Primary school auties: summer and beyond - thread 5

[openupmyeagereyes]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Lottie yes they definitely would, I just need to organise it. Parents evening is via Zoom.

Just a quickie be back later I’ve got that online early bird plus soon.

Still not heard anything, the senco left them 2 emails yesterday and tried to call them. She’s getting on to them this morning so hopefully will hear. I’m going to email sendiass after my course and get her to ring the la and then phone me so one way or another I should know today.

Ridiculous they leave you hanging! Only probably one of the most important life desicions!

Ps open, I do 18:6 (my eating window is 12-6pm) how are you finding it? I did this for 14 days in September and lost 10lb (all that weight I lost earlier in the year - nearly 3 stone, I put it all back on) hence the 18:6 now x

Hope that you hear something soon Danni.

I am doing intermittent fasting too! I was doing 5:2 or 4:3 but I'm now on 16:8 which I find a lot better for my mood but I don't get woken til 6 normally. Also when I was doing my 500 cal days on 5:2 the next day I would often overindulge. I have lost 1.5 stones since August. I have a lot more to lose but feeling positive.

Open unfortunately the adoption proceedings are v unlikely to be over before Christmas as birth parents have said that they are appealing (to the Court of Appeal). So if they do I envisage v long delays.

Got an email from DS's teacher and she has set aside 20 mins for our meeting (still wondering if she is reading this thread!). Feeling annoyed though about reading books that are far too easy for him and teach him nothing. Have written a note in the reading record but as there is no evidence of anyone else listening to him read (one comment this term so far) I doubt that will help. In last March's report it said that he had reached expected levels for reading. Since then he has progressed (I'm sure more slowly than his peers). So why does he come home in Yr2 with Reception level books and then on bug club the books are at just about the right level? I need to let this go - I have loads of reading books at home so we can just use those.

Have any of your children done phonics screening yet?

dimples ours is W/c 30/11. Ds had a practice run on Monday and the TA said he did well sounding them out but didn’t blend them and would have failed because of that. It’s a work in progress!

Congratulations on your weight loss dimples that’s great.

I only have half a stone to lose but I’m keen to lose it and keep it off this time. I’ve become such a snacker as a SAHM. I’m more interested in the other health benefits and hoping I will see some.

Yesterday I found very hard, I thought I was going to be sick but today has been ok. What I miss most is a morning latte

I’m getting pissed off now, I’ve phoned the review team 3 times since yesterday afternoon and haven’t been able to get though,
I left a message at 9 this morning and no one has got back to me.

Senco has emailed and phoned several people her end 2 days running and got no response.

Sendiass worker who was supposed to phone me yesterday (but didn’t!) is now out of the office for 3 days as I’ve had an automatic email reply to say that.

I got the contact info for another department of an ehcp letter and it says you have dialled an incorrect number arrghhhhhh

So the panel decision was yesterday and me or the senco cannot get through to anyone to find out 😡

Get through*

So frustrating danni

Ds has been allocated special school provision.

I’ve just spoken to the local authority.

The school we wanted (the only other SS in the area) is full to capacity and she’s just said it’s about an 18 month wait which isn’t ideal for ds who needs a move asap and that’s the recommendation the panel made for it to be as soon as possible.

She told me to look for something else so I said the other local special school won’t have him as it’s a physical disability school and the only other one an hour away is an independent school (can you remember the very expensive horse riding one!) she told me to have a look around there and to email her if I want her to consult that.

So I said I thought you didn’t like independents because they cost you too much so she’s basically said what other option do they have.

What the actual fuck! I can’t get through to the indie school I’ve tried 6 times.

I’ll try 600 times today if I have too and I’m not joking 😂

The only issue is the indie school is only up to age 11 so not sure what he’d do for secondary?

danni that is fantastic news! I’m so pleased for you.

Have a look at what the 11+ options are so you’re aware of those, it’s only 4 years away. It might also be worth asking if moving to indie school now prevents you staying on the waiting list for the local school depending on what you want?

Hoping you get through, keep us posted. Happy days

I have an appointment for the little indie special school tomorrow at 1.30, there ofsted doesn’t look great though I have to say 🤔 just spent more time than I should of reading it all. There most recent ofsted was inadequate 😳

the school is for 12 pupils they have 11 atm and 1 place available.

It’s a 25 minute drive I went today for a dummy run, I thought it was an hour away (I’m not known for my navigation skills though I will be honest 😂) he would get transport anyway as the la said that this morning.

When I pulled up it looked like a little church, it’s really small and it’s down backstreet country roads I really didn’t like the location (he would get a taxi with an escort but those windy roads scare me in winter when they are icy and ditches either side so I would worry about him getting to and from school for a start)

Just need to see if I can find anything else aswell.

she said this morning they need to specialise in ASC though whichever school I look at. I told her I want a week or two to try see what I can find and then I’ll ring her back.

So the two local special schools one won’t have him he doesn’t fit their criteria and the other one is full to the rafters so what else are you supposed to do when there isn’t anything else around.

I’m not just dumping him anywhere that will take him though that’s for sure.

Dh thinks the school costing 40k + a year must be good to charge that price.

I’ve explained to him cost means nothing. It could be 5 million pound a year and if I don’t think it’s suitable I won’t be sending him.

danni when was the Ofsted inspection? Do they still have the same head teacher?

The ofsted inspection was 2019 and it’s been the same headteacher throughout so still same one now x

Danni glad that it was good news from the panel. Seems clear that the LA needs to expand their existing provision. Hope that you like the private one more when you visit tomorrow

Feel exhausted this evening so much screaming and shouting from DS and an over tired DD was crying her eyes out because of it. I spoke v harshly to DS and now feel guilty

Sorry dimples . Do you know why he’s so upset? We all have off days so don’t beat yourself up too much.

danni hopefully the head will be able to tell you the steps they’re taking to make improvements. I hope it’s a positive visit.

Ds had a good day and we had our Zoom parents evening. All very positive so I’m feeling very happy tonight.

Dimples I always feel guilty for telling ds off, always. No matter how much he deserved it I always feel like shit afterwards. I’m far too soft. Hope your ds and dd are fast asleep now x

Open fab news on parents evening I’m so glad it was positive news. ds hasn’t even had one, I’m not sure if the whole school have been missed out or just ds as it’s usually in October, but I don’t actually give a shit anymore, the less I speak to the school the better as far as I’m concerned, particular his class teacher, she’s been pestering the senco and head for the desicion on special placement and that’s not for ds best interest it’s so she knows how long until she gets rid of him, I’m not daft x

I’ve found another indie special school 40 minutes away which caters for 120 pupils age 5-19 and specialises in autism. I’ve tried all day to get through and had to leave an email, I need to book as soon as poss to look around. I hope they have a place and it’s ok etc. The ofsted is good rating and website is really informative.

4pm ds ehcp co ordinator phoned me, I’ve never spoken to her before but have spoken to her twice in one day, she’s actually really nice, people said to me she is really stern to the point which I do agree with but she’s understanding and she’s advising me to look at all options particularly independent schools which I would of thought she would do the opposite.

When I told her about school b) she said oh yes! I know that well, have you booked in? I said not yet can’t get through so she said to keep trying and let her know what I think. (This schools annual starting fee is 49k + taxi and escort) am I being too trusting here? She works for the La but telling me to go for it?

For reference the non indie special school here (which he can’t get in as it’s full) is 23k per annum.

Obviously costing doesn’t really matter to me, I’m not paying 😂

Just find it really odd that I’m being told to look at independents when all I read on here is the trouble people have getting them, having to go to lengthy tribunals because the la are opposing etc. It’s almost like it’s too good to be true iyswim?

The way I see it is, the panel said he needs specialist provision as soon as possible, nothing local can offer him a place so he’s got to go somewhere soon and the only ones available are the indie costly ones. So maybe why? Not sure.

I’m not in my comfort zone with any of this though feel like a massive weight on my shoulders with lots to consider, just want to get him a decent place and him go to a school who can help him out.

I wonder if they feel if they have a big budget going out to the independent sector they could then use that to justify enhancing their own provision @danni0509 ? Anyway, sounds like it is worth going to see all the options.

What is the nature of the problems with the bad Ofsted report? If it's a very small school I'd maybe worry a bit less if it seems to be paperwork focused complaints - as they may be so close to all the kids that they know what to do without lots of formal monitoring (obviously, they should do the paperwork too! But I can see how a smaller school might not put so much emphasis on that).

One going all the way through to 19 would be amazing though.

Fingers crossed you like at least one of them and it all goes through OK.

Glad to hear about the good parents evening @openupmyeagereyes! We had DS's tonight. It is so weird to hear "in the range expected for his age in all areas" when we're used to DD being a bit all over the shop: ahead of her years in some areas and behind in others ... I don't really know how to deal with feedback like that! Although I think we do let him get on with it a bit too much and are a bit blasé. His teacher did have some suggestions for encouraging his mark making, so we need to make a bit of effort there. Anyway, it's definitely a weird feeling. 10 minutes is generally enough for a DS parents evening whereas for DD we'd always end up scheduling a follow up or pre-meeting! This is "how the other half parents" I guess, though I do feel a bit sorry for DS - we hear "average" and we're like "yay!" whereas maybe other parents would be a bit more pushy! Or maybe that's a boon for DS, to be allowed to just get on with things at his own pace!

Sorry to hear about the Court case dragging on @dimples76 and a tiring evening. We all lose it and shout sometimes, I'm quite sure. Fingers crossed for a good night's sleep and an easier time of it tomorrow.

Thanks Light. It was good in that it was all positive. He’s not age appropriate but making good progress with his reading and maths. Writing is still an issue but the teacher is looking at a couple of software options for him for spelling and writing that I need to investigate myself. He’s spending more time in the classroom (as opposed to his quiet area) than he was and integrating with the other children, does work in pairs etc. which is music to my ears 😊

Glad ds’ parents evening went well. I’m sure pushing them a little but not too much is the key. Is he starting school in 21 or 22?

danni this school sounds interesting, hopefully you can get an appointment. I think that the LA are aware they are failing your ds, and have been for some time. If this were to go to court I suspect they’d be handed their asses and they know it. Do you have copies of all the paperwork that’s been submitted?

Danni that's great they've agreed on a specialist placement for ds. I hope the school visits go well.

Glad the court case went well dimples. I hope that it doesn't drag on too long for you. Like the others said we have all been there with the shouting. I hope you all managed to get a good night's sleep.

I know what you mean about the average reports light, I feel the same with dd compared to ds!

Great that ds had a good parents evening open.

All's going well here. Ds got star of the week last week and he's made a friend at school which is great. We've had a few mornings where he's been a bit funny about going in to school but that seems to be at the start of the week.
I can't quit believe how quickly this term seems to be going!

I have to pick ds up from school shortly then give him some lunch and pick my dh up from work at 12.40 and then on to the special school. I think I’ve already made my mind up but will still go anyway, the ofsted stems back over a period of years so they weren’t meeting recommended standards so got a requiring improvement then inadequate and then at all the monitoring visits it’s the same situation. They haven’t actually had a good rating at all 😕 it’s all requiring improvements, inadequates, failing to meet standards.

One monitoring visit they got no notice for the visit it says on the report, well that one makes for some interesting reading.

One of the things that particularly concerned me was the ofsted comment on the teacher being unable to spell correctly. So on some of the classroom displays the teacher had put out, they had spelt some words incorrectly (I mean, I some times arse a spelling up, but a teacher? Teaching your child, then displaying the work? Then no other member of staff commenting on the incorrect spelling so they can correct it?) the other thing was the ofsted report stating that children are left to their own devices and this is when disruptive behaviour was apparent. They failed in safeguarding which is a massive thing for me it covers so much and I need to know ds is safe ffs! I’m really not feeling the vibes at all. Not to mention when I spoke to her she didn’t seem that clued on to autism. Anyway I’ll go and see but I think that one will be a nope from me!

School b) are full I’ve spoken to them this morning.

I’ve also found a school c) which is the furthest away which I’ve looked at online, also full, the headteacher was lovely when I spoke with her this morning though and said I have to let my LA case worker know which school to consult and just because they are full at that very moment in time at the first consult doesn’t mean I can’t consult again and again and again and I consult as many as I can until ds has something.

She also said my area, her area and all surrounding areas are dire for special school provision, (it really really is) she takes children when spaces become available who have been out of school for 1/2 sometimes even 3 years and she commented on a 9 year old starting with her with a developmental age of around 4 but he’s filled in most of the gaps now in her school and has made more progress than she could of imagined.

It was the teacher who was doing the incorrect spelling obviously, not the child! I just read that back and thought not sure if I made myself clear