Primary school auties : spring 2021 and beyond - thread 6

[danni0509]

Hi. New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Everyone welcome x

Magrat ds class is 10 kids, 2 special teachers & 2 special ta’s. 1-1 in special school isn’t usual. It’s usually high staff ratio / small classes. I rang around a lot when we were looking last year & all were the same. (Apart from 1 school that had an autism base and each child had 1-1) But the thing is they all say they don’t need 1-1 as smaller classes and experienced staff is all that’s needed to help with gaps in learning etc, it wasn’t the gaps in learning ds had 1-1 for!

Ds is having to have 1-1 now, but I don’t know how they will strip it back... they say they plan to eventually but he’s doing the things he’s doing with 1-1, but anyway we will see, ideally he won’t always need 1-1 in special school and then he can learn to not be so reliant. It’s no fun having someone velcroed to you full time. Good thing at the moment though is he has a lot of 1-1 delivered by one of the actual teachers so I suppose that’s good for him with his learning. I would love if one day I could leave him upstairs and go downstairs! Or visa versa. As it is I have to be within reach and watching him. Drives me mad!

The ages of the children in ds class are age 7-9. Ds is one of the younger ones.

Yes I do worry about independence. I currently do everything for ds, he can’t wipe his bum / heck he can’t even pull his own undies up let alone dress himself. I sometimes sit and have thoughts like will he ever be able to safely make a cup of tea / make himself toast ?

Ds went to sleep for an hour & has woken up in such a BAD mood. Trying to put a hole in his bedroom wall, I got him some water as he was sweating he batted the water out my hand all over, I laid him back down gently moved his sweaty fringe off his face so he could see and he started shouting stop hitting me (asif!) I think tonight is going to be one of those nights....... 😕

danni I hope you had an ok night. Better here thankfully.

Yes thankfully he went to sleep at 11pm & woke at 6am. So nowhere near as bad as i thought.

@dimples76 they can't ignore private reports and have to include the provision unless they can evidence it is unnecessaey. What they must do is very different to what they want to do though and you may have to push it.

I took DD to a specialist SALT yesterday for an independent report and have told the LA I will take it to tribunal if they appeal it.

@danni0509 thank you for asking, we are in a school battle trying to find a suitable one. I'm having real wobbles about sending DS to the same school DD is at due to how much they have let her down. DD doesn't currently have a school for September.

@dimples76 with the change in 1-1 just lots of gentle transition work starting of small and easing up.

@MagratGarlikInDisguise that is the fear I have every single day. I can't see DD ever really being independent and if she is she will be so vulnerable to being taken advantage of. I just focus on the here and now or it gets a bit scary!

Yep @dimples76 sounds about right! It's all technicalities and hoops to jump through isn't it. It's exhausting.
Had to pick DS up earlier anyway this morning, when I got there they'det him go in the playground for a while, where he'd got so over excited and overwhelmed that he started throwing stuff about. I went in to get him and he was just so hyper. He threw water at me but I just ignored it and got him out of there. He was fine on the walk home. So next week he finishes just before lunch as it was that transition that set him off apparently.
I worry do much about him. He can't do anything safely without a huge amount of adult support. No sense of cause and effect. How do school try and teach him consequences when he doesn't understand cognitively that what he does impacts other people? What if he never understands that?! How is your DS now @danni0509? Does he like it at the new school?

MumofSend sorry to hear that you are still struggling to find the right school(s).

I am not sure if the LA has even seen a copy of the report. SENCO has said that she will contact the Council so I guess I will give it a couple of weeks then chase up and then contact Council. I will appeal if necessary but that will first require the Council to issue the revised plan. School seemed to have taken the position that Council will say no so they won't even bother asking.

Liv and Open hope that you managed to get your two in.

I am waiting outside DS's music therapy session which seems to be going well. He asked to come out once to check that I was still here. Therapist seems lovely and I can hear him giggling

Oh and my next battle: transport to school in Sept. Apparently the living within 2 miles of school is not a legal reason not to provide transport if it is not safe to walk to school due to sen. Which it is not. So I feel another appeal and tribunal hearing coming on!

Sorry, cross post @dimples76!
That sounds so stressful @Mumofsend I hope something can be worked out for you all.
@dimples76 music therapy sounds lovely!

Magrat that sounds difficult. It's so hard not to worry about the future isn't it. I would say looking at my nephew and niece both ASD and age 9 now that a lot of my sister's concerns have subsided a bit as they are maturing. My nephew used to be v violent especially towards his twin when he was 4-7 but now it is v rare for him to lash out. I just keep hoping that as DS grows up we will learn more strategies together...

dimples I think that's a great way to put it - I just keep hoping that as DS grows up we will learn more strategies together

I think it's being mindful of what they need to learn in order to become independent and working on those skills as they become mature enough. Reviewing this annually or maybe 6 monthly as they get older. They may take longer than their peers and perhaps they may always be a little more vulnerable, hopefully not, but all we can do is our best to set them up for the future. Having a plan helps a bit to manage the anxiety about it.

Music therapy sounds good dimples. Hope it's helpful for ds.

Magrat as you say that is complete nonsense about transport. Your child can still be eligible under 2 miles. I hope you won't have to go as far as tribunal for that.
I also sometimes worry about ds's future but then I look at how far he's come. His improvement in speech alone is amazing. I find it hard to focus on that when we are going through bad periods, as we are now, but still he is unrecognisable from the very unhappy, head banging, non verbal child he was a few years ago. So who know what he will be like when he's older.

Sorry about the school struggles mumofsend.

I had to drive ds in again today. He was still being challenging but he seemed a bit more resigned about it once the teachers came out to get him. I had a lovely chat with the pastoral lady and we have a zoom meeting scheduled for next week to try and work through what's happening and strategies we could try. Really hoping we can get this sorted before the end of term!

Ds went in to school today. We went in about 40 minutes late (after his teacher called him) but he stayed all day which I wasn't expecting, though he's not doing much work at present as they are working on getting him comfortable again. He said he had a good day and he has not said he's not going back. His teacher should call me shortly. We're definitely not out of the woods but hopefully we're heading in the right direction.

The call with Chris Bonnello was very useful in clarifying my thinking about a few things.

liv great that he went in and it was a little easier. Thank goodness for the weekend.

Great news @livpotter and @openupmyeagereyes and you're right, DS has changed so much from the almost non verbal toddler who just wanted to line everything up all day and didn't engage with people much at all. I just worry so much because he doesn't understand cause and effect and he doesn't realise that his actions can hurt people, but how can we make sure he doesn't do something that he's not fully responsible for?? Oof. Glasses of wine all round tonight!

Well ds is being beaten up by a girl, he came home yesterday with 2 bruises on his chest, didn’t think anything of it as he’s always got various bruises so don’t tend to look twice.

He said to me tonight at bedtime xxxxx keeps hitting me, so I probed him a bit and he said xxxxx keeps kicking him and yesterday she kept hitting him on his love heart (bless him! he was describing his chest - this is where his bruises are, not saying she did them but it would make sense) so I said you need to tell the teacher if she is hitting you ds. (Especially if hard enough to bloody bruise him)

And he said she was hitting him again today in the playground and (teacher) took the girl off ds and moved her away and held her feet and then she was still trying to hit him with her hands and she was being told off. So I said what did you do? and he said I was laughing, he said she was funny (he won’t realise she wants his blood! And he will find her angry manner really amusing) He said I’m not allowed to touch her because she doesn’t like it.

So I figure, she’s sensitive to touch and ds is being ds and all over her and she doesn’t like it, which is fair enough, ds doesn’t understand that so I assume a teacher has told him not to touch her.

But I don’t want him coming home with bruises from her etc. He seems to find it funny.

I’m not sure if I should mention anything as it seems the teacher has it in hand removing her and blocking her feet etc and they are always supervised. Plus i feel a bit hypocritical because I know ds may be hitting others.

I told ds to stay away from her but then he said he’s going to touch her again on Monday. (He will literally keep doing this as he will buzz off her reaction even if it means he will keep getting himself filled in in the process) 😑

I’ll wait to see if he mentions anything else then I’ll let them know if it continues.

I will just keep telling him not to touch xxxx as she doesn’t like it, not that he will listen.

He had another good day at school, they said he’d been really good all day.

So he’s going on the pirate ship tomorrow as his reward (£2 ride down the beach) he has not stopped talking about it since he got home!

danni fantastic that ds had such a good day. He's defiitely going in the right direction isn't he.

It's tough regarding the hitting isn't it. You don't want him hit but equally know he's capable of it too. I might just drop them an email noting the bruises but say that from what ds says they are managing the situation? It might open a dialogue.

mumofsend I'm sorry you're still struggling with schools. I hope you get a break soon.

PITA bedtime here

I came down finally at 9.15. DS very anxious about all the changes school are doing next week. I worry about what all this is doing to him :/

Ds up at 2.45 again never went back to sleep.

I’ve got 2.5 hrs until his taxi picks him up.

Shattered!

Oh and he’s been really defiant all weekend, spitting / hitting etc slapped me round the face yesterday that hard he knocked my glasses off. He’s poohing and weeing all over my house again.

My brother bought him the New England kit and he wore it yesterday, I kept saying off the floor ds (it’s white) and bcos I said off the floor he was just rolling around the floor purposely and we couldn’t get him up and now it’s got pulls all over it. Absolutely trashed it. I can get stains out but not flipping pulls.

He’s been in a really silly mood all weekend just hysterically laughing and being really naughty. He’s seriously drained the life out of me.

Magrat sorry ds is anxious. I hope this week goes well.

danni sorry that you had a rough night and a difficult weekend.

Tricky here too. Ds slept in my bed last night, he refused to sleep in his own. This morning he got ready for school but as soon as we got to the turn onto the school road he wanted to go home. Eventually managed to park in the school car park and his teacher and both TA's all tried to persuade him in but he was having none of it so he's back home. I wish I knew what is behind this behaviour. Even the promise of playful activities is not motivating him.

Sorry you had a tough weekend Danni. We had some very challenging behaviour here too.

Sorry open, it's so tough isn't it!

We had an awful morning getting him into school. He literally had to be peeled off us again. But I spoke to the pastoral team, they are going to do observations this week and come up with a plan by Friday. Then we will try it for 2 weeks and see of it's working. It's so bloody frustrating sometimes.

liv let me know if they give you any good ideas we can use here.

I managed to get ds to do a few (small) bits of work in exchange for earlier TV time. I have asked school to speak to the specialist teacher again.

It was DS's birthday today and in the main I think that he enjoyed his day -phew! I think that I'll be going to bed soon though