part of the battle. Not all but a huge part. And that’s what these meds are supposed to help with. But even now he’s calm etc they are still finding something to say negetively. I find it really upsetting tbh. Like we just can’t win. Reinforces that yes I have to move him because I have no choice.

It would just be so nice to get some positive comment from them just once! I don’t know why that gets to me so much but it does. I know I’ve said this before but I just find it all so soul destroying. Dh and I were saying all this and DD was listening and is now upset as it’s her school too of course and she loves it and is very protective of it… but also of her brother. She is torn too and it’s no good for her.

Just very sad all round.

I understand how school could remain negetive if it wasn’t calming him down or not working as Danni has said in her posts but it IS, it IS doing what school have asked for and yet that’s STILL not right for them…

Honestly @carriebradshawwithlessshoes it seems like your school have gone down the route of planning his off rolling ASAP (despite its illegality) so nothing you say or do will be positive as its all evidence they are building. I might be wrong but your experience is so so similar to 9urs and in retrospect I can see their plan now, even I suspect putting him in situations to increase his anxiety so he displayed challenging behaviours. Its appalling, he was 5 ffs. I don't think some heads care about sen kids at all. They never had any positive strategies or anything, all about maintaining then off rolling. He told me the other day that they would cut his garden time if he didn't be 'nice', then they wondered why the poor kid was so disregulated. Honestly, sending him to a sen school where they understand him is so much more positive and supportive for us all, his self esteem is coming back. I would stop bothering what the school think of you (they have probably already made up their narrow minds) and concentrate on the future and getting the right sort of support in place. Big hugs.

Sorry if I was too harsh on the school!

You are preaching to the converted Magrat! That was awful for your DS. So glad he’s going so well now x

Let us know how the appointment goes carrie.