Primary school auties : spring 2021 and beyond - thread 6

[danni0509]

Hi. New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Everyone welcome x

danni definitely good that they are keeping you informed. I don’t think it’s a given that it will take him months to settle in as long as they can be consistent and try to engage him based on his interests etc.

I’m sorry the last couple of days have been tough. I hope you have a better night.

MagratGarlikInDisguise I forgot to post about your ds getting the placement you wanted. You must be thrilled. Great that he’s getting reading books now too. Reading each one three times will definitely help with fluency!

Thanks @openupmyeagereyes I am so happy but also worried about transitions and how he's going to feel about it all.
@danni0509 oof what a lot for DS to take in. Sounds like how my DS processes stuff, gets overwhelmed and challenging when it all stems from anxiety a lot of the time, because he can't predict things easily or generalise things from one context to another. Hope you have a good night and get some rest.
We are watching the first Eurovision semi and trying to ignore noisy neighbours!

That does sound quite overwhelming @danni0509 but actually not bad in the sense that it sounds like they understand what is happening, aren't blaming DS for it, and have a plan. I can kind of see why they didn't want to discuss it in front of DS though they could have said "a bit tricky but we're getting to know him and putting a plan in place" or something - just so you knew the rough gist of it. But hopefully in time there'll be less "new news" each day and the communication side of it will get easier. I actually think it's good that they are giving you the full run down, as much as it must be hard to hear. Better than just being told "yeah fine" or "we'll handle it" or "we'll talk about it at parents evening" and wondering what on earth is going on.

I would be hopeful that he'll settle faster than months too - at least to an extent that he is not jumping on tables and stuff and not quite so anxious and tired out when he gets home. I can see it's a big transition to get all the way to sitting at a desk engaging in school work, and maybe that's not his learning style but I'm sure they've had all kinds of learners through their doors so hopefully they can figure out what is. Fingers crossed they are just setting expectations low in the hope that they can actually get him settled a bit quicker than that.

Thanks all x

Ds school probably don’t want to discuss negative behaviours infront of ds which is fine and is much better than what his old school did just telling me in front of him, its just when they laughed it was asif to say he’d been a nightmare then I worried all afternoon on what he’d been up to. I’m not even going to ask from now on I’ll just have to wait for the teachers call every afternoon.

Ds went into school not happy this morning as on the corner of school when we got out of the car he asked me what chocolate bar was in his packed lunch and I said penguin so he immediately started crying and throwing a wobbler saying I always give him rubbish chocolate (he likes penguins usually) so I said ok well tell me which one you’d like tomorrow and I’ll buy some today for you.

But it’s not good enough he wanted a different chocolate bar today so I’m explaining ds there are no shops / school is in 5 minutes / don’t have time to swap it today but it won’t be a problem for tomorrow etc so he’s shouting I don’t like you, leave me I’m going to school on my own, your not my mummy. Then he got in such a state crying, retching & coughing and all his eyes were all blood shot.

I’ve had a little walk around the town, it’s so boring having to wait 3.5 hours for him with not much to do.

@MagratGarlikInDisguise I’m sorry I forgot to say the other day I’m pleased ds has a school place for September x

He also keeps saying to me, why did you make me leave xxx school? Why do you make me come to this school? I don’t like it etc then starts kicking me etc.

I know that’s probably normal.

But he’s not happy with me at all.

danni it’s hard but you know the benefit to him in the longer term so hang in there.

Is it a half an hour drive? Can’t you go back home for a while?

Open it’s taken about 40 mins each morning bcos of traffic (it’s much busier than I thought it would be) it’s not so busy on the way home maybe 30 mins going back.

My car drinks fuel though. Dh car is newer so more Efficient but he uses that for work so I’m staying here so that I’m not back and forth and draining my tank.

Next Friday is the last day I have to do it.

Poor DS. I'm sure you're right that it's normal: it's a big adjustment and it's always easier to stick with the thing you know - even when it's clear that isn't serving DS in the long term. Hopefully he'll have settled a bit even in these two weeks.

danni how was today?

Hi. So I picked ds up and the headteacher was just going for her lunch. She said he’s doing ok. She’s been checking on him every day and speaking to his teacher, she said he’s testing the class teams patience but it’s normal and he’ll settle down, she said plenty of them do it, some settle quick some take longer and they think ds will be the latter. She was fine with me and told me to not worry.

Then ds came out his teacher said he wouldn’t ring me today but would email instead so he sent me an email not long ago.

Said it was pretty much the same behaviours, ds kept ripping the staffs masks off and spitting, trying to bite, when taken to the toilet was weeing on the floor then weeing on the carpet in the classroom, he said it was fine and nothing they haven’t seen before he’s pushing boundaries left right and centre and he’s expecting to see some progress by the summer break.

He said he had some positives today, ds did 3 activities from his work tray fill out the missing numbers sheet, opposites activity & a problem solving puzzle, he said he did them really well and didn’t need encouragement. Then ds coloured some aeroplane sheets in and sat nicely.

Then ds asked if he could go out to the class playground so his teacher said because you did your activities I will take you out, when ds was out there another child was having some 1-1 time and ds wanted to play so they let ds and him and the other boy played positively for 15 minutes.

He told me not to worry and they are used to seeing all sorts x

Long time lurker here - I’ve only posted once - but that sounds encouraging Danni. I wonder if he was bored in his old school?

Well that already sounds more positive and only three days in. Does it make you feel better about it all? Is ds still saying he doesn’t like it today?

I agree that seems like a lot of positives on day 3. It must be nice Danni when the staff say that they have seen it all before and are unfazed unlike his previous school.

My social worker has applied for funding from the adoption support fund for a specialist assessment of DS. When I read the details of the proposed assessment it includes an identification of my strengths and weaknesses as a parent - yikes I'm dreading it already.

Yikes dimples but I’m sure it’s just standard and nothing to worry about. We all have different strengths and weaknesses as parents and all aspects of life. What’s the purpose of the assessment, to identify areas needing support or ASD etc?

Head of school just called me. DS acting up all week this week, hitting staff, just had to hear how the poor darling 121 ladies can't cope with the abuse and are in tears in the staff room...I almost just snapped, they're adults doing a job, he is 5 years old and is obviously upset about something if he's behaving like this. He's got one more chance apparently and then they're sending him home. Talking about a part time timetable for next week. Poor DS won't know what's going on if they do that, he's so particular about times, head told me it was for their health and safety more than for him or his needs. Makes me so angry. Cannot wait to get him out of there.

Oh no Magrat. Has ds given any indication of what might be bothering him?

Wouldn’t it have been better for them to speak to you on Tuesday and try to get to the bottom of it sooner? 🙄

Exactly @openupmyeagereyes

It does sound like some positives there danni hopefully it will improve again today!

Dimples that would definitely stress me out too! Good luck with it. Hopefully it will give you more access to support.

Magrat how infuriating, poor ds. I think a lot of children are struggling this week as it is basically the longest they've been in consistently all term. Just shows a complete lack of understanding.

We nearly didn't get ds on the bus again yesterday but pulled it out of the bag at the last minute, thank goodness for transformers YouTube videos . He was much happier about it all this morning thankfully.
His tooth is definitely really bothering him though. Hope it comes out soon!

Dimples honestly that’s completely normal. So don’t worry, they wanted to know if I had a criminal record or had a history of taking illegal drugs for ds adhd assesment. I almost said I quite like a magic mushroom once I’ve got ds settled on a bedtime 😂 ffs. They asked school for there opinion on ds’ homelife and the senco had to give a paragraph etc it was a really personal interference I found. They said to me at the first assessment should we find ds in immediate danger then we will refer urgently to social services 🙄 I know they are only doing their jobs, but still.

They’ll see what a fantastic job you’re doing with ds and dd though so try not to stress

Magrat on a school report they described ds as an emotional drain on staffs mental health and well-being, it’s awful. How do they think we cope doing it as often as we do? I hope he’s not too much bother for you when you collect him today x

Hello @orinocosfavoritecake welcome back.

Liv I’m pleased you managed to get him on the bus, I hope it’s something that can be nipped in the bud for you and not become a routine. Ds has a tooth at the bottom, the one next to the bottom two and it’s hanging on by a thread he wobbles it that much it bleeds, I had to check my purse for coins ready for tooth fairy duties.

Ds teacher came out and said I don’t need to email you or phone you tonight, we feel like progress has been made today and gave me a thumbs up, he hasn’t said why or what but I’m happy with that. Ds came out with a white jumper and they said he’s just decided to squirt suncream all over himself.

His old 1-1 messaged me last night and asked how he was and said that she’s really missing Ds and feels lost without him, I know she was very close to him working with him for 3 years, we agreed to meet previously etc but i don’t think it’s wise! Ds sees her it’s going to set him off, he’d love to meet her I know he would and I’ve told him he can see her but it will more than likely unsettle him and start him off about the old school so I don’t know what to do for the best.

I thought the 6 week holidays but then will that unsettle him for when they return in September. I just don’t know.

Ds tooth came out just after that post! He’s just writing the tooth fairy a letter bless him.

danni it’s a shame they can’t share the good as readily as the bad but great that ds is already making progress . I think it will probably be ok to see the TA over the summer. He should be fairly settled by then. You can play it by ear.

liv well done getting ds in yesterday.

Well done @livpotter!
And hooray for the tooth and the settling down @danni0509! That was an awful thing for the old school to say about your poor DS. Our kids are just kids, aren't they. They're behaving in tricky ways because they're going through stuff. It's a form of communication. I think that gets forgotten a lot especially when it comes to aggressive behaviour. We have a social story now to read and chat about.