Primary school auties: summer and beyond - thread 5

[openupmyeagereyes]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

School have phoned (I hadn’t contacted them - ive just been waiting for them to phone) they offered him a place because of his ehcp and because he attended last time, and said they would contact me tomorrow with regards to when he can return and what hours etc.

I asked when it was likely he will be back (key workers children are already back today) and she said she wasn’t sure but she would phone me back and let me know as soon as she can.

She did say that 3 times as many parents have requested a place this time and they are trying to work out how to manage it all.

danni glad you will be offered a place, even a few hours a day will make a difference.

We had a call from the SENco offering ds a place but we’ll keep him at home. Much discussion on the WhatsApp. There will be a daily Zoom which will be nice. The expectations for home learning are quite high (3-4 hours), I’m sure we will only get a fraction of it done.

DS's school did a survey in the Autumn about how online learning had gone. I think some of the parents were rather harsh in their feedback. This time I think that they're probably trying to do too much.

That's good news Danni. DS's school is massively oversubscribed this time so they are only letting children with 2 key worker parents attend and vulnerable children attend (they only have about a dozen of those). I do feel a bit guilty about taking a place. It may be paranoia but I saw a few questioning glances at the school gate today. I didn't mention that DS was returning to school on the WhatsApp chat. I know he is but I don't like the label 'vulnerable child'.

I agree I don’t like the vulnerable wording. My sister in law is a teacher and she said I like my vulnerable children in as at least they get fed and I know they are safe, poor kids. One of her children hugs her and says I don’t get hugs at home etc 😕

Then I thought omg! Ds is in that category - but for completely different reasons, so I assume now everyone must think vulnerable = not looked after etc! And I worried people would think he wasn’t looked after. Which he is obvs I just get paranoid.

Don’t feel bad dimples, your ds needs it and you have dd to look after too. I hope he enjoys himself x

Open 3/4 hours that is shocking. Ds did about an hour today (spread out through the morning) and im happy with that, do what you can, you do a lot with him anyway x

I’m not invited to any class WhatsApp 😂 thankfully. I’m pleased because some of ds class parents seem snotty arseholes and I can’t deal with that shit.

Ds is really interested in space, I’ve bought him some space books / bits for his birthday. He has a space book he got last year and I sat and read it with him last night, I find it all really really interesting!

Well they only want ds in for 2.5 hours a day, is there any point?! 😡

They phoned me and told me that, then I got a generic email sent 5 minutes later to all the children attending tomorrow to wear school uniform as normal and to send in drinks bottle etc and times would be 9.15-3-15pm and if you require breakfast club to let them know and there will be no charge from 8.45-9.15 to make up for the loss of hours at the start of the normal school day.

Ds gets offered 2.5 hours because he’s their problem child. It’s so they can say, well we offered ds to come in 😕

They get 17,650 a year for his education plan now that’s what’s winding me up, it started as 13,100 in reception then increased to 15,750 in year 1 and now it’s 17,650 after the review.

Call me ungrateful if you like given the circumstances, but it’s just not on.

You’re not ungrateful danni, it’s so frustrating. Take it though, don’t say no just to spite them. Even 2.5 hours will be a rest for you and maybe you can still get them to take him for longer. Did you speak to sendiass yet?

Thank you for your advice dear people. I’ll read up on theory of mind and rigidity of thought: it fits her diagnosed dad to a T, too!
I’m sorry things are so hard, danni. Your poor boy.

Dimples don't feel guilty. It's important that ds has a place.

Danni I agree with open that annoying as it is it might help you to have a small amount of respite. You would've thought though with the small class sizes that they would be more not less Able to cope with ds! Very frustrating!

Oh I’m still sending him, deffo. I can drop him off and be home in my car in 5 mins, still time to clean up have a cuppa and when I need to get my shopping I can do it without having to walk around crying trying to wrangle him (he makes me cry all the time lately! He’s so difficult to manage) so even though it’s only 2.5 hours it’s still time I desperately need no matter how little.

Open no school won’t take him any longer sadly, they want him as little as possible they don’t even make excuses they just say they can’t manage etc. sendiass has warned them in October by phone call and also sent them a letter and they don’t give a shit! She hasn’t been able to book a meeting with them yet and now all this so god only knows when that will go ahead now 😒

Danni I am glad that you have something, even though it's not nearly enough.

There were six children in DS's class today - he loved it. As I have to worry about something I'm now thinking how will he cope when everyone returns.

Dimples that was the issue for ds last lockdown, they all said he got on much better smaller groups I think 8 were in last time (then they used that as there excuse for him moving to specialist school in there report! And as liv just said if that’s the case why not have him full hours now it’s quiet again?! Always to suit them!) anyway last lockdown ds was back in reception classes - that’s where they used, so he had the whole reception playground (it has a slide, a woodland area, sandpit, climbing frame, really big outdoor space he can run and ride the bikes until his hearts content, wooden tunnels and loads of wooden stepping stones etc, its every kids dream!) then when he went back to his own class / area which in my opinion is shit he’s bored and plays up.

It’s ok putting him in a year 2 area which is just tables and chairs and outside is just concrete and a bit of grass, but if he’s more at nursery / reception level he will be more into playing the younger games and using that sort of equipment. But then I also understand he can’t still be in reception when he’s 12 😆

He’s in year 2 area this time though they said yesterday, so he’s just going to play them up as usual I suspect... he’s bored and needs constant stimulation and really doesn’t like doing any work, which makes sense since his development age is tallying up with learning through play which they do do but they also want him to sit with a worksheet or watch a numbers video off YouTube or whatever which in reality with ds just doesn’t work.

I found out recently that the local special school with no places (they have max of 10 in a class) are hoping to increase the class size to enable more spaces which sounds great for the likes of ds and other dc who are waiting for a place but then on the other hand, they are hoping to increase them to 14 and for those children not coping in bigger classes (such as ds) how will that work in reality. 14 autistic children in a class will be as noisy as 100 being in a class if I imagine all of them as being as loud as ds

I just don’t know what the answer is! Other than building more schools which let’s face it isn’t likely to happen.

They have asked me to get him 5/10 mins early on top now as apparently the hot lunches are delivered to the classrooms and they don’t want him getting burnt.

Are they for real? This is why he has support staff? So now it’s 2hr 20m a day.

I’ve tried to ring his ehcp caseworker this morning as I need to speak to her anyway and need to mention everything going on but it’s just going on to answer machine.

Then they need to take him in 10 minutes earlier danni.

I got through to his case worker, I phoned her about 10 times and when she answered she said I’m sorry I was in a meeting it diverts to my mobile and i get notifications of your missed calls I bet my number is now under stalker! but she shot herself in the foot there because last time I did that she never returned any of my calls and now I know she does know I’m ringing her. But anyway, I spoke to her today and that’s the main thing.

So the local special school have said no for September after her consult as they cannot admit him due to some phrase in law can’t recall the wording off the top of my head the one where they have no places and going over that would affect the others and she’s not going to consult the juniors at the school he’s at now for September as the specialist teaching team have said he absolutely should not go in to another mainstream school due the complexity of his special needs. (Which we knew, but it was just a stop gap so he had something for September)

So as it stands ds has no school for September.

So she’s called an emergency review which she wants doing virtually in the next 10 days so she’s just getting hold of the senco to arrange.

I said there’s 2 other schools she can consult 1 is 30 minutes away and the other is 1hr 10m away and failing those if they say no, I have zero fucking idea. I haven’t looked at either but they aren’t allowing you in to look but there websites look ok. Just rock and hard place they won’t let me in so I’m potentially naming a school I haven’t even seen or met any of the staff.

When I picked ds up from school today the dinner lady has his arm tightly again and he was shouting saying get off me stop grabbing my arm (he’s said this before when I picked him up and she had his arm then, he says she’s always grabbing him - he doesn’t like this and I don’t blame him who would want to be grabbed hold of all the time! I get it’s necessary in certain circumstances even I do but not regularly and not for any old reason) he was trying to hump the chair in the office again I see him through the door and she was pulling him off it and telling him off in a raised voice GET OFF THAT CHAIR NOW! kind of way.

3 of them bought him out and the other ta said he’s been at the chairs again and rolled her eyes.

Not sure what they want me to do! I’ve told ds to leave the chairs alone but he says he likes it and as I said on here before has no understanding that it’s not socially appropriate!

The dinner lady really fuels ds grabbing him all the time and telling him off, they have zero idea how to handle him. Grabbing him and raising your voice isn’t going to work.

That’s what you get when your letting untrained staff try and manage him! It’s hard enough when you’ve got experience.

Want him out of there and at another school who understand him ASAP!

Even after just a couple of hours today the staff looked stressed to death with him.

How frustrating danni!

We just had a nightmare where ds disappeared in the park. We looked everywhere for 40mins, called the police and had people searching everywhere. I ran home and amazingly he had got home all by himself and my neighbour had taken him in! Just had an interview with the police and apparently they have to send a report to social services. So stressful!!

OMG liv! I bet you are so so stressed / relieved! What a nightmare for you! I bet you were terrified you poor thing.

My worst nightmare.

Don’t worry about the social services that’s standard, your ds is in a special school kids with SN are renown for doing runners they want to be coming and giving you a bloody medal xxx

Thanks danni. It was awful but I'm so impressed that he got himself home considering he has to cross 3 roads! Luckily fairly quiet residential ones.

I’m impressed he got home, I bet that’s his amazing memory and remembering the route etc!

Can only imagine how stressed you were.

I’m so pleased his home and safe, don’t blame yourself though bcos I know it’s easy to blame yourself when it goes wrong! X

Oh liv, thank god he’s safe. You must have been distraught

Oh Liv so glad that he is safe and sound. You must be exhausted.

Danni I'm glad that your persistence paid off. Hope that you get some progress soon.

So glad he's home safe @livpotter how scary for you!!